Previously, on The Real World: Elton wants everyone to produce an episode of their public-access television show. Remember that? It's kind of fallen by the wayside with the trip to South Africa and everything. Then we see two scenes that have not, in fact, previously been aired. In one, Danny tells us that his mom told his dad Danny is gay, but his dad hasn't said a word to him yet. In the other, Matt tells us that he thinks homosexuality is a sin. Big surprise there.
The show opens with a shot of people playing drums of various types in a public park of some sort. In an interview, Jamie says that he's going to produce the show, and it will be about African music, and how it provided the foundation for jazz, blues, hip-hop, and rap. Wow, it's a good thing we have Jamie around to edumacate us! thing you know, he'll be teaching us about how early, white rock-and-roll stars stole blues songs made popular by black singers, and made lots of money without actually crediting the originals. Or how British rock bands ripped off riffs from American blues guitarists. Matt enjoys the drumming, saying that it brings him back to Africa. That sounds like it would be offensive, but well, they are playing African instruments and dressed in traditional African garb, so it's really not. Believe me, I would take any opportunity to point out something offensive spouted by Matt. And I will, later. Jamie invites the drummers to be on the show. Keep all that in mind, because you won't hear anything about it until after the commercial break.
Julie asks Danny when his parents are coming, and Danny says tomorrow. Danny says that Paul is coming on Thursday, and his parents have never met Paul. Of course, we don't know what day "today" is, so all of this is pretty meaningless. In a really old and over-used interview, Danny says that his parents know he's gay, and they know that Paul exists, and that this is the first time in his life that he can be honest about who he's seeing.
Danny and Melissa go out to lunch. Now it's Danny's turn to talk about how sad his childhood was, because he played tennis and his dad never came to any of his matches. Well, he came to one, but then left before Danny actually played. Okay, that was kind of cold. Melissa says that sort of thing "matters, big time." I expected Melissa to start a game of one-upmanship, like, "Oh yeah, well my dad was an alcoholic!" To her credit, she did not. Danny talks about how he was always jealous of guys whose dads did things with them, like teach them baseball, because his dad didn't. In an interview, Danny says that he sees his dad is trying to improve things, but "it'll take years for [Danny] to get over [his] hang-ups with him." At least Danny acknowledges that he can't change his father's behavior, and can only change his own. Melissa says that Danny's lucky, because he has an escape in Paul, and Danny really lights up when Paul is around. Danny says that he's never had that before, and it puts a whole new perspective on life. Aww. Melissa says that Paul is too good to be true, and thus he must have one testicle or something. Danny says he can assure her that is not the case. Somewhere in Georgia, Danny's mom just hid behind a pillow while watching that scene.
In fine Real World tradition, Danny's mom has cooked a real meal for the roommates. Doesn't this happen about once per season? You know the scene. They all talk about how good it is. Melissa says that it must be good, because she's not talking. Then the parents leave, and Danny thanks them. Paul says "sir" some more. After the parents exit, Danny comes over to Paul and rubs his head. Matt asks if things went well, like he cares. Butt out, Judgmental Matt! Paul says he "didn't want to shove things in their face or anything." In an interview, Matt says that Danny's mom understands Paul's relationship with Danny, but he's not sure that Danny's father does. Okay. We get it. Danny's dad doesn't know they're a couple.
Now Danny's family, Danny, and Paul are near some water somewhere. Mrs. Danny, Little Brother, and Danny walk down to the water, leaving Paul and Mr. Danny sitting alone. They make some awkward small talk about various parts of the United States, and then they both agree that Colorado is beautiful. See, we can all get along! Colorado is beautiful! In an interview, Danny says that his father treats Paul the same as he would treat any of Danny's friends. Wanna know why? Because his dad doesn't get that they are boyfriends! I don't know if that's been hammered into your head yet. Danny's family climbs a tree and Paul takes a picture. It's funny, because his mom is practically falling out of the tree, and I'm sure the expression on her face is going to be a grimace.
Danny is on the phone with his mom, who is apparently back home now. Matt sits right to him, working on the computer. Danny says that Paul liked his family. His mom asks if Paul was disappointed that Mr. Danny didn't know who he was. Danny says that he didn't tell Paul, and that he would've been disappointed, because he was all happy that Mr. Danny was so cool to him. So, wait. First, Danny pretended like he didn't know his parents would be there at the same time as Paul. Then, he pretended to Paul that his dad knew all about their relationship? Does that seem a little -- I don't know -- dishonest? Maybe it's just me. Meanwhile, I keep expecting Danny to turn to Matt and go, "A little privacy?" Matt just sits there, listening to the whole conversation. In an interview, Danny says that in the past, he had very little communication with his family. Danny tells his mom that he figured his dad was smart enough to put two and two together and figure out that Paul wasn't just "some guy hanging out at the Real World house." In an interview, Danny says he has gotten to this point by doing things a certain way, but if he wants to move ahead, he'll have to stop brushing things aside, pull them out, and deal with them. Mrs. Danny says that Mr. Danny asked who Paul was, and she said that he was Danny's friend from Atlanta, but she didn't say he was "an intimate friend." Danny laughs and says that she can say "boyfriend." His mom says that maybe someday she'll be comfortable enough to say that.
Paul gets ready to go. I don't think he really left right after Danny's parents. I'm sure he stayed the weekend. They just want to wrap up this storyline before moving on to Jamie's show. Anyway, Danny walks him out and Matt nearly falls out the window trying to see them out on the street. Could he mind his own fucking business for two minutes? I'm amazed that someone who is so against displays of homosexual love seems to be risking life and limb in order to see some. Well, really I'm not. In an interview, Matt says that he was taken aback because Danny and Paul's relationship "was different, loving, and total dedication." Different from what? From the stereotypes he has of gay men? Yeah, you know the gays. They're always out whoring it up, hopping from bed to bed with the frequency of a cheap ham radio (tm Saturday Night Live). Ugh, I hate Matt. Danny and Paul kiss goodbye on the street, and I expect to see Matt's head pop up from behind a parked car.
Jamie holds a meeting about his show, and says that he's confident how things will play out, and that he has a guy to talk about "tribal rhythm," a "jazz guy," and that he's looking for a "blues guy" and a "rap aficionado." Yeah, I can't imagine where they would find someone who knows about blues in freaking New Orleans. We see shots of the various roommates eating and generally looking like they could not care less. Jamie says the show will consist of "twenty minutes of dialogue on the evolution of black music." Yeah, there's a topic you can cover in twenty minutes. I think my recap will feature twenty minutes of dialogue on the universe. That's a nice, focused topic. In an interview, Kelley says that it's "no secret to anyone that Jamie could give a damn about this job, but he also wants it to be as extravagant as possible." Jamie says he will get basic bios on the guests and give them to the hosts. Kelley asks if they will find out which guest they will be interviewing, before Saturday. Jamie says yes, but doesn't seem to offer up any plan at this point. In an interview, Jamie (with a new, ugly hairstyle) says that there is "ether between Kelley, Danny, and [him]" and that "their vibe is clearly projected on [him]." What? Ether? Vibe? Isn't he supposed to be the smart one?
Kelley, Danny, and Peter go out to a restaurant. Do these people ever eat at home? They are always in restaurants. I suppose it's a good excuse to get out of the house for a while. Anyway, Danny says he couldn't stop laughing because all of a sudden, Jamie cares about the television show and normally they have to hit him and say, "Jamie, are you listening?" I love when Danny gets bitchy. Kelley noticed that if it's not Jamie's ass on the line, he doesn't give a damn, doesn't talk, and doesn't listen. Danny says that Jamie is usually sitting in the corner, playing games on his cell phone. Oh, burn! Well, not really, but it was pretty good. Kelley says that when it's Jamie's show, he wants it to be "the tightest show ever" and says, "'Can I get to know their vibe vibe?'" Yeah, it doesn't make any sense to me either, but I can see Jamie saying it. Maybe he caught encephalitis while in South Africa or something, and now he has the brain fever. At least that would explain his gigantic head. What? It was like that before the trip? Oh, forget it. Kelley says that Jamie doesn't tell her what to talk about, so she will have nothing to say on the show. Danny tells her not to worry about it, that Jamie will do all right in the end because he doesn't want to look bad. Oh, those words will come back to haunt you, young Daniel.
Jamie is on the phone, trying to rustle up some more panel members, without much luck. Because you know, most musicians are free and clear on a Saturday night. It's not like they have paying gigs or anything.
In an interview, Matt says he's "still open minded about a lot of things, but he's still firmly Catholic, one hundred percent." Oh, because I thought that Peeping Tom act a few minutes ago meant that he was questioning his faith and possibly his sexuality. While Matt is saying that, we see a shot of him looking scornfully at Danny, who is putting away dishes. Danny and Kelley go out to lunch. I wasn't kidding about the restaurant thing. Danny says, "Matt is a super-cool kid, but he makes me feel weird as hell after I hang out with him for a while." Danny continues that Matt thinks there is really something wrong with being gay. Kelley says she never thought of that as the reason why Matt acts weird towards Danny. In an interview, Danny says that he should really deal with Matt, because it's "hindering [their] relationship" and getting to know him.
Danny and Matt are sitting in the living room at Belfort, having a chat. Danny says that Matt's beliefs say that "it's wrong," and Danny wants to talk to him about that, and wonders if he honestly believes that homosexuality is wrong. Matt says, "Sexuality is given by God to unite people, and the fruit of that love is children," and that "anytime you take love or the opportunity for children out, you're not fulfilling...I'm not fulfilling what God created sexuality for." I have so many questions for Matt on these views, but I'll just stick with the whole, "Judge not, lest ye be judged" thing. Plus, I kind of wish Matt was gay, because maybe then he wouldn't wear those ugly plaid pants he has on in this scene. Danny says he feels like he has a relationship with God, and he is certain about it. Matt says that he sees Danny and Paul's relationship is real (since he watched them making out the other day), and he doesn't cringe or think that Danny's going to hell, blah blah blah hate-the-sin-love-the-sinner cakes. Danny feels that Matt says he doesn't judge, but really he does. Matt insists that he's not judging, he has his beliefs, but he's not pointing his finger and condemning anyone. Except that he was treating Danny differently, which is judging and condemning in some ways, no? Anyway, Matt says he supports Danny and will be his friend. Danny gives him a high-five, and then a hug, and to Matt's credit, he doesn't look that uncomfortable in the embrace. Or maybe he enjoys it a little too much, if you know what I mean. In an interview, Matt says that right now, he is still learning about homosexuality. Just when I start to like Matt, he asks Danny if he wants to go to mass with him sometime. Oh, for crying out loud.
Julie tries to make the guests comfortable and asks if they have any questions. One of the guests asks what they are doing, because he has no idea, and they've kept him in the dark. Ha! Kick Jamie out and put that guy on the show! In an interview, Matt says that they have "New Orleans musical all-stars," but they have no idea who those people are. There's some chaos in the control room, with people trying to get cameras set up and no one really knowing what is going on. They count down to the opening credits, and we open on Melissa, who wishes us a good afternoon -- that is, good evening. Way to start the show with a bang. We see Melissa, Matt, Julie, and David sitting in as hosts. Kelley is in the control room with Danny, and I guess Jamie is running a camera. David really could have dressed up a little more for the show, as he is wearing big, baggy jeans and an untucked shirt. In an interview, David says that things are not going according to plan. There was a plan? Matt lamely asks the guests (whom we can't see, because they are off-camera) what instruments they play. In an interview, David says that the show is turning out to be a disaster. In an interview, Danny says that the four hosts were "sitting there like a bump on a log" because they didn't know what was going on, and that the show was "so bad it's funny." That is how I feel every Tuesday night, brother. So bad, it's funny. That should be engraved on my computer monitor. David asks the guests about their upbringing. Danny asks Jamie to get the host in the shot, since we can't see David while he is talking. In an interview, Melissa says, "Jamie's show sucks!" Stephanie (control room lady) tells Jamie to try to work in the other guests. In an interview, Kelley says that Elton was "panting behind [her] in the control room" and she was "waiting for a big blow-up." Stephanie begs anyone to get a shot with all of the hosts and guests in it, as Matt wraps up the show. Finally, Stephanie says, "We're out." Elton is so angry he can't even talk, but he manages to squeak out that he wants to see them "in the room." Ruh-roh.
Jamie walks into the conference room, where everyone else is already seated and looking all kinds of upset. Jamie is all grins, saying that it was a "good show!" Then he asks, "Are you pissed?" Hey, way to feel the "vibe" of the room before making an idiot out of yourself. Elton says tightly, "Jamie, sit down." In an interview, Kelley says, "Sit down and shut up because we're about to get a new butthole ripped on all of us." While I didn't need the visual on that, I'm really excited for this well-deserved dressing down. It's like Real World karma. This cast is going to get the tongue-lashing that all the other casts who have had "jobs" deserved. And I will try to transcribe as faithfully as possible, so you can all enjoy it too. Woo hoo! Elton says that the show was "embarrassing," and it was "as if [they] forgot everything [they] were taught." Then he makes fun of the "format sheet" they used, saying it looks as if it were thrown together in five minutes (because it totally was). He asks who was responsible for the show, and Jamie says he was. Elton asks, "What happened?"