The morning, Matt (the "fly" one) is in Melissa's room. He looks at a picture on her nightstand and asks who it is. Melissa says that it's her ex-boyfriend, Ryan, who was a drummer. In case we didn't get that from the fact that he is playing the drums in the picture. In an interview, Melissa says she "happens to be attracted to scruffy, weird, white boys." She tells Matt that Ryan was a twenty-one year old virgin, which I took to be her hitting on Matt, the twenty-one year old virgin, but maybe not. In the eight-thousandth interview with Melissa in this episode, she says that she has settled in the past and she doesn't have to, and she knows she can get the best of what's out there on her own. Maybe if Melissa didn't base her entire self-worth on how many men are attracted to her, and tried just liking herself for who she is instead of who her boyfriend is, she would be a little less annoying. Does she even hear what she is saying? She admits that she has a problem in needing attention from men, but instead of trying to figure out why that is, or resolve her issues in some way, she just goes out and seeks more attention from men. Melissa, I'd like you to meet Holly from Road Rules. I think the two of you will have a lot to discuss.
Danny signs for a FedEx package, and then reads the letter inside to Kelley and Julie. Well, he reads it to himself and then just says the word "broadcasting," which causes Kelley to start repeating, "Uh-unh! No way!" All of the roommates gather around as Danny reads the letter. This is the part where I figured out it was the same day as shown in episodes, because they are all wearing the same clothes, not just Danny. I guess they didn't want to show this scene earlier because they were waiting to kick off the "this year's job" storyline until after they had already established the "Melissa is annoying," "David is a playa," "Danny is gay," and "Julie is a Mormon" storylines. But I'm getting ahead of myself. Danny reads the letter from Elton, their new boss, who is the Director of New Orleans Access Television Operations. They will be working with him, and he wants to meet them on January 26th. David proclaims their job assignment to be, you guessed it, "tight," and says, "Television, baby, that's all I need to know." Are we supposed to pretend that we don't know they're already on television? Doesn't it seem kind of weird that they are so excited to be on television when they are already on this show? I can't think about it any more, because it makes my brain hurt. In an interview, Kelley says that this could be good for her future. Kelley is on the phone telling someone about the situation and says, "I'm on my way to stealing Oprah's job." Okay, do they realize that this is public access television? Nothing against the people who work hard to produce public access shows, but they basically allow a monkey with a camera to get some airtime. There are good shows and bad shows, but it's hardly Must See TV, and produces very few breakout stars.
Phat Matt calls everyone downstairs and then tells Danny they are going to be "super-late" on their first day of work. Danny eats a banana and everyone with a dirty mind giggles. That includes me. We see a shot of Elton waiting in the conference room, and he looks at his watch. As they all file out of the vehicle and into the building, Julie and Jamie are giggling like mad. They all sit down in the conference room and Elton announces that "problem number one" is that they are a half-hour late on their first day and they've wasted a half-hour of his time. Jamie smirks and Julie openly giggles. Brats! I hope they get fired. Elton says he doesn't think it's funny and he hopes they are prepared. Yeah! You tell them, Elton! Phat Matt says the name they have chosen for their show is...drumroll, please..."The Real Big Easy." Oh, puh-leeze. Clearly, they didn't even think about it until the night before. Kelley explains that their "tagline" will be, "We're real, we're big, and we're talking politics." How lame is that? Elton says that New Orleans is known as "The Big Easy" for the two people in the audience who weren't aware of that. Elton also mentions some local awards known as the "Big Easy Awards," but I don't know what that has to do with the price of tea in China. Elton concludes that their name is "a little too easy, no pun intended" and says he wants them to re-think it. I laugh, and laugh. I love Elton! In an interview, Kelley says that Elton is "a hard-ass," and she thinks he knows that when you "get in someone's face and say they can't do it," that person will try harder. I don't think he got in anyone's face. I think he just called them on their lame-ass idea. Elton asks who will be the producer, the person who will be responsible for the entire show, and no one responds because they're all sulking over his dismissal of their show title. He tells them to choose someone by their meeting. Weren't they supposed to have all those details taken care of by this meeting? We see another shot of Julie giggling. In an interview, Julie says she doesn't like Elton very much. Suddenly, everyone is back in the SUV of Brattiness, and Julie is mocking Elton, saying that she'll "take disciplinary action and write you up." Julie laughs at how crazy she is, and says she's heard that many times, but no one else in the SUV is laughing. Oh yeah, Julie, you're such a rebel. I bet you heard that one when you toilet-papered your resident advisor's dorm room at B.Y.U. The difference is that this is a job. Maybe you had better get your head out of your ass and stop looking at Elton as a high school principal and start looking at him as your boss. Adults have to have jobs and put up with a lot of crap from authority figures to do things like pay the rent and buy food, so get used to it. In an interview, Julie says that Elton thinks they'll slack or fail. Maybe he watched the Miami season? Julie tells her roommates that no matter what they went in with, Elton would have told them to think harder, and they will. Okay, she's bugging me.
Melissa talks to someone on the phone, and the on-screen text tells us that it is "Warren, Frat Matt's friend." Melissa asks what the deal is for tonight, and Warren tells her that they are going "downtown" to "nice places" and that it will be an "older crowd, not college-aged." Phat Matt is in the background, on the computer, wearing headphones he has pulled down so that he can totally eavesdrop on Melissa's conversation and then pass judgment on her later in an interview. In her interview, Melissa says that Blue's Clues is planning a birthday limo ride. Melissa calls to Julie to ask her if she's going and Julie unenthusiastically responds, "I'll go." The party arrives and Melissa is disappointed that it is not a limo, but a bus. Hey, I've been in one of those buses and while they're not much to look at from the outside, they're pretty plush and roomy on the inside. Plus, it's a free night of entertainment, so I don't know what she's bitching about. Melissa explains in a voice-over that it's basically a date with "sixteen or seventeen frat boys." Everyone drinks, and I expect David to bust in and start yelling at Melissa, but I guess that storyline has been tossed aside. Julie is wearing a really casual sweater for this trip "downtown" to "nice places." They all go into a restaurant of some sort. In an interview, Melissa says it was "very nice at first," but then she thought the guys wouldn't like her because she's not "a girl who can sip champagne and mingle and that's what they're looking for." We see shots of some guy kissing Melissa's hand, and then they all eat a ritzy looking dessert, and Melissa dramatically puts a fork in her mouth, and I don't see what her problem is. In an interview, Melissa says she's not a "typical girl" and she feels like she can't be herself. In other words, she can't be rude and crude, but instead has to have manners like a normal person. I mean, I'm not asking her to completely change her personality, but there is such a thing as behaving appropriately to the situation. Blue's Clues is talking to a really scary-looking woman in leather, and Melissa is giving him the hairy eyeball. Melissa comments to some random guy that her "boobs are nicer" than the leather chick's. Then she tells some guy that her butt is really nice, and takes off her coat and sticks her ass in his face while telling him to check out her "hoochie-booty-work pants." Class-ay! I'm so sure he's looking at her clothing. In an interview, Melissa says she doesn't know what to do with herself sometimes and she's scared in new situations. I can buy that, but maybe she should just settle down instead of running around yelling, "Look at me! Pay attention to me! Love me!" Blue's Clues tries to explain about the leather chick by saying she's a "hostess," and then tells Melissa not to roll her eyes at him, which Melissa does anyway. Blue's Clues has had a few too many drinks at this point, and is slurring his words. In an interview with Julie (for a change), she says that Melissa "finds comfort in the attention" of a guy like Blue's Clues, and that she likes attention from men. I'm so glad the producers included that statement, because I wasn't sure what Melissa's motivation is here. We see a shot of Melissa and Blue's Clues all tangled together, sort of hugging and sort of wrestling.
Now they are all back on the bus, and Melissa is dancing on the seat. Then she's sitting with Blue's Clues, who hugs her and kisses her shoulder. They arrive home and Julie is nowhere to be seen. Melissa and Blue's Clues walk in and Melissa asks Danny, who is standing right to the door, if the "hot tub is hot." Danny responds, "Are you?" Melissa does another dance move in response, and then suddenly Melissa and Blue's Clues are in bathing suits and getting into the hot tub as we go to commercial.
It's the day, and the roommates are getting ready to go to work. Kelley yells to Julie to hurry up. As they get into their vehicle, Jamie says that Julie takes the longest to get ready. They meet a bunch of people at NOA-TV, all of whom are identified, but I think that's just because the Real World crew identifies with the NOA crew and wants to give them props. If they become important to the season, I will identify them later. Phat Matt explains in an interview that Kelley is going to be the producer and Danny will be the technical director, which means that they will run the show. Danny is in the control room, getting instructions. Julie has headphones on and looks goofy. Jamie is running the camera. He says in an interview that he "gets a kick on adrenaline and sort of risk situations." I don't know how risky it is to put on a television show that probably ten people will watch, but whatever. They do a countdown to begin their "studio run-through," but they don't end the count silently like on Wayne's World. Kelley is on camera, welcoming everyone to "The Real Seven at seven on Saturday night on channel seventy-seven." That seems a little much. They went from The Real Big Easy to The Real Seven? I hope they didn't bust a blood vessel thinking that one up. Kelley, Phat Matt, David and Melissa are in front of the camera. No one told Phat Matt that it's a bad idea to wear busy patterns on television, but then again, I don't think he owns a shirt without a busy pattern. In an interview, Kelley says this is a "huge challenge" and she hopes to shine and "come out on top" because this means something to her. The show ends and we didn't even get to see any of it.
Melissa tells Jamie that she wants "love and sex," but then we see she is talking about tarot cards, as she shuffles them before a reading. Kelley is doing the reading, and she lays the cards out facing herself instead of facing Melissa, but I guess it really doesn't matter. Melissa asks if it says anything about "making love." Shut up, Melissa. Kelley consults her book and says that Melissa has someone in her life who is unlike her, and that it's "wrong to satisfy urges with someone opposite in nature." Melissa pops her eyes open really wide as Kelley continues by saying that even if she won his heart, it would be an empty victory. Melissa says it's a "true story." That would be a lot more convincing if Kelley didn't know everything that's going on in Melissa's life, because I've done tarot card readings, and often interpretations can vary widely.
Melissa goes into Julie and Kelley's room, and Danny is in there too. She tells them about her phone call. Danny tells her to let it go. Melissa says it's easier to move on, and that he was talking like he was dumping her, when the opposite was true. Throughout, we see shots of Julie, Kelley, and Danny obviously bored and wishing Melissa would just shut up already. Melissa says she needs a "listener" and "some substance." Danny suggests they all just go to bed, since Melissa won't shut up and take the hint that nobody cares.
week: Melissa and Kelley are both "sexually attracted" to Jamie. Julie likes Matt a lot. Kelley asks Jamie if he would be against kissing people in the house, while Melissa looks on.
Over the credits, Melissa is actually funny when she demonstrates how annoying she would be during sex, because she doesn't want her partner to sweat on her and she'd just be like, "Ew, get off, it's hot." I wish they would show more funny Melissa and less whiny Melissa, but they have to work with the footage she gives them.