Lucy Lane walks up the steps, clad in an outfit better suited in its skimpiness to a July 4th picnic than to a Thanksgiving dinner. She teases him about the General's chore list. "He likes to test Lois's boyfriends," she says. "He's convinced they all have something to hide." Well, judging by the ones we've seen on this show, he's certainly not wrong. But he's still a dick about it. So far, Lucy says, none of the boyfriends has passed. Clark is confident he'll pass. Lucy strips out of her apron and saunters up to him. "You've grown into quite a man in the past six years, Clark." Clark sees through her attempts at skankery and suggests she help Lois out in the kitchen. He leads her toward the stairs, but she grabs him and plants a kiss on him. Naturally, Lois enters the scene just in time to see them locking lips. Clark sputters. "Lois, your sister just... uh..." "Ambushed you," Lois offers. She's unsurprised. "This has 'Lucy' written all over it, in backstabbing bitch-berry lipgloss." Maybe it's Maybelline. Or maybe she's a tramp.
Lois drags Lucy out of the barn, scolding her for her attempt at coming between her and Clark. She tells Lucy to make herself useful and sends her off to the store for ice. Lucy rolls her eyes, clearly unappreciative of the fact that she still has eyes to roll. Lois returns to the barn to find Clark chopping wood with his bare hands. "'Chop and stack one cord of wood,'" he recites from the list, with just a hint of mocking in his tone. "Sir, yes, sir!" He whacks another chunk into neat, fireplace-ready logs. "Careful Dad doesn't catch you making with the kung fu, there, Paul Bunyan," Lois says. Ugh. Clark apologizes for the kiss, but Lois doesn't blame him. Although, now that she thinks about it... "You can put out a burning building, but you can't contain her hot lips?" she asks with uncharacteristic meekness. "She surprised me," Clark says, although he's more surprised that Lois hasn't stood up to her father. He wonders if Lois agrees with his Vigilante Registration Act. She assures him she doesn't, but she begs him not to make her choose sides. "I thought you were somebody who stood up for what she believed in," he says. He compares her to her father for making choices based on fear. Lois shoots back: "Hey, just because you don't have a--" She bites down on the last word before she can say it, but he guesses she was going to say "father." He's stinging and doesn't hide it. Lois takes a shaky breath. "What I'm trying to say is that you haven't had to deal with a family for a really long time," she says. "All you have to answer to is yourself!" For some reason, he doesn't remind her of his secret agent mother, super cousin, the asshole father who just disowned him or the dead father who sometimes helps him with chores. Lois tearfully tells him he's going to have to deal with her family if he wants to be with her. When he doesn't say anything, she sighs and leaves Clark to mull things over alone.
Meanwhile, that harlot Lucy has stopped at a gas station for ice. "I'm surprised the General's daughter would leave herself open to attack," a voice behind her says as she's bent over the freezer. Ew. She turns to face Rick Flag, now wearing Army fatigues. "Always watch your six, Ms. Lane," he says. He introduces himself as a colonel and flashes some ID at her. He tells her he needs her help. Because she is dumb, she listens to what this creepy man has to say, which is that General Lane is in danger. "We need to get him off that farm and away from Clark Kent," he says. Lucy scoffs at the idea of Clark being dangerous. Flag tells her that Clark is a vigilante sympathizer. He's helping people who want to stop Lane from completing his mission. Lucy thinks about this for a while, then asks for proof. Flag gives her an envelope with instructions to give it to her father. "Why not deliver it to him yourself?" she asks, popping the only kernel of common sense she has inside the Jiffy Pop bag that passes for her head. He says, "We don't want to arouse Kent's... suspicions." What a weird place to put a pause, Mr. Flag. He tells Lucy to say she found the envelope on the farm because it's safer, somehow, to lie to him. She thinks for a while, but eventually takes the envelope from him. Flag holds up a pen and asks her to plant it on her father. "It's a homing device," he explains. "It'll help us track and protect him." Weren't they tracking him at the beginning of the episode? Why the need for a homing device now? Lucy looks like she's finally going to be smart about the whole thing, but then Flag says the magic words: "The U.S. Army is depending on you, Lucy, and so is your father." Eager to be her daddy's hero, she takes the pen.
Watchtower. Night has fallen, but Tess and Oliver are still hard at work. Tess has intercepted a Suicide Squad transmission. "ASSASSINATE HERO TARGET IN SMALLVILLE" blinks in red on her computer screen. She tap-taps away, trying to decode the message so she can figure out who Flag is targeting. When her efforts don't produce instant results, Oliver rolls his eyes. "Come on, Chloe would have this finished like yesterday." You know, on the one hand, I'm sort of glad for the continuity of Oliver pining for Chloe, since this show is sort of notorious for just forgetting characters from one episode to the . On the other hand, he's being a big jerkface. He and Tess bicker a bit. He thinks about all the time he spent there with Chloe. He admits it's hard for him to be there with someone else. It's not like y'all are rutting like elk or anything. It's just work! Tess understands. "But at some point, you need to start treating me like I am on your side." These people are jerks, Tess; this is how they treat the people on their side. She gets back to work while Oliver waits impatiently.
In the kitchen, Lois is doing an admirable job of putting together the Thanksgiving dinner. The turkey looks golden brown, the cranberries appear to have been turned into a chunky relish. Clark walks into the kitchen. She immediately lays into him for not putting up with her dad for one day like she had asked. Clark very reasonably tells her that Sam had him investigated by the Pentagon. There were surveillance pictures of him with Kara. Further, he's pretty sure that Lucy planted them in the loft. Speak of the harlot, she's just walking down the steps into the kitchen, with Sam in tow. They both have their bags with them. "I thought it would be a good idea if we all went to your place tonight," she says. "Without Clark," she adds with a snitty look in his direction. Lucy gives her daddy a kiss on the cheek, sneaking the homing pen into his pocket as she does so. "Come on, let's go," he says to Lois. Lois tears up. "That's an order, young lady." She looks back and forth between her men, begging her father to stay and work things out. He refuses. He says Clark is dishonest and has dangerous friends. He tells Lois one more time to come with him. With an apology to Clark, she leaves with her annoying family.
In the Suicide Squad's black van, the monitors show that the General is leaving the farm. Goatee confirms this for us, in what now sounds like a vaguely Spanish accent. Flag is pleased, as this means Clark won't be able to rescue him. He uncovers a small rocket emblazoned with the American flag on its side. "Clark may be faster than a speeding bullet," he says, "but I bet he can't outrun this." He gives the missile an inappropriately salacious look. This guy is just all about the inappropriate.
Talon. Lois shows her annoying family into the apartment. She pleads with her father to talk things out with Clark, but Sam won't budge. He thinks Lois will get hurt when Clark "finally pays the price" for having vigilante friends. Lois tries to argue that not all the vigilantes are bad. Sam reaches into his pocket for his cellphone and pulls the homing pen out at the same time. He deposits the pen onto a nearby counter and starts dialing the NSA to do more digging into Clark. Lois finally finds a little piece of her spine and proclaims her love for Clark. "Everything you need to know about Clark is standing right in front of you," she says, her voice thick with the threat of tears. If he wants to know about Clark, all he has to do is ask her. It's her opinion that matters. "I'm staying with Clark," she says. The tears spill over. "And if you love me, you will respect that." Sam, for once, has no bluster to offer. Lucy quietly leads him away from the apartment. Naturally, he leaves the homing pen behind.