Previously, on the Real World: Elton tells Kelley that as the producer of their lame-ass television show, she is responsible for the whole thing. David is going to be the musical director for the television show. Hey! I don't remember ever seeing those clips before. What's up with that? Either my memory is really failing, or they are manipulating the footage to better fit this week's storylines, but I'd be hard-pressed to tell you which it is. Matt looks at a picture in Melissa's room, and she explains that it is of Ryan, a guy she was dating in Tampa before she left. Melissa tells us she is unfortunately attracted to Jamie. Have they covered that yet? Oh yes, that happened last week. Thank God for Ace, who did a magnificent job recapping that terrible, terrible episode. Anyway, on to this week's episode.
It's daytime at Belfort. We start off with Julie, wearing her red wig from the "drag queen" show (which featured no discernible drag queens, thus the quotation marks). She's in a confessional, telling us that everyone was bored, so they decided to go to a bar. This is what she discusses in the confessional? That's the best she could come up with? Anyway, Melissa, Danny, and Kelley are standing out on the front porch, and it looks like Melissa is smoking. That's interesting, because there has been some discussion on the forums about how no one smokes this season, or at least they don't show it. The three of them decide to go to the bar where David works. David has a job? At a bar? Seriously, did I fall asleep and miss half the season or what? Suddenly, Julie comes into frame, still wearing the red wig and riding a skateboard. The fuck? She passes out of frame and we hear what the captioning identifies as "breaking glass." Then the skateboard rolls back into the frame, without Julie. Then Julie walks over to the rest of the group. Meanwhile, not one of them looked up, or even noticed that Julie apparently broke something not two feet away from them. How strange.
Then they are all at the bar, which is called Hyde Park Corner. I'm faithfully transcribing these details because I'm sure someone will want to go to New Orleans someday and visit all the hot spots, as detailed in this season. Or not. It gives me something to do while I'm trying to ignore things like David, behind the bar, in a tank top, and thinking about how unsanitary that is, and wondering if the Department of Health could cite him. I know when I worked in food service, both men and women had to wear shirts with sleeves, because really, who wants a bare armpit hovering over their drink? Plus, I think I have made my views on men and tank tops well known, but if you're unfamiliar, suffice to say that I find it unacceptable outside of the gym or the bedroom, and even that is pushing it. So anyway, David offers Julie a cranberry juice or a water, because I think Julie blackmailed the producers and said that she would do every talk show and interview and praise B/M to high heaven if they would be sure to show her parents that even though she went to the bar, she did not drink any alcohol. David explains, in an interview, that he has never bartended before, but it's good experience (for what?) and that he thinks it's weird to be a bartender who doesn't drink. Yeah, because I usually like my bartenders to be nice and liquored up so they are sure to give me the wrong drink or incorrect change. David says he got a job so that he could send money home to his mom, because he realizes that just because he left doesn't mean that her problems went away. Then, incredibly, the producers just let that statement hang in the breeze with no follow-up. Like, what kind of problems does she have? Financial? Other? But this episode isn't meant to make you have any sympathy for David, so we move on to...
David is back at the piano. In an interview, he says his relationship with his roommates is tough because he's not in the house much. He's just doing what he has to do, because his keyboard is not in the house. Okay, seriously, enough with the keyboard. Matt tells the others that David doesn't seem interested, but that it's the job of the producer, the director, and all of them to tell David to do his job or he's off the NOA-TV show and out of the house. Whoa! They're going to kick him out just for being lazy and uncooperative? That seems a little harsh! And then, the producers just drop it. They could have made a whole episode out of that one statement by Matt. Instead, they cut between shots of a streetcar and the piano about ten times, for no reason.
Kelley tells David that as musical director, two hours of his time will be devoted to the music, but since he's also a host, an additional two hours should be spent figuring out his segment, writing it, and researching it. Wait, he only has to do four hours of work a week, and he can't even handle that? David says that what Kelley has proposed is a problem, and that as the host, he can get in front of the camera and say, "Whoo whoo, yeah, this is what happened, blah, blah, blah, bam, bam." That is exactly what he said. I definitely side with Kelley in saying that perhaps he needs to work on the delivery (and content) a little bit. David says he knows exactly what he's doing. Kelley says that he may know, but she doesn't know and no one else knows either. In an interview, Kelley says that David is definitely working, and that she knows that composing eight minutes of music is not that simple. The problem is that she doesn't know about it and also that he has other responsibilities besides the music. Kelley tells David that she hasn't been able to discuss this with him because he's never around. David says he's doing what the others say they will do, and he's out in the field talking to people and that everyone is ignorant of the fact that "David's probably doing more than anyone because he's out there." Big red flag here -- he just started referring to himself in the third person. Bad news. When he says the word "ignorant," Kelley gets a look on her face like, "Just because I'm from Arkansas doesn't mean I'm ignorant!" Kelley says she can't know what he's doing if he doesn't tell her, and wants to know where the questions are that he's been asking people, and if he's written down their answers on paper, or if he has a list of topics that he's been discussing. She needs to know this so that she can put everything together on paper for the show. Well, I also think that she doesn't believe a word he's saying and wants some proof. Can you blame her? David says, "In other words, manifested on a piece of paper." Yes! God! She said the words "piece of paper" about twenty times. Kelley says she can't read his mind so unless it's on paper, she doesn't know. David must be the B/M target audience. Kelley said the same thing approximately seven times, and I still don't think he got it. It reminds me of how these shows tell us the same thing over and over and over again.
Kelley and Melissa are standing outside. Melissa is furious, and asks why David is so "belligerent." In a confessional, Melissa does some serious neck-rolling and she says that she's not going to cater to David's attitude anymore. Melissa tells Kelley that David is not there for the decisions, but that he is only there to confront decisions already made and shoot them down, which has nothing to do with his musical responsibilities.
Back in the conference room, David says they should just agree not to use the book. Does he seriously think anyone is on his side here? No one has been agreeing with him thus far, but somehow he thinks that they are all in agreement on this issue, save Melissa. Julie tells him they can't agree to anything until they've all talked about it. Matt tries to reason with David, saying that he knows David is passionate about his music but he's going on the defense. For about six seconds there, I liked Matt. Danny suggests that they all try to be professional. David says he is being professional. Oh yeah, swearing a blue streak is so professional. I hear they just added a new course at Harvard Business School called "Swearing: Effective Uses and Practices." David is still talking, but it's so fast and at such a high pitch that I can't possibly tell you what he's saying. Danny says that David was not being professional. David says, "Tomato, to-mah-to, move on." That reminds me of Ally McBeal, when Fish will do something really offensive and then say, "Bygones," and expect everyone to just get over it. It's not that simple. And hey, tomato -- shout-out to Sars? ["Between that and my public-access past, you have to wonder." -- Sars]
Back outside, Kelley tells Melissa that she knows it's frustrating, but that Melissa won't win if she lets David get to her, because that makes Melissa look bad and David look calm. That's actually really good advice. I'm impressed. In an interview, Melissa says she needs to get collected and not allow David to do this to her. They go back inside, but for some reason Kelley is already seated and Julie walks in with Melissa. Continuity much? Matt is apparently running the meeting now, and they are talking about the second segment. I guess we'll never know what decision was made about the book issue. I will be awake nights, wondering what happened there.
Melissa is on the phone again, giving directions to Ryan, who has apparently arrived. I know this because, after hanging up, Melissa yells to no one in particular, "Ryan's here! It's about to get real nerdy up here!" Melissa is also wearing a green stocking cap and she looks like a Blair Witch Project reject. In an interview, Melissa says she likes Ryan very much and intellectually, she knows he is wonderful because he laughs at her jokes and appreciates her "excessive silliness" while still respecting her. I love how Ryan is only wonderful concerning his feelings about Melissa. Like, she could have said he's really smart, or talented, or fun to be with. But instead, she's all, "He's really great because he likes me a lot." Nice. Melissa loses the hat and greets Ryan and his two friends, both named Michael. It's like on Newhart. I half expect him to say, "I'm Ryan. This is my friend Michael, and this is my other friend, Michael." In a confessional, Melissa says it's not worth losing him as a friend just because the infatuation stopped abruptly. I have become more suspicious of confessionals and interviews where no proper names are used. In that last one, Melissa could have been talking about Jamie, or Frat Matt, or anyone, really.