7th Heaven And Away They Blow...

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And Away They Blow...

And Away We Go... - Because someone at the CW was under the impression that the audience for this show hadn't left it a long time ago, 7th Heaven was brought back from cancellation for one last crappy season. But now it's finally over...we think. RevCam, fresh from his miraculous, if nonsensical, recovery from a terminal heart condition, decides to abandon the church and community he's devoted his life to in favor of driving in an RV with a bunch of random people.

Sara M

And Thank You

And Thank You - 7th Heaven leaves our airwaves with a show about Simon not marrying his fiancée no one except Annie likes, and all the Camden kids coming back, in one form or another, to see it and announce that they're pregnant with twins that are sure to make the ensuing reunion movies doubly creepy.

Sara M

You Can't Always Get What You Want

Mi Familia, Part II - Simon gets pre-engaged. Mary gets divorced. Lucy gets a house. Martin gets wood. Martin's Dad gets a horrible new family. Some annoying kids get foster parents. This stupid show gets at least one more season to disgust and horrify us all.

Sara M

Mi Familia Es Horrible

Mi Familia, Part I - At least, that's what Mary thinks. So she files for divorce, gives up her son, and refuses to talk to the Camdens or actually appear on the show. On the other side of the country, supposed minister RevCam tricks Asslee's dad into adopting four children, while Simon's refusal to have sex turns into a marriage proposal.

Sara M

Take a Flying Leap

Leaps Of Faith - A potentially good storyline about sickle cell anemia is ruined when it is turned into a redemption song for a deadbeat dad. Simon gets born again. Paris and Vic's new child is about to be born. Better marry them off quick!

Sara M

Dorothea Lange Spins In Her Grave

Hungry - Annie buys Ruthie a secondhand jacket. Kevin tells the world about the state of his and Lucy's sex life. Glenoak is suddenly teeming with people who can't afford to eat because they spend all their money on jewelry and clothes. You're supposed to feel sorry for them.

Sara M

Honor Thy Agent

Honor Thy Mother - …or, like Melissa Gilbert, Bo Derek, and Louise Fletcher learned, he'll book you on this crappy show. Ruthie gets dumped, Ben makes yet another surprise visit, and Annie forces everyone to pretend that a yellow cake is chocolate.

Sara M

You Can't Spell "Exposit" Without S-E-X

Tangled Web We Weaved - As we will hear third-hand from various other characters throughout the episode, Simon may or may not have gotten an STD. In fifth-hand news, Mary's husband may or may not know that she may or may not have left him and their child.

Sara M

Brotherly Misunderstandings

Brotherly Love - Everyone takes

Sara M

Songs In The Key Of Terrible

Red Socks - Proving that even the crappiest thing on television can still get crappier, the Camdens spend Valentine's Day breaking into song.

Sara M