Athena meets with the executives right away, as Annie explains what we all learned last week: Don't come up with a concept until you've met with the executives. Annie asks them three words to describe LifeLock. They say "protection, confidence, and security." Melissa asks if they want people to come in and purchase it on-site. "Absolutely." Annie asks if they want to have a positive message, or have it be more fear-based. Todd interviews that Athena was well-prepared, and that Annie seemed to be the one driving the questions, while Brian was sort of disengaged. Basically, the executives tell them it's up to them.
The executives meet with KOTU . They tell them that they are part of the target demographic, as famous people tend to have incidents. Joan jokes that she's the only person in the world who doesn't want to worry about it, because no one would want to be her. Everyone laughs, so she asks if they'd want that kind of humor. The executives like it, and want people to walk away feeling good, safe, and secure. Clint asks if they all get free memberships after working so hard. The executives say of course. Joan interviews Clint's stubborn and selfish, so it's going to be a difficult day for her.
After a commercial, we're still with KOTU. Joan is still thinking humor is the way to go. Clint says the graphic that keeps popping into his mind is the safe, and Herschel says, "Right." Ivanka comes in, and says she'll hang out for a little bit. Joan pitches an idea of a great big bodyguard, saying you can't afford him, but you can afford LifeLock. Which is pretty good, but Natalie likes the safe, and asks if everyone agrees they want a safe in their display. Everyone seems to, other than Joan. Ivanka tells us that Natalie's greatest challenge will be to keep the peace. Natalie wants to come up with a tag line, and Clint says, "Are you safe?" They all like it, but Joan interviews she thinks a big, gray vault is dreary and she wanted to make it funny. She says she didn't push it, though, because she was trying to be a good team player. Natalie breaks up the team, putting Joan in charge of packages and Herschel and Clint in charge of the display.
Athena has decided to stay with Todd Davis as the face of LifeLock. Apparently he always has been, and they're going to stick with what's been working (at least they learned something from the All incident). Brian explains that he assigned the display design to Jesse, who comes up with an idea about hanging your CDs with all of your information in this little thing. I have no idea what he's saying, but everyone thinks it's brilliant. He tells us that he might look like a shithead but he does a lot of business at mass retail, so he knows how this stuff works. He thinks they should have minimal packaging. The graphic designer shows up, and everyone talks except Brande. She tells us she decided to sit back and let the more aggressive people say and do what they want to do. She spins it that she's "playing it smart by listening." She says she's just going to do exactly what she's told. She goes with Jesse to photograph a lock for their design. Melissa suggests "Peace of mind. Guaranteed." as Athena's tagline. She says, "I like punctuation in slogans. Period. Where's the beef? Question mark." Okay, as long as she's using that punctuation correctly, I might be starting to like Melissa. Annie says they're doing really well on time, with Jesse and Brande out running errands and her working on the verbiage. They decide on "Identity secured. Peace of mind guaranteed."
At KOTU, they're designing their graphics so that Clint and Herschel can go to Brooklyn and get the display built. Their graphic is basically a big safe with a lot of typography on it, including "Are you safe?" Natalie thinks it looks great. Eh. I agree with Joan. It's pretty boring. The boys head to Brooklyn. Once they're there, they meet a guy named Chad, who's going to build the wall that their graphic will go on. They immediately go to work cutting up boards and building stuff.
The Athena display construction team is sitting around doing nothing at 3:30. They say they've been there since noon, and they're hoping someone's on their way to tell them what they're supposed to do. Annie asks Brian if anyone's called the construction guy to see what timeline they can work with. He says no one has so she offers to do that. Melissa then tells us that Annie's trying to absolve herself of any responsibility. Except for the part where she just offered to do something that needs done, right? The construction guy says they need to be there by 4 in order to get done. Annie tells us that no one seems to care, so she will let Jesse know. She calls and tells Brande that they need to get over there. Brande blahs, "Okay." Annie repeats herself, so Brande says they'll head out. Annie asks if she can panic yet, but Melissa says no. Annie interviews that Brian isn't telling people what to do.
Brande and Jesse are in the van, as she's telling him that it seems like he's "being relied on a lot for a lot of stuff." He says it's okay, because it makes the day go by fast. Okay, maybe they should have sent one of the uptight people with one of the easygoing people instead of putting the two laid-back ones together. I swear I would fall asleep in a van with this much calm. Then Jesse's stomach starts hurting, and his head hurts, and he's getting a fever. He jumps out of the van and vomits in an outhouse. The best part is that he describes his stomach as "no bueno." I know he probably isn't referring to Amanda from Big Brother 9, but I cannot hear that without thinking of her (thank you, Big Brother, for ruining my life).
Post-vomit, Brande and Jesse meet with the construction guys, who tell them they're running out of time but can do whatever. Jesse feels like crap and has to use the bathroom again. He tells us that he gets sort of pissed when people who work for him are sick, he guesses because he's selfish and self-centered. So he feels there's no excuse for him unless he's dying. He drinks Pepto Bismol. Brande's acting like a child, asking questions about their equipment and how to plug things in. She says Jesse being sick isn't hurting anything, and she's having fun and learning a lot. She's just like one of the guys, except with bigger boobs and higher heels. She tells the guys she's really good at screwing nails in (don't you screw... uh, screws and hammer nails?). Then she adds, in a dopey voice, "Not that I mind using my brain, of course." She just can't use it when talking about screwing and nailing.
Jesse and Brande are still in Brooklyn. They send the design to the rest of Athena, and Brian says he'd like some text on it. Jesse explains they don't have the technology to do that where they are, so Brian, Annie, and Melissa have to do the text where they are. They're trying to email each other, but emails aren't coming through. Apparently, the image file is too large of a file for their email to receive. It's coming down to the wire, so Annie starts to say that they need to have Jesse and Brande send whatever they have straight to the printer, because whatever they have is better than not sending anything in. Uh-oh. That never goes well. Brian asks them to just send it directly. Annie interviews that Brian should have been more aware of the deadlines, and less laid-back.
Melissa, Brian and Annie are in the van heading to Brooklyn. He explains they ran out of time, but were going to see what was up in Brooklyn. Annie's sort of mean to Jesse because she feels like nothing's done. He says he was sick, and Melissa interviews that you get there and find out he was violently ill, with a 100-plus fever and that he threw up eight times. Annie interviews that she gives Jesse a pass, because he's really sick, but Brande was also there and did nothing. Annie actually describes her as "just wood floating down the stream." Heh. We get shots of Brande wandering around aimlessly. Melissa interviews that Brande's a great worker, but doesn't initiate. Jesse, even as sick as he is, suggests going to Staples or Kinkos or whatever and printing it out on paper just so it's clear there is verbiage on it.
morning. KOTU gets their safe, which actually looks awesome. It's an actual safe rather than a wall with a safe on it. I didn't know it would be an actual box. They're all happy. Athena sees their display, and it's ... a white board that says "LifeLock" on the top. That's all. With a lock on the bottom. They think it looks like shit, and that a lot of details aren't right. The only mistake for KOTU is their heads with the quotes are so tiny you can't read them, and way too tiny for the safe. Herschel points out if they'd gone back to Brooklyn, they would have caught that. Natalie calls to see if they can get the printer to run a larger one in time to get it this morning. Natalie and Herschel head over to get the larger version.
Brian's practicing giving his presentation, as Annie explains to us that there's a lot of pressure on him. She says he has to do his part so well since everything else fell apart, which was also his fault. Herschel and Natalie get the larger version and get back quickly. It's perfect, and everyone's happy. Natalie says everything looks even better than expected. She says she loves the idea and concept, so the talking part will be easy.
In the viewing room, Joan prepares everyone for Annie to say, "Brande," but after a very long, "Um," Annie says, "Brian, because his time management skills were poor." Joan says Annie's a troublemaker, because she told Joan she was taking Brande out. She says Annie's a snake. Back in the boardroom, Trump asks Melissa whose fault it is that they lost. Melissa feels like it falls on a number of different shoulders. But not hers, because she backed up Annie and helped Brian with the presentation. George says that's losing focus, since they weren't being judged on the presentation. He says if she had spent more time on messaging and originality, they might have done something better. Melissa says she couldn't help Annie until she had something to edit, so she turned to research. George continues that the focus wasn't research. Back in the viewing room, Joan says, "Oh, stop it, George." George and Melissa continue to bicker. Joan says they're out to get Melissa, and Annie's saying nothing. Joan says she's leaving tomorrow, too, then, because this is so unfair.
Trump asks Brande who he should fire. She says she saw everyone do the job they were supposed to do, so it falls on the project manager. Trump asks Jesse who he would fire, and Jesse says Brian. Trump asks Melissa who she would fire, and Melissa says it's hard for her to say, but she would fire Brande. She says Brande gives 100 percent when given a task, but with the dwindling numbers, people need to work with more forethought, and with Brande there's no thinking ahead. Trump asks Brande to respond, and she acts indignant (as if she didn't tell the camera yesterday that she was sort of going to do nothing, except when told) and says she gives 190 percent. Note to Brande: Not. Possible. (Those periods are for you, Melissa.) Brande says when she's told to do something, she does it with "zest." Melissa agrees. Brande says she worked on the display case, which was what the executives liked.
Trump asks Annie how she feels about Brande. She says she's a hard worker, and she loves her, but she doesn't stick her neck out. She makes a poker metaphor about playing to last versus playing to win. Ivanka asks Annie if she herself isn't playing to last, since she's the dominant personality, but hasn't stepped up to be project manager. Trump tells Brian that his ass is on the line, yet he's really laid-back. Brian says he can't figure out whose fault their idea is, which he thinks is why they lost. He says they took a different approach, and if that's his fault, then maybe it is. Trump asks him to pick two people, and he chooses Brande and Melissa. Back in the viewing room, Joan says they're going after Melissa. She throws and spills her drink and says, "This girl is such a conniver." I have to assume she means Annie. Herschel interviews that none of them knew Annie had been talking to Joan about what was going on with the other team. Joan's angry and say she's out of there. Herschel says they learned that mother hen's going to protect her chick. Joan grabs her bags and goes to sit outside.
As they leave the boardroom, Annie tells Brande how much she loves her, and that she doesn't think she'll get fired anyway. Joan's still carrying her bags, but tells everyone she's not going anywhere, but she cannot understand Annie not standing up and saying what she had told her about how much Annie despises Brande. Joan's saying Annie's disgusting, and she's going to sit outside, because she can't sit in the room with Annie, as Annie hugs Melissa, saying, "I love you, I love you, I love you." Joan opens the door and we see Annie and Jesse. Commercial.
Joan repeats her tantrum after the commercial, calling Annie "disgusting" and a "snake." She walks outside, and Jesse asks if she's okay. Annie says, "I understand," but Joan tells her she actually doesn't, because she should have spoken up after telling her privately how bad Brande is. Annie says she said it, but Joan says she didn't, that it was very wishy-washy. Annie interviews that Joan's overly protective of Melissa. Then she tells Joan that Melissa's totally safe, but Joan thinks Trump loves Brande. She says if Melissa goes and Brande stays, Joan's going with her, and she doesn't care "what it blows or how it blows." Okay, then.
Trump calls the fated three back to the boardroom. He asks Brian if he's surprised they lost. Brian isn't with the time constraints. He says it's not any fault of theirs, other than the concept. Melissa says that Annie tried to take over everything, and Trump asks if she's surprised Brian brought her back. She is. Trump asks why he brought Melissa, and he says he didn't think she did a bad job, but Trump told her to bring two. Trump asks who should be fired, and Brian says he can't fire anybody. He says he's not like Trump. Trump says yeah, Brian's nicer than him. He says it's okay not to like the idea of firing people. Thank you for that, Trump.
Trump asks what Brande thinks, and she says she doesn't think Brian wants to be here anymore. Trump asks if that's true, and Brian says it's tough to be here. Trump says it's tough for everyone. He says it's tough for Joan, who's older than everyone. George says not him, and Trump says that's probably true. Trump says that Brian came back from his concert and seems to have lost his desire to win. Brian says there are just so many other things going on with him right now. Trump asks if he's had enough. Brian says in some ways he has; it can be difficult. Trump says that's interesting, because he is project manager and has lost his drive. Trump respects him and thinks he's great, but he's fired. With 45 minutes left in the episode. Really? That must be the thing Trump's going to do that will shock everyone that was previewed last week. Or maybe just lots of cat fighting in the suite. On the way out, Melissa tells Brian she loves him. He says, "Bye, now." Brian's interviewing post-firing saying he didn't love the boardroom, but he thinks Trump fired the right person, because he was the leader. Melissa and Brande come back, and Joan's relieved. Annie tells Joan she told her. But Joan interviews that Annie left Melissa out to dry, because she's a two-faced manipulator.
At Athena, Annie's calling everyone to come and bid. She asks one guy for $25,000, and then says she might ask him for more, too. Melissa says Annie's almost a bully about asking people for money, because people in the poker world must be afraid of her or something. Annie says that she always raises the most money, but she knows someone like Herschel can probably get a lot of money. She tells her team that if the other team has some crazy fund-raiser up their sleeve and they lose, she's going to bring people into the boardroom based on how much money they raised, because she feels that's fair. Jesse asks if she's planning on losing. She says no, they're going to win, so he says, "Just making sure." Jesse interviews that he doesn't want to sandbag, but he doesn't want to waste his bullets. He'd rather use it when it counts more, or when it will go his charity.
Joan, Clint and Herschel head to their war room, as Natalie's off choosing jewelry. Herschel wonders how much money Annie will raise, and Joan says she can call two poker players and get $140,000. Clint's hoping they've all just lost a bunch of money and have no cash. Joan says Annie has them all in her pocket. To compete with that, Clint thinks they should bring in the $20,000 he brings in and the $60,000 Herschel brings and pool it to buy one inexpensive piece of jewelry to make more profit. That's a good strategy. Clint can be annoying, but he is smart. They don't have to buy the piece unless they sell it, so they just want the cheapest pieces of jewelry.
Natalie and Melissa are choosing jewelry. Natalie's choosing classy, simple pieces that appeal to a lot of people. Melissa's choosing shiny, flashy things that will look expensive and look good from the stage. Natalie says that Melissa's chunky, trendy pieces were different than she expected. Melissa says she liked the jewelry Natalie chose, saying it's what she would have chosen for herself, but not stuff that will pop at an auction. As Melissa's heading back to her team, she says she doesn't know how she feels about most people on her team. When she's back, she tells Annie she outsmarted Natalie on the jewelry picks. Melissa wanted to show the team her jewelry, but they didn't care. Everyone's looking at Natalie's jewelry, and Joan's not happy with it, because it's all small. Natalie says that Melissa picked flashy, chunky things, and Joan says, "She's right." She says they don't have a "Wow" piece. Natalie explains she was trying to get pieces anyone could wear.
Annie's not happy with the fund-raising situation on her team. She knows they're not all particularly good fund-raisers, and she's not happy with the way they call and ask people without setting amounts and parameters and bullying them. She even gets on one of Brande's calls and tells "Stewie" he better pony up. Brande interviews that she and Annie were spearheading the phone calls, because they were going to have to pick up the slack of Melissa and Jesse. Stewie tells them he will donate as much as necessary, up to a billion dollars. Jesse and Melissa look on, sort of disgustedly. Melissa hates how Annie and Brande are "besties," saying it's like Lord of the Flies. It's driving her nuts.
KOTU's talking about money. Clint's at 20, waiting to go to 30. Herschel's at 45. Natalie thinks they did a great job, but it's not easy for her to ask her friends for money. Natalie says it's going to be hard going up against Annie. Joan says she's called everyone she could. Natalie's exhausted her list of fund-raisers, so she wonders if there are any poker players who would like to beat Annie. Everyone likes that idea, so Natalie calls someone and asks if there's an archrival or something. She tells her team she's finding out the rivals to see if they'll donate, but we'll see. Clint and Herschel get to select the models, while Natalie and Joan go to the store to look for clothes.
Athena's looking at models, too, trying to find who would look best with each particular piece. They want models with personality, who will sort of vamp and keep the excitement going. Jesse interviews that the three ladies were smart about choosing models with good manicures and ears pierced. He thinks Clint and Herschel would probably just choose the ones with the biggest tits (which is bleeped; is that a bad word after 10 p.m.? Weird). Cut to Clint and Herschel smiling at a model. They're not making her walk or anything. Just giggling. Then they do have her walk and send her out. Herschel tells us there are a lot of beautiful models, so he thinks sitting them down and having them talk is great. He says he's a lucky man for being on this show. Back at Athena, Jesse suggests Brande as a model, so she's going to do it. Melissa "blah blah blahs" about Brande being the obvious choice. She doesn't think Brande's ego could take it if they didn't choose her. Okay, Melissa is totally bringing the snark. It's awesome.
Joan and Natalie shop. Joan buys a pretty red dress, and asks them to take the other one off the mannequin, so the other team doesn't get it. Natalie says Joan was great at shopping, and was really good at matching the clothes with the jewelry. Joan doesn't necessarily like the jewelry, but she's working with what she has. They shop for underwear, which would have been a good way to go for all of the models, probably. Then there aren't many clothes to distract from the jewelry.
Brande and Melissa are shopping with the models, so they can choose exactly what everyone needs to wear. Brande ends up just shopping for herself, even though they only have one hour to shop. So Melissa takes over shopping for the other girls. Brande does have the red dress on that Joan didn't want the other team to have. Brande continues shopping for herself, saying she wants to wear all of them. Melissa fits the clothes and jewelry together on all of the other ladies. Annie calls Brande and asks how it went, and Brande says it was great; they got great dresses. Melissa interviews about how annoyed she is. She even dry-heaves a little. She's really pissed at how two-faced Annie is (and she should also be pissed that Brande didn't give her credit).
Jesse and Annie are at the printer making an auction preview catalog. Jesse says he grew up in the auction business, so he knows he can help in other ways than getting his friends to donate right now.
Natalie's trying to call the World Series of Poker money leader and see if they'll fly and give money. She asks for 25 or 30 grand. She wants to get the money, but she also wants to see how surprised Annie is if this poker guy shows up to give money to the other side.
Trump is somewhere in Trump Tower, where he asks Amanda to send someone in. He walks in, but we don't see his face. Trump thanks him for coming, and asks him to keep an eye on things for him. He explains the auction of Ivanka's jewelry, and that Annie and Joan are project managers who hate each other. He also says Melissa is bratty, and Jesse hasn't raised any money. It's Piers, who tells us there's only one celebrity apprentice, and that's him. He's back. And that's the end. Like that was exciting enough to end the episode with. Whatever. I guess we'll see the auction week.
week: Annie and Joan fight. Joan and Melissa fight. Someone compares Annie to Hitler. Piers says this makes him and Omarosa look like a tea party. Hee.
Discuss this episode in our forums, then see which celebs vlogger Sean Crespo feels should be anesthetized and/or sentenced to community service in No Prior Knowledge!
DeAnn is a writer and editor in Portland, Oregon. You can contact her at twopmodmars@gmail.com.