is Carly Smithson, our Heart-singing Irish lass. Carly was already halfway to being my girl after her audition and seeing her boyfriend with all the face tattoos. After rocking out on that good luck charm "Alone," I think she's finally graduated to MY GIRL! So Carly's already freaking out and crying by the time she hits the chair, and Paula tries to spin the usual stalling and misdirection into some commentary on Carly's tendency to doubt herself and retreat into her shell, until Simon finally has to tell her to get on with it already. Carly is: IN.
After the commercial is David Cook, the wild-haired "rocker" of Jacob's discontent. We're reminded that Simon didn't like David's guitar-playing performance in Hollywood, but Paula tells him that he's: IN. I kind of expected him to be one of the ones that Simon was objecting to, but if that was the case, we don't see it.
And speaking of rockers who Jacob can't stand...Amanda Overmeyer. Whose hair has been feeding off the blood of the eliminated, I think, because that shit is WILD. I think Nikki McKibbin's in there somewhere. After a small, unconvincing fakeout from Paula that maybe Amanda would be a better fit on another show (that show being Wife Swap in about ten years), Amanda is declared: IN.
A trio of people I don't believe we've seen before (at least, I don't remember them -- they're Brandon Green, Amanda Hawkins, and Buck Smith if you do) get eliminated after brief reminders of what they sang in Hollywood. Hey, you know when that footage of them in Hollywood would have been helpful in building suspense? On actual Hollywood night, rather than during this montage o' rejection we're seeing now. This is, every year, the most utilitarian episode of the season. There's no artistry to it, even given the paltry standards this show usually sets for artistry. We're not given enough time with these people to work up any tension as to whether they'll make it or not, and these 10-second recaps before they're given their decision don't cut it. This hour is just here to tell you who made Top 24, remind you of what they look like, and do some last minute housecleaning on those who make it that we haven't seen before. That's all. Ideally, it would be a half-hour tacked on to the end of the third episode of a true Hollywood Week, with the group performances brought back and everything. But if I were allowed to program the show, we'd end up with asshole things like Duets Week, where they'd all have to pair up and harmonize and shit. That would come somewhere between Fiona Apple Week and Songs From Broadway Musicals Based On The Movie Xanadu, so maybe it's for the best that I'm not in charge. Can you imagine how many heads would explode on the grassy knoll if there was ever a Duets Week, though? All the bullshittery the show could come up with? You kind of want to see that happen now, don't you? ANYWAY...
...Ryan tells us what an ugly scene it can be up in that judges' room, and is that any place for someone as sweet-faced as David Archuleta. And...man, this kid. He's a better singer than I gave him credit for, as he showed last night. I'm pretty confident he won't be the Sanjaya of this season, thank God. But still, I worry. And I honestly don't feel like fending off his attackers all season. He's only a small child! Leave David Archuleta alone! And so on. Simon levels with David that, considering he's sixteen, they had to scrutinize him extra hard to make sure he's equipped to deal with the pressure. In other words, "We want to make sure you're not the Sanjaya." I appreciate that, Simon, thank you. But Simon says it was unanimous and he's IN. David's smile could power small third world countries, and the judges praise his maturity. He shouts every possible polite comment back at them as he makes his way out. He really seems like a nice kid. Damn it.
After the break we get a peek at the dynamics of the room downstairs. Chikezie and some other dude queen on about something while Josiah and some girl resent other people having fun. Meanwhile, Brooke White's emotional state begins to match her hair. Bedraggled and frayed at the ends. Then it's Kristy Lee Cook who, we're reminded, kind of sucked during Hollywood week before she retreated back to the safe confines of "Amazing Grace." So the judges saw that she was kind of one-dimensional and passed on her right? Are you kidding? Have you seen her? Kristy Lee is IN.
Brooke White is . Would you believe she's nervous? She freaks out and weeks and self-consciously avoids looking into the elevator camera. I don't know how I feel about Brooke White. Everything about her -- okay, mostly the "no R-rated movies" purity thing -- seems totally fake, yet she comes across as genuine. And I didn't bat an eyelash when Carly Smithson was being this much of a mess, so I guess I can't fault Brooke for the same...but I want to. I have an innate bias against Brooke White. I really need to work on that, because she's going to be around for a while, I think. Because, despite the judges' fucking with her, she's IN.
Meanwhile, Danny Noriega, we're reminded, continued to wow the judges by being a powerhouse voice in a big, gay package. (And...wow, I am so sorry I used the phrase "big, gay package." This is not Smallville.) Anyway, Danny is IN. And so are Jason Castro (dreadlocked white boy with whom I'm unfamiliar), Luke Menard (who looks like Kevin Kline playing a Frenchman), and Alexandrea Lushington. Best of luck to those three at getting the voters to remember who the hell they are week.
Ramiele Malubay, you'll recall, is the teeny girl with the big voice who wants to be Jasmine Trias. The "but good" is implied, I suppose. Paula pronounces her name "Ramely" and then tells her she's IN.
A couple randoms get rejected, followed by egregious farmboy Drew Poppelreiter, whose rejection is the first to really surprise me, since I thought he was a shoo-in. Not that I'm disappointed, understand. I did not need a whole season of that bullshit. Some girl named Natasha gets rejected but takes comfort in the fact that she has a hot husband/boyfriend and adorable baby. And then: John Michael Australia, whose Hollywood performance, we're reminded, was well received. And now I think he looks like a soap opera actor rather than a surfer, in case that matters. Simon assures Michael that he's IN, and then Ryan tells him he's going to have to start winning over a hostile American public.
So is Syesha Mercado, who I feel like I should be liking a lot more than I am. Part of it is that I recall her excruciatingly screechy audition. And the cutesy-poo way she dealt with losing her voice in Hollywood...I think if I were more in love with her voice I'd find it endearing, but...not quite. That being said, she really did bring it with that final Hollywood performance. And she's absolutely gorgeous, and lord knows I'd rather not have to look at ugly people all season (...Big Brother). She keeps feeling her heartbeat and talking about how fast it is, which is either playing it up for the cameras or else she's going to have an episode right there in front of the judges. Drunk-ass Paula asks Syesha to spell her own name, and when she gets to the y-e-s part, Paula's like "That's it! It's in your name!" Aw, you guys, Paula's into word puzzles. That's adorable. "Sy-YES-sha," is IN.
Robbie Carrico is , and the fact that he's wearing a bandana is making me think Bret Michaels thoughts about him. Bret Michaels circa 2008. That's not what Robbie wants me to be thinking, I can guarantee you that. Simon lies that he and Randy voted yes but Paula voted no. Paula freaks out mid-seal-clap and is like, "Nuh-uh!" but Robbie's too busy celebrating the fact that he's IN to care.
After the break, we see that Garrett Haley (who we haven't seen before) is IN. He looks like James McAvoy in a David Coverdale wig, if you're looking to spot him week before he's eliminated. Kady Malloy is also IN, as are Chikezie Eze, Amy Davis, Jason Yeager, and Alaina Whitaker. Wow, they really did take all those identical country-singing blondes, didn't they? And have we seen this Jason Yeager before? With his shock of bleached hair in the front, Jason Ritter-like good looks, and general sweetness? It'll be nice if it turns out he can sing.
We're reminded of Asia'h Epperson and her personal tragedy. Now her dad passed away one day before the audition. It just keeps getting nudged forward, doesn't it? I think Asia'h's dad is passing away right now. Don't quote me, but it looks like she's wearing rosary beads around her neck that are the same color gold as her blouse. Somewhere, the Virgin Mary's like, "A little matchy-matchy, don't you think?" Asia'h is IN, and I'm happy because the girl can sing. I'm not happy that her Extreme Home Makeover story is continuing on, however. We seem to have pruned most of the tales of woe during this week, though, so hopefully this won't turn into My Dead Dad Is Better Than Your Dead Dad.
We're reminded of David Hernandez's stellar, soulful "Love The One You're With" from last night's episode. Randy tells him the decision was not unanimous, but he's IN. Simon clarifies that he was the dissenter (no kidding, dude) and that David is going to have to work harder in order to make an impression. Or else he could just be the guy Simon doesn't believe in, which usually does the trick rather nicely.
Then: the utter parade of bullshit that is Josiah Leming. We're reminded of his whiny, bratty antics with the house band and his warbling and crappy rendition of "Stand By Me." I still think he'd do well fronting an emo band, that hasn't changed, but I am well past finding him a sympathetic character. I also cannot believe the judges have let him last this far, which probably means he'll make the Top 10. That's Josiah's "gut feeling" as well. But Randy tells Josiah he's OUT! He kind of hyperventilates in the elevator, and then drama-queens to Ryan about how he's going to have to "pull" the strength to go on "from somewhere." He breaks down all over the place, but he gets comforted by Carly and John Michael Australia, so I guess it's worth it. Everybody seems to like him, so maybe I'm just being a jerk, but I have to believe they're also secretly relieved they won't have to put up with him anymore. I know I am.
After the commercial, we're down to the final two boys and final two girls, which means they'll go side-by-side in front of the judges, who will choose one of each. The boys go first, with Colton Berry (sweet looking blond) up against Kyle the student council president guy. I cannot believe he's still in the running. Still with the shirt and tie and khakis like he's in between classes at Catholic school. Paula stresses that it wasn't unanimous, and indeed Simon's already sulking, but that Colton is in. Good. Simon says -- no disrespect to Colton since the fact that he's the one sitting to Kyle right now is random, producer-generated bullshit -- that he totally disagrees with Kyle's dismissal and thought he should have been given the chance to go further. Even though Simon admits he's not the best singer. This hardly ever happens, but I am SO happy Simon didn't get his way here. The judges all get up to congratulate them both, and honestly they seem like really good kids. Colton puts a comforting hand on Kyle's back, which is such a small but kind gesture. I really like him. Too bad, again, we've never seen him before and thus he's doomed to be eliminated before the Top 12. Sigh.