Tonight on Real World: see what they did there? It's not "Previously On..." It's "Tonight on..." After weeks of using clips that have never been seen before in the "Previously On..." segment, they're just giving up the ghost. Anyway, Matt and Jamie get on a streetcar. Jamie wants to be more spiritual. Matt says some people are just starting their "spiritual journeys." Namely, Jamie. I didn't know if you would get the subtle allusion. They go to church. Here's my theory on the "Previously On..." thing. Jamie really didn't talk that much about being on a "spiritual journey." So they had to splice all of the times that he did into this one episode. This explains why it was never alluded to before, and will never be again. It's this one episode. That's it. Same with Jamie and Julie's "relationship." But I'm getting ahead of myself.
Some stripper -- sorry, "exotic dancer" -- wearing a schoolgirl outfit writhes on a stage as Jamie and his "friends" enter the strip club. I put "friends" in quotation marks because I really only see one friend. Oh wait, there's a girl there, too, so I guess the plural is justified. In an interview, Jamie says that he has friends visiting every weekend, and said friends want to go out on the town, so he has to go even if he doesn't want to. I was going to make a remark here about how he doesn't have to, but you know what? He kind of does. I mean, I guess he didn't have to invite the friends in the first place, but maybe he's trying to make the most of his short time in New Orleans. And also, he's had friends there every weekend? They've shown friends visiting him a total of one time before tonight. Jamie drinks at the strip club. Jamie gets a lap dance from a female stripper while the two people who would theoretically be the least interested in said lap dance (Danny and some chick who I'm going to assume for purposes of this exercise is straight) look on. Then, they have to recycle clips of the schoolgirl dancer and Jamie chewing on some ice because apparently they didn't get enough footage to make up an entire scene.
Outside the strip club, Jamie tells Melissa that he's "lost perspective of God." Melissa was there? What? Jamie gets into a car and says that going to strip clubs on the Sabbath is not good. Then they put it in slow motion as he pulls away, and play sad music, so that you think that Jamie is really unhappy about his wild lifestyle. In an interview, Jamie says that he just wanted to get home and away from the whole thing.
Jamie and Matt are sitting in an alley somewhere. I think it might be to their house, but who knows? Matt is wearing a shirt that looks like someone took every possible color of paint, in the brightest, most eye-splitting hue, and smooshed it all together onto some fabric. That's Matt's shirt. Jamie is sitting there in a stocking cap and sunglasses, so we're supposed to think he's hung over. If he is, he might want to avoid looking at the brightness of Matt's shirt. He might want to avoid it, regardless of his current state. Jamie says that it's not normal to go out like that every weekend. Sure it is. It's called college. Matt says he noticed Jamie's activities, and of course he has, because it's given him one more thing to judge Jamie about. Matt proves my theory correct when he says in an interview that Jamie has developed a habit of going out all the time and "it's not doing him any good." Dude, he's just out of college, he's living in New Orleans rent-free -- if he wants to go out every night, let him. Soon enough he'll have to live in the real world (no pun intended) and have a job and stuff, and he won't be able to. Jamie tells Matt he wants to "live his life without a lot of that stuff." They probably edited out the part where Jamie added, "eventually." In an interview, Matt (who is wearing that same smooshed-paint shirt) says that Jamie knows that if he keeps "indulging in these ephemeral pleasures," it's not going to help him "along that road." What road? God, I hate the editors. Jamie says he wants to break away from this "insane, intoxicating debauchery." They edited out the part where he added, "someday." Matt says Jamie has "morning-after" syndrome, where after indulging, Jamie is wondering if it was worth it. Matt feels that if it doesn't give you "peace and happiness," it's not worth it. So I guess me watching this show is not worth it? They talk about cutting it away and whittling it off. Don't ask. In an interview, Matt says that Jamie is realizing there are "parts of his life that cannot stay if he's going to continue to grow as a spiritual person." Can't you just see Matt in twenty years as the guy who greets you when you walk into church, but inside he's silently judging you for what you are wearing, or who you are with, or whatever? Hmm, maybe I'm the one that has issues. Then Jamie skateboards down the street. I'm not quite sure what that was supposed to signify. I guess it was just filler.
Jamie and Melissa are snuggling in a bed. Melissa is kissing him on the cheek, and they're giggling. The music says, "You know I love you, baby." Julie walks in and peeks around the corner, but we never see what she is peeking at. It could be Melissa and Jamie. It could be Matt's shirt from earlier -- maybe she didn't want to look directly at it for fear of burning out her corneas. Melissa says that she needs a man, and Jamie agrees. Julie continues to peer in. Jamie says that Melissa needs a man because she's horny. Suddenly, Julie is standing right to the bed, and they've clearly been having a conversation, and Julie says, "See you later!" But they cut right from Julie peering around the corner to Julie standing by the bed. Weird. Jamie says that Julie needs a man too. Julie leaves as she says, "I don't need no stinkin' man!" Melissa tells Jamie she doesn't need a man because she's horny -- she wants "love and affection and attention." In other words, she doesn't want to have sex with Jamie -- she just wants his attention. Because I think we've all learned this season that Melissa likes attention. Melissa turns away and says she doesn't know what to do with herself. Jamie has a look on his face that I'm sure we're supposed to interpret as, "I don't know how to tell Melissa that I don't love her." But it kind of looked to me like he was thinking, "God, I really have to go to the bathroom right now." Or, "Hey, I wonder if there's any leftover pizza downstairs." I mean, really.
Coming back from commercial, they show a human statue dressed as some sort of Virgin Mary/angel, and I rewound the tape five times because it looked really cool. I totally thought it was a statue and then some guy put money in front of her and she bowed to him.
Oh yeah, the show. Melissa and Jamie are sitting on the steps. Melissa is eating a pound cake, it looks like, and Jamie is eating grapes. Jamie asks her if she knows what "Zazen" is, and Melissa doesn't. Jamie reads to her from a piece of paper, and says it's "the practice of sitting and concentrating together." In an interview, Jamie babbles about "higher consciousness." Could I be less interested in the "Jamie's spiritual awakening" subplot? Maybe; only if it was Matt's spiritual awakening. Jamie asks Melissa to practice "thirty seconds of Zazen" and to "be mindful of everything." Jamie explains what "everything" means. Thanks, dude. Melissa rolls her eyes and chews on her pound cake, but agrees. Then the sound guys turn the volume up so that we hear, very loudly, the streetcar bell, the church bells, dogs barking, birds chirping. Hmm, peaceful. No roommates talking. I wish we could have thirty minutes of Zazen every week. Well, it would be kind of difficult to recap. Jamie says, "Do you think I could hit our car with this grape?" Hee hee! That's totally the kind of thing I would say if I were bored. Melissa laughs at him because he couldn't even stay silent for thirty seconds. Jamie laughs. In an interview, Jamie is wearing Matt's smooshed-paint shirt. I guess if he couldn't get spiritual on his own, he thought wearing Matt's shirt might help. Jamie says he's "not there yet." Jamie invites Melissa to a party at an art gallery that will be full of "pretentious, emotional people." It's the perfect Real World party!
The art gallery really is filled with pretentious people. Melissa bumps into someone she knows, and in an interview, she explains that it's Lionel, an "artist friend" of hers. She asks what he's doing the day and proposes that they grab lunch together and then paint. Lionel thinks that sounds great.
Melissa is at Lionel's house (I guess) and admiring his paintings. She runs her hand over one, and I think it's still wet and she's going to ruin it. I was wrong. The paintings are really good. Melissa comments on some "baby table" -- that it's in their house, so maybe Lionel did some of the artwork at Belfort? Who knows. Lionel shows her a cool Flash movie on his computer. Melissa voice-overs that Lionel is "someone to be admired." She looks at the painting he is working on for Jazzfest. In an interview, Melissa says it's nice that Lionel is "taking time out of his busy painting schedule to teach [her]." Melissa strikes "a deal" with Lionel so she can come over every Sunday for a painting lesson, and says that Lionel can laugh when she leaves. Lionel asks if he can laugh while she is still there. Go, Lionel! He's funny.
Melissa is sitting on the porch painting on canvases while Matt continues to paint the chairs he's been working on for like three weeks. Matt asks if the painting really helps her "sanity." Melissa says it does. She's working on a little painting of a yellow chick on a blue background that says, "Scared." It's really good! I swear! I totally want one of those paintings. In a confessional, Melissa says that painting is "therapeutic," and it's "less emotionally invasive" than talking to a therapist. Isn't the point of therapy to be emotionally invasive? Melissa admires her painting. In a confessional, Matt says that Melissa is "so much more fun to be around and more solid, and a little more likeable." In an interview, Melissa says that she is "stepping far, far outside of the person [she] was when [she] first got there." Melissa continues to admire her painting. Hey, I would too!
Melissa shows Lionel all of the paintings she has been working on. She says that they are "all things that [she] feels about [herself] sometimes." Okay, I know I keep saying this, but they are all really good. In an interview, Melissa says that most people can't "acknowledge their flaws with words," but that painting makes it easy for her. We see a close-up of a painting of a dragonfly that says "Nasty." Lionel compliments her paintings. As he leaves, Melissa hugs him and says, "I'm an artist!" In an interview, Melissa says that being there has taught her that she "can try new things and [she] might possibly be good at them." Melissa lies down on the couch and then starts talking to herself, saying that she has to paint, but falls asleep instead. What was that about?
We see a big crowd, and the on-screen text tells us that it is New Orleans Jazzfest. In an interview, Danny says that Jazzfest is "way better than Mardi Gras." Remember Danny? Yeah, we haven't seen him or David this week. Jamie and Julie wander through the crowd. Jamie gets a sticker for Julie that says, "I love sex." He sticks it on her chest, totally feeling her up in the process. Is he drunk, or what? Oh, he is holding a big cup of beer. Julie hands Jamie a sticker that says, "I love 2 Pimp." In an interview, Jamie babbles about spirituality some more. Julie leans back against Jamie as they sit on the ground and listen to music. Julie tells Jamie that he's "trying so hard to reach this elevated level" of spirituality, when he's already there. In an interview, Jamie says that to see these levels, you could travel to places like Tibet, or you could live with "the horny Mormon at the Belfort." I liked Jamie better when he was throwing grapes at cars. Julie and Jamie dance together in slow motion. Because they've learned something.
week: Matt sees a girl he thinks is cute, and it causes him to go into an epileptic fit. At least, that's how I interpreted it. Meanwhile, David has to produce the TV show (remember those?) which will be the seventh (!). We see, as Matt aptly describes it, "strippers parading around in their own bathing suits." I don't know why it mattered who the bathing suits belonged to. One of the strippers takes a digger. Hee!
Over the credits, Jamie sings in the shower about how cold he is, and how it makes his penis small. See, even thought it's kind of dumb, I much prefer this Jamie to self-important Jamie. Julie complains about his singing, and he starts chasing her around the bathroom while holding a T-shirt in front of his, well, small penis. Hey, he said it, not me. Julie freaks out and Jamie laughs.