By DeAnn Welker
The thing that is so weird about this show is when something big is going on with one storyline (like, say, Creepy Dave wanting to kill Katherine) while everyone else continues in their relative monotony. Take this episode:
Susan runs into Karl at school, because he's there with his son, Evan, who happens to be in Susan's class (she's also apparently been upgraded to art teacher at some point in the last two weeks). She notices his artwork is violent and murderous. This leads to fighting with Karl, but eventually to him revealing that his wife left him just like he left Susan. She feels bad and touches his hand. I seriously hope this doesn't mean a reunion for them. Gaby continues to be jealous of Carlos' new work life as he works night and day, thanks to crazy Lucy, who he hired because of her record of success. She's mean to Lynette, who ends up getting her fired by putting Gaby and Carlos' kids in the middle of it. It's totally awesome for everyone, because Lynette gets to reveal how truly terrible Lucy is, and Gaby gets to witness Carlos proving he's no longer the old Carlos. Bree, meanwhile, keeps trying to fix Orson. She even plans to sell the business to make him happy, until Andrew convinces her otherwise. So he takes to sleeping on the couch again (despite their spare room, for some reason) and then sneaks out to break into houses and steal.
Creepy Dave's on his camping trip with Katherine and Mike, as Edie keeps finding more and more ways to delay the arrival of her fax (she's out of fax paper, she hangs out with Mrs. McCluskey. She goes to bed), but once it arrives she knows everything. She texts Creepy Dave right as he's carrying out his plan to shoot Katherine. The three campers head home, where Edie confronts Creepy Dave. He tells her he loves her, then tells her Mike destroyed everything he's ever loved. Then he chokes her. And right when you think he's going to kill her, he softens and lets go. She leaves and drives off in a daze. She's trying to make a phone call, when Orson -- hit in the head with a bat in a house he broke into -- stumbles in front of her. She swerves, hits a telephone pole, but seems to be fine. Until she gets out of the car, steps into a puddle and somehow touches the power cord that she's knocked down. She's down and out. Mary Alice asks us if she'll survive. Unless the media coverage was all a red herring, I'm going to have to say no. Oh, and the show won't be back until April 19, which seems sort of unfair.
Discuss this episode in our forums, then see how we think Creepy Dave is gonna get revenge on Mike.
Previously: Orson was a thief, and Bree didn't like it. Carlos hired his fat ex, so Gaby got Lynette a job spying on them. Edie dug into Creepy Dave's past and found out he had a daughter. Creepy Dave left to go hunting/murdering with Katherine and Mike.
We open with Creepy Dave reporting illegal hunting in the woods, apparently where they're going camping. He calls from a pay phone and disguises his voice. Mary Alice explains Creepy Dave's plan: to guide Mike and Katherine to a remote cabin. The morning, he'd pretend to sleep as Mike and Katherine go hiking. Then he'd grab his "carefully hidden" gun (because guns are so easy to hide). He'd find Katherine and Mike, and shoot Katherine, breaking Mike's heart. The rangers would mention reports of illegal hunters in the area, so Creepy Dave wouldn't be found out. He'd drive Mike home, and enjoy his pain. [Trying not to giggle through the whole car trip, I'm sure. - Zach] Mary Alice tells us that Creepy Dave's plan was simple, but he was about to discover there's nothing simple about murder. As she says this, the newspaper guys fax the clipping about Mike not being charged in the Dashes' deaths to Edie.
Mary Alice goes on about the nasty shocks life's full of. Juanita rubs her feet on the floor and intentionally shocks Celia. Preston or Porter gives himself a little jolt by sticking a fork in a toaster. Mrs. McCluskey has some sort of electrical short while she's vacuuming. Susan sees Karl in the hall at her school. Apparently he's enrolled his son, Evan, at the school, and she tells him she's an art teacher. (Which she isn't, though, right? She's an assistant, no?) Karl introduces Evan and Susan by being mean to Susan, as usual. Susan sends Evan away and tells Karl she doesn't need two ex-husbands running around the halls, so he needs to pretend they don't know each other. He makes a crack about banging her erasers after class, so she tells him she has a yardstick and isn't afraid to use it. I think this is actually their version of flirting. It's sort of appropriate, since they're in an elementary school, I guess.
At the office, Fat Lucy rants about something about business and success, and then breaks off to yell at Lynette for touching one of her figurines. It's a little glass sculpture that Lucy says is worth more than Lynette's house. Lynette doesn't care, because so is her coffee mug. Carlos tries to end the meeting, but Lucy says no, because they want this $10 million account. She says until this deal closes, they work through lunch and also nights. Lynette wants Friday nights to coach her daughter's basketball team, but Lucy has no sympathy, since that's now a work night. Let's hope Lynette's paid hourly. Lucy tells everyone to grab a sandwich and come back in ten minutes, then she lectures Lynette about the figurine touching. Lucy leaves, and Lynette tries to butter up Carlos to get Friday nights off. She asks him to put the brakes on Lucy, but Carlos says he hired her to crack the whip, which is what she's doing. Carlos says he'll think about asking Lucy to dial it down, but not to ask for favors like this again, because here he's not her neighbor or friend; he's her boss. Then he invites her and Tom over for cocktails Friday, and she says she's there. She's planning to get totally drunk and bitch about her boss. Hee. I love Lynette.
Susan's once again collecting her students' artwork. She compliments them all, and then sees Evan walking toward her. He sets down a painting of a house. She's pleasantly surprised and tells him how pretty it is. He says it's not his. Annie asked him to bring hers up. His is under Annie's. It's a man stabbing a woman, who's bleeding. Susan looks shocked and Evan just smiles sweetly at her.
Edie's finally putting the paper in the fax machine, as Katherine and Mike are heading on their hike the morning. So, we are supposed to believe she went shopping the morning, had some drinks and waited another day to do this? Whatever. Anyway, they head out for their hike as Creepy Dave pretends to sleep. Then he jumps up, gets his gun and takes off running through the woods. Edie's fax arrives and she sees Mike's photo. Creepy Dave plants himself behind a tree, with a clear shot of Katherine, as she and Mike hike. His phone beeps as he's about to shoot, and the gun fires. He hits a tree right by Katherine. Mike and Katherine take off, and Creepy Dave reads his text from Edie, which says she knows everything, and to come home now. Creepy Dave finds Mike and Katherine and pretends he came out because he heard the gunshot, which sounded like a hunting rifle. Katherine would just like to leave, please. Mike apologizes to Creepy Dave, who's also sorry. But not for, you know, trying to shoot Katherine. But for not managing to kill her, or even hit her. Damn wives and their texting!
Gaby opens a gift from Carlos of fancy shoes. She looks at them skeptically and opens the card, which says, "Sorry about last night. I love you. Carlos." She hollers for Juanita and Celia to get their coats on, because they're going to see Daddy at work.
Karl shows up at Susan's house to see Evan's latest masterpiece. She says she didn't tell the school because this kind of self-expression tends to get a kid expelled. Karl just wants to see it. He looks, and says, "Oh hell." Susan tells Karl that his son has some serious anger issues and he needs to figure out what's going on. Karl knows what's going on. The woman being stabbed in the picture is his mom. Susan wonders why he'd draw a picture of her like this, and Karl confesses that she left them six weeks ago. He says he woke up one day to find her standing there, all packed. She said she was overwhelmed, and wasn't cut out to be a mother. Karl says bitterly that he's alone, raising Evan, and it's obvious he's not doing a good job. He thinks Susan must be loving this since he did the same thing to her. I'm loving it, mostly because I love Karl, so I like having him on the show. Karl basically tells Susan he now understands everything she's gone through. She says she used to hope Karl would one day know what this felt like, but now she's so sorry that he does. She touches his hand. I wonder if they'll get back together? That would be more than a little weird.
In another house somewhere on Wisteria Lane, a ski-masked Orson gets hit in the head with a bat by the home's resident, who says she's calling the police. He runs out. Edie's speeding down the street as she opens her phone and freaks out. Orson, all in black, stumbles through the street. You can see where this is headed, right? He pulls off his face mask, and she sees him right as she's about to hit him. She swerves and hits a telephone pole. Mary Alice starts in about life's nasty shocks as Edie lifts her head off the steering wheel. Mary Alice says they always seem to occur when we least expect them. Edie puts her hand on the metal car door and steps out into a puddle of water. The electric line hanging down also touches the metal, and Edie's electrocuted. Mary Alice: "And once our system has been jolted, the question is: 'Will we survive?'" This might actually be suspenseful if they hadn't told us that Nicollette Sheridan's leaving the show. Way to ruin the suspense, ABC people and showrunners.
time, people are upset. There are only five episodes left this season. Gaby thinks she's hot. Orson seems to be back in jail. Susan tells Edie's body she'll be fine. And it will be the biggest finale yet. Of course. Episodes return April 19. See you then.
Discuss this episode in our forums, then see how we think Creepy Dave is gonna get revenge on Mike.
DeAnn is a writer and editor in Portland, Oregon. You can contact her at twopmodmars@gmail.com.