Gabi: "Stop making your daughter practice the violin!"
Gay: "She told us she wanted to learn the violin, so we're sticking to it. Like parents."
Gabi: "Parenting means doing nothing and playing with dolls while your children go to hell! This is child abuse!"
Gay: "GET OUT OF MY YARD."
Luckily, there's a big talent show at the school in about five minutes, so Gabi decides to prove her point by making Juanita learn to tap dance, because of the many things Juanita has decided to try, one of them was once tap dancing. Now that she's not interested in it anymore -- and thinking about an armpit-based comedy act -- Gabi has decided she'll prove the Gays wrong by... proving them right. Credits, and then more hateful Mary Alice bullshit.
"There are many things that bring us pleasure -- baking for our friends, having a good laugh, donating to charity -- but the things that bring us pleasure may not be enough to give our lives meaning... Without someone to love."
(Because what's charity worth, if you're not getting off on it? Or getting off, period? Only Mary Alice, from beyond her sinner's grave, can see the connections between any of these entirely unrelated things. It's one of the privileges of being dead. And a smug bitch.)
Beth: "Hey Paul, remember how you kicked me out of the house and basically threatened my life? I don't."
Paul: "I don't know if you got the memo, but I'm a vengeful bastard. Get out."
Beth: "How about lambchops for dinner?"
Paul: "Get out of my house, psycho!"
Beth: "Every couple has their fights, Paul. I'm not the first mail-order bride on this street to marry a psychotic real-estate mogul on false pretenses after my mother cut off her own fingers to frame him for murder, and then fall in love with him, and I won't be the last. Don't be silly."
Paul: "What do I have to do to make you understand that we are not married anymore?"
Beth: "Look, it's not like you even killed my aunt, so stop acting like you're scary."
Paul: "Honey, I killed the shit out of your aunt. With an industrial blender."
Beth: "I... did not know that."
Paul: "You are not very lucky in the family department."
Beth: "No, Paul. No, I am not."
Juanita: "I'll do something else at the show, I'll tell jokes. A Jewish guy and a Mexican walk into a bar..." (Bleep-bloop.)
(Beth Young goes to visit her insane creepy mother in jail, despite having gotten dumped by her creepy insane mother like five times already. Beth Young does not take no for an answer. Until she does, and then whoa nelly.)
Beth: "Well, I fucked up."
Felicia: "I already wrote you off episodes ago."
Beth: "Since I went straight from your House of Horrors to his, I was wondering if you'd like to be my mom again. I have no other relationships or connections of any kind, due to being a total freak."
Felicia: "You deserve to die lonely and afraid."
Beth: "Maybe I should join forces with Zana and be the ultimate Paul-fighting duo. He seems crazy in the exact same way I am, plus he's into creepy older chicks."
Felicia: "Or maybe you should find that gun that Mary Alice shot herself with and then Zach shot Paul with and you should point that gun at your head and blow your brains out. That would be super-weird for everybody."
Beth: "Should I do it in a public place, like a selfish drama queen who cares not a whit for the trauma other people might suffer?"
Felicia: "The sooner the better."
Beth: "Cool. I've got my own gun, though."
(That's Plan B. Plan A is donate her kidney to Susan, thus feeling the sense of purpose and sacrifice that Bree only believes she is going to feel by doing all this bribing of God, saving her own life while saving another. Here's hoping nobody fucks with Plan A!)
Somehow, all of this is happening on the same day at the same time, so suddenly it's time for the talent show we just heard about a second ago, while everybody is also getting organ-donor tested at Bree's house and Susan is still on her camping trip, which means either it's a very long camping trip, or this show is stupid.
Gabi: "[Vicious things.]"
Gay: "[Gay things.]"
(Gabrielle finds Juanita tap dancing in a spastic manner, and is ashamed of her daughter as usual -- "That was you nailing it?" -- yet doesn't understand that she asked for this one even more than usual. She hides Juanita's shoes under a radiator, and then chides her for losing her shoes, because she is absolutely the worst mother of all time.)
Susan and Mike are having creaky skellington sex when a Civil War re-enactors' group comes up over the hillside and tells them to vacate the park while also being dorky idiots and pretending to be in the Civil War, and there's some admittedly cute, if not poppin'-fresh, dialogue. It's an old joke, absolutely as timely as anything this show ever does, but for once we're lucky because the hateful amateurish nature of this show doesn't mean these people aren't ridiculous, too. You have to get up pretty early in the morning to be more embarrassing than Susan Delfino.