By Jeff Long
There's no way any of these people can live up to the excellence in reality television personae set forth by our last winner Anya, but we're going to see what they've got for us. We begin in Times Square and everything is happening like right now. Some sort of fashion show is about to take place. There are a whole bunch of people talking to the camera like I should already know them and I don't. Tim, Heidi, Nina and Michael greet a crowd and Michael tells everyone that Project Runway has had more seasons than I Love Lucy. That means it's better, in case you were wondering. Same goes for any comparison between My So-Called Life and 7th Heaven. Thank youuuuu. Tim hasn't had sex since Karen Black was a movie star. Heidi is divorced. A bunch of people I still don't know are still talking to us.
Oh great, they're getting all narratively non-linear on us. A DAY EARLIER, we're going to meet these people. There are a bunch of them. Gunnar, who got kicked off before things even started last season, is back and I have serious issues with his personal style. They all gather at the workroom at Parsons. Everyone's checking each other out and Tim finally comes in. There's an Asian dude with an afro who I'm almost instantly obsessed with. All of the designers had apparently had to make a design that "represented them as artists." Tim says that they need to create a companion piece for their homework look and they will present it at some mega fashion show in Times Square, which sounds gross. Christopher, who is pretty rad, and Gunnar, who looks more ridiculous every time he's on the screen, do not get along because Gunnar is playing for the cameras which is so boring, I wish he knew. Andrea is 58 and says thing like, “What a riot!” as if the thing were not actually a riot and I think that's a riot. I'm not positive that maybe I didn't date this guy Fabio a few summers ago. I'm also wondering why I didn't try to make things work. He dumpster dives for food. Hell yeah. Christopher wants to kiss Tim, which I'm going to meditate on. As they're working, it appears that Gunnar has released himself from a lot of social norms in order to really POP on television, so we see him being incredibly rude to Christopher. Lucky for Christopher and disturbing for me, he seems more attractive the meaner Gunnar is.
The fashion show happens and no one really embarrasses themselves. Well, except for Lantie, but she also has that name, so she knows of embarrassment. Her junk is totes busted but she still gets to stay. Beatrice, whose knits were considered boring by the judges -- including guests Patricia Field and Lauren Graham -- gets the boot. Cute Christopher wins the challenge, which infuriates Gunnar. You know, this is going to be fun.