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All Lemon wants is a normal summer, including the great outdoors, shapeless clothing, gardening, and rudimentary Spanish. She rents a house in the Hamptons and immediately gets a new neighbor -- Tracy. So desperate is she to escape this vacation from hell, she disrespects the judge in her hate crime case (turns out the tree she assaulted last week was Jewish) and earns herself three months of community service on a chain gang. And what a glorious time it is!
Jack is down in the dumps since Avery's abduction, so Kenneth befriends him in hope of raising his spirits. Things turn weird somewhere between one of Jonathan's jealous fits and Jack's decision to use Kenneth as an Avery substitute-slash-inside spoon. Wearing Avery's robe the morning after, Kenneth channels Avery to snap Jack back to reality and be a better, stronger father for Liddy.
Jenna becomes the new face of the Wool Council, but WC chairman Eugene Grimby (Victor Garber) doesn't think Jenna is morally upright enough, particularly in regard to her relationship with Paul/'Gina. She invites the Grimbys over for a dinner to prove her wholesomeness and, despite a little person in jester drag showing up and offering to sit on the Grimbys, ultimately convinces Eugene that she's fit to represent wool. This is Jenna, though, so soon enough, she can't take the thought of living a lie. She and 'Gina let their freak flags fly, wool be damned!
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Want more? The full recap starts right below!We join Lemon in media res at an appointment with Dr. Spaceman, who says, "All right, now that the popsicle's melted, we've got ourselves a tongue depressor!" Lemon tells him she's been having a problem with cold sores when she gets stressed out. Dr. Spaceman tells her, "That's all right, I get them from prostitutes." Lemon starts to describe her hectic last couple of months at work, with her break-up, and that rascal of a plastic bag that symbolized her death. After he prescribes her "a little R&R -- rum and Ritalin," Lemon says a topical ointment will be fine because she's dealing with the stress by renting a cottage in the Hamptons for the summer. She only wants four things this summer: To be outdoors, wear shapeless clothing, do some mindless activity like gardening, and learn Spanish. Dr. Spacemen says there are four things he wants to do this summer... "but they're roommates, so it's tricky." He gives her a prescription for her cold sores and a blank one for the weekend, then asks why she isn't wearing pants. She tells him the other doctor told her to take them off. He chuckles that there is no other doctor, just his brother Randy, who's going to jail the day for the rest of his life. He shouts out, "Good one, Randy! Hey, you want to go to Taco Bell for lunch?" Credits.
30 Rock. Lemon enters Jack's office armed with her most condescendingly consolatory voice. He tells her to save her pity over Avery's abduction. She tells him, "I'm tryyyying to, but I'm kind of locked innnnn. The voice is controlling me nooooow. Help meeeee?" Jack says he's been having so much trouble sleeping that he ate an entire carton of foie gras the night before and could barely bring himself to drink his morning shower scotch. He misses the little things about Avery, like how they'd go to Strawberry Fields in Central Park and kick hippies' hackysacks into the bushes. Lemon tells him he needs to make an effort to feel normal again -- normal like a woman and a woman getting married and having a child. Jack snaps back to disgust at Lemon's remark, which was exactly the point. As long as he can feel disdain for Lemon and her leftist opinions, he's still the same old Jack. She stokes the fire, calling Bush a war criminal, then grousing, "There's so much texting going on these days, and no communicating!" She puts the icing on the cake by yelling, "Carbon tax!" Jack dismisses her brusquely, and she gives him two thumbs up on the way out.
Downstairs, Lemon wishes Jenna a good summer. Jenna tells her that since her rousing performance at the Wool Bowl (aired on ESPN 34), she's received an offer to be the new celebrity face of wool. Kenneth pops in to congratulate her and relay a Parcell anecdote: "Every year my aunt sends me a wool sweater for Christmas -- we get it Aunt Alice, you're a sheep!" With that, he's gone. Jenna tells Lemon the wool endorsement is so lucrative that she and Paul can "finally buy that time-share in Batostinbas, Amchnam's private sex garden. They have genetically altered men there with minotaur heads that chase you through the brambles!" Lemon gives an eye-rolling okay, then wishes goodbye to the person she realizes is her closest female friend.
She heads into the writers' room to find Frank, Lutz, Toofer, and The Other Guy playing a video game. Lemon is disappointed that they have no summer plans. Toofer corrects her that he and "David" Eggers are going to design a new font. Lemon shushes him and asks Frank about his plans with his girlfriend. Frank moans that Lynn wants him to give up video games and grow up -- "How this for growing up? Last night I put milk in my Apple Jacks!" Lemon sees that Frank's avatar died. She gloats that she distracted him, and the game is over. He says, to the contrary, that he shot his bazooka into the ground and killed himself rather than be killed by Toofer. Now he will respawn and start over again. Lemon can't believe they'd kill themselves rather than let someone win. Toofer says they've been at it for 18 hours and no kills have emerged yet. Lutz beams, "I'm wearing a diaper... like a baby would." Or a Nowak.
Lemon says she can't wait to get out of there for three months. She tells them it will be glorious, and we are treated to Lemon's fantasy of her life in the Hamptons. It's like a Nancy Meyers movie, but with more muumuus. As samba-lite music plays, Lemon takes a bite out of a tomato that she grew herself. Ina "Barefoot Contessa" Garten comes over with a tray of bruschetta and invites Lemon to her house for a glass of white wine. Lemon yells skyward, "I'm aliiiiiiive!" then climbs awkwardly over her bush to join Ina. Cut back to reality, where Lemon says the only task she has left is to pay a fine for the hate crime she committed against the tree last week, which the city has deemed Jewish. She drops her payment in the outgoing bin and starts to make a goodbye speech when she notices a peculiar look on Lutz's face. She asks what he's doing and quickly realizes the particular look can be translated to "I'm pooping." He screams, "Don't look at me!" She makes a run for the exit.
Wool Council chairman Eugene Grimby (Victor Garber) welcomes Jenna as the council's newest celebrity face. She tells him it's an honor and mentions that in the past she was the face of Clinique, a French-Canadian anal rejuvenation clinic, as well as the feet of FilthyLittleFeet.com. In light of these prior endorsements, Grimby notes that, with wool being such a wholesome fabric, Jenna's contract will include a morality clause that includes her personal life. He points to a magazine article entitled "Hooray for Hollyweird? Jenna's Four-Legged Love Affair," showing Jenna walking Paul/'Gina like a dog on a pink leash. Grimby worries that Jenna's values don't jive with that of the brand. Jenna assures Grimby that she is in a committed relationship with Paul. He asks if Paul's a cross-dresser. Jenna can barely contain her chortle: "Goodness no! Paul is a gender dysmorphic bigenitalian pansexual." Grimby says perhaps they should take a few days to think things over, but Jenna knows that old line. She insists that Grimby meet Paul to see how "normal" they are. She adds, as a sheep eyes her from the end of the table, "Our relationship is everything that wool is about -- love, warmth, chafed skin." She sings directly to the sheep, "Oh noble sheep, we eat your babies. We use your brain to fight off rabies, but the most beautiful gift you give us is wool." The sheep looks over at Grimby and gives him a silent nod. They set a date for dinner at Jenna and Paul's apartment for the night. He warns her that it must be a completely normal dinner, "not just for the National Wool Council but also for my wife, whose parents were killed in front of her while an episode of Three's Company was-- you know what? I'll let her tell the story at dinner." He bids Jenna "wool-come" to the NWC.
Jack comes home to find Kenneth preparing him dinner. Kenneth says he's sorry to hear that Avery was kidnapped "by some convenience store owners" but that he can relate since the spouses of people in Stone Mountain disappear all the time, thanks to monks, hill people attacks, and cave collapses -- both business and residential. Kenneth says that he knows Jack needs help and could use a home-cooked meal. He ladles out some stew, which Jack says smells delicious. Kenneth tells him it's an old Parcell family recipe. His secret is to replace the Union soldier meat with boiled potatoes. Jack notes that he hasn't sat at the dining room table since Avery left, then says Kenneth is in Avery's chair. Kenneth gets up to move, but Jack tells him to stay there -- "You and Avery have a similar-shaped buttocks." Kenneth begins his prayers, and Jack gets a weird look in his eyes.
Hamptons. Lemon is rocking a soft pink wrap sweater and socks with sandals as she sips on a glass of wine and listens to a tape of Spanish for Older Women. The tapes moves on Lesson 12: Emergency Situations. With perfect time as the disembodied voice tells her how to say "Disaster approaching" (disastre imminente, a golf ball crashes into Lemon's glass-and-wicker table. And who sent that golf ball careening into her perfect Barefoot Hamptons life but Tracy Jordan? She asks what he's doing there, and he says, "I just bought everything around this house. It's supposed to be a nice area, except for the 'rude element' everyone keeps talking about." He continues, "Look, I got a long night of shooting guns in the air ahead of me, do you mind if I take a nap here?" Lemon realizes forlornly that she is actually having a normal summer -- chaos is her normal. Tracy warns her not to wake him up if he starts screaming because he will attack her. With that, he's full-on, snoring asleep, save for some shrieks of, "Aaaaah, wake me up! Free me from this!"
30 Rock. Kenneth knocks on Jack's door. Jack thanks him for cooking dinner the night before and tells him "It was nice to hear a woman's laugh in the house again." Kenneth lets out a girlish chortle and tells Jack, "You're bad!" Jack invites Kenneth over for another dinner that night, but Kenneth says he'll be busy giving the studio a good spring cleaning, starting with the bathroom. "There's a lot of drawings of Miss Maroney eating celery that men are giving to her with their hips." Jack ruefully takes the rain check, saying he'll be alone in a house full of memories. Kenneth chimes in, "My house is full of white cockroaches!"
Jenna heads home to 'Gina. He got her an anniversary present: A new leash for when he walks her through the park like a dog. He gleefully adds that the weather's going to be nice and muddy the day. He notices the apprehensive look on Jenna's face and asks what's wrong. She tells him about her conundrum with the morality clause in her wool contract. She says they can do whatever they want in private, but for tonight's dinner he should change his attire to something more traditional. Paul says his pink, ruffled top happens to be very conservative. He puts his foot down, "I hate to be the stereotypical man, but this is my home, and I want to wear this blouse." Jenna begs him to change, so Paul concedes and tells he's going to cancel the sitter for that night because they don't need someone to come and sit on them after all.
30 Rock. Kenneth has his bucket o' bleach and his rubber gloves when he runs into Jonathan out in the corridor. Jonathan hisses, "You just made a very dangerous enemy, Kenneth." Kenneth thanks him obliviously and invites him to his birthday party. As Jack approaches, Jonathan stoops down and starts scrubbing the floor. Jack tells Kenneth that Jonathan volunteered himself and his whole family to clean the studio so Kenneth could spend the evening at Jack's place.
That night, Tracy rolls into Lemon's place as she covers her ears to the sounds of shots outside -- and his party hasn't even started yet, it turns out. He asks, "Can I borrow a cup of sugar? I'm trying to get a hummingbird to drink out of my penis." Lemon can't contain herself anymore. She tells Tracy she wanted a summer away from him and his shenanigans. She starts packing her things and unsuccessfully tries to get out of her wrap sweater. As she gets more and more bound physically, so does she metaphorically when Tracy makes a thinly veiled threat to act up season if she won't be his friend. He begins to pour wine over her sound system as the Spanish tape proclaims, "The sad woman has been trapped by the idiot... La mujer--" and it cuts off. Lemon backpedals, promising Tracy that they are good friends and will spend the summer together.
Jack stares at Kenneth creepily as he pours him a glass of wine. Since this has pretty much been the theme of the last 20 minutes, Kenneth anxiously announces that he's going to head home. Jack says, "Don't go Avery... I mean Kenneth." He explains that he hasn't slept in days and isn't feeling quite like himself. He tells Kenneth that he and Avery used to sit and talk in the evenings to wind down from their days. Kenneth begins to commiserate, but Jack cuts him off and tells him to put on a pair of pearl earrings. Jack asks how Kenneth/Avery's day was. Kenneth tells him about getting a "Yes" RSVP from Jonathan about his birthday party, then going to a very uncomfortable dinner. Jack tells him that he tried to be strong all day before sitting alone with his thoughts and going to a wonderful dinner. Kenneth says hopefully, "Then the dinner ended?" Jack shakes his head.
Over at Jenna's, Grimby surveys all the pictures of Jenna and Paul in his masculine drag as he asks what Paul does for a living. Paul says he works "in the restaurant business" and hesitates as he adds that he really loves golf playing. Grimby asks what Paul's handicap is. Paul says, "I don't have one myself, but I like a girl with a limp." The Grimbys get a good laugh out of that one. Jenna asks Mrs. Grimby about her name, which is U. Jean. The "U" stands for Ugene. She takes off her coat to reveal the exact same blouse as Paul was wearing earlier that day. Paul makes a pointed comment about it, but the subtext doesn't register with Grimby, who says he's impressed with how normal the dinner has been. He deems is "very wool." Just then, a little person in a jester costume bursts through the door and offers to sit on the diners. Paul makes a big show of his condemnation of the sitter, then dismisses the littlest jester. U. Jean applauds as Grimby declares, "Well done, sir. You handled that pervert with aplomb. Very wool!" He makes a toast to the photo shoot the day as a sad look clouds Jenna's face.
Back at Jack's apartment, Kenneth is trapped as the inside spoon.
Lemon walks into the writers' room. She can't believe the writers are still playing their video game, but Frank tells her the score is still 0-0-0. "To zero," chips in The Other Guy, who then rejoices, "I did it! I spoke!" Lemon sees that her fine payment never went in the mail. She updates them on her situation with Tracy. Just then, Toofer nearly kills Lutz, but Lutz blows himself up with a grenade. A light bulb flashes over Lemon's head: She can be normal, she just needs to blow herself up, metaphorically speaking.
She rips up her payment envelope and marches down to the courtroom to tell the honor she refuses to pay for her supposed hate crime. Once she's done with her speech, she shouts, "Grenade, respawn!" The judge threatens to sentence her to three weeks community service if she doesn't pay the fine. She challenges him to three months of service before spouting off every courtroom movie cliché ("You can't handle the truth!") and throwing in a "Hoo-ah!" for good measure. The judge cuts her off by screaming "Gavel, gavel, gavel!" Turns out he lost his gavel over the weekend but still won't accept that kind of lip. He sentences her two 12 weeks of picking up trash. Lemon throws up her firsts and declares, "Freedom!" then corrects herself, "For me... probably not for you guys."
Donaghy den. Kenneth emerges in a bright pink robe since his clothes mysteriously disappeared while he was in the shower. Jack tells him to give a twirl, which Kenneth reluctantly does while sing-song mumbling "This is not right, sir..." Jack bids Kenneth to go put on some of Avery's perfume before they head to Strawberry Fields to whip pennies at the drum circle. Kenneth finally draws the line: "I don't like to swear, sir, but no thank you. Now I haven't had a wife get kidnapped, but I did watch the episode of The Brady Bunch where Tiger ran away. We've all been through some bad stuff, Mr. Donaghy." Jack says he had the perfect woman and wonders if God is punishing him for having better hair. Kenneth tells him enough. He says if Jack wants him to be like Avery, he will be like her: Mean. Jack fondly reminisces, "She once made Rahm Emanuel cry in an airport lounge." Kenneth channels Avery in telling Jack he's pitiful and should be spending time with Liddy instead of "being weird" to Kenneth. Jack gets the message loud and clear. He thanks Kenneth/Avery and tells Sherry to put on Liddy's baby pants suit so she can come with him to work that day.
Meanwhile, there's an obvious sight gag in which Paul pulls the wool over Grimby's eyes (see what I did there?) by dressing up as 'Gina Jenna while Jenna adopts man-drag as a lighting tech. The point is that Jenna and Paul and nothing like normal and that Grimby can shove his morality clause up a sheep's ass. Then Paul and a be-bearded Jenna kiss gratuitously, completely with beard munching.
Central Park. Jack stumbles upon Lemon working the chain gang as he takes a walk with Liddy. He takes the occasion to teach Liddy a phrase she'll no doubt be using frequently in the future -- "Good God, Lemon!" Lemon tells him she's accomplished her dreams of being outdoors, wearing comfortable clothes, gardening, and learning Spanish. Jack cheerfully tells her he just took Liddy to Strawberry Fields, where Liddy spat up on a white lady's dreads. He adds, "It's nice to see that we're back to our version of normal." At which point, Jenna approaches dressed as a dog. She sniffs Jack, and Paul (in a three-piece suit and a leather daddy mask) runs up and tells Jenna that she's been bad and will go in the crate that night. Satisfaction and mischief simultaneously flash in Jenna's eyes as Lemon and Jack try to keep from vomiting. Just then, a golf ball hits Paul in the head. Of course it's from Tracy, who tells them, "I hit the ball onto a truck on the Long Island Expressway, and Tracy Jordan does not take mulligans." He tells Lemon it's a good thing she moved out her house because "some idiot ran his boat that I was driving into it." Liddy laughs and smiles beatifically as all the gang look down upon her lovingly. From a distance, Kenneth spies them through a telescope. He screams to the sky, "You see all the good that is in them? The capacity for love? Give me more time, Jacob, I beg of you!" To be continued...