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Lemon finds herself under the gaze of several male admirers, mostly unwanted. Jenna explains that Lemon being in a relationship has given her a rejuvenated sense of confidence that others sense subconsciously and are drawn to. Hence, "When it rains, it pours." But with Lemon's newfound confidence comes responsibility. Specifically, she must use her powers for good and convince the grumpy tape editor [Guest star Paul Giamatti! - Zach] to get TGS footage finished in a more timely fashion. She and the editor manage to get along swimmingly until he starts a rumor that they're sleeping together. She wants to take a stand for herself, but a bedraggled Pete urges her to take one for the team. Long story short, the editor confesses he was trying to co-opt Lemon's confidence to attract his co-worker. They have a big, fake break-up scene in the middle of the hallway, and everybody wins!
Jack and Tracy are also subject to new responsibilities. Having missed his two children's births, Tracy vows to sequester himself in his dressing room until Angie goes into labor. One fire alarm and a public transportation misadventure later, he's lost in Manhattan. He hails a taxi and unwittingly enters himself on the game show Cash Cab. Obviously, he cleans up. To be continued...
For his part, Jack spends the entire day recording a series of instructional tapes for his son-to-be after Lemon mocks his advanced age and causes Jack to worry that he won't be able to guide his son through life properly. Along the way, he finds Kenneth, who's been sneaking around 30 Rock to make sure operations run smoothly. Jack teaches his son a lesson about tough love when he harshly tells Kenneth to move on with his life. Instead, Kenneth gets a call from Angie, briefly steps in for Tracy at the delivery, and realizes that he is needed back at 30 Rock for real. Tracy eventually makes it to the hospital and welcomes his little girl. He sagely advises Jack not to be so stressed about orchestrating his son's life, only for Jack to receive a call from Avery that they're having a baby girl after all. Jack sets about recording an entirely new series of tapes, in which Lemon offers her expert advice on female facial hair grooming and when it's okay to wear a bathing suit as underwear.
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Want more? The full recap starts right below!Lemon and Jenna are walking through the plaza at 30 Rock when a construction worker begins cat-calling them, complete with jackhammer roaring in place of the bleeps of a live televised broadcast (two weeks, people). Lemon takes offense on Jenna's behalf, supplying her own foul-mouthed rebuttal with lots of jackhammer bleeps. Let's just say it ends with "...-infected penis!" The cat-caller in question tells Lemon he was actually hitting on her. Jenna explains that being in a relationship has made Lemon more attractive and put off less of a negative energy. "When it rains, it pours," she explains. They head inside the building, but on the way Radio Man throws in a bonus come-on: "Hey! I want your feet in my mouth!" The girls smile and cheerfully repeat, "When it rains, it pours!" Credits.
Upstairs, Lemon walks into Jack's office to greet "JAvery," who are pleased to tell her they're having a baby boy. Avery looks forward to being the benchmark for all the poor girls to come into her son-to-be's life, but Lemon thinks the real score is that the kid will have an old dad and can get away with anything. Jack pooh-poohs this option, saying, "Fifty is the new 40 -- for men. Fifty is still 60 for women." Lemon brushes off the slight, saying, "Whatevs, Tony Randall." Jack points out that this comparison makes her the Jack Klugman of the relationship, which she actually gets pretty excited about. Guess this positive vibe theory Jenna has going is pretty solid.
Lemon heads downstairs and is surprised how smoothly things are going without Kenneth to contain the chaos of TGS. Jenna agrees, noting that someone slipped her a note reminding her she had an appointment for tattoo removal, since she actually got inked with the letters for "White Hooker" instead of "Peace." As Lemon and Jenna marvel at how the new kids are holding their own, we see in the near distance a suspicious red blazer (covered by a black cape and a black wig) flitting by in the background.
Lemon heads down the hall, where yet another man gives her the up-and-down along the way. She runs into Dot Com, who explains that Tracy will not be rehearsing today. Tracy peeks out of his dressing room door to explain that he's "werewolfing" himself, like when a man of the lupine persuasion sees a full moon and knows he's about to transform, so he locks himself away. Only instead of becoming a man-wolf (at his Werewolf Bar Mitzvah, natch), Tracy is sequestering himself so he doesn't miss the birth of his daughter like he did for his sons: which was for "very legitimate reasons." (Dot Com: "Cooking a French bread pizza and 'forgot'"). Lemon compliments Tracy on his newfound sense of responsibility, and Tracy in turn says there's something alluringly different about Lemon -- something that makes him want to put his feet in her mouth.
Writers' room. Pete asks Lemon to head down to the editors' room to get the finished opening title sequence. He moans about how much power they hold over the other staffers, so Lemon promises to take care of it with her newfound charm and Julia Roberts laugh.
Before that, she steps inside her office, where Jack has taken her "old dad" theory to heart and is doing some mental math. As he describes all the important moments in his son's life that he might miss, he resolves he must find some way to cheat death and guide his son from the grave. Not that Lemon's listening, because she's pulling down a cowboy hat she bought at a radio station concert and is ready to test-drive now that she's a sexy lady in a relationship. The non-versation is cut short when the fire alarm sounds. Jack abhors "standing around in a crowd like a bunch of Italians," so he sends Lemon down by herself. Along the way, she runs into Pete and wonders who's taken over the fire marshal responsibilities now that Kenneth is gone. As they head downstairs, a mysterious and Muppet-like caped figure appears behind them, whooshing through the writers' room -- well, save for a little collision with a file cabinet.
Down the hall, Tracy stresses about leaving his dressing room before Angie goes into labor. Dot Com assures him that everything will be okay if he just stays "with a grown-up," so Tracy dutifully grabs hold of Grizz's green Polo shirt and follows the big people outside. Once downstairs, he starts a stream-of-consciousness, toddler-like ramble on various topics, including: "I don't get brunch. What's the benefit of combining break dancing and lunch?" Somehow in the midst of this, Grizz and Dot Com lose track of him. Tracy stops his riff some time later and realizes he's gotten hold of the wrong big black man in a green Polo. Now he's on the bus heading who-knows-where. At that very moment, Angie calls from the hospital to ask where Tracy is because she's in labor. Dot Com panics and reverts to French, pretending to be a Nigerian immigrant. As you do. On the other end of the line, Dr. Spaceman greets Angie with a smile and a general air of befuddlement.
Back at 30 Rock, Jack takes on a creepily earnest tone as he tapes the life advice video for his son, which is to be used on the occasion that he dies or succumbs to the grip of insanity. Probably even odds at this point. Jack runs down the highlights of the Donaghy family and his own life: "The Donaghys originally come from Ireland's little-known County Steve, where historically we were whiskey testers and goblins. I was raised in Sandchester, Massachusetts. I won the Avery Blaine Handsomeness Scholarship to Princeton and then attended Harvard Business School, where I was voted 'Most.' I once hit a stand-up triple off Fidel Castro. I was the first person ever to say 'I need a vacation from this vacation.' The song 'You're So Vain' was, in fact, written by me." Having dispensed of those facts, Jack starts spinning scenarios in which his son might one day need his guidance. The first? Hiking in the Japanese Highlands, stalked by a pair of snow leopards, with his only weapon frozen in its scabbard. Likely for a Donaghy, I'm sure.
Downstairs, Lemon pays a visit to the editors to get the show's opener. She butters up the curmudgeonly editor Richie (Paul Giamatti) by engaging in conversation about annual visits to Islander hockey fantasy camp and his role as a Confederate soldier in Civil War re-enactments. She pulls out her Julia Roberts laugh, he compliments her cowboy hat, and wham-bam-thank-you-Lemon, he's pushed aside a segment for the Today Show to work on the editing for TGS.
Meanwhile, Tracy hails a cab to get to the hospital. He has no money, but this rare Caucasian cab driver doesn't seem to mind. Once he gets inside, the driver informs Tracy that he's in the Cash Cab and will have to answer trivia questions to win money and reach his destination. Tracy worries he won't fare well (har har) given his top level of education being "middle school in an Exxon station," but he has no alternative, so it's a go.
Back at the studio, Richie drops off Lemon's opening reel for the show, along with a CD of some "authentic" Civil War songs that he warns her not to play around her black friends. Lemon gives him a hug as thanks, and of course he hangs on way too long before taking some of his oddball editor friends back to the seventh floor. Lemon hands Pete the reel. Frank, who's nearby, becomes agitated that Lemon is cheating on Carol with Richie. Apparently, Richie has been talking up their new bond. Jenna tells Lemon belatedly that her new confidence is a double-edged sword. Lemon impulsively tosses out her rockin' cowboy hat, but Pete warns her not to let things with Richie sour, because he'll take it out on TGS. Jenna and Pete urge Lemon to take one for the team, so she salvages her cowboy hat from the trash, flicks off some spaghetti sauce on Pete, and two-steps down the hallway begrudgingly. He screams out behind her that she ruined his shirt: "You know, neighbors who wear my exact size don't die every day!"
We return to the cash cab, where Tracy uses this little gem to figure out the construction date for the Statue of Liberty: "I remember going to the Statue of Liberty centennial, 'cause that year someone had spread a rumor that she was gonna slip outta her toga, and I wanted to see some green boobies. And the Mets had just won the World Series, 'cause that night I was randomly attacked by a Mets fan that I had threw a bottle at. That was 1986. And centennial is a hundred years, because 'centipeding' is having sex with a hundred women. I got it! 1886." Ladies and gentleman, this is how Tracy lives his life. up, Tracy easily answers that Shamu is an Orca whale, adding for the host's benefit that an Orca is very difficult to keep in a home aquarium.
Meanwhile, Jack continues taping his film, advising his son never to hire Sting to play at his wedding reception. He deems the singer's jazz versions of Police songs "demoralizing." He also says that in the case that Avery meets another man, that man's death must appear accidental, and the secret to healthy hair is dove blood. Just as he's about to demonstrate a back flip, he hears sneezing from his draperies. He pulls them back to find Kenneth sweeping his terrace. Jack tells Kenneth to move on and harshly dismisses him. He looks back at the camera to tell his son that he just gave Kenneth tough love and sent the youngster on his way. lesson: Juggling!
Downstairs, Brian Williams and Andrea Mitchell spread the rumors about Lemon and Richie, Nightly News-style. Lemon stomps into the edit suite to confront Richie. She tells Richie that she was only nice to him because she's in a relationship, then takes her hug back forcefully. Richie pulls Lemon into a private editing room to explain that he, too, was just trying to follow the "When it rains, it pours" model, because he's trying to catch the attention of his perm-tastic assistant editor, Donna Strunk. He apologizes but says he was driven to desperate measures because he's loved Donna for seven years. Cue Streetcar Named Desire-esque wailing with the name "Donna" where "Stella" would normally be. Lemon sees his anguish and offers to make him a deal.
Before we discover what said deal will be, Kenneth answers his phone at his squatting apartment. It's Angie, who's out of her mind on drugs and screaming for Tracy. Kenneth looks to his life-size cutout of Tracy and hatches a plan.
Somewhere near Mt. Sinai, Tracy answers correctly that Thomas Jefferson invented the Lazy Susan. He claims to know because he is a descendant of both Thomas Jefferson and Lazy Susan herself. Similarly, he knows that the capital of the United Arab Emirates is Abu Dhabi, because he will be executed if he ever returns. He also knows the 12 tones of the musical scale and demonstrates them as proof of his musical genius.
30 Rock. Jack has summoned Lutz to demonstrate for his son how to throw a punch. Then he reads The Giving Tree as proof of Shel Silverstein's Communist tendencies. Jack returns to Lutz to demonstrate how to make love to a woman. Lutz: "Huh?!"
At the hospital, Kenneth has cut out Cardboard Tracy's head and wrapped it around his face to trick Angie until the real Tracy arrives. Dr. Spaceman's watch alarm suddenly beeps, and he remembers he must feed the meter. As you do.
TGS. Lemon finds Richie to have a pre-scripted break-up conversation in front of Donna. She talks up his fully loaded Toyota Tercel, at-home pinball machine, two-time adventures to Canada, and love of unicorns. Richie smoothly bids farewell to Lemon, and she leaves, saying, "I guess some other woman will get to enjoy that waterbed that you're saving up for." Donna's all, "You had me at unicorns!"
Uptown, Tracy has won the prize money and arrived at Mt. Sinai. He gleefully tries to exit the cab, and there is some confusion as to when he should pull the door, and when the host should hit the unlock button. Don't you just hate when that happens? Inside, he finally arrives and pushes Kenneth out of the way to tell Angie that he'll always be by her side, "no matter what Discovery Channel game shows get in [his] way," adding that he doesn't know what he "would do without you." With that, he looks back at Kenneth, who is crawling out of the room clandestinely. Job well done.
Jack wraps up his tape, telling his son that, if he ever encounters a situation not covered in the tapes, he should "find Elizabeth Lemon, ask her advice, and then do the opposite." After he shuts off the camera, Kenneth knocks on his door as resolute as ever to rejoin the fold at NBC. Jack offers to speak with HR, but Kenneth proudly announces that he's going to reapply to the Page program and follow all protocol. Jack insists he doesn't care. Kenneth giddily calls from behind, "Your ability to hide your true feelings is part of your great strength!"
Hospital. When Tracy introduces Jack to his daughter, Jack details his effort to guide his son from the grave. Tracy sagely intones, "You want to make God laugh? Make a plan... or read him a Dave Barry book." He advises Jack not to worry about being old, because he'll never be able to predict what happens in life. To wit, Tracy opens up the blanket in which his infant daughter is supposedly lying, and she's nowhere to be found. Whoops! He just forgot her over in her bassinet. Also to wit, Jack gets a phone call from Avery telling him the ultrasound tech got it wrong, and they're actually having a girl. While Avery frets about her daughter's spatial reasoning and upper body strength, Jack realizes that he must make all new tapes.
Bonus! Jack foregoes Lutz this go-around. Instead, he tells his little girl, "If you have the blondeness and self-esteem of your mother, you will need no advice." Otherwise, it's on to Lemon: "Every human has hair on his or her face, some of us just have more. I think it's nice to occasionally splurge on a straight-razor shave. If you're running low on laundry, a bathing suit makes perfectly acceptable underwear." She also considers bandannas a "fun, sexy" accessory. And on and on...
And if Lemon doling out advice weren't joke enough, you also have these...
Lemon, On Being Cat-Called
Lemon: That's never happened to me before.
Jenna: Well I'm not surprised -- not because you're not cute. You are. Like a pretty refugee on the news. It's because you've always put out this negative energy. But now that you're with someone, you're happy and confident. Guys can sense that.
Lemon: Confident, huh? So can I finally wear that cowboy hat I bought at KISS-FM's Lake Jam '97?
Eyes Wide Donaghy
Jack: Seventy, Lemon. I will be 70 years old when my son graduates prep school.
Lemon: Ugh, come on. Is this about my old dad thing? I was joking!
Jack: Will I even be there for his first subpoena? Will I ever experience the father-son bonding of realizing you were both at the same masked orgy at a castle?
Labor Pains
Dr. Spaceman: Good morning! Now, full disclosure -- most of my experience is putting babies in women.
Angie: Oh, I'm gon' kill that man.
Dr. Spaceman: You just described my morning! Now, Mrs. Jordan, I've already administered the epidural. So would you like one as well?
Lemon Gets Squeezed
Frank: What the Hell, Liz? I thought Richie was lying. You know, if you wanted to cheat on Carol with an Italian guy who smells like cigarettes, I've made it very clear I would flip over my futon for you. Not cool!
Lemon: What is he talking about?
Pete: It's not a big deal. Richie has just been telling the crew that you two are... sleeping together.
Lemon: What?
Jenna: Your new vibe is a double-edged sword, much like the kind Mickey Rourke tried to kill me with.
Lemon: Great! So that's what I get for being happy, for being nice, and rocking a cowboy hat that a KISS-FM DJ once called "a sweet lid?"
Pete: But you can't say anything to him. If you do, he'll take it out on TGS, on us. I'll be here waiting for edits until 4 in the morning when I should be at Home -- which is the name of the bar I found near the train station!
Where does 30 Rock's Kenneth rank among the funniest obsessed sidekicks in TV history? Find out.
Watch the episode below, discuss it in our forums, then see who we think were the best and worst guest stars!
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