In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description! Finished? Click here to close.
Danny, the new cast member (a.k.a. Broadway heartthrob Cheyenne Jackson) shows up at TGS sans silver paint and throws everyone for a loop. We'll start with he who is closest to our hearts: Kenneth. In light of Danny's recent upgrade from street performer to primetime show regular, he reminds Jenna and Tracy that anyone can go from nothing to something overnight. He warns them about treating inferiors (read: Kenneth) poorly. This baffles the talent greatly, but they start seeing the signs that their diva behaviors could bite them in the ass and, thus, disengage Kenneth. Their new independence even frees Tracy and Jenna to take on a sideline gig as problem solvers with fancy T-shirts. But Kenneth feels useless and becomes perplexed. Ultimately, he manages to restore the natural order of things through a long and complicated process involving suppressed Canadian accents and waffles in pizza boxes. Full details in the recap.
Meanwhile, Jack tells Lemon the network has plans to turn her Dealbreakers into a talk show. Going on some bad advice from Tracy and Jenna (is there any other kind?), Lemon worries Jack is taking advantage of her and decides to pursue alternate representation. But of course she's Lemon, so the only option available is some just-past-puberty kid in an oversized suit who has just upgraded from representing dogs to repping humans (and monkeys). Lemon forges on with her savvy businesswoman ruse and Jack powers ahead with the Dealbreakers show -- even meeting with Padma Lakshmi -- but Jack has a crisis of conscience when he realizes what an amazing chance Lemon will be missing. She, in turns, realizes that agents are pricks. They drop their little tiff and reunite like old lovers in Rockefeller Center, promising to be partners in business. No, not risky business. Not even monkey business (that's reserved for the kid agent, after all). Just plain old by-the-books, pratfall-laden, cringe-inducing business. With that, it's back to almost-normal.
Discuss this episode in our forums, then see whether we think 30 Rock is a Good Place to Work!
Want more? The full recap starts right below!We open in Lemon's office, where she and Jack are discussing NBC's expansion into China, where they have such gems as Prison Breakdance -- a reality competition in which prisoners dance for freedom -- and a janked up copy of Lemon's book: Dealbreaker: The Book for You Man No Good, by Lesbian Yellow-Sour-Fruit. Lemon tells Jack the new cast member starts today and registers some concerns about the fact he is literally an unknown... and a Party Robot. Jack approaches it with his usual coolness.
Kenneth knocks on Lemon's door to excitedly announce the Robot has arrived. He starts to practice the welcome song he wrote for them, which is not unlike any TGIF theme you care to recall: "Makin' a new friend sure ain't easy..." A few moments later Lemon and Jack get to the elevators as Kenneth wraps up his song: "...And that's how two become one!" Jack asks Lemon to dinner, and she accepts. Then they're interrupted by a gaggle of TGS staffers and Tracy speculating about the newbie. The doors open, and they all turn in eager expectation. Alas, it's just Lutz. Cerie looks downcast, thinking this is the new guy. Lutz reminds her that he's worked on the show for three years, and even gave her a car he won. She registers a blank.
Lemon beckons him to the crowd as they wait for the Party Robot to make his clanging, whirring entrance. Instead, a little hottie by the name of Cheyenne Jackson (Broadway geeks unite!) enters the doors. But for our purposes we'll call him "Danny." (His actual name is Jack Baker, but Jack Donaghy vetoes having two Jacks in one building and rechristens him "Danny.") Lemon welcomes "Danny" to TGS and shows him to his dressing room. He's amazed how far he's come up in the world since making $50 a day on the street and suffering memory loss from all the silver paint fumes. He admits he hasn't done much acting -- if you don't count that high school football movie back in Ottawa. Lemon is surprised he's Canadian. Insert your Canuck slang and Boxing Day jokes here.
Lemon starts giving Danny some insider tips, but Kenneth interrupts to serve as the official Welcome Wagon and inquire what Danny would like for lunch, since Kenneth is already heading out for Tracy and Jenna's lunches. Danny says it's no problem and that he'll just get his lunch himself. One step further, he asks if Kenneth needs anything. Kenneth makes a befuddled little whimper, then says, "Yad sdrawkcab tsuj s'ti sseug I, yako" (translation: "Okay, I guess it's just backwards day"), then walks backwards down the corridor. Credits.
Jack and Lemon's dinner. Lemon challenges Jack with an Agonizing Pop Culture Dilemma: Superman's powers, but the string attached is a lifetime of monogamy. Objecting to Superman's moral code and the fact that women actually age, Jack rejects. The waiter brings their desserts, and Jack moves aside the candle so she doesn't burn her sleeve. She wonders how that would happen while simultaneously reaching across the table to spear into his molten chocolate cake. He tells her he knows what she'll do before she does. Consequently, he knows that she'll jump at the opportunity to host her own Dealbreakers show. They "cheers" to this new development, and Lemon says, at the same time as Jack, "I knew you would say yes, Lemon." Touché.
30 Rock. Pete teaches Danny the ropes. Rule #1: Deny you know anything, so that no one comes to you with their problems. Rule #2: If they come to you anyway, tell them your kid is sick and run away. Pete asks if Danny has kids. He says no, then starts into some sob story about raising his kid sister when they were young. And wouldn't you know? Pete's kids are suddenly "sick."
Across the room, Lemon tells Tracy and Jenna about the Dealbreakers show. They congratulate her and ask her how many people she's met with to represent her. She says Jack is running the show. They tell her Jack is taking advantage of her relationship and warn her about making bad decisions. Jenna, for example, signed a 10-year exclusive contract with a karaoke video company when she first started. And Tracy agreed to plug Wade Boggs Carpet World five times for every instance he appeared on screen (at which point he says it three more times). Tracy warns her that she's "special like a black stripper with blue eyes" and not to get swindled. Jenna promises to look into an agent and keep Lemon's best interests in mind. Tracy gives her one final piece of advice. You guessed it: Wade Boggs Carpet World. As Lemon walks off confused, Tracy dubs himself and Jenna "The Problem Solvers." Just then, Kenneth approaches, so they ask if he has a problem. He mentions that Danny doesn't want him to do his Page-ly duties and fetch things. Jenna offers to talk to Danny.
Jack's office. Jack excitedly tells Lemon that the guy who came up with the Dawg Pound arm swivel for Arsenio Hall wants to create a signature move for Lemon's show. Jack proposes an arrhythmic dance with sporadic claps and an occasional "Uh uh!" I've seen that dance at an Indigo Girls concert, I think. And the Chinese author translators might tend to agree with me. Lemon breaks it to Jack that she wants to hire and agent and explore all her options now that she's hot shit in the literary world ("Number 14 on the non-fiction best seller chart, right behind The Founding Fathers' Diet"). Jack disingenuously wishes her good luck and gives her a look that tells her not to let the door hit her on the way out.
Writers' room. Lemon confirms the lunch with her agent with Cerie. She asks, "Do I look okay?" Responds Cerie, "That's exactly how you look!" Lemon heads to her meeting, where let's just her agent is really up to par. He looks about 12 years old and is transitioning from being an animal agent. He has no connections in the biz, frequently develops nervous hiccups, and will very likely be utterly useless. On the upside, he does describe himself as "hungry," so at least he and Lemon have that in common.
Back at 30 Rock, Jenna and Tracy find Danny in his dressing room to give him a little friendly guidance about the life of talent on TGS. Danny says his main priority is finding the bathroom and suppressing his Canadian accent (that tricky "aboat" gets him every time!). They tell him not to worry about that and to use Kenneth for all his needs -- to treat him like a slave, essentially. Danny disagrees that Kenneth appreciates being at their beck and call, and in fact he may be growing to resent them. He knows, because he used to be an assistant. Danny then points out that he was a performing robot just the other day, and now he's poised to be a famous actor. He says Kenneth could very well be running the network one day. Jenna snickers at the prospect, and Tracy looks concerned. Says Danny, "Crazier things have happened." (Most of them at Tracy's after-after-after parties.)
Lemon returns from her lunch meeting, and Cerie hands her the press clippings for Dealbreakers. Lemon gets an angry look on her face and storms over to find Jack on-set. It seems he's going ahead with the Dealbreakers talk show (which originated in a TGS sketch) -- with or without her. He tries to intimidate her into submitting to his terms, but she tells him two can play at that game. And, of course, he says it at the same time, proving that he is always one step ahead of her. She grrrrrrs and storms off set.
Tracy's dressing room. Tracy asks Kenneth what his hopes and dreams are. Kenneth says he hopes to one day be in charge of the network -- or whatever people are watching when the time comes. Kenneth snaps on his dental hygienist gloves and asks if Tracy's ready for his cleaning. Tracy snatches the toothbrush and says he can brush his own teeth. He tells Kenneth he doesn't want him to do anything more for him.
Down the hall, Danny is still completely lost as to what he's doing there. Jack tells him not to do business with friends or trust women. Also? "Lose the leather bracelet." Jack leaves Danny to gnaw at his own wrist and heads into the studio to seek Pete's help. Naturally, Pete's kid just got "hit by a car." Jack then heads over to Tracy and Jenna, wearing "The Problem" and "Solvers" shirts, respectively. Of course, they're not standing in the right spots, so they just look like idiots. But that's nothing new. Jack tells him about his Lemon problem, getting Jenna all sorts of aroused as he talks about how "Business Jack doesn't play gentle," then asks her to pass on the message to Lemon that he's leaving things open for her. After he leaves, Jenna notices that she and Tracy are wearing the wrong shirts to communicate their message. She asks if he wants to switch places or switch shirts. He says they should do both, just to be safe.
And so we get the two of them in Lemon's office, joined by Lemon and her agent. Tracy is now wearing Jenna's too-tight crop top of a shirt that says "Solvers," with Jenna on his left (read: our right) in his baggy "The Problem" shirt. To sum up, they're morons. Lemon treats them as such when they relay Jack's message. She particularly doesn't like the part where he gave her the chance to crawl back to him. Tracy tries to emphasize Jack's sexual energy, but it's lost on Lemon. She tells them that her problem has not, in fact, been solved but that it's just starting. She is suing NBC for the rights to Dealbreakers. Cue Agent Simon's nervous hiccups.
Jack's office. Lemon and Simon have convened to throw down with Jack, but the old man is playing hardball. He reminds Simon that NBC hires a vast majority of his former clients for such shows as Are You Stronger Than a Dog? and I'm a Celebrity Dog... Get Me Out Arf Here! and leverages that power to intimidate Lemon into dropping her suit. Lemon calls him a wang, but Jack takes that as a compliment since "A.N. Wang, the founder of Wang Computers, is one of the greatest businessmen of the 20th century." He throws it in her face that she didn't trust him after all the years they've worked together. He tells her she knows nothing about business and that she's replaceable. She counters (read: lies) that she's replacing him, too, with all sorts of big meetings in the days to come. Simon: "Really? With who?!" So much for that little fib.
Downstairs, Lemon runs into Tracy and Jenna, who are both now wearing shirts that say "The Problem." Yep. That's about right. She tells them they were right about Jack. No, Jenna! He's not in love with you. Instead, he burned Lemon. She vows to burn him right back. Tracy offers to introduce her to Scotty Showfar, the producer of a famous sports show. Jenna recalls the name and realizes that he used to be her assistant, and she treated him like crap. It serves to prove Danny's point that they should be kind and generous, not prima donna-esque talent. Just then, Kenneth comes up to give Jenna some Mexican diet pills she orders. He even offers to test them out for her. Fearing that he'll turn on her when he becomes successful and powerful, she asks him never to do anything for him again.
A look of as-close-to-rage as Kenneth can get crosses his face as he wonders what has changed. Then he looks at the picture of Danny that's being hung in the hallway. Meanwhile, Danny tries to suppress his Canadian accent some more on stage. Kenneth heads over to wind him up as much as possible and make absolutely sure that he and all the other cast members will continue to accept help from Kenneth. Imagine Kenneth doing the hauntingly calm and cool persuasion of Hannibal Lecter. That's about how it plays out. He gets Danny so riled up that he berates Kenneth and, in doing so, loses his Canadian accent. Kenneth congratulates him on becoming a real actor. From nowhere, Tracy and Jenna appear. Kenneth assures all of them he'll always be there for them, even if he becomes rich and powerful. Then he reads Tracy's mind and produces a pizza box... full of waffles. Everybody wins!
Elsewhere, Lemon meets with the sports show guy, who is a real asshole. Total Hollywood type. He answers his phone and classifies her, out loud, as a "regular 6, drunk 7." Cut to Jack pouring tea for Padma Lakshmi. She says she wants to showcase her talents outside of Top Chef. For example, men are always telling her how funny she is. She starts in on a knock-knock joke, but Jack is in immediate hysterics before she even gets out the pre-punch line. In short, beautiful women couldn't be funny even if they tried. Back at Lemon's meeting, the sports guy makes some blowhard comments, then takes a call from Rahm Emanuel while Lemon spills her heart that she wants a partner, someone she can trust.
Back at Jack's office, Padma says roughly the same thing. Jack promises her full partnership. Padma appreciates this, as she considers herself entrepreneurial. You see, she invented this thing that is exactly like a Zip-loc sandwich bag, but somehow vaguely new and innovative. Not that she could elaborate on how, mind you. Jack sips back champagne nervously. Back at Lemon's meeting, the sports guy insists Lemon is his top priority, that nothing is more important to him than her. Well, maybe save the incoming call he's getting from Brooke Hogan. Lemon reaches for a piece of bread and realizes he hasn't moved the candle like Jack did earlier. She full-on lights her sleeve on fire and waits for him to notice. Instead, he just gives her a tentative look and walks away to his thrilling conversation with Brooke Hogan. Lemon, sleeve still ablaze, shakes her head in frustration.
Back at Jack's office, Padma asks what kind of time commitment she'll be making. Jack says it's only two days a week. Padma lights up at the prospect of less travel and less food stains on her clothes. She says it'll be a great opportunity to focus less on work and more on her unborn child. She smilingly says it will change her life. Jack realizes that it's not Padma's life he wants to change, but Lemon's. He apologizes to Padma, and she gives him her blessing to go. Then she stuffs food in her purse before leaving. Sweet. Side note: Did you know that Padma keeps her wardrobe in two sizes so that she can fit into her clothes as the season progresses? Fact. And it makes me love her all the more.
Jack runs outside, where he sees Lemon from a distance. They run toward each other in what should be a lover's embrace. As the camera swirls around them rhapsodically, Jack tells Lemon that it's her. It's always been her. She's the one that he wants to do business with. She moons at him. They shake hands as violins swells in the background.
Bonus: Tracy and Jenna now have a Problem Solvers commercial (a jingle, too!) in which they claim to solve everything from term papers to migrating implants: "'Cause after all, what's a problem but an opportunity disguised as a stripper having a seizure on your boat?"
Regular and Delicious!
Jack: Do you have plans for dinner tonight?
Lemon: I do! I bought an Activia microwaveable Panini --
Jack: Good God, have dinner with me!
High Hopes
Tracy: Hey, Jackie D! I hope the new dude isn't impossible to work with [points to himself] like some people I know.
Toofer: I hope he's educated!
Frank: I hope he hates Toofer.
Janitor: I hope he likes janitor hugs.
What? Shellac Isn't a Condiment?
Danny: I just don't want to screw up. Like, what do you wish you'd known on your first day?
Lemon: Oh, well... don't eat prop food. They spray something on it that messes you up.
Also Known As an MRS Degree
Tracy: Yo, Ken. Do you have a problem that needs solving?
Kenneth: Actually, I do. Mister Baker wants to do everything for himself. I feel about as useless as a mom's college degree.
Liz Lemon: A Half-Step Above Dogs and Monkeys
Lemon: You're an agent?
Simon: Junior agent. Full disclosure: Until now I've mainly represented dogs, but seeing as how we're both embarking upon a new phase of our careers: [points at Lemon] performing, [points at himself] representing humans and monkeys, I wanted you to know that I'm hungry and I would do anything for you. My clients are more important to me than my own mommy.
Pack Your Knives and Go, Lemon
Lemon: "Sheinhardt-Universal announces production of a Dealbreakers talk show." What the what, Jack?
Jack: Let me explain something to you, Lemon. Dealbreakers is a sketch that first appeared on this network. We own it. And we're doing it whether or not you're involved.
Lemon: Really? So you think you can just replace me?
Jack: Of course not. We can do better. We've already spoken to Padma Lakshmi.
Lemon: Then who's gonna host Top Chef? You are ruining my life!
Jack's Conundrum, Jenna's Pleasure
Tracy: Hey, Jackie D! What's wrong? You're not your usual giggly self.
Jenna: If you've got a problem, you've found the right people.
Jack: Okay, I've got a problem: It needs to be communicated to Lemon that, if she wants to play business, I'm more than happy to play with her. But, as she saw earlier today, Business Jack does not play gentle.
Jenna: Are you as turned on as I am right now? [Tracy nods head furiously.]
Jack: Lemon has a decision to make. She can either be crushed by me...
Jenna [orgasmic]: Ah!
Jack: ...or she can suck in her stomach and crawl back through the tiny crack I've left for her in the proverbial door. Do you think you can pass that along?
Jenna [orgasmic]: Uh-huh...
A Couple of Pills
Jenna: Scotty Showfar... I know that name. What does he look like?
Tracy: I don't know. All white people look the same to me, Pete.
Jenna: Oh my god, Scotty Showfar was my assistant on Trivial Pursuit: The Movie. I was horrible to him. And now he's actually successful? What if I got called in to audition for him, and he recognized me -- even with all the changes to my face... that have happened naturally.
Tracy: That's what Danny said! We have to be nice to everybody. Because the future is like a Japanese game show. You have no idea what's going on.
Kenneth [approaching]: Miss Maroney, your Mexican diet pills came. Should I start taking them to test their side effects?
Silence of the Kenneth Knows Best
Kenneth: Mr. Baker, we need to talk.
Danny: Now's not a great time, Kenneth. I don't need anything.
Kenneth [ominously]: Sir, this time I need something from you. You've poisoned Mr. Jordan's and Miss Maroney's minds. You've got to tell them to go back to the way it was -- to let me help everyone again... including you.
Danny: Kenneth, I don't --
Kenneth [increasingly ominously]: Yes! You do. 'Cause you're scared and frustrated.
Danny: Of course I am. Because I'm going on TV tomorrow, and I don't know what I'm doing!
Kenneth [even more ominously]: Yesssss! Embrace your anger!
Danny: What?! You know, of all the weirdoes I've met around here, you're the worst! With your creepy Don Knotts face... that ridiculous Hitler Youth hair cut!
Kenneth [yet more ominously]: Exxxxxcellent. What about my chin?
Danny: What about your chin, Kenneth? I've seen bigger chins on a premature baby!
Kenneth [back to normal]: Mr. Baker, you've just made me feel terrible and said the word "about" correctly. Congratulations! You're an actor!
Danny: About?
Kenneth: About!
Danny: Oh my god! Thank you, Kenneth!
Tracy: That was aboot the coolest thing I've ever seen.
Kenneth: How long have you been there?
Jenna: A few minutes.
Tracy [overlapping]: Nine hours.
Kenneth: Well you need to know something, too. No matter what happens in the future, I will always take care of you.
Jenna: Kenneth's the best!
Tracy: He knows what I want before I do?
Kenneth: Who's hungry? [Pulls out a pizza box.]
Tracy: I wanted waffles!
Kenneth opens the box to reveal stacks of waffles.
Everybody: Yaaaaaaay!
Discuss this episode in our forums, then see whether we think 30 Rock is a Good Place to Work!