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Kiefer tries to warn CTU and President Wayne not to kill Assad, but nobody in charge is listening, so the air strike is going to proceed as planned. Fortunately, Kiefer's completely back up to speed; despite being underfed, recently tortured, and probably quite jetlagged, he manages to rescue Assad by himself seconds before the air strike. He and the ex-terrorist form an uneasy alliance to track Fayed, so that Assad can proceed with his plan to renounce terrorism and initiate peaceful negotiations with the West. Ahmed returns to his house for a package and ends up killing the racist, ignorant (yet factually correct) neighbor who comes to beat him up for being a terrorist. Ahmed's teenaged friend from across the street shows up at exactly the wrong time, and ends up as a hostage. We meet a new Palmer, Wayne's sister Sandra, who is the attorney for a group called the Islamic-American Alliance. She resists a search from the FBI in a way that ends up getting both her and her boss/boyfriend arrested. Meanwhile, Kiefer's search for Fayed is briefly sidetracked so he can successfully foil a subway bombing. Then, at CTU, Chloe intercepts a cell phone call proving that Kiefer was right all along, so now the government knows the truth. Things should go pretty smoothly from here, don't you think? On a character note, Kiefer's extended period as a victim of torture appears to have taken away his taste for inflicting it. I hope we're not expected to root for him to get it back. Want more? The full recap starts right below!
During the previouslies, Abu Fayed has apparently realized that Kiefer escaped into the sewer, so now he's leading his tech guy and another henchman on a chase through the ankle-deep sludge. The tech guy wants to give up the search: "We aren't here to kill one American. We're here to kill thousands." Hey, that sounds major. Even though Fayed is reluctant to let Kiefer go knowing the truth, the tech guy says that Kiefer won't have time to warn CTU until too late anyway. We've heard that before, but Fayed hasn't, so he agrees to move on to the stage. Maybe time he won't schedule a revenge torturing session for the same day as a wave or terror bombings. He'd be even more pissed if he knew that Kiefer is hiding right around the corner of the tunnel. Fayed and his henchman turn back, and Kiefer's free to make it to the surface, and daylight, which he does presently.
At CTU, Chloe is slowly shuffling CD-ROM cases, staring dead-eyed into the middle distance. Across the floor, Morris is watching her with half his attention while using the other half to tell Milo that the infrared satellite isn't picking up any heat signatures from the location Fayed gave for Assad, because the place is shielded. They wonder if there's anyone inside at all, let alone Assad. Chloe just happens to get up and walk past as Milo sadly remarks, "If Fayed lied to us, then Jack bought the farm for nothing." "Shut up, Milo," Chloe tells him, and storms off. Not unkindly, Morris explains that Kiefer was a friend of Chloe's, suggesting to Milo, "You might want to attenuate your thoughtless remarks once in a while." To his credit, Milo actually seems to feel bad. Teach him not to attenuate. Meanwhile, I'm still trying to figure out the employment timeline on these two. At first, I was wondering if maybe Milo's been at CTU all along, and Seasons 2 through 5 just happened to coincide with his days off. Morris remembers when Milo was an analyst, but maybe that was years ago, before they both left. And of course Chloe's relationship to Kiefer wouldn't be news to Milo if he had been working with her all this time. Whatever; once again, I'm thinking about this more than the writers do, and I promised myself I wasn't going to do that as much this season.
Kiefer breaks into a car parked in a garage. Although the vehicle appears to be a twenty-five-year-old Delta 88 or something, there is a cell phone clipped to the dashboard. ["That can happen; cars do live forever in the favourable climate of Los Angeles." -- Wing Chun] Kiefer takes it in his crusty yellow right hand and starts dialing.
At CTU, Nadia is running a briefing for the upcoming military strike: the ETA for the attack helicopters at Assad's place is fifteen minutes from now. Just then, Kiefer calls in, and Buchanan takes the call, glad to hear that Kiefer's alive. Chloe actually smiles, in the background. It's weird. Kiefer abruptly cuts off the felicitations to advise calling off the air strike on Assad: "You've got the wrong man." Buchanan balks, saying that he can't override a presidential order, so of course Kiefer wants to talk to Wayne his own self. And because the Velvet is back in full force (after twenty months of silence that just ended an hour ago), Buchanan has no choice but to comply. While waiting for the call to be patched through to the White House, Kiefer commences hotwiring the car.
Buchanan conferences in the Oval Office, which currently contains Wayne, Karen, Tom, and some non-speaking others. Wayne is pleasantly surprised when Buchanan tells the room over speakerphone that Kiefer's alive, but his smile fades when he learns that Kiefer is asking that the attack on Assad be aborted. Karen thinks Kiefer must be wrong, because of course she's pretty invested in the Assad theory, what with all of her intel and her entire agency telling her that Assad's the guy. It would be kind of embarrassing for her to be wrong about this. But Wayne wants to hear what Kiefer has to say, and Kiefer is patched in on the call. Kiefer quickly cuts off Wayne's apology and repeats his request. Wayne wants to know what Assad's doing in the country if he's not doing the bombing, and Kiefer says that Assad's there to stop Fayed, the real bomber. Kiefer explains that Fayed told him everything -- that Assad wants to lay down his arms, and Fayed wants to prevent that. Karen is completely not buying this. Wayne reaches for a compromise, suggesting a ground assault on Assad instead, but Karen says it's too risky. Buchanan says that it's worth the risk if Kiefer is right. "Jack has been in a Chinese prison for twenty months," Karen points out. "His ability to assess this situation is highly questionable. I believe he's being played." Kiefer's all, "Still on the line! Totally hearing you!" But even Kiefer's addressing Karen by her first name, demonstrating that he's alert enough to recognize her voice even when she hasn't been introduced to him on the call, doesn't sway her. Tom speaks up in agreement with Karen, and Kiefer says that their only chance is to capture Assad and find out what he knows about Fayed. Considering that he was still on a plane an hour ago, he's awfully certain that there aren't any other chances, isn't he? Way to get up to speed quickly. Tom gets tired of looking at Wayne's thinky-face, and warns him not to let his history with Kiefer affect his judgment. So just to prove that that's not happening, Wayne goes along with his advisors and orders the strike against Assad to proceed. Kiefer makes one last appeal, but Wayne has made up his mind. He drops off the call.
Buchanan, still on the line with Kiefer, asks Kiefer's location so that they can send someone to pick him up. Kiefer insists that the bombing is a mistake, but Buchanan says that they'll do what they can back at CTU. "That'll be too late," Kiefer growls, and hangs up. Does it count as going rogue if he's not a CTU employee? And how many times have I had occasion to ask that question? On his stolen cell phone, Kiefer punches in the latitude and longitude coordinates he heard Fayed give CTU, and is quickly rewarded with a map to a spot near the 405 freeway. Good thing he didn't steal my cell phone, which would have spit those coordinates right back out, all, "What the fuck are you doing? Look at me! Do I look like I know what to do with that?" Kiefer punches the garage-door remote on the car's sun visor and hits the streets at 7:08:06.
Ahmed, the teenage suburban sleeper terrorist, is still hanging out with his neighbors, the Wallaces, across the street. Dad is on the phone trying to get some information about where Ahmed's father is being held. Alas, the FBI doesn't intimidate as easily as a burly contractor does. Maybe if Dad were at the FBI field office in person to frighten the agents with his concave chest, twitchy face, and lead-singer-from-Scorpions hair, things would be different, but as it is, he's hit a dead end. Ahmed's own cell phone rings. It's Fayed, calling from his van to ask whether Ahmed has the package yet. Ahmed tells Fayed that he's still at the neighbors', and Fayed realizes that Ahmed isn't free to talk. Ahmed is, however, free to get an earful about how Fayed chose Ahmed for this job, and that he'd better get it done. Ahmed agrees, hangs up, and tells his temporary hosts that he has to go home to meet his uncle. The Wallaces are reluctant to let him go -- especially Scott, who stops him on the front step and blathers at him all damp-eyed about how the world's gone crazy. "It's been crazy for a long time," Ahmed says darkly. "We just haven't been paying attention." Completely missing this cue, Scott tries to give Ahmed his good-luck medallion. Ahmed's moved by the gesture, but says he can't take it, telling Scott, "You might need it yourself someday." Or maybe even in two and a half hours. Ahmed leaves Scott standing there, looking as sad as if he just got dumped.
CTU is monitoring the real-time progress of the attack helicopters, as are the folks in the Oval Office, who are also on an open phone line to the CTU Situation Room. I can't help thinking that Wayne and his staff should be watching this in the White House Situation Room, but I suppose that hanging a giant video screen on the wall of the Oval Office set is cheaper than building a separate Situation Room set. Nadia reports that the choppers will reach their target in five minutes, and Buchanan says that Curtis will lead a team into the wreckage immediately afterward to start sifting through the smoldering femurs and shit. It's 7:10:43, and they don't have much to do now but watch.
Kiefer arrives Chez Assad, hops out of his stolen car, and runs toward the house. Meanwhile, the chopper pilots announce that they're three minutes and fifty seconds out.
Kiefer makes his way into the barren backyard of Assad's house, crouching low behind the garbage bins. A guard walking through fails to spot him. Kiefer notices a pile of firewood nearby, and just like that, he has a plan. He taps on the garbage bin he's hiding behind, and when the guard comes to investigate, Kiefer jumps out behind him and clubs him unconscious with a log. He takes the guard's gun out of the back of his waistband (good thing the guy fell face-down) and heads for the house, weapon at the ready. He takes up a position near the back door and peeks inside. Several swarthy guys are in there, unsuspectingly going about their business. There are computers set up everywhere in the main room, making the place look like a LAN party with spreadsheets. Staying out if sight, Kiefer watches. Kiefer, this is no way to outrun an air strike. You of all people should know that.
As if to underline that point, we see the Oval Office crowd again watching the choppers' approach, both on radar and cockpit-cam. Only two and a half minutes left.
One of Assad's men comes out of the house with a mug in his hand, only to find Kiefer's gun at his neck. "Drop the coffee," Kiefer orders, in a tone that says a faceful of joe is as much to be avoided as a slug in the head. The coffee-drinker obeys. Kiefer marches the guy back into the house at gunpoint, and then lets him go so that he can threaten the other guys in the room as well. He's got the drop on all of them, warning them not to go for their weapons and asking where Assad is. And Assad himself appears from a back room, holding a gun of his own gun on Kiefer. Standoff. Assad's played by Alexander Siddig, whom you may know from Syriana, but to me he'll always be Doctor Bashir from Star Trek: DS9, despite currently being a bit grayish of beard and floppy of hair. Without lowering his own weapon, Kiefer identifies himself, but Assad already knows who Kiefer is. Kiefer quickly says that the house is being targeted in an air strike, insisting, "I need to get you and your men out of here now." Assad sends one of his men out to check the street, and while he's gone, Kiefer says that he's there alone, and that he knows all about Assad's situation with Fayed. Assad's man returns, confirming that no one else is there. Kiefer continues trying to convince Assad, but Assad's henchmen would really like Kiefer to shut up. Kiefer tells Assad that there's a transponder in the house to lead the military there, presumably because the two multimillion-dollar Cobra attack helicopters being flown there by highly trained aviators don't have the same onboard coordinate-pinpointing technology found on Kiefer's stolen cell phone. Assad says that their search of the house came up clean of any transponders, so Kiefer says that it must be on one of Assad's men: "One of your men is working for Fayed." Assad's men, of course, deny this strongly. Kiefer argues, "If I wanted to kill you, I would have come in shooting. Have your men empty their pockets!" To prove his goodwill (because his tone of voice sure isn't accomplishing that), Kiefer puts down his gun on the nearest desk. One of Assad's henchmen grabs a gun to shoot Kiefer, but Assad stops him and tells his men to empty their pockets. They loudly protest -- all except for the one younger guy who tries to sneak out behind Assad. Kiefer calls this gentleman out, and Assad turns his gun on his own man. Sure enough, when the other men search the guy, they find a small transponder in his pocket. Quick! Put it in the mail! "You betrayed us," Assad accuses, and the guy calls Assad the traitor. No time for recriminations; Kiefer points out that they need to leave now, and indeed, they've got less than a minute, by my watch. Kiefer reaches for his stolen gun, but Assad aims at Kiefer again: "If you are telling the truth, you will not need that gun." It clearly pains Kiefer to leave the gun there, but he does so. He could at least try pointing out that, technically, the gun is Assad's and he just wants to carry it for him.
Dragging his traitorous henchman along, Assad follows Kiefer out of the house and dashes across the yard, leaving four of his men behind to "secure the files" on their computers. Good luck with that, dudes. Ducking through a gap in the fence, Kiefer spots the approaching helicopters and yells at the men to move. The lead helicopter launches a missile. Kiefer and Assad manage to take cover behind a fence, but Assad's traitor isn't so lucky and is sent flying by the ensuing explosion. Kiefer helps Assad and his wounded sidekick up, and they keep moving.
At CTU, Buchanan looks at the fireball on his monitor and announces, "Mr. President, the target has been destroyed." But I bet those files are totally secure now. It's 7:15:22.
7:19:47. Harry Lennix from the last two Matrix movies and Commander in Chief ["and Stomp The Yard!" -- Wing Chun] is standing in a small cube farm, telling a couple of guys, "We are an advocacy group." The subtitle is a bit more specific, identifying the location as "Islamic-American Alliance, Washington, D.C." Lennix's character here has the name Walid Al-Rezani, and an accent to match. Apparently, he's the head of the organization. One of the guys he's talking to -- who has a wire in his ear and a rather officious manner -- says that they're just looking for a list of names to "cross-check against our watch list." Sounds perfectly above-board, no? Well, no, obviously. Fortunately, someone else in the office has the presence of mind to go notify someone named Sandra (played by Regina King from Ray and, like, nine hundred other things) that the FBI is there to root through the organization's personnel records. From her office, Sandra sees the agents talking to her boss, and hurries out to join the conversation. Just in time, too, because Walid was about to give away the store to the Feds. Sandra intervenes, asking the agents for a warrant. The blond agent admits that they don't have one, and Sandra tells them that they're out of luck, then. Walid just smiles sickly at them, but Sandra stands her ground, and the agents leave empty-handed. Once they've gone, Walid suggests to Sandra that maybe they should cooperate: "We have nothing to hide." Sandra argues that they have an obligation to protect the privacy of everyone who's ever worked there. Walid isn't so sure: "The country's under attack, Sandra. We can't pretend it isn't." But Sandra's already dialing her cell phone. She tells the person at the other end of the line, "Yes, it's Sandra Palmer. I'd like to speak with my brother." Oh, swell, just what we need. Another Palmer.
Meanwhile, Curtis has a team sifting through the wreckage of Assad's house. His team includes a person holding a video camera, and through its real-time feed, he informs the Oval Office that they've found four bodies so far and are awaiting IDs. "Let's hope one of them is Assad," Wayne remarks. Yes, I'd say it would be too much to ask that two or three of them be Assad. The phone buzzes in with the news that Wayne's sister is on the line. Tom tries to blow it off, but Wayne says that he'll take the call, and shoos everyone out. He'll regret that. As soon as he's on the line with her, Sandra tattles on the FBI, and Wayne gingerly explains that he needs to give law enforcement the authority to follow every lead. Sandra says that the Feds weren't even following a lead, lecturing, "Once you start ethnic profiling, it's a slippery slope." Wayne says that he'll look into it, but Sandra's too wound up to let it go, so she tries to pin the whole incident on Tom. This is clearly a sore point between them, as Wayne accuses Sandra of never having liked Tom in the first place. "Neither did David," Sandra snaps, and Wayne goes quiet. So it's possible to shut Wayne up just by mentioning David's name? That knowledge may come in handy later, but right now I'm just irritated that nobody ever thought to try the reverse. Another call rings in on Wayne's phone; this time it's Buchanan, calling from CTU. Wayne clicks back over to get rid of Sandra, and she apologizes for dumping on him. Their conversation ends on a more familiar and civil note. I'm getting a distinct youngest-child vibe from Wayne, which probably means that the show is going to tell us the opposite in about five episodes. To Walid, who's been standing there the whole time, Sandra says she hopes it worked. "You made a good case and he's a good man," Walid nerds, and kisses her. Clearly their relationship is more than professional. He thanks her for "not letting [him] lose sight of what [they're] fighting for." I have two questions. The first is, considering how unlikely it was for Wayne to have won a presidential election in the first place, how much more unlikely is it now that we know he has a sister who works for an Islamic advocacy group? Let me put it this way: we just sent our first Muslim Senator to represent Minnesota, but during the campaign you wouldn't believe some of the campaign materials we were sent decrying Keith Ellison for his endorsements from CAIR, of which Sandra's organization is almost certainly the fictional version. And my second question is, does Barack Obama have any siblings?
Back in the Oval Office, Buchanan's on speakerphone to break the news to Wayne and his staff that none of the bodies in the house they blew up belonged to Assad. Not even half of one. General consternation ensues. Karen thinks that someone warned Assad, and Tom speculates that Fayed gave them bad intel in the first place. Whatever the case, Assad's still alive. Buchanan says that he'll have his guys set up a ten-block perimeter in case Assad's still in the area. Wayne manages not to laugh directly at the speaker at this latest mention of a CTU "perimeter," politely ending the call instead. He's still pissed that Assad survived, though. He asks Tom what Assad's move will be. Tom thinks Assad will definitely respond. Whoa, crazy talk! Don't go too far out on that limb, Nostradamus! Wayne slumps into his chair to have himself a Presidential Pout.
At some warehouse somewhere, Fayed's van pulls into the building, and he and his armed henchmen get out and walk briskly to a back area. Some guys meet him there, and Fayed tells one of them at 7:25:26 that Ahmed "will have the package soon." He asks whether someone is ready, and gets confirmation that the person in question has been waiting. And with that, a man standing in the room turns to face Fayed, wearing suit pants, a wifebeater, and several bricks of C-4 around his abdomen. Fayed gives the suicide bomber an emotional little pep talk, kisses him on both cheeks, and arms the device. It's 7:26:54. I assume that the suicide bomber leaves during the commercial instead of blowing up Fayed.
7:31:22. In an outstanding bit of good fortune, Kiefer and his little party have found a house where people are loading up a U-Haul and driving off, which of course means that the house will be empty now. This is either a very lucky stroke, or Kiefer used his stolen Nextel phone to check online real estate listings. I look at my cell phone, which looks back at me, all, "Shut up." Inside, the house's former tenants turn out to be shitty movers, because there are still boxes and random furniture all over. They haven't even taken down the American flag they're using as a window blind. Maybe they'll be back. Assad dumps his henchman, now unconscious, into a chair as Kiefer warns him that CTU is going to keep looking for Assad when they realize he's alive. One more reason not to hang out here indefinitely. Assad darkly says that he only needs a few minutes to find out from his traitorous henchman where Fayed is, as Kiefer loots a moving box for a change of clothes. Kiefer confirms once again that Assad is planning to disarm and start negotiations with the West. Silhouetted in front of that American flag, Assad says that Fayed is the only one still standing in the way of his plan. Assad trails off as Kiefer takes off his shirt, forgetfully revealing the shocking damage to his back. Kiefer turns, embarrassed, and then ducks into the bathroom for a little privacy. Assad makes a "what the hell?" face. Perhaps he's thinking he's going to have to go be gentle with his fingernails when the time comes.
It's 7:32:55 at CTU as Chloe takes it upon herself to pull up a satellite frame of Assad's house moments before it was leveled by a missile. Three blurry figures are seen running across the yard, but the blur is no match for CTU's image enhancement software, and sure enough, Chloe zooms right in on Kiefer's face. I'm starting to think that the CTU image-enhancement software just has Kiefer as the default for situations like this. Chloe snatches up her phone and quietly calls Buchanan over to show him what she's found, telling him, "Jack rescued Assad." Buchanan's jaw drops, but he's known Kiefer long enough to recover fairly quickly and figure out what happened and why. Chloe says, "President Palmer and your wife -- I mean Karen Hayes -- think he's wrong, so what am I supposed to do with this?" Buchanan tells Chloe to keep this between the two of them. They realize that Kiefer wants to find Fayed, so the two of them are going to start filtering chatter or whatever to help speed that along. "Good work," Buchanan tells Chloe as he leaves. I guess she's not in trouble anymore.
At Kiefer and Assad's temporary hideout, the latter is making use of his time to go to the window and press the keychain remote he's found inside the house. A miniscule little Echo out by the curb chirps obligingly. "We have a car," Assad announces. Dude, you have a soda can on wheels. Why must you fill your stolen house with lies? Kiefer returns from the bathroom wearing jeans and a long-sleeved gray t-shirt that clearly belongs to somebody smaller than he is. Well, beggars can't be choosers, no matter how amorously the cotton hugs their pecs. In addition, Kiefer must have patched himself up, because there's no blood from his fresh wounds leaking through his new shirt, and there won't be for at least two and a half more hours. Kiefer says that in order to find Fayed in time, they have to involve CTU. Assad shoots that idea right down, protesting, "They will lock me an a room and question me for days!" Okay, how evil can he really be if he's that naïve? Rather than arguing the point, Kiefer notices that the traitorous henchman -- who may or may not be named Omar (the closing credits and IMDb are of little assistance here) -- is coming around. Kiefer stomps over and clamps a hand around Omar's throat, demanding the whereabouts of Fayed. The guy pleads ignorance, even when Kiefer grabs a pen and sticks it into his prisoner's fresh shoulder wound. Omar cries and begs him to stop. And here's something interesting: Kiefer actually backs off. After almost two years as a torture victim himself, he seems to have lost the taste for it. He looks at his weeping victim with something like compassion and even shame. "Why did you stop?" Assad asks. Kiefer lies, "I can see it in his eyes. He's not going to tell us anything." Assad, like everyone else, sees that in Kiefer's eyes, not the henchman's. This has real possibilities. I got bored years ago with watching Kiefer torture people, and I hope this means he's going to have to find new ways to get what he wants. It's just a shame that it took such drastic measures for him to reconsider his ways. Of course, he might just end up "overcoming" this new "weakness" and going back to his old methods, in which case I'll be pissed. Which means I'm expecting to be pissed.
As Kiefer goes to peek out the front curtain, Assad finds a knife, walks over, and plunges it up to the hilt into the front of Omar's knee. So Assad hasn't gone completely non-violent. Kiefer jerks his head around to look, startled and even a little horrified at Omar's screaming. Assed asks where Fayed is, and this time Omar says that he knows where some of Fayed's men will be. As Assed twists the knife, Omar tells him it's at Figueroa and 6th. Kiefer hangs back, looking torn up inside. He's got no stomach for this anymore. You can see it through the t-shirt. Satisfied that he's learned everything Omar knows, Assad removes the knife from Omar's knee and sinks it into his gut instead. "I admire your conviction," he says. "But you've taken the wrong path." He closes his eyes and drops the knife, and then turns to Kiefer, who's looking like he's never seen torture before, let alone done it a real lot. Assad says that it's time for them both to go. When Kiefer hesitates, Assad says that he can find Fayed by himself, but that he needs help to stop him. "I don't know how to do this anymore," Kiefer confesses. "You'll remember," Assad assures him. Kiefer looks like he'd really rather not. It's 7:37:02.
During commercials, the former tenants presumably return for another load and are shocked at the bloody scene they find there. "They stole one of my outfits, and the one this dead guy's wearing has a bunch of holes in it!" The fruitless search for the stolen Echo will take much longer, as they will initially assume that it's still there. It's not like it casts much of a shadow or anything.
7:41:24. The FBI is back at the offices of Islamic-American Alliance, and they've already gotten a warrant. That was quick. No, spell-check: I meant "quaint." Sandra tries, at first, to put up a fight, but the Feds get their way and are led to the "media room." While Walid takes them back, Sandra commandeers the nearest computer the moment they're out of sight. I can see where this is going. Walid arrives in the media room, and asks the file clerk for copies of all their personnel files. The clerk takes one look at the guys with suits and wires in their ears and decides, "No problem." Meanwhile, Sandra is typing away on her stolen computer. Screens of file folders pop up and disappear in rapid succession with a satisfying "whoosh" sound. Meanwhile, in the back, the file clerk isn't having any luck pulling up the files, saying, "They're not where they're supposed to be." "Because they've been erased," says Sandra, making her dramatic entrance into the room. The blond Fed tells his black sidekick to confirm it, and when he does, Sandra is under arrest for "obstructing official business and destroying evidence." As a bonus, Walid is arrested, too, over Sandra's protests. Smooth move, there. Once the Feds are alone, the black agent asks the blond one if he's sure about this. The blond one's in no mood, snapping that Sandra gets no special treatment, even if she is the President's sister. "Impound every workstation and hard drive in this office," he orders, and walks out. Sure, make the black guy do the heavy lifting.
Scott Wallace is clearly not in much of a hurry to get to school; he's just wandering around his house when he happens to glance out his window and notice that Stan the Burly Contractor is making a return visit to Ahmed's house across the street. Inside, at 7:44:13, Ahmed has been busy knocking a hole in the wall with a claw hammer. He pulls out a brown-wrapped parcel about the size of a large dictionary and stuffs it into his backpack. He's about to head out, when Stan appears from around a hallway corner and sucker-punches him. It's a pretty one-sided fight, but even so, Stan still manages to have fear in his voice as he says, "This is for everyone you bastards killed today." Ahmed gets thrown around some more, and there's one Raimi-esque moment where he's lying on the floor, and Stan kicks him so hard that he flies up and comes down through the glass top of the coffee table. "You're dead, do you hear me? You're dead!" Remember when he just wanted to talk? The six o'clock hour was such an innocent time. He throws Ahmed over the kitchen counter, which puts Ahmed within reach of his dropped backpack, from which he produces a handgun. From the floor, Ahmed puts a round in Stan's leg. Now Stan's begging for his life, but Ahmed yells something in what I assume is Arabic and shoots Stan dead. Panting, Ahmed pulls a huge shard of glass out of his thigh, hollering in pain. He probably never even liked that coffee table anyway. Right then is when Scott decides to walk in, asking what happened. Well, there's a bloody guy named Ahmed standing to you and a dead redneck on the floor. So the math, Scott. Oh, right, Ahmed's his math tutor. Never mind. Scott's about to call an ambulance, but Ahmed blocks him, saying that he can't go to the hospital. "You're hurt," Scott says so pathetically that the wound might as well be his own. Ahmed sticks the gun in Scott's chest, saying that he shouldn't have come: "I don't want to hurt you, but I will unless you do exactly what I say." Scott whines that they're friends. "You can't even pronounce my name," says Ahmed, and even I was getting tired of hearing Scott say "uh-MED" all the time. And when Scott hears his "friend" angrily demonstrate the correct Arabic pronunciation, that's when he knows he's screwed. Because while "uh-MED" is friendly and helpful and kind of cuddly, "AKH-medd" is one scary-ass motherfucker. It's 7:46:22.
7:50:43. Kiefer and Assad have the corner of Figueroa and 6th staked out. Among a huge crowd of pedestrians navigating a crosswalk, Assad quickly spots "two men in suits, one carrying a briefcase," and identifies them as Fayed's men. Furthermore, he can tell that one of them is wearing an explosive vest. "He's setting up another strike," says Kiefer, and both men hop out of the car to shadow Fayed's guys into a nearby subway station at 7:51:56. From the upper gallery, they watch as Fayed's men reach the platform to wait for the train. From this distance, Assad can even tell that the detonator is in the bomber's right hand. Kiefer says that they have to stop the bombers from getting on the train. Assad, the expert in these matters, helpfully explains that only the bomber will board the train: "The other man is the handler. He'll see the bomber off, then he'll leave. The handler will lead us to Fayed." Kiefer's like, "Uh, he'll lead you to Fayed. I'm following the bomber, Sparky." And he does. He goes down to the platform and walks along it, somehow managing not to alert the bomber with his creepy-ass staring. The bomber gets on alone, and Kiefer boards a few cars up. Meanwhile, the handler leaves the station, Fayed hanging back in discreet pursuit.
At 7:53:55, Fayed gets a call from the Handler, who alerts him that the bomber is on the train: "He will reach Union Station in five minutes. The moment it pulls in, he will martyr himself." I think Fayed knows the plan, dude. But Fayed just tells the Handler to take a car that was left nearby for him, and drive to Union Station to confirm. Because Fayed doesn't have a TV or something. As promised, the Handler finds a car parked in an alley. He takes the keys from where they've been hidden on top of the left front tire and gets in. When he drives off, Assad's wee little Echo is right behind him. I think. That might actually be a runaway Jiffy-Pop, now that I look at it more closely.
Down on the moving train, the conductor or whatever is working his way through the passengers, scanning tickets. He gets to Kiefer, who of course doesn't have a cent on him, let alone a ticket or any ID. But he identifies himself as Jack Bauer, Federal Agent, and Velvets, "You have a terrorist on this train with a bomb. I need you to walk away." The conductor stares blankly, skepticism and fear doing battle on...well, not on his face, because this is some schmo with three lines, but somewhere, I'm sure. Kiefer says that the bomber will blow the train right away if he notices anything wrong, and again tells the conductor to keep moving. Finally, the conductor complies, but he continues stealing glances behind him as he goes. And by "glances," I mean "long, suspicious stares." Kiefer makes his way to the back of the train, where the bomber's sitting alone and stands with his back to Kiefer, waiting to make his move, even though he has no idea how much time he has. It turns out that he doesn't have to wait long, because the bomber soon notices that the conductor keeps looking back at him. Realizing that the jig is up, he flips the cap on his cylindrical detonator and makes to press the button. Now would be a good time to make that move, methinks. Kiefer grabs the bomber's hands before the bomb can go off, and somehow this altercation in the back of the train is enough to send everyone else in the car into a screaming panic, like they've never seen a brawl before. Kiefer has the element of surprise, but loses the advantage when the bomber grabs him by his wounded shoulders. They struggle some more, and Kiefer rips open the bomber's shirt, revealing the explosives underneath. "It's a bomb!" a passenger narrates helpfully, and then they make with the fighting again. Kiefer's down, and the bomber stands and hollers, "Allahu Akbar!, pressing the detonator button. In the extremely generous three seconds or so of lag time before the actual explosion, Kiefer grabs the overhead bar and delivers a swinging kick that sends the bomber flying through the back door of the train to explode above the track. The shock wave sends Kiefer flying backwards up the aisle all Meredith Grey to land on his ass, but nobody on the train is hurt. The fireball disappears behind a curve in the tunnel. Kind of a lame bomb. Also, wouldn't the bomber have positioned himself in the front or the middle of the train in order to maximize the damage? Whatever, he's good and dead now. In the confusion of the still-moving train car, Kiefer hits the emergency brake and hops out the back door. No need to thank him, folks.
Meanwhile, the Handler parks his car in the red zone outside Union Station. Assad parks about half a block behind him, the only other car by the curb. They sit and wait and watch. After only a few seconds, the Handler calls Fayed.
It's 7:57:15 as Fayed watches a TV report of an explosion, in Baltimore's largest shopping mall, that apparently also just occurred. When the Handler tells him that there hasn't been an explosion at Union Station, just a cloud of smoke four blocks west, Fayed tells him not to worry; the other attacks worked. I'm sure that will be a great comfort to the suicide bomber.
At CTU, word of said attacks is just coming in. Milo reports to Buchanan that there have just been three simultaneous explosions, including a Baltimore mall and a Chicago hotel, both of which are expected to have high casualties. Duh, that's because those cities don't have Kiefers. Milo breaks the news that the third attack was here in L.A., on the subway. Nadia arrives with word that it sounds like nobody but the suicide bomber was killed: "A Metro Rail employee claims a passenger ejected the bomber before he could set off his vest. Passenger identified himself as Jack Bauer." As if they didn't already know. Buchanan orders Morris to pull up video from the train to prove that Kiefer was on board: "I want visual confirmation before I speak to the President." Chloe calls Buchanan over, because she's nabbed a relevant cell-phone call that the NSA red-tagged. Gosh, I remember a couple of years ago, I scoffed at that very possibility. How naïve we all were. Anyway, Chloe plays the call back for Buchanan, and he hears the Handler talking to Fayed. "We need to contact the White House," says Chloe.
Wayne and Tom have the Oval Office TV tuned to a report on the Chicago hotel bombing, which apparently involved a car bomb that "sent bodies hurtling out of windows from as high as the twentieth floor." Well, that's what the hotel gets for letting guests bring their cars up to their rooms. Tom points out that these attacks were planned long before the raid on Assad, but that doesn't make Wayne feel any better, because it only means that there will be more of them. Karen comes in, red-faced, to tell them about the phone call CTU just intercepted. "Fayed is the one behind these attacks," she confesses. "Not Assad." Karen tries to take the blame for the screw-up, but Wayne says that they were all in agreement. Tom hopes nobody looks at him. Nobody points out that the decision was based on intelligence from Karen's people in the first place. I hate to say it, but Wayne could probably stand to "Logan up" a little. "So Jack was right," he says instead. "He was right all along." Drink! "This is going to get much worse," Wayne intones, and goes into a splitscreen window. In other windows, Walid and Sandra are being loaded into an FBI car outside their office, because it took the black agent this whole time to get all of the hard drives into the trunk; Tom stands there purse-lipped; and Assad continues to follow Fayed's handler. He dials his cell phone.
Looks like Fayed and Kiefer exchanged numbers before they split up, because as Kiefer emerges into an alleyway, he takes Assad's call and asks if he's still following the Handler. Assad says that he is, two blocks from Union Station and heading in Kiefer's direction. "Copy that," says Kiefer. "I'll find you. Just stay with the Handler. He's our only connection to Fayed." Well, as far as Kiefer knows, anyway. It's 8:00:00.
By the way, this episode is dedicated to the memory of Major Gerald "Beav" Bloomfield and Captain Michael "Martini" Martino, whose Marine helicopter was shot down on November 2, 2005. This makes the second such dedication in two years. I'd just rather not have Marine helicopters on the show at all if it means that there has to be a dead actual pilot to dedicate the episode to. Use CGI and save the pilots, is what I say.