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It's a busy hour for Kiefer. He sets up a secret meeting with Novick, breaks up with Diane, fields an emotional request from Audrey, and gets nabbed by the Secret Service. And that's just in the first thirty minutes. Walt confesses all to President Logan: his plan was to let the terrorists have the nerve gas so he could arrange to have it released after it's left the country, but when it's still in the terrorist's possession. That way, he gets to kill a bunch of bad guys and live out his pseudo-neo-con fantasies of an increased U.S. military presence in "Central Asia." Too bad about Palmer getting killed to keep it quiet. And then that giant wuss Logan lets Walt intimidate him into going along.
Aaron the Secret Service agent finds FLOTUS, who lets him in on her theories. So he's already softened up when he comes face-to-face with a captive Kiefer, whose accusations jibe with the First Lady's. Then it's up to the two of them to storm into Logan's office and save the President of the United States from his big, bad Chief of Staff. Once that's done, all that's left is for Logan to apologize to his wife, which goes over about as well as you'd expect. Oh, and we also have to get back the nerve gas before it leaves the port of Long Beach on a container ship. But when CTU busts open the cargo container the gas is supposed to be traveling in, the gas is already gone, the terrorists are seriously pissed at Walt, and it looks like his plan to gas the terrorists is going to backfire in a big way. On American soil, no less. Can it be a coincidence that Walt Cummings has the same initials as Wile Coyote? Want more? The full recap starts right below!
Previously on 24: We're supposed to believe that President Logan said, "I just signed the treaty. Now, all of a sudden and I find out the terrorists are still out there. With nerve gas." Except he didn't. Shut up, previouslies.
We pick up, amazingly enough, almost where we left off last week. Kiefer is still making a case for going to Not Camp David on his own to confront Walt Cummings in person, but the discussion has been relocated to the CTU Situation Room, I guess so that Audrey can be in on it. Why Kiefer needs CTU approval for something he's going to do specifically as a non-CTU agent is unclear, but everyone still needs to stand around talking about it while the viewers get back up to speed. McGill poses the practical question of how Kiefer plans to get to Walt, who is, after all, the President's Chief of Staff. Kiefer figures he'll call up Mike Novick for a secret meeting. Buchanan wonders how they know Novick's not in on the conspiracy as well, and Kiefer shoots that right down. "I know him," Kiefer insists. Sounds like Kiefer's forgotten Season Two. But he thinks that Novick can get Logan on their side. By-the-book McGill is nervous, but Audrey and Buchanan say they're up for it. Everyone turns to McGill for a decision, and he takes about ten minutes to give the green light. "But just so we're clear," he warns, "this is about finding the nerve gas, not getting revenge for David Palmer." Kiefer looks busted for a second, but quickly recovers and agrees. He doesn't give his word, though, which will be significant later.
McGill and Buchanan leave the room so that Kiefer and Audrey can set up their "protocols" for the meeting. This seems like something that would be Chloe or Edgar's job, but we need Kiefer and Audrey to be alone for a few minutes for their big moment, so. They're all business at first, and Audrey explains that she's just having trouble getting used to his being alive. I guess she is going to have to give him back all of his clothes, but his pants were probably short on her anyway. "I understand," Kiefer says sadly. As big moments go, that was...not very big. He steps out to call Novick. Audrey stops him at the door, saying, "When Cummings finds out that you're still alive, he's going to come after you again." Kiefer stifles whatever sarcastic response that comes to mind and just grunts, "Yeah," before walking out of the room.
At Not Camp David, Walt is taking a stroll across the grounds when he gets a cell phone call from The Man. The Man worries that Kiefer isn't dead, yet, again. Or would it be "isn't dead yet again?" I suppose either way is correct. In return, Walt asks if the stolen nerve gas has reached the port yet. The Man says it'll arrive any minute. Walt hangs up, saying he's late for a briefing. Presumably, he won't be passing along the new information he just received.
Speaking of which, Yellow Tie is still riding shotgun with the truck driver, who exposits that once the cargo is on the ship, it'll reach "your country" in eight days, and it'll take another day for ground transportation to Yellow Tie's base camp. The driver offers to help get the canisters to the target, but Yellow Tie says they have ground transportation all set up to Moscow. And then they drive right through the gates to the seaport. Lucky for them nobody's looking for what they're carrying.
Logan's standing around in his Not Camp David Situation Room doing nothing, as you do when you're the President of the United States. Novick comes in carrying a DVD, which he hands off to the Secret Service agent at the door. Logan asks if FLOTUS has been found yet, and Novick says no, although the Secret Service is pretty sure she's still on the grounds. Well, yeah, I would think so. Presidential compounds tend to be tricky to get in and out of unnoticed. Logan's frustrated that the search is taking so long, and Novick has to calm him down again. Novick's job sucks. It's bad enough that he got demoted from Chief of Staff between seasons, but now his primary function appears to be mitigating Presidential freak-outs. Walt enters, and Novick says, "I was just setting up the video." He was? Setting things up is easy when you have Secret Service guys everywhere. Surprisingly, Logan doesn't complain that having a Secret Service guy running the AV equipment means one less guy looking for his wife. He explains to Logan that some terrorists made a little home video about the effects of nerve gas, and that's what they're about to watch. On the screen, a barefoot guy in a dingy room paces around nervously, then starts to panic, then starts to seize up while pink foam floods out of his mouth. Novick narrates all of this matter-of-factly, but the President has seen enough, and has Novick stop the video. That's one thing that would suck about being President: you'd have to watch a lot more snuff films. Novick has more bad news: the "Sentox 6" gas that was stolen is even more lethal than the gas they just saw at work. Impressively multitasking, he pulls out his BlackBerry as he explains that the stolen gas, if released in a populated area, will remain in a lethal cloud for much longer. I've found that that's also the case in weeks when I've eaten a lot of Thai food. Meanwhile, Novick's BlackBerry screen reads, "It's Jack Bauer. Call me on a secure line." In answer to the President's question, Novick says they aren't any closer to finding the gas. And Kiefer adds to his text message, "Tell no one." Novick excuses himself, saying that he has to make a call to the State Department. They get blamed for everything, don't they? Walt looks a little nervous as he watches Novick go, and seems rather distracted as his meeting with Logan continues. Yes, Walt is actually worried about getting in trouble with a boss that Novick just blew off in order to make a call to an until-recently-dead ex-CTU agent.
It's 12:06:25 as Kiefer walks through the corridors of CTU, answering his ringing cell phone. It's Novick, of course, who tells Kiefer, "It's good to hear your voice." Yeah, a lot of that going around. Even Novick digs the Velvet. As Kiefer ducks into a quiet alcove, he returns the sentiment and expresses his sympathies about Palmer. "Yeah," Novick says, Kiefer-like, and asks what's up. Kiefer explains that they have a new lead on the nerve gas, but he can't talk about it on the phone; he wants to see Novick in person, and in secret. "I'm not comfortable with all this secrecy, Jack," Novick shies, until Kiefer says it's about Walt Cummings. Novick, seeing a possible opening to get his old job back, names a spot outside the Not Camp David compound, and Kiefer says he'll see Novick in fifteen minutes. Not Camp David is fifteen minutes from L.A.? Some retreat. No wonder Logan's worried about FLOTUS's whereabouts; if she scales the wall, she could be posing four tourist photos in front of Mann's Chinese Theater in a matter of minutes.
As Kiefer continues on his way, he's waylaid by Derek and Diane, who say they've been told they'll be able to leave CTU pretty soon. Kiefer says he already heard, which makes me think that maybe Diane's piercing shrieks of celebration rang throughout CTU while we were listening in on Walt and The Man a few minutes ago. Derek asks if Kiefer's coming with them, but Kiefer evasives that CTU still needs him. He then asks for a private moment with Diane. Derek agrees, and leaves with the Redshirt who's escorting them. Once Diane's alone with Kiefer, he just stares at her significantly until she says, "You're not coming back to us, are you?" Kiefer looks down and quietly says no. But what about the fence? Diane says she knows it's something to do with Audrey. "I could tell by the way you looked at each other," she says, like she's some master detective. In related news, I can always tell when I'm not at home in bed by the way I get run over by cars. Diane nosily asks Kiefer if he's still in love with Audrey, and he pauses before answering, "Yes." Nooo! Kiefer, she practically dumped you for her dead husband! Move on, already! Diane then asks if Audrey's in love with him, and Kiefer doesn't know. But in any case, Kiefer's got to go. She kisses him gently on the side of the mouth and they hug for a long time. "Thank you," Kiefer whispers. Come on, Kiefer, you're going to be late for your meeting. Those fifteen minutes are ticking away while you get your grope on.
Now it's Novick's voice ringing through The Man's digital sanctum. "I'm not comfortable with all this secrecy, Jack," Novick says on the audio playback of the call he was just on two minutes ago. Nice "secure line" you called on, there, champ. I've met stand-up comedians who are more secure than that. It's 12:09:26, and we can see that Walt is also listening to the call over his own cell phone. "Your man didn't do his job," The Man says. Walt blames The Man right back, and wants to know what he's supposed to do now. "At this point," The Man smirks, "There's only one thing you can do." Kill everyone? It's 12:10:17.
12:14:32. Yellow Tie and his truck driver stand around at the port, watching a crane lift their cargo container off of the semi; Chloe glowers through the only three seconds of screen time she's getting between now and the final act; and Kiefer's behind the wheel of a CTUmobile. If he's not CTU, why does he get access to the motor pool? They should have made him steal another helicopter. Meanwhile, at Not Camp David's stable building, Aaron and a couple of other Secret Service agents are looking for the First Lady. Why are they searching there when everyone thinks she's un-stable? No, don't get up, Sars; I'll fire myself. Aaron notices that one of the stall doors is slightly ajar, so he slides it open and calmly asks FLOTUS to come out. She does, but not without spilling her whole conspiracy spiel on Aaron in the process. She begs him not to let them take her away, but Aaron's just doing his job. Although he's clearly got doubts. But since the other two agents are back in earshot, he doesn't really seem to have much choice. The other two agents lead FLOTUS away while Aaron looks conflicted: torn between his dual responsibilities of following orders on the one hand, and swallowing crazy people's half-baked conspiracy theories on the other.
It's 12:16:15 as Buchanan catches Audrey woolgathering in the Situation Room. He confirms that the airports and the Highway Patrol are looking for the canisters, although there's no mention of the Sentox nerve gas specifically. Audrey assures him that "the bulletin only describes the missing canisters. There's no mention of chemical weapons." One of those statements can't be true, considering the canisters had the biohazard symbol stamped on them. But with the CHP and the TSA on the case, every route out of the city should be covered, right?
D'oh! We're back at the port. It looks like Yellow Tie's truck driver is in the cargo container, futzing with the canisters somehow. A small electronic device he sticks to the side of one of them gives the readout "UNLOCK CODE VERIFIED" when he presses a button. Those are fancy Thermoses indeed. Satisfied, he removes the device, shuts it off, and slips it into his pocket before putting the lid back on the crate full of canisters. He then leaves the container and locks it behind him, only to find Yellow Tie lurking outside and asking what he's up to. The driver says he was just making sure the canisters are secure so they don't knock around during the loading process. Yellow Tie assures him that he and his men already took care of that, so the driver hands over a bunch of customs documents and the electronic device, which he says is the remote trigger with the arming code. The driver asks for the rest of his money, Yellow Tie puts him off, and the driver walks away, clearly wanting to push it but deciding not to in light if what he just almost got caught doing. Once he's gone, Yellow Tie glances as the container suspiciously, aware that the driver may have been up to no good in there. Or, as the case may be, up to good.
Diane and Derek are on their way out of CTU when Diane spots Audrey from across the floor. Derek gets shaken off yet again so his mother can go over and stick her nose where it doesn't belong. Again. "Do you still have feelings for Jack?" Diane asks Audrey. Audrey tries to blow her off, but Diane won't be blown: "He's been living with my son and me for the last six months. We started to become a family. And I care about him. Do you know he still loves you?" Audrey turns to regard Diane, wide-eyed at either the news or at Diane's effrontery. If Buchanan were here, he'd say to Diane, "Damn, you're nosy! Want a job?" When Audrey doesn't answer, Diane tells her, "If you don't love him, let him go." Yeah, right. Diane, meet Audrey.
Kiefer arrives at the appointed meeting place at 12:19:26, just in time to...answer a cell phone call from Audrey. She treats him to about a week and a half of dead air before she finally screws up the courage to say what's on her mind: "When this is over, are you coming back?" Kiefer doesn't know; he just knows he's not going back to Diane. "Is it true what she said?" Audrey asks. "That you still love me?" She's got that dreamy look on her face that she always gets when boys like her. After a long pause, Kiefer answers, "I never stopped loving you. Not for one second." Now Audrey's all weepy as she begs Kiefer not to leave again. "It's more complicated than that," Kiefer says, which might be his nice way of saying that he's suddenly starting to remember part of the reason he left in the first place. Checking his watch, he says, "It's time. I gotta go." Audrey has more to say, but Kiefer's out of time. Especially where Audrey is concerned. Yes! He can be taught! Audrey stutters a goodbye and hangs up. Kiefer gets out of his CTUmobile, slinging the trusty man-purse over his shoulder. Ah, the man-purse, the one thing that will never jerk him around. Unless, of course, somebody sneaks a rabid wolverine into it.
Logan is in his office, on the phone with someone and doing what he does best: avoiding responsibility. He refuses to comment on the roadblocks going up, and reminds whoever's on the other end to keep word of the nerve gas quiet so as to avoid a "panic." I think he really means "further panic," as in "panic in addition to my own." He hangs up the phone, spots Aaron at the door, and waves him into the room. Aaron reports that FLOTUS has been found safe in the stable. Looking miserable, Aaron has more to add: "Mrs. Logan said some things," he says awkwardly. Logan sympathetically says he's already heard all of FLOTUS's conspiracy theories, like he's sorry that Aaron had to be subjected to them. As Walt enters, Logan ushers Aaron out, thanking him for his concern. But rest assured that Aaron will be back later, much to the relief of all his fans and all the viewers surnamed Morshower. I wonder which of those two demos is larger.
"They found my wife," Logan tells Walt, who takes way too long to say, "Good." Walt doesn't really care about that anyway, because he has something he wants to get off his chest. "I was hoping to spare you from this," he says, "but I'm afraid Jack Bauer's forcing my hand." He explains that Kiefer is currently on his way to Not Camp David in order to meet with Novick and accuse Walt of helping the terrorists get the nerve gas. "That's ridiculous," Logan says. "No, sir," Walt says. "It's the truth." Wow, I wasn't expecting him to cave so easily. He explains to his flabbergasted boss that the gas was "never going to pose a threat to American lives." Logan reminds Walt of the hostages that were killed at the airport. Yes, by all means, show, remind us of how that was all just a "distraction." "This is an unspeakable crime," Logan says, and goes to pick up his desk phone, as if there's been a President who knows how to dial one since Truman. But Walt sharply says, "Mr. President, it's in your best interests to hear me out." Logan, idiot that he is, hangs up the phone to ask what Walt means. Walt explains that separatists are transporting the gas to use against the Russians, but it'll never reach Russia. "We control the remote detonators on those gas canisters. As soon as they reach the terrorist base, we'll trigger the canisters by satellite and release the gas." And hope the terrorists don't live door to a day-care center, I guess. Logan wonders if this was all just an elaborate scheme to kill some terrorists. But Walt had much grander plans in mind: "The goal is to produce a smoking gun. Proof of the existence of weapons of mass destruction in Central Asia." My first response was to scoff at how moronic this scheme was, but then I remembered, just as one example, how an actual, real-life, not-at-all-made-up Undersecretary of Defense of the United States proposed, as a response to 9/11, bombing Peru. But Logan lives in a fictional world where he's used to the actions of government officials making sense (officials other than himself, of course). "This is unbelievable," he understates. He heads for the door, as if there's been a President who knows how to operate one of those since Truman. But Walt roughly grabs him by the arm and spits, "It's necessary. It will finally give us a pretext to increase our military presence in the region, guaranteeing the flow of oil for the generation." Okay, first of all, guys like that never use the word "pretext," because they're always completely convinced that their motives are utterly pure. And second of all, in real life we're not in a position to increase our military presence in freaking Indiana.
Logan, shocked that Walt took such momentous action unilaterally, calls Walt a traitor. Walt yells back that he's a patriot. "Doing what needs to be done for the continued safety and well-being of this nation!" Man, God save us from idiots who think they're looking out for the safety and well-being of this nation. Please, God. Soon. Logan suddenly realizes that Walt was the one who ordered David Palmer killed. ["Anyone else not sure how he made this connection, given that he's in the show, not watching it?" -- Sars] Walt insists it was necessary, and starts blabbering excuses until Logan cuts him off and orders him to contact his people and recover the nerve gas immediately. Walt says it's too late; his contact has gone dark and he doesn't know where the gas is now. "You'll let things play out as they are," he tells Logan, advancing on him threateningly. "Otherwise your administration will be implicated and your presidency will be destroyed." Actually, it would only be a third of Logan's administration, which as far as we've seen consists of Logan and two other guys. But if we know Logan, the flimsiest threat to his presidency should be all it takes to shut him up. It's 12:25:32.
12:29:45. There sure are a lot of containers at the port, Diane and Derek are still leaving CTU, Audrey works at her laptop, and Kiefer's out among the trees near Not Camp David, peering through his little telescope. He spots a black, late-model sedan approaching, with Novick at the wheel. So it took Novick twice as long to get there as it took Kiefer. Not Camp David must be huge! Novick gets out of the car and looks around, and Kiefer hurries out to meet him. Novick sticks out a hand, smiling, and Kiefer shakes it. And then they freeze like that. It's kind of sweet, really. But then you realize that it's because the Kief-dar is pinging. "Did you tell anyone we were meeting?" he asks. Novick denies it. But then we can hear what Kiefer hears, which is the sound of a rapidly approaching helicopter. And then we can see it, complete with a side-gunner ready to stitch Kiefer to the dirt road. "Who did you tell?" he roars at Novick, and Novick insists he told no one. And now Secret Service SVUs are converging on the spot as the helicopter loudspeaker tells Kiefer to drop his weapons. Kiefer angrily relinquishes the man-purse as Novick bellows at the agents to stand down. The agents refuse, however, saying they're acting on the orders of the President. Kiefer allows himself to be forced to his knees and cuffed, looking at Novick disgustedly the whole time. I just got my man-purse back a half-hour ago, he's thinking.
Logan sits on a couch in his residence at Not Camp David, staring straight ahead of him and remembering when he was running the country. I don't know what he's so depressed about; as I recall, it looked a lot like this. At 12:31:32, Walt hangs up the phone, having just learned that Kiefer and Novick have been safely taken into custody. Logan wonders if they're really going to lock up Novick, and what they're going to do when he gets out and talks to the press. "What can he say? He doesn't know anything," Walt says. "We stopped Bauer before he could give Mike any details." "What's he gonna think?" Logan demands. Walt says they can say that Novick's being detained because Kiefer was about to divulge national secrets that Novick isn't authorized to hear. Logan nods conspiratorially, like, yeah, that'll work. But he still worries about what Kiefer might have told CTU. Walt says it'll be hard to prove any connection between them and the nerve gas once the stuff leaves the U.S. Logan asks for assurances that the remote detonators will work and that the gas won't be used against the Russians. He's so in on it now. Stupid Logan. Walt provides such assurances, and says that all they need to do is take CTU off the search for the gas. Logan agrees, and Walt pulls out his cell phone to make it so. While that happens, the speakerphone rings, and the operator says FLOTUS is on the line for Logan. "Not now," Logan snaps.
It's 12:33:15 as the Secret Servicemobiles pull up outside the Not Camp David stables and Kiefer is pulled out of the lead vehicle, still in handcuffs. Aaron witnesses the offloading, and he and Kiefer share a long moment of confused eye contact before Kiefer is led off. Aaron flags down the nearest agent -- the one who took the lead on nabbing Kiefer, as it happens -- and gives him a little third degree: "What is Jack Bauer doing here, why is he under arrest, and why wasn't I told?" The agent tells Aaron that is was by order of the President, which really doesn't answer the first question. "It came through Walt Cummings's office," the agent clarifies. "Okay, thank you," Aaron says in that way some bosses have where you know they're not actually grateful, and it isn't really okay at all.
McGill comes into the CTU Situation Room and tells Buchanan, Audrey, and Edgar that CTU has been pulled off the search for the nerve gas canisters so that the White House can put in "its own people." Audrey complains that it'll take hours to bring another agency up to speed. McGill already knows this, but he isn't having any luck reaching Logan, Novick, or Kiefer to get an explanation. "Something's wrong," Buchanan says, as if this kind of capricious decision isn't Logan all over. McGill agrees, but he doesn't see any other options. Buchanan states an obvious one: "Disregard the order." McGill says he's not about to do that, with this really amusing delivery that indicates Buchanan is a total goofball for even suggesting it. Buchanan, who doesn't have time to endure even an implied accusation of goofballery, snaps back, "That's because you don't have the experience to know any better." Says the guy who hadn't ever disregarded a presidential order until last season. But that's torn it anyway. McGill finds Buchanan's insolence breathtaking, and quietly asks him to step outside. Fight!
Outside the room, McGill takes Buchanan to task for his attitude. Buchanan quickly apologizes, but stands by his advice: "If this order jeopardizes our chances of finding the nerve gas, it's your responsibility to ignore it. At least until we make our case to the White House." McGill digests that for a moment, which just gives Buchanan another opening: "You also need to learn to make decisions faster," he knife-twists. Heh. "Bill..." McGill begins in a warning tone, but Buchanan just rolls over him, adding, "[That's] one more thing that comes with experience. If we're not doing everything in our power to stop these terrorists, we're not doing our jobs." McGill sighs and tells Buchanan to disregard the order. Buchanan says, "Wait, disregard the order that you're giving me now? Because how would I even do that? Never mind, I'm just fuckin' with ya." Except he pronounces it, "Thank you." He ducks back into the Situation Room, leaving McGill standing there literally blinking at what he just got browbeaten into doing.
It's 12:35:32 as FLOTUS looks out her window while Evelyn loiters sympathetically. She's sad about being committed to a psychiatric hospital, probably because she's already been to that one and she knows they won't give her any fun drugs. She also wonders what happened between her and Logan that caused her to stop being his confidante and become "less than an afterthought." Evelyn shows remarkable sensitivity by refraining from raising a finger to her lips and going, "Bububububububuh, remember?" Instead, she says she's sure the President would be there if he could. "He's the President of the United States, Evelyn," FLOTUS scoffs sadly. "He can do whatever he wants. If he wanted to be here, he'd be here."
Considering this episode was written by former Buffy and Angel writer David Fury, I don't know why his oldest and dearest friend the Ironic Segue Fairy doesn't immediately transport us to where Logan is all but being held hostage by Walt. It must have been tough for him to watch her get thrown out of the Real Time Productions offices. Instead, we cut to Kiefer, who's cooling his heels in the stable's storage room. How tacky. (Sorry. Firing myself again.) Aaron comes in and tells Kiefer -- who's still handcuffed -- that he's being moved to a detention facility. Kiefer demands to know the charge, but Aaron's just following orders. Again. Kiefer's about to allow himself to be led out of the room, but then he remembers who Aaron is. And, more importantly, how he can use it as leverage. "You served under David Palmer, right?" Aaron confirms it, and Kiefer asks to talk with him for a moment. Aaron refuses, until Kiefer tells him that it's about Palmer's murder. And then Kiefer spills everything he knows about Walt's involvement. "Walt Cummings ordered the assassination of David Palmer. I know it's hard to believe, but I can prove it." Aaron admits that it's not that hard to believe, given what the First Lady told him earlier. Kiefer drives home his argument: "Your primary responsibility as lead agent is to protect the President of the United States." Well, and to move prisoners, apparently. Kiefer continues, "Someone in the administration is undermining his authority. That is equivalent to a coup d'etat." That's kind of a stretch, but Aaron looks like he's seriously considering it. If only he'd been around during Season Two, we could have covered the same amount of ground in twelve hours. It's 12:38:22.
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12:42:55. The Logans and McGill all look pensive separately, and there's a Secret Service agent posted outside the door to the Logans' residence. Aaron approaches the agent and says that Kiefer has escaped, and he wasn't able to notify anyone because his comm's down. He sends the agent to call it in and have everyone meet up at the west gate. "What about you?" the agent asks, and Aaron says, "I'll take your post." The agent reluctantly leaves. Someday I'll have Agent Pierce's job, he thinks, but I'll also have lips.
On the other side of the door, Walt's worried that CTU hasn't handed over the search for the nerve gas yet. It's been, what, six minutes? It's a national security emergency, dude, not a basketball. Walt tells Logan to call CTU and tell them to step off it, but Logan says he's been avoiding McGill's call because he doesn't know what to tell him. "You don't have to tell him anything," Walt says. "You're the President." Walt's even snarling contemptuously at the Prez now. It's a little jarring to see him doing that openly instead of just on the inside. At this point, Aaron walks right into the room. Logan tries to kick him out, but Kiefer comes in right behind the Secret Service agent, with this little speech: "Mr. President, my name is Jack Bauer and I'm sorry to have to confront you like this. But your Chief of Staff is withholding information that is vital to this nation's security." Nobody moves for a second, until Walt dives for the phone. Kiefer intercepts him, and sends him reeling to the floor with a vicious blow. And then another vicious blow. And then a few more to him while he's down, just for fun. Looks like somebody forgot his little bargain with McGill. Logan, shocked by the violence unfolding before him, tells Aaron to do something. "I am, Mr. President," Aaron says, just standing there with his hand on his gun. "I am upholding my oath to protect you." I get what he's saying, but that statement would carry a little more weight if Aaron were standing between Logan and Kiefer right now. Logan grabs the phone himself, but Aaron tells him it's useless. "I've overridden the distress line." Is that part of the oath, too? By the time this has all played out, Kiefer has decided to take a little breather from beating the stuffing out of Walt. He starts reciting Walt's list of offenses, but doesn't get far before Logan interrupts, "I know about that, but there's an explanation." Kiefer looks at Logan in shock. "It's very complicated," Logan blathers. Kiefer doesn't really care right now; he just wants to find the nerve gas before it's too late. Logan says it's already too late. "Apparently it's on its way out of the country," he stammers. And that's all the excuse Kiefer needs to start beating on Walt again. "He's lying to you, sir," he bellows at Logan in between blows. Walt repeats that his contact has gone dark and he doesn't know where the gas is now. So Kiefer produces a sharp knife. Doesn't really seem like Aaron's style to have given that back to Kiefer, but I guess he figures that once he's off the reservation, he might as well commit. Kiefer points the blade directly at Walt's eye, and unspools the following filibuster:
"I'm done talking with you, you understand me? Now, you've read my file. First thing I'm gonna do is take out your right eye. Then I'm going to move over and I'll take out your left. And then I'm going to cut you. I'm going to keep cutting you until you give me the information that I need, you understand me? So for the last time, where is the nerve gas?"
I think that's the longest speech Kiefer's made all season, and it came after the words "I'm done talking." But then, David Fury used to write dialogue for Angelus, didn't he? So it all makes sense. Walt continues to plead ignorance, while Logan looks at Aaron in horror. Aaron just looks back at his boss impassively. Finally, instead of just jabbing the knife forward into Walt's cornea, Kiefer turns him around and presses the blade under his eye socket. For some reason, that's what convinces Walt that Kiefer's not bluffing or stalling, and he starts singing: "It's on a freighter leaving the port of Long Beach at 2:30...in a container carrying medical supplies." Kiefer demands the container number, and looks about ready to take out Walt's eye for not knowing it, but Logan yells, "Mr. Bauer!" For once, Logan's words have the desired effect, and Kiefer releases Walt before calling CTU on his cell phone.
It's 12:45:53 as Kiefer gets through to Buchanan, McGill, and Audrey in the CTU situation room and puts them on speakerphone. He reports what he just learned from Walt, adding in the fact that the ship is bound for "Central Asia," which Walt didn't actually tell him. Why does Kiefer always need to torture people when he can just read their minds? Buchanan rather inappropriately changes the subject to his petty little interagency turf battle -- namely, the order they received to hand over the search for the nerve gas. "Disregard the order," Logan says decisively. Audrey's already alerting CBP (whatever that is), and Buchanan reminds her to get hazmat and medical teams to the port. Audrey's on it. You think she knew when she came in this morning to act as "DoD liaison" that she'd end up running logistics while all the CTU staff was away at lunch? McGill asks Kiefer if he's coming back to CTU now. With a significant look at Logan, Kiefer says he doesn't know. Buchanan ends the call with a promise to let Kiefer know when they have more.
Now, with the immediate crisis over, Kiefer says that he and Aaron are prepared to turn themselves in. They both put their badges and weapons on the counter. Logan quietly tells Aaron to "Take back your shield and get Walt Cummings out of my sight." Aaron obeys, but I'm a little disappointed that Logan doesn't tell him to leave his gun. Aaron nods at the other two agents who have somehow appeared to flank Walt, and the three of them lead the evil Chief of Staff out of the room. And now, at 12:47:33, the President of the United States is alone in the room with the heavily armed freelance psychopath. Great job, Secret Service. ["There's a Cheney joke here somewhere but I can't seem to reach it." -- Sars] Logan somehow feels the need to make a bunch of excuses to Kiefer. "I trusted Walt Cummings," he insists. "He lied to me. I was coerced." Kiefer sniffs and looks down, his respect for Logan's office clearly the only thing that's keeping his mouth shut right now. Oh, never mind what I said a few sentences ago; there's still a Secret Service agent in there with them. I'm sure he's totally a match for Kiefer, too. Logan has something else he'd like to talk about with Kiefer: "You. The fact that you're alive presents problems for both of us." I suppose it's true that Kiefer wouldn't have any problems if he were dead, but it's still kind of a rude remark. But Kiefer agrees: "I accomplished what I set out to do, which was to identify and locate David Palmer's killer." he says. And before the season is six hours old, no less. He just wants to stick around until the nerve gas is recovered, and then he'll vanish again. Logan thinks that's a good plan. "For the good of the country," he adds, as if anyone ever believes him when he says that. He shakes Kiefer's hand and says, "Thank you, Mr. Bauer." Kiefer thanks him right back, and picks up his cell phone and scary-ass knife on his way out the door, which the Secret Service agent opens for him. Out in the hallway, Kiefer turns back as if to say, "I never voted for you," but then remembers that nobody did, and holds his peace. You suppose we'll ever find out what happened to Keeler after his plane crash? Whatever his personal flaws may have been, there was a President who knew how to fill a conference table. The Secret Service agent follows Kiefer out, and Logan's alone with his thoughts. Which, to recycle an old joke, must be pretty damn lonely. It's 12:49:14.
12:53:42. Kiefer is uncharacteristically standing around, Logan is uncharacteristically active (at least in the sense that he's walking across the room), Chloe makes her second appearance of the episode, and people bustle around CTU. None of them is Curtis, who must be taking an episode off. That's only prudent for a Handsome Black Agent, regular cast member or no.
At Not Camp David, FLOTUS is getting loaded into her limousine. "I'll see you soon," says Evelyn, and FLOTUS looks a mite taken aback to realize for the first time that her assistant isn't getting committed with her. It's like it just now occurred to her that she's going to have to dress herself, do her own hair, and take her own Thorazine. It's just one bummer after another. And here's a new one: it's Logan, whose special executive powers apparently include teleportation. He opens her door and tells her to get out of the car. Once she's out and towering over him in the driveway, Logan actually says something pretty decent here: "You were right. There was a conspiracy. David was trying to warn you, and warn me. I should have listened to you." If only there had been an "I'm sorry" in there, it would have been perfect. FLOTUS needs a moment to catch up with this turn of events, and then Logan wrecks everything by blaming Walt: "He lied to me. He convinced me that you were out of control...sending you back to the clinic in Vermont was his idea." FLOTUS is too hurt to be relieved, though, and Logan's "I'm sorry" is too late now. "Sending me away without a word, like I was a nuisance to be gotten rid of," FLOTUS says through tears of anger. And, yeah, it was pretty shitty of Logan not to have the motorcade wait until he could spare a moment to say goodbye to the missus before shipping her off to be McMurphy-ed. A red-haired Secret Service agent comes up and braces herself against the palpable waves of awkwardness coming off of the Logans in order to notify the President that a link with CTU has been set up. Logan thanks her and asks her to make sure FLOTUS's bags get back to her room. I'm sure Evelyn will be happy to see them again. Now she's going to have to take all of FLOTUS's clothes out of the suitcases, put them away again, turn off the music, put the cork back in the champagne, send away the strippers...poor Evelyn. Logan tells FLOTUS he has to go and moves in for a kiss. FLOTUS stiffly turns her face away. Logan hesitates, then goes for the cheek-kiss instead. FLOTUS barely endures it, her expression icy. Good thing Logan didn't use tongue, or he'd be stuck to her for hours.
It's 12:55:42 as McGill comes across the CTU floor asking Chloe whether they have confirmation on Kiefer's info. Chloe says there's only one freighter leaving Long Beach at 2:30. "It's a freighter heading for Central Asia leaving from Pier F." I'm no navigation whiz, but don't ships have to be more specific about their destinations than that? And for that matter, isn't Central Asia, simply by virtue of being "Central," more or less landlocked? Good thing I'm not a freighter captain, I guess. Chloe adds that there aren't any CTU teams in the area, "but we've got Customs and Border Patrol on-site under our directive." Oh, that's what CBP is. Yes, I live in a border state, but it's a different border, okay? We have people trying to get out instead of in. McGill tells Chloe to make sure to describe the containers to the CBP guys, but Chloe impatiently points out that they don't know which of the thousand containers on that ship is going to be holding the gas. So...hold the ship, maybe? I'm just thinking out loud, here. And then Edgar steps up and says, "Container , box seven." Dude! Edgar, bringing the kung-fu! He explains that he hacked into the ship's manifest and that's the only container listed as carrying medical supplies. McGill, impressed, tells Edgar to pass that along to all the strike force teams. Audrey, on the phone, chimes in to say that the White House wants to watch the live video feed of the assault. McGill says Chloe will patch it through.
Kiefer's in Logan's Situation Room at Not Camp David (presumably still carrying his scary-ass knife on his person), confirming that the photo on the screen that CTU sent over is indeed Yellow Tie. CTU has dug up Yellow Tie's backstory, so Buchanan explains to Kiefer that Yellow Tie is a University of St. Petersburg-trained chemical engineer who joined his country's separatist movement six years ago. Kiefer asks if they have any better images or file photos of Yellow Tie, and Buchanan says no, which is why they'll need Kiefer to ID Yellow Tie remotely via the video feed. He doesn't explain how they found out who Yellow Tie was in the first place, though. Kiefer reminds Buchanan that they need to take Yellow Tie alive. Buchanan tells Kiefer to stand by. Logan enters the Situation Room, and Kiefer tells him that they're just waiting for the video feed to come up. Is anybody ever going to remember to let Novick out of whatever broom closet they locked him in?
CTU. "Feed's up," says Curtis. And so is Curtis's role in this week's episode. Thanks for stopping by, Curt. Both the CTU big screen and the Not Camp David Sit Room monitor are now showing a live feed of helmeted and armored agents moving in on the cargo container. It's 12:57:12 as Buchanan reminds the agents not to fire their weapons unless absolutely necessary. "If a bullet reaches one of those canisters, we'll have a massive casualty situation." The lead agent acknowledges the order. And here I have to say that I thought the whole operation was about to go completely pear-shaped and the gas was about to be released, simply because Kiefer wasn't around to breathe any of it. But it's about to play out a little differently. The agents carefully but quickly move in, surrounding the cargo container with guns drawn. Everyone watches nervously as a splitscreen goes into effect. Oops, there's Curtis again, doubling his screen time this episode. Don't wear out your welcome, dude. The agents prepare to open the container door, and the lead agent orders his men to put on their gas masks. They do, but they're just mouth-and-nose rebreathers that probably wouldn't provide a whole lot of protection. These guys don't even have long sleeves on. They flood into the container, and get all the way to the back of it before encountering a figure sitting with its back to them. The lead agent orders, "Don't move! Put your hands in the air!" Make up your mind! It's moot anyway, because there's blood dripping from one of the man's hands onto the floor. The agent quickly confirms that Yellow Tie's truck driver -- for it is he -- is really and truly most sincerely dead, and orders his men to open up all of the crates in the container. But when the metal lids come off, all they reveal is empty foam-rubber slots where the canisters are supposed to be. Those things are getting less protected every hour. The lead CBP agent reports that there are no gas canisters there, like, we can see that, Agent Obvious.
At Not Camp David, Kiefer roars at the nearest Secret Service agent, "Get Walt Cummings in here now!" "Dammit!" Logan curses. And that's all the time it takes for Walt to be led right into the Situation Room, looking beat up and disheveled with a bruise under his right eye. Kiefer accuses, "The nerve gas isn't there." Walt seems genuinely confused, until he looks at the live feed on the monitor and recognizes the dead truck driver. "That's the man we had inside," he says worriedly. "They must have found out we reprogrammed the detonators." Kiefer looks at Walt in horror.
And then the actual end-of-episode splitscreen begins. Kiefer, CTU, Walt, and Logan look worried, while FLOTUS heads back to her quarters like the queen bee she once again is. Derek and Diane are on their way home, or at least back to where Diane's car is parked. I was kind of expecting them to be dead by now. And Yellow Tie rides in a truck with his crew as he dials a cell phone.
The ringing is heard in Logan's Situation Room. One of the Secret Service agents realizes that it's coming from the manila envelope of Walt's stuff that he's holding in his hand, and he digs out Walt's phone. "Who's calling you?" Kiefer demands. Walt recognizes the dead truck driver's phone number. Kiefer tells Buchanan to monitor and record the call, as he sits Walt down at the table and puts the phone down in front of him in speaker mode. Logan slides the conference phone closer to the cell phone for better reception at CTU's end, which I think is the most helpful thing I've ever seen him do. Walt answers his phone, and we hear the voice of Yellow Tie saying, "We know you altered the arming codes, Mr. Cummings." Yellow Tie says the dead truck driver confessed everything, and he now knows Cummings's involvement. He asks if the President is there with him. Instead of answering the question, Walt says Logan had nothing to do with it. "I was acting alone." Which I believe, because if Walt had notified anyone in the government of his plan, I'd like to think they'd warn him about a few of the five or six million ways it could have gone wrong. Of course, that assumes that The Man isn't in on Walt's real agenda, which I could be wrong about. Yellow Tie, however, isn't buying, but Walt says it's the truth. "Maybe we can negotiate something," he says. "I don't negotiate with my enemies," Yellow Tie says. "I eliminate them. Your country is about to pay a very steep price." Everyone looks at Walt like, Thanks a lump, dude. It's 1:00:00.