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Kiefer and Soul Patch are putting the band back together! DaD's amateur mole-hunter inaccurately fingers Special Agent Breck, and Driscoll gets right down to the torturing. Fortunately for his coworker, Lispy Skip figures out that AIIIEEEE!sha is the actual mole before Special Agent Breck takes a round in the femur. Curtis busts his ex in the parking lot, and the car bomb that was meant for her merely knocks her unconscious. TerrorMom and TerrorTeen go to the hospital, and then run away again when the ER doc calls the cops. That's about it for them this week. We get Soul Patch's intra-season backstory, and DoDder makes a funny. Together, Kiefer and Soul Patch bring down TerrorGringo, but Kiefer's suspect (and only lead!) gets killed right out from under him before he can learn anything. Oh, and a nuclear reactor is critical. Hmph. That's my job. Want more? The full recap starts right below!
You know, there actually is a nuclear power plant on the border between Minnesota and Wisconsin, but it's quite a bit further south than CTU's map indicates. It's just a couple of miles from a big Native American casino, in fact. I was in one of that casino's hotel rooms once, and on the table was a card explaining what guests should do in the event of an meltdown up the road. Not the most "relax and make yourself at home" message I could have imagined.
Previously on 24: The TerrorFamily spent all their time running from/squealing on/accusing/threatening/trying to save/shooting/ditching each other. Lispy Skip hacked into the MacGuffin and shut down all but six of the nation's nuclear reactors. AIIIEEEE!sha told TerrorGringo where Kiefer and DoDder were, and he told her to divert suspicion (she gets a freeze-frame, by the way, so she's in trouble). Kiefer explained to DoDder about the MacGuffin, and about how TerrorGringo was their only lead. She found TerrorGringo on archived security footage, but Kiefer realized there was a mole at CTU when hit men came to take them out. And they would have succeeded, too, if it hadn't been for that meddling Soul Patch. The following takes place between 2:00 PM and 3:00 PM.
Driscoll and Curtis pedeconference through CTU as Curtis confirms that the remaining six plants aren't just taking longer to shut down. Although it would have been funny to have a big cliffhanger ending one week and come back the all, "Oh, it's fine after all. Never mind." It seems the MacGuffin has total control over them. Which is confusing to me, because I thought Skip had gained control of the MacGuffin, but whatever. It's not like the same person writes every episode. I hope. I'm also starting to have trouble believing that the reactor crews can't manually regain control of their plants from someone who's operating them by remote control. At least start unplugging T1 lines or send in a couple of guys in to hose down the core instead of just sitting there waiting to get cooked. DaD joins Curtis and Driscoll and they discuss evacuation procedures on their way into the conference room, where they're taking a meeting with the President of the United States of Exposition. DaD explains to Keeler (still aloft, in case you're wondering) that six of the nuclear plants can't be shut down, which means they could be looking at six nuclear disasters. Keeler asks for casualty estimates, taking a moment to remember the phrase "melt down." Must be jetlag. Curtis has no good news for him; just big numbers. Keeler asks why they could shut down 98 plants but not the other six. Ingrate. Driscoll explains that the other six are being controlled by the terrorists, using the MacGuffin. She also remembers to mention that since the MacGuffin is a prototype, it's the only one in the world. Glad someone thought to plug that plot hole before I spotted it. Doesn't explain why the prototype works so perfectly, though. "All right, then, let's find [the MacGuffin]," Keeler says. He adds that he's going to order the evacuation of the six cities, and disconnects, presumably so he can tell his pilot to start flying really low and keep an eye out for the MacGuffin: "Colonel, it's about yay big and it's -- look out for that light pole!"
As the meeting ends, DaD's cell phone rings. It's Kiefer, asking that DaD not let anyone know it's him. "HELLO, SOMEONE OTHER THAN KIEFER," DaD says, and excuses himself. Out in what passes for a quiet spot at CTU, he asks Kiefer what's going on. Kiefer, sitting in the back seat of the Patchmobile behind a quietly weepy DoDder, wisely opens with the news that he and DoDder are safe, but since someone came after them at Felsted Security, Kiefer thinks that someone at CTU is leaking info. DaD wants to send a Secret Service detail to pick up Kiefer and DoDder, but Kiefer doesn't want anyone to know where they are. Even people whose first name is "Secret"? Now that's paranoid. Kiefer says he wants DaD to try something that has to do with a "Melbourne situation." DaD agrees and hangs up.
In the Patchmobile, Kiefer reaches forward to put a hand on DoDder's shoulder, and asks if she's okay. "I'm almost getting used to this," she manages. "Yeah," Kiefer says, failing to add, "That'll happen when you're around me." After Kiefer has Soul Patch confirm that they're not being followed, he tells DoDder they "need to lay low for a while." Soul Patch says they can go back to Casa Patch. Which must be close, considering how quickly he got to Felsted Security last week. Kiefer thanks Soul Patch. "Wait till you see it before you thank me," Soul Patch cracks. Kiefer, of course, means the lifesaving thing. Soul Patch doesn't have anything to say to that. "I'm sure you're wondering what's going on," Kiefer begins. "Not really, no," Soul Patch interrupts. "Something wrong?" Kiefer says testily. He's not used to people wanting him to talk less. "What could be wrong?" Soul Patch says. "I'm not in federal prison any more, thanks to you and President Palmer. Bitchelle left me. I --" Which is as far as he gets in his little backstory pity party before interrupting himself to ask what's up after all. Kiefer explains to Soul Patch and the new viewers about the kidnapping and the main plot and what they were doing at Felsted Security in the first place. Soul Patch is like, "I thought you weren't in the field any more." Kiefer admits that he wasn't, but since DaD is his responsibility, he "got caught up in it." Soul Patch, on the other hand, doesn't want to get caught up in shit. "Understood," says Kiefer, giving Soul Patch the look Luke gave Han Solo before flying off to attack the Death Star.
CTU's big screen is playing a live address from President Keeler at 2:06:36. Everyone's watching him instead of working. Turn that thing off, Driscoll! There's a nuclear threat going on and your people are sitting around and staring at the idiot box. Keeler explains to the populace about how six nuclear power plants "may become unstable." They're working on the problem, but in the meantime the National Guard is going to be helping with an evacuation of the six cities in question. Must be nice to have the National Guard around for that kind of thing. As opposed to, you know, somewhere else in the world. Curtis cuts in to murmur to Driscoll that POTUS left out the fact that there's no time for a complete evacuation, and that meltdowns will cause at least 50,000 deaths per city. Driscoll says they still have time to figure out how to prevent the meltdowns. Curtis Gloomy Gusses that the "chances of doing that from here are very low." Well, sure, if everyone's glued to the boob tube. "We have to find the people who have the MacGuffin," Curtis finishes. I think the theme for the episode is pretty well set up now, Curtis. Have a seat.
At the otherwise empty restaurant that serves as ImhoTerror's ImHeadquarters, TerrorDad is sitting at the bar and talking on the phone to someone who's checking hospitals for him. No dice. The swarthy guy standing to him says that there was no answer at TerrorAunt's house, and TerrorDad shoos him away to check the train station again. ImhoTerror comes up to TerrorDad and announces that all of the reactors have been shut down except six. He still thinks that's "more than enough to break their will." That's probably true. September 11 broke our will, after all. Now it keeps going off in all these random directions. I'd say that qualifies as broken. ImhoTerror continues that he's going to have to run the MacGuffin personally to make sure the remaining six reactors melt down "on schedule." On schedule? How anal is this guy? What'll happen if one of them melts down ten minutes late? A fallout cloud will miss the 5:17 to Schenectady? TerrorDad asks what he can do to help, but ImhoTerror just wants TerrorDad to "take care of your mess." TerrorDad says, "Don't worry, ImhoTerror. I give you my word: my wife and son will be dead by the end of this day." Talk about putting work before your family. If you're making promises like that, it may be time to reassess whether you're really on the side of good after all. ImhoTerror stares at him unimpressed for a moment, then walks away.
Of course, TerrorDad is probably right about what's going to happen to his family, but since their lives are in TerrorTeen's hands, TerrorDad won't necessarily have anything to do with it. Right now, TerrorMom and TerrorTeen are arguing about going to a hospital. "He tried to kill me and then he did this to you.," TerrorTeen says. "He is not my father any more." So he and TerrorDad agree on that, at least. TerrorMom's just now getting around to tying a scarf around her bloody arm. He gets her to agree to let him drop her off at an emergency room and then drive away, but he insists that "whatever happens, we're staying together." I guess all is forgiven with that whole girlfriend-poisoning unpleasantness. That was hours ago, after all. Nice to see he doesn't carry a grudge. Maybe he and TerrorDad can reconcile by dinnertime.
2:09:10. AIIIEEEE!sha asks a random extra to cover for her for a few minutes, because even though it's her first day she already knows everyone well enough to ask them for favors. She heads to the ladies' and checks all the stalls before pulling out her cell phone. When TerrorGringo answers his own cell, she explains that she missed his call earlier because "I was in a meeting." TerrorGringo, who's carrying a black canvas bag and walking briskly through what looks like an office park, breaks the news that Kiefer and DoDder are still alive. They both agree that that's not AIIIEEEE!sha's fault: "The location was correct but they survived the attack. They're headed back to CTU." AIIIEEEE!sha thinks not so much. TerrorGringo is confused that Kiefer hasn't called in, but AIIIEEEE!sha realizes what it means: Kiefer knows there's a leak, which means AIIIEEEE!sha wants out. TerrorGringo says she has to hang out "until we take care of" Kiefer and DoDder. I don't know why that is, and TerrorGringo doesn't explain. AIIIEEEE!sha's worried about going to jail, but TerrorGringo, having reached his car, "reassures" her: "You'll be taken care of. You know that. Now go." TerrorGringo hangs up. AIIIEEEE!sha stands there holding her phone, thinking, "Taken care of." Now where else have I heard that expression recently? Special Agent Breck busts in on her reverie, acting all pissy about something that AIIIEEEE!sha's supposed to be doing and then storming out. Divert suspicion, AIIIEEEE!sha thinks.
DaD's working in an office somewhere at CTU when Curtis knocks on the door to announce that his assistant, Scott Borman, has arrived. "Good to see you safe and sound, sir," the guy smarms when he comes into the room. He looks like a skinnier version of Walt from The Dead Zone, but there's no way I'm calling him Poor Man's Chris Bruno because that's too obscure even for me. Ain't nobody that poor. Anyway, now that Curtis has left, DaD sits his assistant down to explain about the mole. He wants Scott to go to Driscoll with the "news" that Kiefer and DoDder have left Felsted Security and are watching surveillance videos at "the old CTU substation in Torrance," and they'll call in after DoDder makes her ID. "I take it Kiefer and DoDder are nowhere near the CTU substation?" Scott says. DaD confirms that he's trying to "flush out the mole." "Then you'll need me to put a DoD Comsat envelope around this place." DaD pretends Scott's not already a step ahead of him, saying, "If anyone sends a communication containing the information you planted, that's the spy." "Duh," Scott doesn't say. DaD needs an assistant for this? I don't know why he can't plant his own damn bogus information. The real SecDef does. It's 2:11:48.
Commercials, including some guy standing in front of the downtown L.A. skyline. He says, "Hi, my name is Kiefer Sutherland." Huh. Wouldn't have known that. The real Kiefer would like us to know that "the American Muslim community stands firmly beside their fellow Americans in denouncing and resisting all forms of terrorism. So when watching 24, please bear that in mind." Unless you want to wind up on the internet in an orange jumpsuit, he doesn't conclude.
2:16:13. DoDder and Kiefer are still en route back to Casa Patch, a trip that's taking twice as long as Soul Patch's arrival last week. A lot of people on the boards complained about how unlikely it was that Soul Patch arrived within seven minutes of Kiefer's call, but I was reserving judgement until I saw how far away he lived. Yahoo! Maps says North Hollywood (for that is where Soul Patch lives these days) is only ten minutes from Burbank, so it's theoretically possible that Soul Patch could have made it by speeding, running red lights, and ignoring stop signs. Given what we learn later, I think it's more surprising that he didn't shoot his way into the place wearing his bathrobe. Oh, yeah, the rest of the split screen: TerrorDad is still working the phone, and AIIIEEEE!sha is working a thumbnail. The Patchmobile pulls up to a curb and everyone hops out. Everyone except DoDder, I mean, who waits for Kiefer to open the door for her. This isn't a date, lady. You think Kiefer takes all his girlfriends to shootouts? Actually, don't answer that. We're not in an especially fancy neighborhood, and as Soul Patch leads them up to the front door he warns, "Watch your step. The dog door likes our lawn." That metaphor would have worked better in the third season.
Soul Patch lets them into the house, and Kiefer starts checking behind doors. Rude, much? A dark-haired woman comes out of a room behind Kiefer, and he's got his gun out and in her face before she can react. Bad guest! Bad! The woman starts to freak. Soul Patch steps up to defuse the situation, introducing the woman as "my friend, Jen." As if we're going to even consider calling her anything other than Skank of Soul Patch. Kiefer holsters his weapon and apologizes to everyone. Soul Patch thought SoSP was working, and she says she decided to go in late. Which I guess explains why Soul Patch didn't warn Kiefer that some random chick was going to come bursting out at him any second. SoSP recognizes DoDder from the news, with which she is surprisingly up to date considering the outfit and the amount of eye makeup she's wearing. She wants to know what's going on, and she's not being especially pleasant about it. I'll cut her a little slack, since Kiefer didn't make the best first impression. "We need to use Soul Patch's computer," he explains. "What, they don't have computers where you work?" SoSP bitches. Soul Patch says they just need to lie low for a while. "Whatever," SoSP says. "I'm leaving anyway." Kiefer calls Soul Patch's name, backing up in front of SoSP while blocking her route to the door. Soul Patch says that she can't leave. "Why not?" she wants to know. Because they're all so enchanted by your beguiling company? Soul Patch and Kiefer try to explain that nobody can know where Kiefer and DoDder are and they can't take the chance of SoSP leaving. "What chance?" she demands. "I work at a bar." Color me flabbergasted. Kiefer promises they won't be long. "Stay as long as you want," she snaps. "I have a job. He doesn't." Soul Patch looks at her, wondering exactly what that was meant to be apropos of. You hear that zipping sound? That was the sound of SoSP using up the last of the slack I cut her. DoDder steps in and takes SoSP aside for a second of girl talk. Soul Patch apologizes to Kiefer. "No, she seems real sweet," Kiefer deadpans. Heh.
Over on the other side of the room, DoDder is stating her case to SoSP, finishing up with, "Now, I'm sure when this is all over, your boss will understand." "And if he doesn't?" SoSP asks. With no change in tone or expression, DoDder says, "I can have him killed." Hee. SoSP stares for a second, then the women share a smile as SoSP realizes she's being messed with a little. But the ice is broken. "Knock yourself out," SoSP says, and goes back to her room. About time DoDder made herself useful to someone who wasn't a terrorist.
Kiefer's already at the computer (which offends even my vestigial sense of feng shui by sitting on a desk in the middle of the living room), looking at a screen full of text. Must be the raw code from the memory stick, which he's already jammed into a port on Soul Patch's computer. "I just have to convert this so I can read it." So much for plug and play. But Soul Patch "has some software for that. Let me dig it out." Well, isn't that handy? Now that Soul Patch is ten feet away and thus on the other side of television's conversational sound barrier, Kiefer and DoDder can have a whispered confab about Soul Patch's backstory. Kiefer explains that Bitchelle left Soul Patch a couple of months after he got out of prison. DoDder echoes the boards by saying, "I thought he went to prison because of her. He saved her life and she paid him back by leaving?" Kiefer says that Soul Patch sees it that way too. But since Kiefer is briefly acting as a third-person omniscient narrator, he's able to explain that Soul Patch was angry when he got out of prison, couldn't find a job ("personally, I don't think he wanted one," he judges), and started drinking. The moral: "He pushed her away." DoDder asks what Bitchelle is up to now, and Kiefer says she's a Deputy Director at Division. That sounds like we'll be seeing her this season, which I am of course entirely in favor of. Soul Patch comes back with a CD-ROM, which Kiefer slips into the drive. A couple of screens pop up. "We're in," he says. I don't understand anything that happens on a single computer on this show.
At CTU, Scott tells DaD that Driscoll has gotten his bad info and he's headed into her briefing. "I'm surprised you felt the need to keep her in the dark about this one," Scott comments. "As long as there's a leak in CTU," DaD growls, "we're keeping everyone in the dark." And then he basically illuminates every damn corner of the place with the piercing searchlight of his 360-degree hairy eyeball.
It's 2:20:27 as Scott crashes Driscoll's ninetieth briefing of the day. AIIIEEEE!sha's in on this one, of course, because even though she wasn't invited to the earlier ones, she has to be here to advance the plot. Special Agent Breck doesn't understand why Kiefer is at the old CTU substation. Driscoll isn't entirely clear on the reasons either, and she admits she didn't talk to Kiefer directly. "Who did?" Special Agent Breck asks. "I did," says Scott. "He also asked that his whereabouts be kept strictly internal until he contacts us." He's about as subtle as Mr. Subliminal. And that's the end of the briefing. They held a whole briefing about where Kiefer is right now? How do these people catch a single terrorist, ever? The camera follows a sneaky-looking AIIIEEEE!sha back to her desk, where she pulls a little Dictaphone from her purse. "Old CTU substation in Torrance," she mumbles into it, and then puts it on a Dictaphone cradle that's apparently standard issue at CTU's desks, just in case an employee wants to frame another employee some time.
Back at Casa Patch, Kiefer and DoDder are running through the surveillance footage. Even though the tech last week clearly said that there was only one camera covering the entrance at the party where DoDder saw TerrorGringo, there's a second angle now. Good thing, too, because that's the angle where she recognizes him. Kiefer zooms in and enhances the image. That's some sweet "software" Soul Patch has. Kiefer says he's going to "run this through the D.C. office" and picks up Soul Patch's phone. SoSP is yammering away on the extension. Kiefer tattles to Soul Patch and hisses, "We can't have her making calls." Soul Patch's eyes roll so hard that they physically carry him into the bedroom at 2:22:05, where our heroes overhear something of a contretemps. The closed captioning includes the words "[thud]" and "[screams]." Soul Patch comes back out with the cordless phone in hand, which he sets down on the desk in front of Kiefer and cheerily says, "Go ahead." Yes, domestic abuse is funny when Soul Patch does it. Kiefer picks up the wired phone to make a long-distance call. Make yourself at home, dude.
The subtitles say "Department of Defense, Washington D.C." as a woman named Marcy answers. I inaccurately identified this person as a CTU employee last week, but at least I know that the DoD is housed at the Pentagon, which 24's caption crew doesn't seem to. I can't help noticing that Marcy is at one busy government office, considering it's 5:23 in D.C. Kiefer tells her he's sending the images over. You think the DoD has gMail?
Scott's reporting to DaD that they've found something on somebody's system. It was digitized and scrambled, but they were able to make out the words "CTU substation." The Redshirts are on their way. DaD thanks Scott and heads up to the DrisCube to report that there's a leak at CTU. Driscoll acts surprised, because she's relatively new here. Dad explains that the info Scott passed her is false, and tells her about the leak that led to the attack at Felsted Security. As DaD predicted, Driscoll isn't happy to hear she was kept out of the loop. "I assume you're telling me now because your sting operation yielded a result," she says pissily. "Yes, it did," he snaps. "Read that." And he throws the report down on her desk. Driscoll reads. "Where is she?" she says. "She's about to be taken into custody," says DaD. "Join me." I never noticed before that the door to the DrisCube sounds like an airlock. It's 2:23:52. At the bottom of the stairs, DaD and Driscoll meet up with Scott, who's leading a small army of Redshirts onto the floor. The camera pans over to AIIIEEEE!sha, who's just sitting on someone's desk rather than, you know, even pretending to deal with the nuclear threat. The suspense for everyone who didn't see last week's preview builds as the group approaches AIIIEEEE!sha -- and blows right past her. Special Agent Breck looks up at the group converged around her and asks Driscoll what's going on. "You're under arrest, Breck," DaD says. "For passing classified information," Driscoll adds. Breck is gobsmacked. I want her to look at them like Kevin Pollak in The Usual Suspects and sneer, "You think you brought enough guys?" Alas, she simply protests her innocence. But it does her no good; she's led bodily to a holding room as everyone stares. "Get back to work," Driscoll tells them. AIIIEEEE!sha returns to her desk with a "so there" head toss. It's 2:25:12.
2:29:34. Special Agent Breck gets held, AIIIEEEE!sha doesn't, TerrorTeen can't seem to find a damn hospital already (clue: look for signs with a large, white "H"), and Kiefer is still using up Soul Patch's bandwidth. Scott is instructing AIIIEEEE!sha to get everything off of Special Agent Breck's computer and send it to him. "We can't just do this on your authority," says Lispy Skip. Curtis steps in and tells Skip to back off, mentioning that Scott did "find" the mole and that now DaD wants him to have "joint authority." So Scott is in charge of rolling the blunts at CTU now? Curtis further suggests that Skip get back to work. Instead, Skip boots AIIIEEEE!sha out of Special Agent Breck's chair and sits down himself, demanding to know why Scott is so sure Special Agent Breck is guilty. Scott technobabbles, but Skip isn't impressed by Scott's effort to speak his language. He doesn't believe Special Agent Breck is guilty. "That's how she was able to fool everybody. She's the last person you'd expect to do it," says the first person everybody expected to do it. Scott leaves them to their work. Skip finds the illicit message, and remarks that Special Agent Breck wouldn't have just left it on her system like that. AIIIEEEE!sha reminds him that it was encrypted, but Skip says, "It's so old school it's like saying, 'Please decode me.'" "Let's face it," AIIIEEEE!sha says, "she wasn't the sharpest knife in the drawer." First thing she's said that I agree with.
Special Agent Cheese Spreader herself is strapped to a chair in a holding room when Driscoll comes in. Special Agent Breck insists that someone's setting her up, but Driscoll doesn't have time to hear it. "Where are the people who control the override?" she demands. Special Agent Breck doesn't know, of course. "I would never betray our country or endanger people's lives. You know that." Driscoll continues: "I learned from my mistake today with TerrorTurk, and I am no longer going to err on the side of caution in these interrogations. Do you get my meaning?" People who have never heard a word of English in their lives get her meaning. "I don't know what to say," says Special Agent Breck. Enter Eric the Torture Guy. Special Agent Breck starts crying. "Eric, no," she begs. Eric shuts her up with a taser blast to the side of the neck. Too bad about that ponytail; I'd be interested to see how far that hair would reach while standing on end. You think Eric the Torture Guy goes to the CTU company picnics? And if he does, does he, like, mingle with people by asking them about their worst fears and the most horrible pain they ever had while taking extensive mental notes, or does he just sit off by himself and stab his chicken wings with syringes? Driscoll asks about the MacGuffin again. Special Agent Breck maintains her ignorance. Driscoll nods at Eric. Special Agent Breck says, "Wait!" Eric freezes. "There's got to be an explanation for this," Special Agent Breck tries. "You've got to give me some time to think." Driscoll nods. Special Agent Breck gets zapped again. I'd love it if Driscoll said, "No, no, no! I was nodding, like, 'yes, give her some time to think'! Jeez!" And then Eric would be all, "Whoops, I thought you were nodding like 'hit her again.' That's normally why people nod to me, you know." That never happens, though. "Talk to me," Driscoll says to Special Agent Breck. Special Agent Breck just says she's not a spy. Driscoll leaves the room without another word.
It's 2:33:23 as she heads back into the observation room, her home turf. She expresses her doubts about Special Agent Breck's guilt to DaD. She agrees that Scott's evidence is strong, but she wants to watch for a few minutes before continuing. DaD says he'll brief Kiefer. Driscoll watches Eric descend on Special Agent Breck with a syringe. Good thing she decided to back off.
Kiefer is still at Soul Patch's computer, while DoDder, lying on the couch, asks what he's doing. She's got her shoes off, at least. Kiefer's watching more of the surveillance tape to see if he can find out who TerrorGringo talked to. So he downloaded the whole tape onto that Flash memory stick while assassins were closing in on them? Huh. Soul Patch comes out of the bedroom, presumably having just given SoSP a conciliatory bone. "Anybody want a beer?" he says to the room. DoDder is the only taker.
As Soul Patch hands over a Bud (the product-placed beer of angry, shiftless, traitorous layabouts!), Kiefer's cell phone rings. DaD's calling to tell him that they've got their mole. Kiefer says that that means Marcy at the DoD can start sharing data with CTU. Super. DaD asks after DoDder, and Kiefer says it's time to have someone come pick her up. Hey, Soul Patch is pouring his beer into his Cubs mug! Awesome! And yet also kind of weird. Kiefer gives DaD Soul Patch's address (Kipling, North Hollywood, which doesn't actually exist, which somebody could have told me before I dropped the airfare), and when DaD asks who's there, Kiefer simply says, "A friend." Soul Patch raises an eyebrow at that. After Kiefer hangs up, he tells DoDder that her ride back to CTU is on the way. Then he crosses the room to where Soul Patch is watching some futbol on the TV and turns it off. "Don't you think you've made me miss enough TV today, Kiefer?" Tony complains. It's 2:35:32. Kiefer slowly moves to sit on the coffee table across from Soul Patch. "Why didn't you ever call me?" he says softly. Aw, poor, jilted Kiefer. "For what?" Soul Patch says. "I'm considered a traitor to this country. My wife left me. So how you gonna help me, huh?" Kiefer says what he always says when he has nothing else to say: "Yeah." It's probably best that Soul Patch didn't call after all. Soul Patch leans forward on the couch, so that his head overlaps with Kiefer's from DoDder's POV. If she's jealous of their scorching chemistry, it's not apparent. Soul Patch has something to say: "I owed you for getting me out of prison. But today I repaid that debt. To tell you the truth, all you do is remind me of a past I'm trying to forget. So why don't you do me a favor. Do what you need to do here, and let's leave it at that. All right?" "Yeah," Kiefer says again, and turns the futbol back on. GOOOOOOOOOO AWAY! It's 2:36:58.
2:41:23. Kiefer's hacking into Soul Patch's email, Skip is doing some unaccustomed staring at fellow humans, and TerrorTeen is watching his mom get patched up in an emergency room. Actually, the doctor is unwrapping her wound as he asks how she hurt herself. And now that we can see the bullet "hole," I really want to know what kind of ammo TerrorDad was packing. Because I've heard of bullets that fragment or expand when they strike their target, but I didn't know about bullets that take an immediate ninety-degree turn. Yes, the bullet that hit TerrorMom's arm straight-on about an hour ago appears to have left a long, horizontal slash just below her shoulder. Impressive. TerrorMom makes up a painful lie (painful for her to say, painful for the rest of us to listen to) about backing into a loose nail. The doctor gets one look at the owie and says, "This looks like a gunshot wound." TerrorMom denies it, and TerrorTeen backs her up. Dr. Yeah, Right looks at them both, then says she'll need a tetanus shot and some stitches. And he'll be right back. TerrorTeen moves to be with his mom, but she orders him to watch the doctor instead. He watches through the window as the Dr. Yeah, Right confers with a nurse, but doesn't see anything amiss. TerrorTeen says it might not be so bad if they did call the police, but TerrorMom isn't so hot on the idea of spending the rest of their lives in jail. TerrorTeen wants to know what's for them. TerrorMom says they can get out of the city, stay somewhere for a couple of days, and leave the country. Because like any healthy, modern couple, she and TerrorDad keep separate emergency-country-leaving resources in case of situations like this.
2:43:22. I don't know what Kiefer is drinking, but it's dark and it came from Soul Patch's kitchen so it can't be good. Marcy from the DoD calls him with the news that they've identified TerrorGringo: he's a computer consultant who used to work at MacGuffin Factories. Kiefer reminds us that MacGuffin Factories designed the MacGuffin. I think my way of remembering these things is better. As Kiefer pulls an ID card of TerrorGringo up on Soul Patch's computer, Marcy explains that while TerrorGringo is no longer a MacGuffin Factories employee, he freelances for them. She further knows that TerrorGringo is in L.A. right now, although he's trying to leave. He's got a chopper meeting him in Van Nuys in fifteen minutes. Kiefer points out that all air traffic has been grounded, but Marcy says that TerrorGringo got a special clearance. Kiefer curses as if this weren't a ridiculously lucky break. Seriously, I can't think of a more conspicuous way to leave the city than via a chartered helicopter that requires special clearance to even take off. Well, I can, but it involves one of those fifteen-mile-wide alien spaceships from Independence Day, several simultaneous natural disasters, and a Beatles reunion. Kiefer tells Marcy to ground TerrorGringo's chopper, but not until he gets there, because he doesn't want TerrorGringo to see him coming. Marcy wonders if Kiefer's going to make it in time. Kiefer's going to try. Yahoo Maps, by the way, places Van Nuys nine minutes from North Hollywood, so I suppose it's feasible. Unless Yahoo Maps has been taken over by 24 writers. Soul Patch looks out the window and announces that "they're here." By which he means the Secret Service, but of course he can't actually say that because it's a secret. Kiefer hangs up and tells DoDder it's time for her to go. He goes out to meet the head of the Secret Service detail, an Agent Davis. He confirms the order that they're driving DoDder straight back to CTU, and gets a Secret Service-Mobile of his own, even though he neglected to ask for one before. DoDder comes out of the house, and Kiefer sends her on her way with a kiss. I can't believe DoDder left without saying goodbye to SoSP. I thought they had a bond.
Kiefer calls Driscoll at CTU to tell her his plan. She offers him air backup, but Kiefer says he doesn't want to "spook" his quarry. Driscoll can't have a "ground package" for him for thirty minutes, and asks what Kiefer wants to do. "He's most likely on his own," Kiefer says. "I'm going to have to try and handle this myself." The put-upon martyrdom in his tone doesn't escape Soul Patch, who looks unhappy. Driscoll's sending a team anyway. Kind of nice to see these two working well together. Of course, it can only mean they'll have to try and kill each other within another four episodes. After Kiefer's off the phone, Soul Patch asks, "What are you going to try to handle by yourself?" "Don't worry about it. It's covered," Kiefer says breezily on his way to the door. Soul Patch points out that it would be pretty stupid of him to let Kiefer die after risking his life to save him, and offers his help. Kiefer accepts. Aw. They kiss. Not really. Soul Patch grabs his coat and his gun and starts to follow Kiefer out. He stops just inside the door as SoSP comes out. They look at each other, and he leaves without either of them saying a word. Well, that seemed kind of final. It's 2:45:46 as Kiefer and Soul Patch walk across the yard together, neither of them watching his step. ["Also, how much of that beer did Soul Patch drink? Because if it was half, they're both in big trouble." -- Sars]
At CTU, Skip zeroes in on Curtis and asks whether Special Agent Breck has confessed yet. AIIIEEEE!sha watches the exchange nervously. "What are they doing to her?" Skip asks. Curtis tells him, not unkindly, not to worry about it and to get back to work. Skip goes back to his chair, but instead of working he watches as AIIIEEEE!sha goes to ask Curtis what Skip wanted. "Why do you care?" Curtis says. "You should let him know we need his full attention." "Get back to your station," Curtis snaps, quite a bit less patiently than he addressed Lispy Skip. Skip watches AIIIEEEE!sha suspiciously.
At the hospital, Dr. Yeah, Right is leaning on TerrorMom to let him admit her, as TerrorTeen looks out into the hall to see a nurse talking to a security guard. He keeps his cool as he leaves the room, telling his mom he'll be right back. Out in the hallway, he looks outside just as a police car is pulling into the parking lot. He slams back into the room, saying, "The police are here." Dr. Yeah, Right simultaneously explains why the cops are in the house and demonstrates that he didn't believe TerrorMom's story for a second by pointing out, "This is a gunshot wound." TerrorTeen scoops up a bunch of medical supplies, pushes Dr Yeah, Right aside, and hauls his mom out of there. They make it back to the car without incident, and they're on their way to someplace where TerrorMom can bleed to death in sweet, sweet freedom. From the door of the hospital, Dr. Yeah, Right points out the departing TerrorMobile to a few slow-moving members of the greater Los Angeles law enforcement community. It's 2:48:22.
Commercials, including a local one for that casino door to the nuclear power plant. They don't mention that part, though.
2:52:34. Eric has surprisingly failed to make Special Agent Breck talk by torturing her into unconsciousness, DaD has joined the Blue Man Group, DoDder hopes she doesn't get another Secret Service detail killed out from under her, and AIIIEEEE!sha looks around for more people she can frame. However, she's focused on her monitor again when Lispy Skip approaches her with this confusing speech: "About an hour ago you asked me to bump up your security clearance? I was a little busy with the MacGuffin but I finally got it for you." Okay, she actually asked him about three and a half hours ago, and he got it for her ten minutes later, before anybody at CTU had even heard of the MacGuffin. Unless she came and bugged him for another clearance bump while he was singlehandely trying to prevent a coast-to-coast atomic monsoon, in which case, whoa. AIIIEEEE!sha absently thanks him, but he continues to loom over her. "What?" she says impatiently. Skip explains that she needs to choose a password, and sets up a screen for her to do so. Then he heads back to his own desk, where he's apparently hacked into AIIIEEEE!sha's system. There are sneaky glances back and forth between the two of them across the floor until the words "Old CTU substation in Torrance" pop up on Skip's screen. Holy shit! Skip's the mole! Oh, wait. Never mind. AIIIEEEE!sha appears over his shoulder and he closes down the window with the practiced speed of a veteran TWoP reader. Now there's nothing on his screen but the map showing the six unstable plants. Hey, that one in Pennsylvania has gone to Virginia! It's not just melting down, it's on the move! Somebody had better warn the President. AIIIEEEE!sha appears to have figured out that Skip is onto her, but so far she's only asking him to step outside and talk in private. Skip wants no part of that. AIIIEEEE!sha reminds him of their blackmail arrangement. Instead of caving, Skip nervously scoots away from her towards Curtis and invites him up to the DrisCube with him. Curtis is confused, but Skip insists, and the two of them head towards the DrisCube at 2:55:03 while AIIIEEEE!sha stands there snacking on a fingernail.
Driscoll is talking with Scott when her employees come in. Skip breaks the news that Special Agent Breck is innocent. Scott's not buying it, but Skip technobabbles about how AIIIEEEE!sha hacked into Special Agent Breck's system using a plain old AC power line. I know, I don't get it either. Curtis steps out of the DrisCube just in time to see AIIIEEEE!sha walking towards the exit as if she's experiencing severe intestinal urgency. Curtis sounds the alarm and chases after her.
AIIIEEEE!sha hits the exit at a dead run, Curtis and a couple of Redshirts gaining on her fast. She just makes it to her car, but Curtis catches her before she can stick her key in the door. "You're under arrest," he grits. He tosses AIIIEEEE!sha's purse and keys to a couple of plainclothes agents who got there awfully fast, telling them to search both. "I've got her," he says, dragging her back towards the building. But they're not more than a few cars away when the other agent puts the key in AIIIEEEE!sha's lock and the car blows sky-high. Good thing he turned into a dummy during the edit. The shockwave hurls AIIIEEEE!sha out of Curtis's grip and her head bangs hard against another parked car. Which reminds me: there's one thing I don't give this show enough credit for. Its real-time format means that no slow-motion or flashbacks are allowed (unless a character is watching security camera footage), so it has to make it clear what's happening in action scenes, even when a number of things are happening quickly. And, as here, it usually does a good job of that. Curtis is too shocked to be impressed, though; he stands there amid the screaming car alarms, having a major identity crisis: I'm clearly black, and I'm definitely an agent, and yet I just survived a scene with an explosion in it. I must not be as handsome as I thought. Either that or he's wondering why heaven looks like the CTU parking lot and why his personal afterlife features AIIIEEEE!sha lying on the ground unconscious with a bruised noggin. We cut away before he can explore the significance of that any further.
TerrorGringo, still carrying that canvas bag, hops out of his late-model sedan at 2:57:02 and heads toward a parked helicopter. The pilot meets him and explains that the flight's been grounded. TerrorGringo reminds the pilot that he has special clearance, but the pilot explains that the order was superseded by the DoD. TerrorGringo pulls out a gun and points it at the pilot. Well, well, I stand corrected. There was a more conspicuous way to leave the city than a specially-cleared helicopter flight: a formerly specially cleared, now no longer specially-cleared, now hijacked helicopter flight. Well played, TerrorGringo. Too bad you can't just get back in your car and disappear into traffic. Did you use the last drop of gas in your tank coasting into the parking lot or something? TerrorGringo forces the irritated pilot into the chopper and tells him, "Just get us in the air and fly east." The rotors start turning.
Kiefer pulls around the corner and spots the chopper getting ready to take off. "There it is," he tells Soul Patch. Since it's just them, he doesn't feel the need to say "I've got a visual" like he usually does. He cuts across a deep ditch to get to the helipad. The Secret Service isn't going to be happy about that when they get their truck back. He parks behind the helicopter, and he and Soul Patch move toward opposite sides of the aircraft, both with their guns out. Soul Patch, on the pilot's side, orders him not to take off. The pilot raises his hands in relief. TerrorGringo is yelling for the pilot to take off anyway, until Kiefer appears behind him and drags him out onto the tarmac. He hauls TerrorGringo over to the KiefMobile while Soul Patch covers the unfortunate pilot. TerrorGringo offers to pay Kiefer. Kiefer tells him to shut up, grabs TerrorGringo's cell phone, and tells Soul Patch to bring him the TerrorGringo's bag. "Put your hands behind your back," he tells his suspect, and shrinks into the upper half of the screen. In the lower half, DoDder arrives back at CTU for a hug from DaD. Kiefer is replaced by Curtis, watching AIIIEEEE!sha's car burn, and then by an unconscious Special Agent Breck, who's being loaded into a wheelchair. If anybody but Lispy Skip gets her as their Secret Santa this Christmas, it's going to be ugly. TerrorMom looks like death on drugs in the lower half, which she then shares with Special Agent Breck while Skip turns to look at the CTU big screen in the top half. It's showing that the reactor near San Diego is critical. Critical!
Back at the helipad, Soul Patch trots over to the Kiefmobile with TerrorGringo's bag. If Kiefer realized how close it is to the bottom of the hour, he wouldn't be wasting any time before bundling his suspect into the car and getting him out of there, but he's too excited about opening TerrorGringo's luggage. Soul Patch covers TerrorGringo, who's asking, "Who are you guys? Police? FBI?" "Actually," Soul Patch says, "I'm currently unemployed." His mock "make me an offer" tone looks like an opening to TerrorGringo, who tries another shot at bribery before Kiefer tells Soul Patch to load him into the car. Ooh, too late, because a shot rings out and the squib under TerrorGringo's shirt goes off. Kiefer and Soul Patch take cover behind the Kiefmobile as a sniper steps back from the edge of the nearest roof. I watched it three times and I can't figure out how a bullet from there followed that trajectory. Unless it was another one of those ninety-degree-turn jobbies. Soul Patch checks for TerrorGringo's pulse. "He's dead, Kiefer," Soul Patch says. "Dammit!" Kiefer hollers. It's 3:00:00. Let's hope that bag isn't empty, huh?.
week on 24: DaD gets a new suit and a haircut!