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With only three characters returning from seasons, someone at the show must have decided that one of those three had better become a lot more sympathetic. The amazing thing is that it's Potato Face, and it actually kind of works. She and Kiefer secretly team up to disobey Driscoll's orders. They're tracking a TerrorMinion that Kiefer hopes will lead them to DaD. But everyone else, from POTUS on down, wants the minion brought in immediately. And they're none too happy with Kiefer, either. DaD signs a war crimes confession for the kidnappers rather than watch them kill his daughter. TerrorTeen turns to TerrorMom for help with his idiot girlfriend and TerrorDad, but TerrorMom sells him out and invites Debbie into the TerrorHome. Poor Curtis is not only doomed, and stuck with the unenviable assignment of torturing DiCK, he's got a psycho ex-girlfriend who has blackmailed her way into a temp gig at CTU and has decided to get right to work stirring shit up. Potato Face has to watch Witless take a crunchy beating on a highway traffic-cam, until Kiefer finally intervenes. He still needs her help getting satellite surveillance of the TerrorMinion he's trailing, and she tries to come through, but she can't pull it off in time. When the TerrorMinion stops at a gas station, Kiefer figures the only way to stall him long enough is to stage a holdup. It probably seems like a good idea to Kiefer. Want more? The full recap starts right below!
This just in: my parents are, as of Sunday night's premiere, brand-new fans of 24. Which means it's more likely than ever that they're going to be reading these recaps. Hi, Mom and Dad! Hope you like them! They'd be better, but spending any more time on them would really cut into my Bible study.
Due to some graphic violence viewer discretion is advised. Somebody should have warned Potato Face.
Previously: Kiefer wanted to bring Witless in to save him from terrorists and also help find DaD. A terrorist overheard the conversation and got to Witless first. TerrorTeen delivered a briefcase and got followed by his idiot girlfriend, which TerrorDad said could bollix up the whole evil plan. Kiefer 2.0 reluctantly brought Kiefer along to pick up Witless, then got his ass killed, so Kiefer had to chase after Witless on his own. Curtis questioned DiCK about DaD and DoDder's kidnapping, which had been perpetrated by terrorists who now want to try DaD for war crimes and execute him on the internet. The following takes place between 9:00 AM and 10:00 AM.
We open on Air Force One, looking very impressive indeed as it flies over the ocean. Is someone lost? That might have been a good metaphor for the last year of the Palmer administration. Oh, well. Keeler sits down to a meeting of what looks like whichever Cabinet members and Joint Chiefs happened to be on the plane. Others, including Driscoll, are patched in via video teleconferencing. Keeler brings the new viewers up to speed, with a little analysis thrown in: "Make no mistake: this country is under attack." What's more, "Intelligence indicates that the kidnapping may be a trigger -- the first step in a series of larger attacks." So that explains what the second half of the season will be about. Keeler asks his people what's being done. His campaign manager from last season, Poor Man's Tim Russert, who now appears to be Keeler's Chief of Staff, says that all of DaD's codes and protocols have been changed and the rest of the Cabinet has been sequestered. His maybe-Press-Secretary explains that the major media outlets won't be broadcasting DaD's trial and execution (even Al-Jazeera?), but they can't control the terrorists' use of the internet and they can't shut the 'net down without crippling the government and the economy. Okay, first of all, I barely know enough about the internet to get these recaps to Sars, but even I understand that the internet doesn't have some master switch somewhere that shuts it down. And I would also like to think that the command and control systems we're using aren't quite as 'net-dependent as this scene would lead us to believe. But then the last four years have changed a lot of things that I used to like to think about the government. Poor Man's Tim Russert cuts to the chase: the only way to stop this is to find and rescue DaD. Which puts all the pressure on Driscoll. Keeler asks her how the search is going. Driscoll answers the question as nonchalantly as if Keeler had asked her about remaining storage space on CTU servers, which is so distracting that I don't even hear what she actually told him. Keeler breaks up the meeting, telling everyone that finding DaD is their top priority.
Driscoll meets up with Curtis on the CTU floor and asks how the questioning of DiCK is going. Not well enough for Driscoll, apparently, and Curtis heads off for his fateful date with an exposed power conduit. Driscoll hears Potato Face wrapping up her conversation with the Early Episode Exposition Call Center, and asks what's going on. Potato Face says she can't reach either of the Kiefers, that Witless has been intercepted, and a shooting has been reported at the train station. Driscoll's "What?" is the strongest reaction we've seen from her so far. Potato Face trots off to look for an update. Driscoll orders Lispy Skip to get pictures of Witless to their agents and set up a security grid around the station. Special Agent Breck says she can do it faster. Driscoll agrees, and drafts Lispy Skip to come and help with tactical. I bet that wasn't what Special Agent Breck planned. But before Lispy Skip can do more than activate his screensaver, Kiefer calls in. Driscoll demands to know what's going on. Kiefer breaks the news that Kiefer 2.0 is dead, and that he's secretly tracking the Velveteen-Voiced Hostile (formerly the Velveteen-Voiced One, formerly the Clean-Cut Minion -- I'm tired, all right?) who nabbed Witless. Driscoll wants to send backup to bring in VVH, but Kiefer doesn't think so; he wants to keep following VVH in the hope that he'll lead them to DaD. Driscoll explains about the webcast, which only makes Kiefer more convinced that leaving VVH free and following him is the only way to find DaD in time. "Kiefer, we had a deal!" Driscoll whines. "You're breaking up," Kiefer lies, and tells Driscoll to get SWAT and rescue teams ready and that he'll be in touch. He hangs up without saying where he is. Driscoll slams down the phone. She demands to know where Kiefer was calling from, but Lispy Skip reports that Kiefer had it blocked. Everyone stares at Driscoll, thinking, worst boss ever. Driscoll now has to announce that Kiefer 2.0 is dead, and that Kiefer is "no longer cooperating." Everyone is to concentrate on finding Kiefer and the VVH.
Potato Face walks off in the middle of Driscoll's instructions. She picks up her phone to call the train station, but there's no new information. She hangs up about a second before Special Agent Breck rings her extension. Oh, and guess what? Now CTU has these LCD videophone displays that show the caller's face in fish-eye peephole-vision. I have no idea why, since anybody in the place can just look across the floor and see anybody else, usually without even standing up. But maybe they'll come into play later. I hope so, because even Special Agent Breck looks like hell on it. Anyway Special Agent Breck is asking for Potato Face's help with something or other. Potato Face gives her about four seconds of her time before snapping, "My friend, Witless, who I promised would be okay, do you mind if I try to find him?" She hangs up with a resounding [sic].
Speaking of Witless, he's trying to sit up and peer through the back window of the VVH-mobile, until VVH smacks him back down. VVH checks his rearview, then dials his cell. Poor Man's Robert Davi puts down the Briefcase and answers the call at 9:07:16. VVH tells Poor Man's Robert Davi that he has Witless, although he had to kill Kiefer 2.0. He also figures that anyone following him from the station would have caught up with him by now. Poor Man's Robert Davi says that's true, unless he's being followed by someone who doesn't want him to know he's being followed. Which is correct. But what if nobody was following him, but wanted him to think he was being followed? Or what if VVH is secretly following someone without telling Poor Man's Robert Davi, who in turn is having Kiefer followed without Kiefer's knowledge? Oh, never mind. Poor Man's Robert Davi ends the call by telling VVH to "take precautions." At the exit ramp, the VVH-mobile dives across two lanes of traffic and the tip of the median to get off the freeway. Kiefer watches this from the middle lane, too close behind to follow him down the off-ramp, even if he could without giving himself away. Kiefer guns it to the on-ramp and heads down it in the wrong direction, honking and yelling, "Move!" Stupid sheep, going up the on-ramp the right way. One of the vehicles is the obligatory yellow school bus, although it's visibly empty of students. Kiefer gets to the bottom of the ramp and spots the VVH-mobile turning off the road to his left. Does VVH notice in his rearview the Kiefmobile that just appeared where no vehicle of any kind had any business appearing? No; Kiefer follows the VVH-mobile's turns and pulls onto a residential street with a clear view of the VVH-mobile a block or two ahead. Well played, Kiefer. Too bad that school bus was empty; you could have made that the most exciting field trip ever.
Welcome to the TerrorDome. Terrorists lead DaD, now in a snazzy orange jumpsuit, back to the cell. DoDder asks him if he's all right, and he nods stoically and explains about the announcement and the trial and the timeline, and then kicks a barrel in frustration. DoDder holds out hope that Kiefer and POTUS will find them in time. DaD says he's not worried about himself, but he wishes DoDder hadn't come this morning. As if to underscore the point, Poor Man's Robert Davi enters the cell with a passel of guards and a few printed pages. "This is a list of the offenses you are being charged with." DaD takes the list and looks it over, but sticks his other hand in his jumpsuit pocket rather than taking the proffered pen. "Sign it," orders Poor Man's Robert Davi. DaD refuses and drops the document on the ground. It must be warm in there, which explains why everyone is perspiring so freely, but it doesn't explain why everyone is wearing leather jackets. At some point they stop making you look evil and start making you look like a sweaty moron. I have plenty of time to observe this while DaD and Poor Man's Robert Davi glare at each other. Finally Poor Man's Robert Davi gestures towards DoDder. The guards grab her and throw her against the wall while other guards hold DaD back. "Kill her!" orders Poor Man's Robert Davi, but DaD quickly agrees to sign. He picks it up, signs the front page without reading any of the rest of it, and hands it back. It's not clear whether he signs using his real name or the name "Heywood Jablome." Also, he keeps the pen. That'll learn 'em. It's 9:10:50.
9:15:13. DoDder paces, Witless sweats, Kiefer pursues, and more seconds of Curtis's short life tick past. Driscoll comes out on the floor and learns that she basically has the staff she deserves: Curtis can't find Kiefer, Special Agent Breck is learning nothing from the kidnapping forensics, and Lispy Skip's attempt to trace the webcast is being stymied by braided code, whatever that is. Special Agent Breck gets a call and tells Driscoll it's POTUS. "Make something happen," Driscoll moans, and stomps off to take the call. During a crisis, she would probably be better off calling the president rather than making him call her. That's a rule I plan to live by if it ever applies to my life in any capacity whatsoever.
Driscoll looks pretty unhappy about not having anything new to tell the Prez, other than that Kiefer is trailing a suspect. Keeler asks why they're not bringing him in, and Driscoll says they're working on it. She doesn't say that Kiefer has gone off the reservation and is basically a fugitive as well. Keeler asks if they're going to be able to save DaD and DoDder in time. Driscoll says she hopes so. But she wants to ask him about the possibility of an all-out assault if they find themselves in a situation where they know where DaD is but can't get him out without killing him. POTUS wants to put that decision off for now. Palmer would be proud. End of call. At 9:17:00, Driscoll turns and looks at the freeze-frame of a gagged DaD up on the CTU big-screen.
Curtis's cell-phone rings. It's Aisha Tyler, calling from behind some French doors in a sunny garden somewhere. She wants to know why she hasn't been included in the ongoing employee-exchange program between CTU and the Las Vegas Crime Lab. Curtis tries to blow her off, but she persists until he tells her that he's uncomfortable working with her since he realized that he was shtupping him to further her career. Curtis starts to get seriously pissed off as she decides that she'll talk to Driscoll instead. Then, before she hangs up on him, she punches a code into her phone that causes Curtis's handset to instantly microwave his brain.
The Kiefmobile. Kiefer calls Potato Face's desk. She wants to know what happened with Witless. Kiefer explains. Potato Face tells Kiefer about how Driscoll says he's defying orders. Kiefer says he didn't have a choice. He even repeats Potato Face's words back to her: "She's not handling this the right way." Potato Face warns, "If anything happens to Witless…" I'm really interested in how she would have finished that sentence. What could she do to him that's worse than hanging out with him socially? ["Put him in a Winona Ryder vehicle? …Oh, wait." -- Sars] But Kiefer cuts her off to say he's doing the best he can and that his priority is to find the terrorists. Potato Face asks why he's calling her, then. Now that Kiefer finally has control over the conversation, he explains that VVH is heading to the canyons and he'll need satellite surveillance. Otherwise VVH will realize that he's being followed on the isolated road. Potato Face rolls her eyes. "You want me to steal satellite bandwidth from CTU without anyone knowing?" "Yes," Kiefer says. "Where are you?" Potato Face says. Whoa, awesome! Who is this woman and what has she done with Potato Face? Kiefer gives her his location. Potato Face looks at her screen and tells Kiefer that traffic cameras will serve well enough for now, but they will need satellite coverage later. He asks her to call back, and she agrees. When she hangs up, Lispy Skip is looming over her. "Who was that?" he asks. "It was personal," Potato Face snits. Lispy Skip lumbers off. Nosy bastard. I swear, CTU must have nosiness as a main criteria for employment. Everyone has to take a nosiness quiz that rates them somewhere from zero to Jamie Farr, and nobody who scores under Joe Namath gets hired.
As he returns to his desk, Special Agent Breck asks him if something's wrong. Lispy Skip says Potato Face is acting strange. If by "strange" you mean "helpful," which, okay. Special Agent Breck pretends not to be concerned, but turns to give Potato Face a suspicious stare. She should just call Potato Face on the videophone and ask to be put on hold.
9:19:29. Curtis enters the Driscube. Driscoll says she just finished talking to Aisha. "Whatever she told you," Curtis says, "it's coming from a very disturbed place." Heh. Driscoll allows that that may be the case, but Aisha is also in possession of classified CTU information. Curtis denies having shared that information with Aisha between thrusts, but Driscoll would rather let Aisha blackmail herself a temp gig than go through all the security nightmares that fixing the breach would represent. She tells Curtis that Aisha's on her way in and he's going to have to deal with it.
subject: how's it going with DiCK? Driscoll turns her monitor to the feed from the camera in DiCK's interrogation room. Curtis is satisfied that DiCK wasn't knowingly involved with the kidnapping, but he's still insisting he didn't tell anyone about DaD's visit, and Curtis isn't totally convinced that's the case. I suggest Curtis play back his tape of the first episode, where DiCK looked kind of surprised to see his DaD in the first place. But since nobody on this show ever listens to me, Driscoll asks why DiCK would protect someone who betrayed him. "Because he's too arrogant to believe that's what happened," Curtis says. Okay, that I can buy. Driscoll says that going through DiCK's phone records will take too long and they need to find another way. "What do you mean?" Curtis asks. "You know what I mean," Driscoll says. Curtis hears the ominous music and says, "We don't even know if he's guilty of anything." "This is how we'll find out," Driscoll says. The floor beneath Curtis collapses and he falls to his death. Driscoll goes back to watching the DiCK channel. Ew, not like that. If she's ordering the torture of the son of the Secretary of Defense, she'd better hope DaD gets killed after all.
9:21:33. At the TerrorHome, TerrorMom is sitting at her TerrorDesk paying her TerrorBills and running TerrorQuicken™ while TerrorTeen paces the hallway. Finally TerrorTeen approaches her. "Did Father talk to you about Debbie?" he asks. "What about her?" says TerrorMom. TerrorTeen explains about the Briefcase delivery and the following and the hey-hey, and frets that now that Debbie has seen the "warehouse" where they're "holding" DaD, TerrorDad will "…" "I didn't realize you felt so strongly about her," TerrorMom coos. She gets up and slowly approaches TerrorTeen, bugging her eyes at him so far out that they're practically prehensile. "What to you want me to do?" she asks. "Talk to him," TerrorTeen says. "He'll listen to you." Yes, the voice of moderation in this scenario is the person who hasn't blinked in ten minutes. "Okay," TerrorMom says. As she explains that TerrorDad is on his way to a meeting and she try to contact him, she reaches out a hand and gently runs her talons along TerrorTeen's face. He smiles, not believing his good luck. I don't believe she didn't just twist his empty head clean off with one hand. It's 9:23:32.
I like Quizno's sandwiches, but between the guy sucking a wolf tit and the "Spong monkeys" and now the talking baby, they really need to quit making commercials that creep me the hell out.
9:27:57. Potato Face, DaD, and DiCK stress over their respective situations. I just realized that I could probably use that sentence for every back-from-commercial split-screen for the rest of the season, just changing the names and the times. Hang on, programming a macro…okay, I'm back. Curtis comes into DiCK's interrogation room with a couple of redshirts and somebody I assume is Johnson. Curtis orders DiCK strapped to his chair. DiCK accepts this with the equanimity we've come to expect from him, i.e. a very large negative amount. Driscoll takes up a position in the observation room. She should really have a microwave and a stash of popcorn in there for herself. Once DiCK is strapped in, Curtis repeats his question. DiCK repeats his answer. Curtis nods at Johnson, who pulls a large syringe out of his silver case. Curtis explains that the drug works on a neurotransmitter level: "It makes every nerve ending in your body feel like it's on fire." DiCK thinks Curtis is bluffing. Curtis explains that by the time DiCK is released, there won't be a mark on him and it'll be his word against Curtis's. DiCK says something about what his dad's job is. Some government gig, apparently. "I thought you hated him," Curtis says. "Now he's Dear Old Dad." He nods at Johnson, and DiCK demonstrates that he's been pacing himself, because this is his most intense freak-out yet. Johnson approaches with the needle. Curtis winces, loses his stomach (not literally. Yet.), and orders Johnson to stop. In the observation room, Driscoll looks taken aback.
Curtis meets his irritated boss in the hallway and says he can't do it: "It's an inappropriate use of force." "I gave you an order," Driscoll says, as if it hasn't already been amply established today that her orders are optional. "Then give it to me in writing," Curtis says. Driscoll balks at that, but Curtis offers a compromise: sensory disorientation. Whatever that is. "Fine. Try it," Driscoll snaps, and storms off, wondering what the fudge she has to flipping do to get one gosh-darn person around here to do what the heck she says once in a while. I mean, gee whiz. I mentioned that my parents are reading now, right?
Speaking of parents, TerrorDad is arriving at a coffee shop at 9:30:20, just as TerrorMom calls him on his cell phone. They talk about the Debbie situation, and TerrorMom assures TerrorDad that she'll take care of it, just as TerrorTeen arrives to listen to her end of the conversation. She hasn't given anything away. "Do I still have to call Debbie and get her over here?" "No," TerrorMom chirps with a smile and a little head-shake and complete technical accuracy if not downright honesty. TerrorTeen smiles and wraps his mom in a long, grateful hug, when anybody in their right mind would be running away from her right now. We see her pained look over his shoulder. Understandable. He's a young man, she's a beautiful woman, and after a few takes she probably got pretty tired of that blunt stabbing sensation in her lower abdomen.
VVH is still on the road with Witless. He looks in the backseat and says, "I'm gonna pull over soon and we're gonna talk, okay?" Witless doesn't object. He has duct tape on his mouth, remember? VVH velveteens that "today is not about me or you. It's about something bigger. What I need to know with certainty is that what you saw on the internet will not interfere with what we have planned. You have to convince me of that." If you're going to try and torture the truth out of someone, is it really a good idea to tell him what you want to hear before you even get started? I don't know; I'm actually asking. In case it ever comes up. VVH pulls off the road and drives down an embankment to meet a couple of other, beefier, less clean-cut minions under a freeway bridge at 9:32:32.
Kiefer marks this as he drives past, then pulls over at the stop sign. He screws in his Lieutenant Uhura earpiece and goes around to the back of the Kiefmobile just as Potato Face calls to tell him that the satellite coverage is going to take a while, what with the current demand for it being pretty high. "How much longer?" Kiefer bellows into his earpiece as he unloads crap out of the back of the Kiefmobile. Potato Face says it depends, and asks for an updated location. "Suspect pulled off just past mile marker 31," Kiefer hollers. Damn, Kiefer, keep a lid on it, would you? I thought you were supposed to be covert. They can hear you back at CTU without the phone. Potato Face wants to know why VVH pulled off in such a remote location. Kiefer yells that he doesn't know and blows her off, which actually suggests to me that he does know. He disconnects and simultaneously closes the hood of the Kiefmobile with a slam that gets picked up by seismographs in Bakersfield.
As the two auxiliary thugs stand by, VVH drags Witless out of the car at gunpoint. He rips off the duct tape. I know that's stunt duct tape, because Witless still looks unshaven when it comes off. Kiefer scampers unseen along the slope above them, carrying what looks like a portfolio the size of a surfboard. He takes up a position and watches through a spy telescope as Witless takes a couple of painful body blows. Meanwhile, back at CTU, Potato Face has taken over the traffic cam attached to the bridge and is now pointing it at where VVH stopped his car. She watches in horror as Witless's beating continues. Kiefer's got a sniper rifle set up now, and he's watching through the scope. Potato Face calls him: "Kiefer, I'm watching this…you've got to stop it." Kiefer says if he does, they lose their chance to find DaD. VVH asks Witless what he told CTU. Witless comes clean. Metaphorically, I mean. He was a distant second behind DiCK in this season's Poor Hygiene Parade, but now with all the blood on him, he's…still a distant second. VVH seems satisfied, but gets in another vicious smack for good measure. "Kiefer, stop them, just stop them," Potato Face begs. Kiefer looks pained. VVH wipes Witless's blood off his hands and steps away to call Poor Man's Robert Davi as the other two thugs let Witless fall to the ground. VVH assures his boss that Witless didn't tell anyone enough to spoil their day, and never even logged in to their servers. and Poor Man's Robert Davi tells VVH to get to the TerrorDome already and have the thugs "get rid of the body." It's 9:35:27.
Potato Face is still watching all this, the phone clamped so tight to the side of her head that it looks like it's going to come out through her other ear. Special Agent Breck rolls up to ask a stupid question, and Potato Face blows her off. "Why are you so impatient with everybody?" Special Agent Breck complains. "Not everybody, just you," Potato Face snaps. "Now please go away." Special Agent Breck does, with a hearty "Bitch."
Back under the bridge, VVH is getting ready to get back on the road. Kiefer tells Potato Face that VVH is moving and he has to follow him. Potato Face begs him not to abandon Witless to the thugs, saying that they'll kill him. Hey, I warned him. You can tell Potato Face wants to scream at Kiefer into the phone. Kiefer's ignoring her, running along the path back to the Kiefmobile. Then he stops and looks back in the direction he came from. VVH is back on the road. Potato Face watches in growing horror on her monitor as the two remaining thugs get down to the business of a serious curb-stomping. Then one of the thugs pulls out a pistol, aims it at Witless, and suddenly falls down with a jerk (I mean that his body jerks; I don't mean he falls down with Witless). His partner quickly follows suit under the second shot from Kiefer's sniper rifle. Kiefer rushes to his car as Potato Face asks Kiefer if Witless is alive. Kiefer says he is, and tells her to send an ambulance. "Get me the damn satellite coverage!" he roars in an "I just did you a favor and now you damn well better come through for me" voice. Kiefer's back in pursuit.
Back at CTU, Potato Face gets off the phone with the ambulance dispatcher, shuts down the illicit window on her computer, and starts walking to the restroom, her posture tight. "What's wrong?" Curtis asks as he passes, but she cuts him dead. She gets into the bathroom, grabs a few paper towels off the dispenser, and locks herself into a stall, where she proceeds to sob heartily but silently into the wad she's holding stuffed against her mouth. What? Why are you looking at me that way? I'm certainly not emotionally affected by this. Not me. Huh-uh. I'm just thinking about my cat that died two months ago. It's 9:38:06. Shut up.
Commercials. I said shut up.
9:42:31. Have we all calmed down a little bit? Good. I don't want to have to turn this recap around and go home. DaD paces in his cell in an artfully composed shot that features an assault rifle in the foreground; a drained Potato Face heads back to her cube, DiCK makes like Rodin's The Thinker, and the TerrorDome domes. And I didn't even get to use my new macro. DaD comes and sits to DoDder, and whispers that she may have a chance to escape later when the terrorists are busy with the trial. DoDder thinks maybe they can take a chance before then, but DaD knows that they won't take their eyes off of him, but if she gets a chance, he wants her to take it. DoDder ain't trying to hear that, but DaD insists. He pulls her into a hug, telling her he wants her to live a full life and have a family. He doesn't mention Kiefer. She breaks down. She doesn't mention Kiefer either. I'm starting to think that maybe she's an asshole. Her dad may have less than three hours to live and she still doesn't want to tell him about her relationship? I would never hide something that important from my parents. I would never hide anything from my parents. I tell them absolutely everything. Nothing to see here, Mom and Dad.
Potato Face is standing there and ignoring her ringing phone until Special Agent Breck offers to get it for her. "No," Potato Face says, and grabs it. She tells Kiefer she'll never forgive him for what happened to Witless. Funny, she always seemed like the forgiving kind to me. Kiefer says he knows how she feels, but this the only way to play it. She says she's going to go rat him out to Driscoll. Kiefer says if she didn't believe in him, she would have gone to Driscoll already. "I can't do this without you. I need your help to stop them…are you with me?" Aw. Potato Face makes more potato faces and promises to call him back as soon as she has the satellite set up. Remember when Kiefer held Potato Face at gunpoint? Good times. It's 9:45:35.
Aisha has arrived at CTU and is being met by Driscoll, Curtis, and Special Agent Breck. It takes three people to greet a temp? No wonder the Secretary of Defense is still missing. Curtis leads Aisha off to a vacant work station. She gives a half-assed apology for going over his head, but says, "I'll let it go if you will." Curtis gets right up in her face and says, "Get to work, Aisha." She smirks at his retreating back.
Curtis goes over to Potato Face, who is acting like the proverbial one-armed paper-hanger in the proverbial one-armed ass-kicking contest and asks her what she's working on. She makes something up, and he asks her to build a firewall around Aisha's computer to make sure she doesn't make any more trouble. Potato Face gives one of her trademark "Fine"s and Curtis wanders off, oblivious to the blood clot making its way to his lung. Kiefer calls Potato Face again and she tells him she's not sure she can pull off the satellite thing. Kiefer tells her they have about five minutes before they're going to be on a road with no other cars, which will make shadowing VVH pretty tricky. Potato Face looks over at Lispy Skip at his computer and gets an idea. After hanging up with Kiefer, she does something on her computer that makes Lispy Skip's screen go all kooky. He calls her for help, and she suddenly comes over all helpful-like, suggesting to Lispy Skip that he retrieve his files from the back room. He scampers away, and Potato Face, who can't even be grateful that she works with idiots when it serves her purposes, leans over and fixes Lispy Skip's computer with a few keystrokes. Which Aisha notices, even though she had to turn 180 degrees in her chair to see it. Wow, she really got right to work, didn't she? She must have scored a Karl Malden.
Back at her desk, Potato Face gets an "Access Granted" message on her screen and calls Kiefer with the good news. The bad news is that there's no continuous coverage, so she's going to have to order a satellite reposition. Kiefer tells her that they're in luck, since VVH is pulling into a gas station. Potato Face says that's good, because repositioning the satellites is going to take a while. Yes, Potato Face is going to be manipulating objects in orbit. Those of you reading this in the greater Los Angeles area may want to start wearing skateboard helmets when you go outside. It's 9:48:55.
9:53:11. Potato Face is lost in space. Kiefer stakes out the gas station from inside the parked Kiefmobile. VVH trots into said gas station, presumably having filled his tank and not wanting to pay at the pump using his Terrorist Express card. DaD and DoDder languish some more. At CTU, Aisha appears at Lispy Skip's side and starts shaking him down for info. "The Secretary of Defense has been kidnapped," Skip lisps. Aisha knows that, she says pleasantly, but she's looking for more of a tactical overview. Lispy Skip is too busy to tell her anything, but not too smart, because she doesn't let him walk away until he's told her that Kiefer's off on his own following a terrorist. "All right," Aisha says, with an expression from Lady MacPalmer's Big Book of Ambiguously Evil Half-Smiles.
It's dark in DiCK's interrogation room, and he's sitting there wearing a silver eyeshade and headphones, hooked up to boxes on the table. His head's weaving around like he's experiencing his own personal Laser Floyd show. Curtis comes in and removes the headphones. Whatever DiCK's been listening to, it doesn't have a beat, but you can probably dance to it provided you've ingested enough Thorazine. Curtis also takes off the eyeshade and turns the light on. DiCK squints painfully as Curtis turns down the sound box. Curtis asks how long DiCK thinks he's been getting the weeoowee treatment. DiCK thinks it's been about three to four hours. Curtis tells him its been less than thirty minutes, and DiCK starts getting weepy. "Time is the first thing you lose track of," Curtis says, "and it only gets worse." Yes, after Laser Floyd you get Laser Skynyrd. And the floor gets nasty during those shows. Dick complains some more, and maintains that he's told them everything. Curtis isn't impressed. He puts the eyeshade and the headphones back on DiCK's head, turns the weeoowee back up, hits the lights, and leaves DiCK alone with his loud, bouncy freak-out.
9:56:42. At the gas station, there's quite a line for the register. VVH makes a hilarious annoyed face as the guy two places ahead of him in line dumps a fistful of change on the counter. Missed that the first time. Kiefer calls Potato Face to ask where she is on her science project. She says it's going to be a while longer, there's nothing she can do about it, and Kiefer's going to have to find a way to keep VVH at the station for a while.
TerrorTeen looks out the front window of the TerrorHome to see Debbie's car pulling into the driveway. He turns on TerrorMom, who is busy with a flower arrangement at the bottom of the banister. "What did you do?" he demands. TerrorMom explains that she invited Debbie over to talk. TerrorTeen is pissed that TerrorMom sold him out. TerrorMom says that TerrorDad is right, and she goes to answer the door. TerrorTeen wants to know what she said when she called. "I told her that I was concerned about the two of you and that I wanted to help," TerrorMom says, almost looking as though she actually means it. He tries to block her from answering the door. "You know what's at stake," she hisses at him. Yes, so much that she can spend time fucking around with flower arrangements. With a fierce look, she steps around him and lets Debbie in at 9:57:32, pleasantly inviting her to have a seat in the living room while TerrorMom goes to the kitchen to make tea. Debbie says a bunch of stupid, clueless things to TerrorTeen, who responds, "You don't understand. You shouldn't have come." Debbie looks hurt. "Why do you always say things like that?" she whines. Why does he KEEP HAVING TO? God! Debbie flops down on the sofa. TerrorTeen goes and watches his mom busy herself with the tea service. She looks up and freezes for a moment, all, "Now, where did I put the honey spoons?"
She shrinks up into the upper right corner of the screen; DoDder weeps in the upper right at the thought of losing her DaD (which I totally would too. Either one of my parents. I would be inconsolable); Kiefer wonders how much longer VVH is going to be in the gas station; VVH wonders the same thing, pinching the bridge of his nose in frustration; and Potato Face is still doing her thing. VVH finally gets to the register as Kiefer calls Potato Face one more time. She tells him it's going to be at least another five minutes. Kiefer says he'll need to come up with a way to stall VVH, and rings off with an order for Potato Face to keep at it. Kiefer gets out of the Kiefmobile, opens up the back, pulls out one of those nifty cargo drawers that I would want if I drove an SUV, and selects a messenger bag and a small black bundle. He makes his way up to the door of the gas station, taking care not to be seen, as VVH hands the cashier some money (which was no doubt yours until you used it to buy either illegal drugs or gas for your SUV, depending on your political persuasion). Just outside the door, Kiefer's small black bundle turns out to be a ski mask, which he pulls on over his face before he bursts through the door, gun out, hollering, "Everybody put your hands up now! You! Don't move!" VVH can't fucking believe it. He's not the only one.
Announcer: "An all-new hour of 24 starts now." M. Giant: "Oh, just kill me already."