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Lady Mac is dead! Kiefer threatens to check Spawnders into Inn Fection in order to force Saunders to help him locate ten of the remaining eleven vials of the virus. Soul Patch is staring down the barrel of twenty years in prison for treason. Lady Mac listens to a spurious offer from Palmer, but she isn't going to be satisfied with any position below First Lady. Oh, and the medicine bottle that she's using to blackmail him? Brother Palmer's hired thug finds it on Lady Mac's unconscious body after taking the not-previously-agreed-upon measure of knocking her out. Things get even weirder when Julia Milliken shows up and kills Lady Mac and herself. I know! Ten of Saunders's virus couriers get taken down and their vials secured, but number eleven is a wild card somewhere in L.A. and he's still at large. We're getting down to the proverbial wire. And did I mention that Lady Mac is dead? Want more? The full recap starts right below!
Previously on 24: Senator Keeler had "proof" that Palmer lied to the police in the form of Alan Milliken's prescription bottle. Brother Palmer offered to try to steal the bottle from Lady Mac, because he is stupid. Soul Patch was ready to trade Spawnders for Bitchelle, but Kiefer put a stop to that so he could do the trade his way. Spawnders lost her nerve, the swap went south, and Saunders made a break for it, but Kiefer captured him with the help of a couple of handy fighter planes. Kiefer demanded to know where the remaining eleven vials of the virus were, but Saunders wasn't inclined to share. The following takes place between 11:00 AM and 12:00 PM. Kiefer sounds glad that he doesn't have to give two morning times with the same amount of emphasis on both "AM"s for a change.
Things have calmed down under the Sixth Street Bridge. Soul Patch is giving a statement, firefighters are hosing down Saunders's burned-out helicopter, Saunders's henchmen are in body bags on the pavement, Special Agent Charlie Brown is getting a new bandage on his perforated hand, and Spawnders is experimenting with some new blank expressions. Kiefer approaches a CTU agent who's fiddling with a confiscated laptop. The agent tells Kiefer he's working on pulling the locations of the missing eleven vials, which is going to be tricky. Of course. Kiefer walks around to where a handcuffed Saunders is standing and asks where the vials are. Saunders tells him that he's wasting his time; he doesn't have the information in his laptop. Awfully nice of him to share that. Kiefer asks again. I'm just going to type a number every time he does that, preceded by the letter K. So we're at K2 now. Saunders boasts that his couriers are true believers in his cause, and it looks like he was serious about his motivation a few episodes ago. Too bad, but it's too late to do anything about that now. Kiefer reminds Saunders of the eight hundred victims at Inn Fection, and Saunders blows them off as the "first casualties." Kiefer wants to know "what happened to" Saunders, and all he gets is a smug smile and a lot of whining about how he was abandoned by the people he worked for. Yeah, that would suck, but you knew going in that that could happen, you crybaby. Saunders reveals that his men have been instructed to release the virus at noon, and that he'll only stop them if Kiefer agrees to his terms: he wants to be on his private plane from Van Nuys to North Africa. Ooh, how exciting! Just imagine flying to North Africa: you get off the plane at the North Africa Airport, you see all the signs saying "Welcome to North Africa," hear people speaking North African everywhere. Kiefer's not up for that, so Saunders tells him that in that case, hundreds of thousands will die. He reminds Kiefer that the Bosnian Secret Police couldn't break him in two years, and wonders if Kiefer will be able to break him in less than an hour. Kiefer looks as if he'd like to try. Maybe it would help if someone got him a box to stand on; it's hard to intimidate someone who towers over you. Kiefer steps out of Saunders's earshot and calls for Spawnders into his walkie-talkie.
A tall, shaven-headed guy in a suit walks up to Soul Patch and asks for his gun. Soul Patch hands it over. Cue Ball then orders Soul Patch frisked, and two other agents spin him around to comply. Special Agent Charlie Brown sees this and steps up to Soul Patch's defense, but Cue Ball isn't impressed. Kiefer approaches as well, and when Cue Ball announces that Soul Patch is being taken into custody, Kiefer apologetically tells Soul Patch there's nothing he can do right now. Soul Patch puts on a brave face as he's led away in handcuffs. It's 11:06:40. Kiefer's order for a fresh, hot Spawnders arrives promptly, and he asks her to try to talk her dad out of his plan. Kiefer gives her a little pep talk, neglecting to mention that her life may depend on her success. Spawnders approaches her father, who has the decency to look embarrassed about the imminent conversation. Spawnders tries to prevail on Saunders to abandon his plan, but he insists he's doing it for her sake, to make the world a better place. Well, it'll be a less crowded place, in any event. Spawnders gives up on him and storms off in disgust. Kiefer, seeing this, tells his walkie-talkie to "get the choppers ready."
It's 11:09:01, and Lady Mac is sunning herself on the porch of her fabulous beach house when her phone rings. It's Palmer. I notice they've pretty much given up on that "please hold for the President" routine. Lady Mac doesn't seem too impressed that Palmer's calling her, even when he says he might be ready to match Keeler's offer. Palmer tells her it's in both their best interests to discuss it, and he would be right if he weren't lying. He prefers to discuss it in person rather than on the phone, and names a local baseball field to meet her at in twenty-five minutes. She makes noises about the short notice. To his credit, he doesn't fold. He even claims that he's got a busy schedule, and if he has to change meetings around, people will notice. At least he's getting better at lying. Lady Mac acquiesces. I wish someone would point out to her that murderers tend to go to jail longer than accessories-after-the-fact.
Palmer hangs up and immediately calls Brother Palmer, who is parked across the street from Lady Mac's house. Foxton is pacing outside the car, so it's clear that they aren't making out. Why does Brother Palmer have his own car? We know it's not Foxton's car, because we saw them leave that behind in the garage last week. Did Brother Palmer drive to Los Angeles from Washington, D.C.? And if not, why would he have bothered to rent a car in L.A.? I would think the Chief of Staff would get to ride in the Presidential motorcade. But whatever. The Brothers Palmer remind each other why Brother Palmer is there with Foxton, and Palmer promises to keep Lady Mac out of the house as long as possible. So I'm thinking ten minutes, max. He hangs up, ordering Brother Palmer to "Find it." So much for plausible deniability.
11:10:51. Kiefer leads Saunders, flanked by two agents, up the steps to Inn Fection. Less than two minutes ago they were still at the Sixth Street Bridge. Damn, did they travel by helicopter or slingshot? A large plastic umbilical has been set up at Inn Fection's entrance, and two gas-masked agents are standing guard. Hazmaticians are visible through the front window, as are dozens of covered bodies. Kiefer lectures Saunders, but Saunders has more gnomic excuses. I'm so tired of terrorists who spend more time hatching their evil schemes than thinking of why the schemes are necessary in the first place. Kiefer's not any more interested in Saunders's justifications than I am, and goes right into K3. Saunders isn't frightened at the thought of being put inside Inn Fection; he's prepared to die for his cause. Actually, Saunders, you'd be dying with your cause, since you're the only one who knows what you want. Via walkie-talkie, Kiefer gives an order to Special Agent Charlie Brown, who leads Spawnders out of the helicopter we just saw take off in the background less than a minute ago. It's back on the ground when they get out, drat the luck.
As they approach, Saunders seems to twig to what Kiefer has in mind. Spawnders doesn't, so she has to ask why she's there. Kiefer says, "Ask your father. It's up to him." That's cold. Spawnders just says, "Dad?" Way to remind me of Sofia Coppola at the end of Godfather III, there. K4 comes with the explicit threat of putting Spawnders into Inn Fection. Saunders is shaken, but he's denying that Kiefer will actually do it. Spawnders looks shocked and betrayed. She thought they were friends! K5. Saunders tells Kiefer he "can't do this. You're a government agent." Tell that to the guy whose head he put into a bowling bag last season. Kiefer orders Spawnders brought into the building. Special Agent Charlie Brown doesn't look too pleased at having to kill an innocent (if annoyingly passive) young woman, but he sucks it up and follows Kiefer's order with barely any hesitation. Spawnders struggles as Charlie Brown hands her off to the guards at the entrance, while Saunders struggles with his "conscience." The guards drag her into the plastic umbilical while alarms go off and disinfectant mist pours in. Kiefer says to Saunders, "Everything that happens to your daughter is because of you!" Saunders screams at Kiefer to get her out of there while Spawnders screams at Saunders. K6! K7! Kiefer grabs Saunders by the throat -- reaching up pretty high to do so -- and says, "When she's infected, I'm going to make you watch her die." He turns to watch the entrance; one of the guards has his hand on the door handle. Saunders caves, and Kiefer closes his eyes in relief before turning around to face Saunders again. K8 is pretty quiet. Saunders says that each of the vials is tagged with a GPS locator chip, so they can all be found in one episode without doing a lot of expensive location shooting. Or maybe he gives a different reason. All of the codes are in his head. Kiefer is surprised that he memorized all eleven. I think that would explain why he didn't have enough brain space left to think to get his daughter out of CTU's reach before he put his plan into motion. Kiefer orders Spawnders brought out of the tunnel. She's stopped screaming, but I don't think she and Kiefer are going to be friends anymore. It's 11:14:29.
11:18:42. Brother Palmer and Foxton stake out Lady Mac's crib; Palmer stands around, because it's not like the capture and full cooperation of the guy who had him by the scrotum a few hours ago is anything he needs to hear about; and Spawnders appears to have regained her composure, if by "composure" you mean "catatonia." CTU has set up a little workstation outside Inn Fection, including a computer that's tracking the signals coming from ten of the eleven vials. Kiefer wants to know why one signal is missing, but Saunders doesn't know either, since he handed over the right codes. The eleventh courier is in Los Angeles with instructions to release his vial o' virus in a public place. Kiefer dispatches some agents to escort Saunders (New! Improved! Now With 100% Cooperation!) to CTU so he can give a description to a sketch artist. Spawnders is to stay at Inn Fection lest he change his mind. Kiefer then gets Adam the Woman Hater on the blower to have him do a search on Wild Card. Kiefer then asks after Tony's replacement at CTU, and Adam tells Brad Hammond, who has just arrived at the office, that Kiefer's on the phone for him. Hammond jumps to answer it. Yeah, who's the real boss? Hammond's pretty much up to speed on what's been going on, and he reports that the coordinates of the ten known vials are being disseminated to law enforcement, National Health Service, and hazmat teams around the country, so Kiefer isn't going to have to fly all over and chase them down himself. Kiefer gives Hammond the skinny on the eleventh vial. Hammond asks if Kiefer thinks Saunders is telling the truth, and Kiefer says, "Right now he believes we're willing to kill his daughter if he doesn't cooperate." Kiefer, everyone believes that. Kiefer's got another item on his agenda: he wants Hammond to cut Soul Patch a little slack. Hammond refuses. Kiefer reminds us all what went on during the first half of Season One, and Hammond tells him the circumstances were different. Kiefer points out that "the outcome will be the same. We will prevail." Kiefer goes on about how the "operation began a year ago" and Gael gave his life and Kiefer became an addict, like, way to remind everyone of the earlier, suckier parts of the season, Kiefer. Hammond has had all the tongue-lashing he's prepared to take from a subordinate, and he hangs up the phone. He's kind of a hard-ass after all. Maybe we should call him Hammer.
It's 11:21:27, and the agents who arrested Soul Patch enter CTU and parade their prisoner through the office in handcuffs. Potato Face glares at him like a three-year-old told to make a "mad" face. Bitchelle watches through a half-open door, visibly aware that he put himself in this position to save her. Soul Patch gets led into a holding room and uncuffed, Hammer right behind him. Soul Patch asks to talk to Bitchelle, but Hammer refuses. I think that taking Kiefer's call a minute ago used up his entire hourly ration of agreeable. Hammer tells Soul Patch that someone named Plachecki is coming over to take his statement. Would that be the same Plachecki who was supposed to take Spawn's statement two hours ago but never showed up? Soul Patch might be in there a while. Hammer offers Soul Patch a lawyer, but Soul Patch says he did what he did. Hammer drops the bomb: what Soul Patch did is punishable by death. Treason's a bitch, don't you know. If Soul Patch has something against lawyers, he looks like he's prepared to get over it. Hammer lays it out for him: "You facilitated the escape of a man who was responsible for the death of Ryan Chappelle and almost a thousand civilians, and who was contemplating killing millions of others. Then you tried to neutralize the only leverage we had over him by giving him back his daughter." Well, when you put it like that, obviously it's going to look bad in the personnel file. Soul Patch asks for the bottom line and Hammer, glaring at Soul Patch in that "I'm the big, bad boss man doing you a big, bad favor" way, says that even with Hammer in his corner, Soul Patch's best-case scenario is twenty years in prison. I'd hate to see what would happen if Hammer was actually mad or something.
Brother Palmer and Foxton are still stewing in the car outside Lady Mac's beach house, commenting that she's taking her time leaving so she can keep the President waiting. It's 11:23:42. Brother Palmer's cell phone rings; it's Julia Milliken. Oh, Brother Palmer. When will you learn that caller ID is your friend? Julia is all in a tizzy because the police are coming to arrest her in her husband's death. The police are buying Lady Mac's story. I guess they'll believe whoever the President of the United States is backing up. Must be nice to live in that world. Foxton taps Brother Palmer on the arm and points at the house; Lady Mac is finally leaving. Meanwhile, we're supposed to believe that Brother Palmer is torn between his duty to his brother and his feelings for Julia, but all I'm picking up on is his desire to wrap up the phone call so he can get down to breaking and entering. Or maybe he's just pained at seeing Gina Torres reduced to this kind of pathetic begging. I know I am. By now, Lady Mac is out of sight and Foxton is outside the car, waiting for Brother Palmer. He finally hangs up and heads across the street with Foxton, jacket in hand. What, he's worried that the walk back to the car after ransacking his ex-sister-in-law's house is going to be nippy? We get a brief cut back to poor, hung-up-on Julia, clearly getting a terrible idea. Back at the house, Foxton is executing Brother Palmer's terrible idea, getting them through the front door with little difficulty. As they walk in, donning rubber gloves, Brother Palmer comments, "The Chief of Staff of the President of the United States, and I'm committing a burglary." Foxton deadpans, "It's an historic moment." Foxton is now my favorite character in this entire plot line. Brother Palmer tells Foxton that Lady Mac can never know they were there. Foxton assures him that she won't, as long as Brother Palmer does what he says. ["And as long as forensic evidence collection suddenly stops existing, because…whatever." -- Sars] Brother Palmer tosses his jacket over a nearby chair and they get to work. I'm expecting him to eventually forget it there in a panicked departure, but I don't know the half of it.
Back at CTU's remote workstation outside Inn Fection, Special Agent Charlie Brown and Kiefer watch real-time video from San Francisco. The courier's dead and the vial is secure. Poor San Francisco Guy. He died waiting for Saunders to call him back. "One down, ten to go," Special Agent Charlie Brown remarks. It's 11:26:39.
11:30:52. Brother Palmer rattles Lady Mac's glassware, Soul Patch wonders if his twenty years have started yet, and the President stands around outdoors with his Secret Service detail. Brother Palmer stresses over to Lady Mac's bathroom, where Foxton is going through Lady Mac's impressive collection of pharmaceuticals. That explains a lot, actually. None of the bottles are Milliken's, however. Foxton tells Brother Palmer to relax. He's setting an excellent example, I have to say. Brother Palmer wants to know how Foxton can be so sure they'll find what they're looking for. Foxton says, "Because she's not a professional and I am." In the immortal words of Cameron Frye, "A professional what?"
Lady Mac shows up at the meeting with Palmer. They're at some ratty little public park, skulking behind the softball backstop. That Presidential motorcade is nowhere in sight. Hey, remember when Brother Palmer said that the more time they had in the house, the better? Maybe it would have been a good idea to make her drive more than five minutes to the meeting, in that case. Lady Mac wants to get right to the point, so Palmer obligingly directs the nozzle of the Presidential smoke machine straight up her ass and starts shoveling in the dry ice. He uses phrases like "de facto right hand" and "one of my primary consultants." If anything, she's offended by this nonsense and starts to leave. Palmer stops her and asks her what she wants, then. She says, "I want a permanent position, Dayy-vid. In your administration and in your life." As if he's an idiot for not realizing this. She only plots coups against you out of love, Palmer. Lady Mac spells it out: "I want to be your wife again." I officially have the heebie-jeebies now. She continues, "I don't expect the kind of physical intimacy that we used to have, although maybe in time it will come." I was wrong. Now I have the heebie-jeebies. What I had before was nothing compared to this. It was neither heebie nor jeebie. Palmer tries to conceal his horror as she continues to embarrass herself, until he finally walks off, a hand to his face. It's 11:43:45. He tells her he doesn't know what to say. She threatens to walk again. This is the least romantic marriage proposal I've ever seen. Palmer wrestles with it, apparently having forgotten that this entire conversation is bullshit anyway. Lady Mac gets tired of waiting and turns to go, but Palmer grabs her by the wrist and agrees. She drops immediately into Cinderella mode, caressing his stony face and leaning her head against his chest and nnnggAAAH! Make it not be on my TV anymore! Palmer uncomfortably puts his arms around her, not appearing to notice any odd, cylindrical bulges under her clothing, and says something about working out the details. Lady Mac appears to wake up from her little fantasy and looks at him with suspicion. She's figured out that he's up to something. Palmer tells her, "I'm giving you what you asked for," which is the worst thing he could say to her right now. Tell her she's not giving him a choice, tell her she outplayed him; that's what she responds to. But since Palmer screws up everything he touches, Lady Mac slithers out of his grasp and tells him, "Consider my offer rescinded. John Keeler will be the President of the United States." She leaves Palmer standing there, basking in his failure, as well as the stink-eye from Secret Service Guy Aaron for making him show up for shooting and then not giving him a single line.
11:36:02. Palmer dials Brother Palmer's cell phone to give him the news that Lady Mac's on her way home. Brother Palmer complains about needing more time, and Palmer makes excuses. Maybe she just didn't want to be away from her meds that long. Palmer wants Brother Palmer out of the house before Lady Mac returns. While the Brothers Palmer are arguing, Foxton discovers that the steps into the kitchen lift up, revealing a staircase to a hidden cellar. Is that standard in this neighborhood? The cellar contains an electronic wall safe. Foxton isn't going to be able to crack it, but he knows a guy who can get him the manufacturer override codes that will allow him to open it. Brother Palmer reports to Palmer that they may be able to pull this out yet, and Palmer tells him he'd better. Are these cell phones secure? I'm just asking.
Outside Inn Fection, Special Agent Charlie Brown continues to watch his new favorite show, CTU's Wildest Virus Courier Takedowns. The New York, Seattle, and Las Vegas vials have been secured, but Saunders's guy in Denver was killed making a phone call. Special Agent Charlie Brown relays all this to Kiefer, who very much wants to know whether Denver managed to warn the remaining couriers. Not that we'll ever find out. Back at CTU, Adam has managed to lock in on the signal from the eleventh, missing vial, which, you'll recall, is still in L.A. Potato Face has Adam hand off the transmission to her system, and she gets Kiefer on the phone to let him know she's located Wild Card. Kiefer and Special Agent Charlie Brown are already on the way to the Kiefmobile as Potato Face extrapolates Wild Card's route and predicts that he's heading for a made-up shopping mall. Kiefer gives orders to evacuate and secure the mall as the Kiefmobile tears off with Special Agent Charlie Brown at the wheel. It's 11:38:24.
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11:42:37. Saunders, looking a lot less scary now that he's in a CTU holding room and divested of his turtleneck (he's wearing a T-shirt, so keep your pants on), gives a description of Wild Card, whose face is taking shape on a computer monitor. Kiefer rides shotgun -- and since we're talking about Kiefer, I should mention that I'm using that as a figure of speech. Bitchelle strides purposefully through the halls of CTU and charges into Soul Patch's office, which is of course currently being inhabited by Hammer. She demands to know why she can't see Soul Patch, and Hammer brings up that pesky treason thing again. He must be fun at parties. Bitchelle starts babbling about how Soul Patch did what he did for the reasons he did them, and because of it they were able to catch Saunders. She doesn't quite have the whole story, here. Hammer rectifies that, cutting in and explaining none too kindly that they had Saunders two hours ago but Soul Patch let him get away. She looks like her knight in shining armor just rode his horse into a wall. She says without conviction that Soul Patch faced an impossible choice. Hammer disagrees. And as if she doesn't have enough to deal with right now, he piles more on: "I want you to put yourself in his place, Bitchelle. If you would have made the same call, you should resign right now." He smirks at her. Bastard.
Guided by Potato Face, the Kiefmobile closes in on the Wild Card. She sticks her tongue out in concentration. Sorry, Potato Face, we already have a character with a Peanuts-based nickname, and I'm not going to start calling you "Marcie" at this late date. Potato Face reports that two couriers in Washington and one in Flagstaff have been taken down. I assume Flagstaff was a backup city when the airports closed. Because, you know. Flagstaff. Special Agent Charlie Brown turns onto the street down which Potato Face says the vial is traveling. Neither he nor Kiefer sees any vehicles ahead of them, even as the Kiefmobile's blip closes in on the vial's blip on Potato Face's screen. There's confusion over whether the signal is wrong, until Kiefer figures it out: Wild Card is underneath them, in the subway. Los Angeles has a subway? Stop looking at me that way; judging by what I read in the forums, some Los Angelenos were just as surprised as I was. Palmer must have forgotten about it too, since that's the only reason he would let it continue to run after closing the airports and telling people to stay home. Kiefer wants Potato Face to access the subway's computer system and stop the train before it gets to the station. Doesn't ask much, does he? While he's waiting, he asks whether they have an image of Wild Card yet. That's a negative. And we get yet another demonstration of the inefficiency of interagency bureaucracies, as it's taken Potato Face nearly ten seconds to get that subway train stopped. She offers to have the station closed as well, but Kiefer emphatically nixes that, saying that Wild Card might release the virus if he notices anything out of the ordinary. Uh, Kiefer, the train just stopped in the tunnel. I think that particular ship has sailed, my friend. Kiefer orders twenty undercover guys and hazmat backup at the station, stat. Potato Face runs off to ask Hammer to make it so.
11:44:45. Foxton and Brother Palmer are chilling in Lady Mac's cellar. Even Foxton is beginning to look a little nervous. His cell phone chirps furtively, signaling a call from his safe-cracking expert, who reads him a code over the phone. It doesn't work. They hear a car outside. Brother Palmer dashes up the stairs and peeks out the window. Lady Mac's home! Meanwhile, Foxton is trying another safe code, and is again unsuccessful. Brother Palmer runs back down the stairs to try to pull the plug on Foxton. Foxton's not moving. Brother Palmer looks like he's about to lay a brick. I hate myself for actually feeling tense during a single scene of this storyline. The third code works. Foxton opens the safe, but the bottle's not in there. D'oh! They dash back up the stairs, and Foxton closes the hatch. Brother Palmer wants to go, but Foxton "didn't come all this way to leave empty-handed." Yeah, he's had maybe fifteen minutes of driving time since Brother Palmer first called him. Foxton hides behind the counter dividing the kitchen from the living room, leaving Brother Palmer standing out in the open when Lady Mac comes in the front door. Obviously she wants to know what he's doing there, and the guilty expression on his face and the disarray in her living room allow her to put things together pretty quickly. She's got the whole scam figured out. Now if she can just figure out how Brother Palmer made the rubber gloves vanish from his hands, I'd be really impressed. Brother Palmer just stands there and takes her schoolmarmish dressing-down until Foxton sneaks up behind her. She turns, just in time for him to pole-axe her with a sock on the jaw. She's flat on the floor, out cold. Foxton frisks her unconscious body, rolls her over, pushes up the back of her jacket and shirt, and finds -- Milliken's medicine bottle! Taped to her skin! Wrapped in a tiny little baggie to protect her fingerprints! Which, since the bottle is in her possession, she could reapply at any time anyway! Foxton rips it loose and holds it up to Brother Palmer, a hilariously inappropriate "See? All better" grin on his face. It's 11:47:46.
It's 11:51:59. Soul Patch counts down the final nineteen years, three hundred sixty-four days, twenty-three hours, and thirty-two minutes of his sentence. Saunders tells the sketch artist something about eyebrows. Bitchelle ponders whatever answer she gave Hammer, which we never got to hear, and Potato Face mans her psychic hotline. At the subway station, Kiefer and Special Agent Charlie Brown move in with a phalanx of plainclothes agents, buttoning their jackets over their bulletproof vests. Special Agent Charlie Brown's team takes up position on the platform on one side of the track, while Kiefer stays put on the other, parking himself on a bench. As always, everyone's in touch with each other via their earpieces. Kiefer gives the agents what little description they have of Wild Card, which, since it actually includes the word "nondescript," won't necessarily be all that helpful. Then he gives Potato Face the order to let the train come into the station. It does so. I must say, Potato Face is impressively on-task this week. It's 11:53:33. The agents peer into the cars as the train comes to a stop on the platform. Do they have a plan for if Wild Card stays on the train? Is another team in place further down the line, or do they all race to the station? Why do I bother asking these questions? Kiefer never makes the wrong call, after all. As the train disgorges its passengers -- of which my Los Angeles-based Eagle-Eyed Forum Posters claim there is an unusually high number -- the agents watch for dark-haired white males in their mid-thirties. I suddenly feel very conspicuous.
Potato Face reports that Wild Card is off the train and moving north. Special Agent Charlie Brown falls in behind a loose crowd of white, dark-haired males in their thirties, most of whom are carrying duffels, backpacks, or man-purses. As some of them head up the stairs at the end of the platform, Special Agent Charlie Brown asks if Potato Face can check the altitude's target. She triangulates, which I always thought you needed at least two points of observation to pull off, and confirms that Wild Card is moving upwards. Charlie Brown follows, reporting that he's got ten remaining white males in his sights. Wild Card continues moving, and heads down the escalator to the opposite platform, where Kiefer's still in position on his bench. The target group is down to four. Special Agent Charlie Brown is still behind them. Kiefer quietly orders the teams to start closing in. Potato Face reports that Wild Card has stopped, just as a guy carrying a large product-placed shopping bag stops to study the transit map behind Kiefer. Kiefer announces that he's making his move. With his gun out but clasped against his back, Kiefer approaches the Secret Shopper, whose day is abruptly ruined when Kiefer gets within a yard of him, shows his weapon, orders the Secret Shopper to drop the bag, and literally kicks him to the floor. The Secret Shopper's flat on his face with agents swarming around him. Special Agent Charlie Brown runs a handheld scanner over the shopping bag and gets a signal. Kiefer doesn't want to wait for hazmat, because the virus is either still in the vial or they're already contaminated. Special Agent Charlie Brown carefully shakes the bag's contents onto the floor. The signal's coming from inside an ugly-ass sweater that's folded up. Special Agent Charlie Brown uncovers a pack of smokes. I won't mention the brand, but I will say that the Camel Cash is still attached. The Secret Shopper, still face-down, denies ownership of them until Kiefer roars at him to shut up. Sorry, Secret Shopper -- Los Angeles is pretty serious about being smoke-free. Special Agent Charlie Brown picks up the pack and tips out three cigarettes and a blinking electronic device. Uh-oh. Kiefer realizes that Wild Card is wilder than he thought; he ditched the transmitter, and the vial and its courier are still at large. Kiefer gives the order to shut down the subway station. Better hope he's not already out on the street.
Lady Mac clearly lives in the kind of neighborhood where a burglar and a White House Chief of Staff sprinting across the street don't attract any attention at all, because that's what's happening. They scramble into Brother Palmer's car at 11:57:13. What have they been doing for the past ten minutes? Straightening up? Getting Brother Palmer back into his jacket? I can just see Foxton saying, "Look, I know it seems like you should put your left arm into the sleeve in front of it, but that's because of the way I'm holding it. Trust me, when it's turned around and on your back, it'll all work out." Brother Palmer is cranking the engine when he happens to glance over at Lady Mac's driveway, where Julia Milliken is just parking her convertible. Brother Palmer knows that no good can come of this, but no situation is so hopeless that he can't make it worse. He gets out of the car and runs toward the house, ignoring Foxton's protests.
Inside the house, Lady Mac is working on getting to her feet. A bruise is already forming on the left side of her jaw. She spots Julia standing over her, and her hostess instincts don't exactly kick in full-bore. Julia complains about the arrest for murder she's facing, but Lady Mac doesn't seem terribly sympathetic: "I told you to keep your mouth shut. It's nobody's fault but your own." Any chance of Julia not whipping the handgun out of her purse and pointing it at Lady Mac just went down the toilet with that remark. I should really be seriously pissed off at the unlikelihood of this development, but anything that could end in Lady Mac's death is something I'm all for at this point. Brother Palmer dashes in to join the effort at talking Julia down, but she's not going for it. She tells Lady Mac, "You have been lying your whole life. You are not going to lie your way out of this." Lady Mac readily admits that, yes, her pants generally reach temperatures normally found on the surface of the sun, but she's for real when she promises that now that she's going to be the First Lady, she'll talk Palmer into giving Julia a nice, juicy pardon. She turns to Brother Palmer for confirmation, but he can't manage more than a panic-frozen smile. Julia lowers the gun, wanting to believe Lady Mac. But wanting doesn't make it so, and she plugs Lady Mac twice in the gut. She goes down.
Remember what I just said about wanting to believe? Forget that. I want to believe Lady Mac is dead, and thus it is so. Not to dis Penny Johnson Jerald, because she's great, but that just makes me all the more glad to see her freed from having to play out these increasingly absurd subplots. Perhaps we should take just a moment to eulogize the memory of Lady Mac. Please turn, if you will, to the speech made after the death of her Shakespearean namesake: "Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player, that struts and frets his hour upon the stage, and then is heard no more. It is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing." Can I get an amen?
Brother Palmer crouches over Lady Mac, plumbing new depths of uselessness. Julia cocks the gun and he turns to face her. She tells him she's sorry, puts the muzzle of the gun to her temple, and pulls the trigger as Brother Palmer bellows, "No!" And now Gina Torres is free of this show as well. Brother Palmer weighs his powerful government position against the reality of being an African-American man in a house containing two freshly dead bodies in a nice neighborhood. Or maybe he just checks out and cradles Julia's body in his arms. He shrinks into the upper right of the screen. Soul Patch appears in the lower right, knowing that any shot he ever had with Ann Coulter is totally blown. On the left, Palmer fiddles impatiently with his cell phone back at Division, unaware, as far as we know, that ten vials of the virus have been secured. And then we're back to full screen in the subway station, where Kiefer is positioning his agents. Special Agent Charlie Brown reports that they got the station shut down before anyone on the train had a chance to leave. Well, that's some good news. If nothing else, they can fill the place with concrete. It's 12:00:00. Which is when the virus is supposed to be released. We'd better not come back week to find everybody already dead.
Oh, we don't. week on 24: the season finale you won't! Forget! Kiefer stalks the subway station, Brother Palmer has bad news and good news, and Kiefer finds a ticking virus bomb. No! Don't cut the red wire!