“ Back at the Po Ho dumpster, Spawn continues to run around calling JonBenet's name while bouncing parts of her own body come perilously close to giving her a black eye or two. ”
Electric blue Kiefer. 24. Previouslys. There's a nuclear bomb scheduled to go off some time this seasonI mean, "day." Mason goes AWOL to escape the blast radius. KreepyEric and Palmer klash. Does PoorMan'sCateBlanchett's new brother-in-law to be have terrorist connections? Kiefer goes underkover among the junkyard gang, a right-wing terrorist group who have plans to blow up CTU. Spawn escapes No!DaddyNo! Manor with JonBenet, bashes DaddyStopTouchingMe with a tire iron, and loses JonBenet in a pile of empty cardboard boxes.
What is it about a nubile young girl in distress running through the streets without a bra? I'm not even straight and I find myself wanting to cruise by in a Trans Am and tell the pretty lady that I, Gustave, am going to take care of everything. Spawn is frantically searching for JonBenet. She shouts her name, asks for help from bystanders, and otherwise looks everywhere, but there is no response. Meanwhile, DaddyStopTouchingMe is being attended to by a team of paramedics. They are dressing his Spawn-inflicted head wounds and checking his reflexes when the police arrive. A belligerent and barely cooperative DaddyStopTouchingMe tells them that Spawn abducted his child. The police ask for a description of Spawn, but the scene ends before DaddyStopTouchingMe has to admit that he's never looked at her that closely above the neckline.
Meanwhile, Mason's on the road, fleeing L.A. in the Xandermobile. His car phone rings. It's Soul Patch from CTU, telling him about a lead that needs to be checked out. Apparently, the LAPD found a vehicle on the CTU watch list. Mason whines about having to follow up on a report from the LAPD. Soul Patch informs Mason that some district manager specifically wants Mason to investigate. "Plus he knows it's your way to, uh, Bakersfield," says Soul Patch, rolling his eyes. "What's the address?" says Mason with a sigh. Busted!
NSA. Lynne, who has been renamed Rolaide by Cosmorific (Ensign Ro + "L" for Lynne + aide = Rolaide), hands Palmer a Whatever Update on the damage projection. Palmer, who is about to attend a press conference, leafs through it and notes that the casualty rate is much higher than previously assumed. Rolaide explains that they've ruled out dirty bombs and other conventional weapons. "We're dealing with a nuclear bomb," she says. They exchange sensitive, knowing looks.
Back at the Po Ho dumpster, Spawn continues to run around calling JonBenet's name while bouncing parts of her own body come perilously close to giving her a black eye or two. Finally she catches sight of JonBenet being led by two ethnic guys behind a chain link fence. "Get away from her!" screams Spawn as she crosses the street. Cars swerve to avoid hitting her. The two ethnic men, who I guess were child porn casting directors, flee as soon as they see Spawn and her flying lethal boobs heading their way. "Where did you go? I told you to wait!"" screams Spawn. "I was looking for you," says JonBenet through her Cindy Brady tears. Spawn takes JonBenet into her arms, muffling the sounds of JonBenet's sobbing with her rack.
Day 2: 10:00 AM -- 11:00 AM
“ Kiefer tells her to go to Aunt Carol's. Spawn is konfused. Apparently, Aunt Carol lives in San Jose (and Spawn's been away so long, she may go wrong and lose her way). ”
Shot of downtown L.A. The camera pans off to a road where the Tim McVan, containing Underkover Kiefer and the Junkyard Boys, nears its destination. Kiefer is not so subtly trying to find out the details of their plans to blow up CTU. "Why are you asking so many kwestions?" asks Eddie Grant, the smoldering stevedore. Kiefer tries to pass it off as kuriosity. SpindlyBeckLookAlike tells him to mind his own business. Kiefer's cell phone rings. It's Spawn, calling from a payphone. Uh, somehow I doubt that Kiefer would bring his personal cell phone along on an underkover mission, but I'll let it go for now. Spawn kluelessly prattles on about the Lifetime movie that her life has become within the last hour. Kiefer, konscious of the junkyard boys hearing his side of the konversation, kalmly tells her to check the message he left for her on her cell phone. Spawn explains that she left her cell phone back at No!DaddyNo! Manor, and tries to get Kiefer to come pick her up. Kiefer tells her to go to Aunt Carol's. Spawn is konfused. Apparently, Aunt Carol lives in San Jose (and Spawn's been away so long, she may go wrong and lose her way). Kiefer tells her to just go. "And do as I say for once," he barks into the phone. Heh! He tells the Junkyard Boys that Spawn was his girlfriend, and she "just doesn't listen." The Tim McVan comes to a stop in front of a chain link fence in the middle of a deserted road. Everyone piles out, and one of the Junkyard Boys whips out some bolt cutters. Hey, I remember those bolt cutters from last season!
CTU. Bitchelle (Nina 2.0) tells Soul Patch that Spawn's on line one. Then she leans back so that we get a clear view of Soul Patch's Chicago Cubs coffee mug. Soul Patch picks up, and Spawn whines from a pay phone that Kiefer hung up on her. Soul Patch explains that Kiefer is undercover, and tells Spawn that he'll send someone to pick her up. Spawn says she can't wait that long because the police are after her. She starts explain her predicament, but some fake-o sounding static interrupts their conversation. Seriously, it sounds like a Foley assistant is literally saying "hissssss, hissssss" into the microphone. Soul Patch tells Spawn to jiggle on over to CTU and they'll straighten everything out from there. Spawn tells him she'll be arriving by bus. They hang up. Bitchelle complains that there's something wrong with the phone lines. Darlene enters and explains that she tried to fix things with some Whatever Technology, but that didn't work, so it must be an outside problem. Soul Patch tells Darlene to switch the phone systems over to their wireless system and call the phone company.
Meanwhile, back at the Tim McVan, we see that SpindlyBeckLookAlike is the one screwing with the CTU phone system. Eddie Grant explains to Kiefer that they're causing interference so that the phone company will send out a crew. SpindlyBeckLookAlike is tired of Kiefer's kwestions, so Eddie sends Kiefer down the road to call CTU on his cell phone and ruin their planI mean, "keep an eye out." Kiefer komplies. Once safely enskonced behind the Tim McVan, Kiefer kalls CTU. He kan't get through because the phone lines are down -- duh -- so he kalls Palmer's office. Rolaide answers and tells him that Palmer kan't kome to the phone because he's at the press konference. Kiefer tells her to warn CTU about the bomb. "You need to evakuate CTU and you need to alert a bomb squad." Rolaide writes this all down, but Kiefer has to hang up because the Junkyard Gang have finished screwing with the phone lines and are back at the Tim McVan. Raise your hand if you want to see Kiefer meet and hook up with Rolaide!
Meanwhile, Rolaide approaches Raygun (formerly known as KreepyEric -- tm SunniLee) and tells him what Jack told her about the bombing of CTU. Raygun deduces that the Junkyard Gang is bombing CTU to cripple their investigation and to divert attention away from the nuclear device. Rolaide agrees with his analysis. "Has Kiefer kalled CTU?" asks Raygun. Rolaide explains that he couldn't because the phone lines are down. "But somehow we have to alert CTU!" says Rolaide. "We kan't," says Raygun. He reasons that if the Junkyard Gang fails, they'll realize that Kiefer is a plant, and that will jeopardize Kiefer's overall mission to use them to find the ever-more-important nuclear bomb. Rolaide is stunned that Raygun is suggesting they let the CTU-ers die just to keep Kiefer's kover intact, and wants to leave the decision up to the president. Unfortunately, the president is at his press conference and therefore unavailable. Rolaide wants to interrupt the press conference, but Raygun tells her not to. "I don't work for you," she snips. Uh, so why did you bring this matter to his attention in the first place? She calls AsianPatty and has her interrupt the press conference.
As promised, a phone company van from Cal Communication pulls up to the chain link fence to investigate the signal interference. A pair of phone company workers steps out of the van to investigate, and they notice that the chain has been cut. The Tim McVan pulls up. Eddie Grant steps out and shoots the Caucasian phone company guy in cold blood. Kiefer tries to hide how disturbed he is by this. Oh, Kief, like you didn't just do the same thing an hour ago. Eddie tells the surviving (black) phone company guy that he'll live as long as he cooperates with the Junkyard Gang. BlackPhoneCompanyGuy watches SpindlyBeckLookAlike dump CaucasianPhoneCompanyGuy's body into a ravine, and indicates that he's cool with that. Eddie tells him to call his supervisor and tell him that they need to do an onsite systems check at CTU. Jeez, who has the shorter life expectancy in the 24verse -- a black person, or a phone company worker? The time is 10:12:33 AM.