This was an incredibly good year for this lumbering franchise, which was starting to look all kinds of creaky after the intensely who-caresy seasons won by toothy Danni and lame, vain Aras. When word broke that Mark Burnett would be splitting up the tribes for the fall season based on race, it looked like he might have gone 'round the bend and was about to scuttle the series for good. What followed was perhaps the show's most satisfying season ever. The strategic tipping point was a masterful reversal effected by the surprisingly neato Jonathan Penner, who rose up over the course of the season from "cocky actor" to "ass-kicking kicker of asses" in only a few episodes. Ultimately, the season brought the heartwarming (really!) triumph of the little Aitu tribe over the hateful Raro tribe, and the ultimate victory of Yul Kwon, maybe the most meritorious human ever to win a reality show. We are not kidding. We still want him to be our friend. And we might want to marry him, but don't tell him, because we will be embarrassed. (Call us, Yul!)
While the spring season wasn't quite as good, it was still damn good, as a tribe of obnoxious, preening gym rats was shot down in a blaze of non-glory when they made the mistake of putting their trust in "Dreamz," a self-important but ultimately unreliable flake who managed to go down in history for cheating the warm and wonderful Yau-Man out of a shiny truck. The season went to Earl, the clever, wry, gap-toothed leader of what was legitimately something of a ragtag band of misfits. He's not quite Yul, but Earl was definitely a deserving and likable winner.
Based on all this, we're fairly certain that the upcoming China season will be a crushing disappointment. -- Miss Alli
Top Chef
(Season 1: San Francisco) Ah, remember when we were Top Chef young? We are so much older now. The premiere season of this competitive cooking show took place in fog-soaked San Francisco, where we met the first and arguably most interesting crop of cheftestants. We had snakes, bitches, health nuts, and weepers, but Harold Dieterle distinguished himself as not "just a cook" but as the consummate Top Chef, team player, and all-around nice guy. The sad thing is, we still haven't seen his equal.
(Season 2: Los Angeles) Although the second season of Top Chef had many memorable moments, everyone forgot all about Lycheegate, Cheeto Penises, and black bones in the wake of Clippergate. It took but one drunken night for the most promising chefs of the season to attempt to shave Marcel's mop, get Cliff kicked off the show, and forever cement Sam -- for all his hotness -- as "That Guy," as in "that guy who would have told the Good Samaritan to pass by on the other side." Forget the famous foams, gelees, gastriques, and quick pickles, because this season wasn't really about food; it was about some serious douche-baggery. And you can't eat douche-baggery. Triumphing over an excessive use of saffron and paprika, and apparent near-constant ripping off of Casa Mono's menu, Ilan Hall emerged as the Season Two Top Chef. Problem is, no matter where he cooks or what he does, I will always remember him as the guy who eagerly offered to pee on Marcel. -- Keckler
Top Design
By The TWoP Staff
This was an incredibly good year for this lumbering franchise, which was starting to look all kinds of creaky after the intensely who-caresy seasons won by toothy Danni and lame, vain Aras. When word broke that Mark Burnett would be splitting up the tribes for the fall season based on race, it looked like he might have gone 'round the bend and was about to scuttle the series for good. What followed was perhaps the show's most satisfying season ever. The strategic tipping point was a masterful reversal effected by the surprisingly neato Jonathan Penner, who rose up over the course of the season from "cocky actor" to "ass-kicking kicker of asses" in only a few episodes. Ultimately, the season brought the heartwarming (really!) triumph of the little Aitu tribe over the hateful Raro tribe, and the ultimate victory of Yul Kwon, maybe the most meritorious human ever to win a reality show. We are not kidding. We still want him to be our friend. And we might want to marry him, but don't tell him, because we will be embarrassed. (Call us, Yul!)
While the spring season wasn't quite as good, it was still damn good, as a tribe of obnoxious, preening gym rats was shot down in a blaze of non-glory when they made the mistake of putting their trust in "Dreamz," a self-important but ultimately unreliable flake who managed to go down in history for cheating the warm and wonderful Yau-Man out of a shiny truck. The season went to Earl, the clever, wry, gap-toothed leader of what was legitimately something of a ragtag band of misfits. He's not quite Yul, but Earl was definitely a deserving and likable winner.
Based on all this, we're fairly certain that the upcoming China season will be a crushing disappointment. -- Miss Alli
Top Chef
(Season 1: San Francisco) Ah, remember when we were Top Chef young? We are so much older now. The premiere season of this competitive cooking show took place in fog-soaked San Francisco, where we met the first and arguably most interesting crop of cheftestants. We had snakes, bitches, health nuts, and weepers, but Harold Dieterle distinguished himself as not "just a cook" but as the consummate Top Chef, team player, and all-around nice guy. The sad thing is, we still haven't seen his equal.
(Season 2: Los Angeles) Although the second season of Top Chef had many memorable moments, everyone forgot all about Lycheegate, Cheeto Penises, and black bones in the wake of Clippergate. It took but one drunken night for the most promising chefs of the season to attempt to shave Marcel's mop, get Cliff kicked off the show, and forever cement Sam -- for all his hotness -- as "That Guy," as in "that guy who would have told the Good Samaritan to pass by on the other side." Forget the famous foams, gelees, gastriques, and quick pickles, because this season wasn't really about food; it was about some serious douche-baggery. And you can't eat douche-baggery. Triumphing over an excessive use of saffron and paprika, and apparent near-constant ripping off of Casa Mono's menu, Ilan Hall emerged as the Season Two Top Chef. Problem is, no matter where he cooks or what he does, I will always remember him as the guy who eagerly offered to pee on Marcel. -- Keckler
Top Design