Episode Report Card LuluBates: A | 5 USERS: A+ YOU GRADE IT All's Well That Ends With Wildling Hoards
By LuluBates | Season 2 | Episode 10 | Aired on 06.03.2012
Loras Tyrell is next and he has one wish: That the Weasel King marry his still-virginal sister Margaery. Damn you, Smokey the assassin, you killed Renly Baratheon -- this is all your fault. Joffrey reminds the crowd that he's engaged to Sansa. His mother A.K.A. his small council tells him he should set Sansa aside because she's a Stark and the Starks are bad. The crowd boos because every vow is sacred. Joffrey does a great pantomime of protesting his mother's statement. He can't toss aside Sansa! He made a vow before the gods after all. Then Maester Pycelle storms the room and claims that he talked to the gods about it or consulted with them and since Sansa's family has since made it clear they are treasonous, the gods don't mind if he backs out of this one deal. So Joffrey declares Sansa set aside and agrees to marry Margaery who is going to learn to regret her decision just about the time Joffrey is making his valet beat her with a scepter while he watches and claps. Poor Margaery... one husband was gay, the next is a sadistic monster with a yellow streak and a weasel face. Dr. Phil would have a field day with her!
Sansa looks horrified, but as she turns to walk away, she breaks into a smile and starts humming George Michael's "Freedom." Baelish interrupts her swag and tells her that Joffrey will never ever let her go. He wants to keep her around to beat her, maybe knock her up and probably kill her. The only one who can save her is him. You know, because he loves her mother. Sansa looks appropriately skeptical.
Over in the King's Landing whorehouse, the redheaded madame is greeting a new customer. She's putting on a good show (and brings our boob count up to two for this episode) but the hooded client is Varys. He wants to know if Baelish is a good boss, but she doesn't answer, instead reaching for his package. Varys laughs as she recoils in horror at its absence. Varys tells her that he knows that Baelish pimped her out to be beaten by the King. He would never do that. He wants a partner. He thinks they can help each other.
Brienne the Big is still saddled with Jaime Lannister, who just doesn't stop talking. Brienne does a good job of ignoring his lewd suggestions, insightful commentary about her sexual proclivities and everything else that comes out of his mouth. They arrive on land and immediately come across the bodies of three women dangling from a tree. The sign around the neck of one says that they laid with lions, meaning, of course, the Lannisters. Jaime points out that Stark men must have done it. Brienne reminds him that she doesn't work for the Starks, she works for Lady Cat. She prepares to bury them, but in the middle of securing Jaime to a tree, she is interrupted by three Stark soldiers. They do their best to belittle the woman who stands at least a head higher than each of them and also take credit for killing the three tavern girls. Don't worry, they killed at least two of them quickly. Brienne is strangely unimpressed. She tells them Jaime is a prisoner being taken to Riverrun, but one of the men recognizes Jaime as the Kingslayer. [Note: He then gives Brienne and Jaime the third degree, quizzing them with state capital and pop culture trivia questions and then finally forcing the two to say the "prisoner's" name at the same time to prove they're not lying about his identity/so that that the Stark men can say "JINX!" and Brienne will owe them a Coke. But obviously, before anything comes out of Brienne's mouth, she's already kicking the crap out of all three guys.] So she kills them; at least two of them quickly and the other much more slowly. [Note: Right through the Shaggydog, if you know what I mean.] Jaime looks dazed by Brienne's sword skills, so when she barks at him to stay while she buries the women, he does.