Episode Report Card Keckler: A | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Bloody, Murder-Colored Mem'ries
By Keckler | Season 2 | Episode 5 | Aired on 04.13.2000
DRDs scuttle and squeal out of the way, behaving just like my cats when they know feeding time is at hand. Bad-ass Peacekeepers in their bad-ass red and black leathers stomp in a bad-ass way through WHAT WE ARE SUPPOSED TO THINK IS PRESENT-DAY MOYA. And since WE ARE SUPPOSED TO THINK IT IS PRESENT-DAY MOYA, we should be scared for Moya and her crew. At first, I was all, "Aw, yee-aah! This is the one where Browder puts on that atrocious British accent, and I get to make fun of his pretty, pretty mouth all the livelong night!" But it's not. But that's okay. I'll settle for being disturbed by this episode's events instead of being disturbed by Browder's mouth. And lips. And teeth. And gums. And canker--you know what? We don't know each other well enough for that yet.Anyway.
The Peacekeepers enter the Pilot Chamber and a female-sounding pilot (NOT PILOT) gets testy with the head PK, Lt. Velorek, saying that she's been bonded to the Leviathan for twenty-one cycles (that's twenty-one years for the Faren'tscapers out there. Who are reading this recap for some inexplicable reason, but maybe it's all because of the love for me, which is quite sweet, really.) and that his sexy, leathered display of force won't change her mind. Guns are pointed at the pilot, and elsewhere someone watches the exchange on a television that clearly doesn't have Comcast. The pilot refuses to be part of the PK's experiment. Velorek insists that the Leviathan will do what he wishes if he makes her. Check your hemline, Dimitriades, your accent's slipping. However, since it turns out that your Australian face is grievously hot, I'll forgive you. The pilot continues to ream Velorek out (I keep typing "Volchok", dammit!) until Velorek hisses something in Pilot-tongue. The pilot repeats, "Another pilot?" If you are a regular around these Territories, you'll recognize the pilot's voice as being the same actress who plays Noranti in future episodes, Melissa Jaffer. The pilot screams that she insists Velorek reverse the control collar anesthetic and reawaken the Leviathan at once. "You insist!?" Bipolar Crais bellows as he strides through the revolving door. I love how those doors make a sort of wibble noise as they rotate. I think I'm going to be saying, "I love how... " a lot tonight. I'm sure that's okay with most of you, though. Crais reams Velorek out for dickering with the pilot when they already have a replacement at the ready. Velorek starts to protest, but Crais screams, "FIRE!" They fire. Velorek doesn't turn around as the pilot screams and dies, and it takes a good long uncomfortable while for the pilot to die. Velorek looks disgusted and depressed as he sucks in his lovely cheeks and flares his magnificent nostrils in silent protest. The lighting on this show is genius. It's so perfectly done that everyone is made to look as though they have high cheekbones and bedroom eyes. I want to have all my future photos taken on the Farscape set. After the firing and screaming stops, only the sound of oozing can be heard from the quickly cooling pilot. Crais demands to know how long it will take to get the new Pilot jacked in. "I can't be certain until we extract the body," Velorek tells him evenly. "Then stop wasting my time and GET YOUR UNITS WORKING!" Crais gurgles angrily, throwing both arms in the air. He came really close to sounding like Scorpy there. You know, when Scorpy gets in his Scary Angry maybe-you-should-change-my-lightsticks mode. Crais stomps away but turns around again to scream, "MOVE!" Poor Crais, he's always so stressed out. I worry about his health. Velorek stands and stares. A video camera -- I believe it's one of the nosier DRDs that's doing his Rodney King duty -- focuses, takes some close-ups, and pulls back again.