Episode Report Card Lady Lola: F | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Bait & Sitch
By Lady Lola | Season 5 | Episode 8 | Aired on 02.23.2012
Back at the house, Snooki drunk dials Jionni. He is not amused by her giddy prattling. I believe the phrase is, "You are disgusting!" Vinny, on the other hand, has a mischievous glint in his eye as he listens to her squealing and screaming about sucking Li'l(er) Jionni. Vinny sneaks up behind Snooki and drops his (ladder toss) balls on her forehead. Snooki of course screams, "Ewwwww! Vinny just dropped his balls on me!" Long story short, Snooki and Jionni don't end the conversation well.
With all that energy in that drunk little body, Snooki wants to go out and dance! Vinny decides to get while the gettin's good and agrees to join her. They hit up a bar and dance like old-timers, fake-hobbling toward each other like they're 90. She says in a little(r) old lady voice, "Do you remember when we were on Jersey Shore? Oh, my hip! My hip!" It's weird, but kind of cute? Mostly cute is that she actually blushes a little when talking about it in a (presumably) sober interview later. Title card: "HORNY BONES."
Soon enough, Vinny's had his fill of pretending to be retirement community candidates. He suggests they get ice cream, to which Snooki asks, "Ice cream? What are we, four?" How is that worse than dance around like the guido Jessica Tandy and Hume Cronyn? She proposes they get shots instead and literally drags him into a bar. She interviews, "If Jionni wasn't [sic] in the equation, I would hook up with Vinny. Obviously. [Belch]" Vinny refuses to take a shot (I'm guessing because of his depression/anxiety and/or meds he's taking to cope with it), and Snooki is all kinds of grumpy about it. She gives up pretty quickly, though, and they leave their shots untouched on the bar. (Snooki even tries to scamper back to take them, but Vinny pulls her away.) Somewhere, a guido fairy just dropped dead. They walk away, Snooki cupping Vinny's tush, and he says, "Tonight... who knows what's gonna happen?" On the walk home, Vinny asks if Snooki needs to shower. She says yeah, and he says he needs to, too. Snooki: "Should we go together?!" Vinny doesn't need to answer because he is the answer. Title card: "OLD FLAME."
Wow, this was one lame-ass episode. I'm giving it an F+ grade for reasons twofold: First, an F+ is inherently a more insulting grade than a straight F -- and I would know because I got an F+ on a math test one time -- it burned! Second, I have to give some credit for Lola's Karma appearance and Deena's ridiculous flopping between the deflated raft and the dinghy. Those ephemeral thrills aside, let's hope things pick up...