Episode Report Card Jacob Clifton: A+ | 1 USERS: A+ YOU GRADE IT Cyberwolf: Based On The Novel Push By Sapphire
By Jacob Clifton | Season 2 | Episode 5 | Aired on 07.12.2011
EVERY DAY AT SUNDOWN ASHLEY DRINKS ALL THE WINE THERE IS
Hanna: "Mom, how do you like this hooker dress?"
Ashley, verbatim: "Absolutely not."
Hanna: "Are you kidding me, check out the girls! Boom! Boom!"
Ashley: "Hanna. You are going to a funeral."
Hanna: "He molested everybody and killed everybody. I want to wear a red dress and dance on Ian's grave and throw confetti."
Ashley, loving it: "It's already weird that we're burying somebody we all hate, we don't need to call attention to it."
Hanna: "Is that how grandpa's funeral was?"
Whoa.
Ashley: "...I didn't go. I just paid for that shit."
Hanna: "Do you regret not going?"
Ashley: "No. Leaving home at seventeen was about five years too late."
Hanna: "Why didn't you leave home sooner?"
Ashley: "Freedom costs, Hanna."
Wow. Did we know this? Any of this? I'm not making fun of the show, I'm frankly impressed -- it's a little too real for my personal comfort, in fact -- and just as pleased by the subtlety of that exchange either way. Just wondering if we knew that part. Wait, she did say something to Caleb about having a bad home life, I think. And it was like, Duh. But interesting that we've mentioned it again.
Did you see Super 8? You know that part where the dad does a surprising thing? That's what I want from Ashley at some point. Just 100% burn the mother down.
PUTTIN' THE FUN IN FUNERAL
Hanna, as the bells toll: "Who's ringing it this time?"
Nice! Hanna is so on top of shit today, it's gorgeous. Um, Melissa is still drooling -- they leaned her up against a wall, in fact -- and Garrett's there just in case Nancy Grace shows up to club the casket. They're all wearing tea-length black cocktail dresses, Hanna's got a cute hat and veil, Spencer's wearing a choker and Emily's bangin' bod doesn't need your bourgeois sleeves on her job interview sheath, thank you very much. Aria's has a little flare at the bottom, like an Alice Liddell-type cut, while Spencer's is more along her usual Prairie Dawn silhouette.
Emily: "Let's talk about Ian and A and murders and whatever, okay?"
Spencer: "Dude it is a funeral."
Emily: "Okay but the information."
Spencer: "No seriously. Ian was my only dog in this fight. Like I give a shit about Alison or who killed Alison. As far as I'm concerned we can just ignore A from here on out."
Emily: "I see things drastically differently than you do. Especially considering we're the ones getting it up the A from A so far, this season."