Episode Report Card Deborah: A | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT The Slings And Arrows Of Outrageous Fortune
By Deborah | Season 2 | Episode 4 | Aired on 10.14.2004
Will arrives home. Helen's sitting on the couch writing something and listening to music. He announces, "I did something horrible today." He explains that it was work-related. "Believe me, I'd rather have eaten the crickets." He starts fixing himself a drink and offers one to Helen. She accepts. He brings the drinks over and sits down. Helen says, "I've been thinking." Will: "Oh, that's when I get concerned…" He puts his drink down. Helen says she thinks they have to take Olive in, at least until she's able to function on her own again. Will: "Helen, this is a woman who stays in a motel when she visits because she doesn't approve of how we live." She stays in motels? What, there are no yurts for rent in Arcadia? Will: "Let her yell at the people at the rehab place -- they get paid for that." Hmm. I hear a chorus of people who work in "rehab places" shouting, "Not nearly enough, bub!" Helen tries to say something in defense of her idea but Will wants to know, "How could you possibly think this could ever work out?" Helen: "I don't know, I saw Joan with that horrible cat --" Will: "Okay, fine, if we keep her in a cage." Helen points out their house is already adapted for wheelchair use, and they already know how to take care of a disabled person. She adds, "She sat with my mother when she was dying…transformed the hospital room, made it look just like her bedroom at home. She's family." Will blinks. Frink: "Oooh. Hit the Italian with the 'family' brickbat." Helen: "Don't we have to?" Will reaches for his drink.
Joan's in her room reading Cyrano de Bergerac to Larry. "'A kiss, when all is said and done, what is it? A rosy dot on the I in "loving"; a secret that to the mouth, not ear, is whispered.'" She closes the book: "That's sad. She loved Cyrano but never knew. The nose really was gross, so maybe it was for the best." Joan looks at Larry and notices he's purring. She can't believe it. He's prowling around his cage purring. She bends down near his cage: "Larry, we're friends now, right? 'Speak to me of love, o sweet one…'" Larry reaches out and speaks to her nose with a sharp claw. She cries out and falls backward, covering her nose.
Kevin's at the kitchen table doing a crossword when Luke comes down the stairs. Kevin: "Five-letter word for 'Spenser's fire.'" Luke suggests "flame." Kevin: "Nope." Joan comes downstairs with a purple bandage across her nose. Kevin smirks: "Tough day at the zoo?" Joan: "My stupid English teacher assigned Cyrano." Kevin: "Uh…I need more." Helen and Will come down the stairs, smiling: "Good morning!" Kevin: "Morning smiles. Never good." Helen decides not to waste any time: she announces they're inviting Aunt Olive to live with them. Joan practically does a spit-take with her juice: "Here?" Will asks what happened to her nose. Luke: "Her cat has a problem with Edmond Rostand." Will: "Why do I ask?" Joan: "Aunt Olive is going to use the bathroom and everything?" I suspect she'll prefer that someone digs her a hole in the ground, actually. Helen says it's only until she recovers enough to be on her own. She adds, "Oh, and Joan, honey…" Joan: "No, no, no, no…no 'Joan, honey.'" Helen tells her she has to get rid of the cat. Joan: "What? Larry? If I give him back, they'll kill him!" Will thinks they can find someone else for Larry to attack. Joan says it has to be her. Helen: "Why?" Joan: "It just does." No doubt her parents are thinking that Mental Acres bill was money well-spent. Helen says Olive hates cats and it will be hard enough as it is. I don't get this: the cat's in Joan's room. Olive probably will hardly ever be on the second floor. How does it even affect her? Helen claims they all have to give up something. Joan: "But he started purring!" Helen: "I'm sorry, honey." Joan jerks around in frustration: "I hate her!" She grabs her bag and storms out, complaining, "Hate Aunt Olive!" The kettle whistles as the answer to Kevin's crossword clue comes to Luke: "Wrath." Kevin: "Yo."