Episode Report Card Demian: B+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Black as the Bitter, Bitter Heart Of Brad Kern
By Demian | Season 4 | Episode 8 | Aired on 11.14.2001
Congratulations, Mr. Kern and Ms. Scovell. For the very first time since I started watching this show, you honestly surprised me by incorporating a divisive, real-life issue into the storyline. Especially now, when our fearless president is abrogating the Constitution by issuing an executive order that allows non-citizens to be hauled before military Star Chambers that may very well impose the death penalty on those deemed guilty. Here's my problem with all of this: you dropped the ball. Not only did you drop it, you stomped on it with your expensive loafers and stiletto heels until it burst at the seams. Claiming that Cole deserves to live because "the devil inside made him do it" and that with said devil vanquished, Cole may be excused from any personal responsibility for his actions is beyond insulting. If John Wayne Gacy had undergone an exorcism, we wouldn't have had to stick a needle in his arm? Whatever. I appreciate the effort, but if you choose to do something like this in a future episode, don't be so half-assed about it.
ANYway. P3. Piper scribbles out a check to cover half the replacement cost for the scorched bionic brat, bitching the whole time that the brat was Raige's idea in the first place. As she slides the check across the bar, she sighs, "Well, at least it served its purpose." "In spades," notes the downcast Dolt. Aw. Not. Shut it, Dolt. Piper promises him that they will have children eventually, just not at any point in the near future. She hikes herself up on the bar to lean across for a kiss. Raige withers a pointless snark about the two of them getting married before adding that Phoebe and Cole should never walk down the aisle together. She still can't wrap her mind around the idea that Cole is, basically, a serial killer. Piper corrects her yet again: "That wasn't Cole. It was Belthazor." "Splitting hairs, if you ask me," Raige snarks back. Get over yourself, Raige. You're just pissed your sister's engaged to a totally hot guy when you can barely keep a slampiece around past coffee the morning after. The Dolt claims it's not "splitting hairs." Cole's "human half had nothing to do with any of that -- it was totally subjugated." Whatever. See the paragraph above. Piper wonders what the non-demonic boy toy will do with himself now that he's fully human. Knowing this show, they'll slot him into some tediously predictable yet undeniably "good" job like public defender or legal-aid attorney. I suppose we'll have to wait and see.
Cut to the Manor exterior. Up in her boudoir, Phoebe frets and paces, waiting for Cole. Her hair's pulled all the way up from her head. Add a couple of white streaks blazing back from her temples and she'd be Elsa Lanchester. When Cole finally walks through the door, Phoebe practically flies through the air to cling to his neck. Cole's a bit taken aback by this overwhelming reception. He'd simply gone for a walk to clear his head, and before he knew it, he was running late. He tried to squiggle back to the Manor, then realized he will never squiggle again. Dude, why didn't they have a little scene of him on some random street corner trying real hard to squiggle? That would have been sweet. Cole's perplexed. He's been a dark demonic force sent from the flaming maw of Hell for more than a century, and now that's no longer who he is. Where does he go from here? This isn't where he intended to be. Apologies. I hate it when Evita moments happen. The two cross to the bed and sit, Cole at a loss and Phoebe doing her best to comfort him. Phoebe reassures him that he's still the "good man that [she] fell in love with." "But not the one you want to marry," he notes. Phoebe lifts her head from his shoulder to assure him that whatever reservations she has about marriage are her own issues. At some point in the future, she may be ready to take that next step with him, but not now. "I still don't know where that leaves us," he tells her, "especially now." Phoebe's sick-making response to this? "Just because you aren't a demon anymore doesn't mean we can't live in sin." Ew! EW! She drops back onto the comforter, pulling him down on top of her. Loud, wet, smacking kisses hit the soundtrack as we fade to black.