Episode Report Card Demian: B+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Black as the Bitter, Bitter Heart Of Brad Kern
By Demian | Season 4 | Episode 8 | Aired on 11.14.2001
Raige holds a swaddled, rubberized, caterwauling infant in her smug little hands and shrugs, "You told me to rent one, so I did." Piper snits, "Where did you get it?" Raige obtained the "lifelike" doll at "the clinic," presumably a sort of parent-training center associated with THE BLACK HOLE OF SOCIAL SERVICES. Piper pushes the proffered doll away, ordering Raige to take it back. Phoebe and Cole enter as the argument progresses, and Cole sighs mightily, realizing that he'll get no further with the easily distracted Phoebe as long as this is going on. Raige explains that Piper and the Dolt wanted a test run on the whole child thing before actually shoving a bun into Piper's oven, so Raige helpfully procured this "mechanical baby" for them. "It sounds so real!" Phoebe marvels. "And so annoying!" Piper grits, drawing her fingers into claws. Snicker. The last thing Piper needs during the current demon hunt is to "protect a fake baby." Raige calls her on this by tossing the doll into the air. Piper reflexively freezes it. Raige claims this is proof that Piper's instincts were to save the child. To the contrary, Piper avers. "My instincts were to shut it up." Raige urges Piper to try holding the thing, since it's equipped with some sort of sensor that will stop the crying should Piper coddle it. If Piper still doesn't like it, Raige promises to return it from whence it came. Piper unfreezes the bionic brat and it drops into her arms. Phoebe indulges in a bit of irritating baby-related nonsense before the Dolt orbs in with news of the latest murder. Piper and Phoebe agree the gals should head to the scene immediately, after arranging for Detective Darryl to ensure access. Cole moves to join them, but Phoebe orders him to remain in the Manor: "Someone might recognize you from when you posed as a D.A." Cole pouts, "I never get to go anywhere anymore!" Snarf. "You were a demon and a lawyer?" Raige states evenly. "Insert joke here." I don't know if I should smirk or tell her to shut up for stealing my line. Meanwhile, the Dolt has been paternally admiring the bionic brat in Piper's arms. Piper foists it upon him, telling him to "take care of it" while she deals with the latest demonic crime. The Dolt's mouth twists into this bizarre lipless grin he directs toward the doll as he crosses to Cole for advice. Cole regards the doll for a moment as if recalling the carefree days of yore when he would happily snack on small children for lunch. He glowers, "Don't look at me," and darts off. The bionic brat wails in the embrace of the Dolt.