Episode Report Card Owen: D | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Reckless Abandon
By Owen | Season 2 | Episode 11 | Aired on 01.26.2000
Matthew Perry, now in the The Whole Nine Yards. Didn't you learn your lesson with Two to Tango? I'll sum it up for you in two words: Shelley. Long.
Why do they keep sending the second unit up to San Francisco to tape establishing shots if the crew keeps sending back the same footage? What's up with that? Halliwell Manor. Phoebe's blathering about her premonition while Piper uncomfortably holds the infant in her arms. Piper admits she's "not really good with these things." Ah, how refreshing -- a Halliwell sister who doesn't think that just liking babies will make her a terrific mother. Phoebe suggests that Piper "rock-n-walk" the baby, because "he loves that." Pheebs continues that her vision featured an evil ghost, and baby-talks her disbelief that an evil ghost would want to hurt "a widdle bay-bee." Piper wonders how Pheebs got the child from Darryl. Phoebe told him about her premontion, so he gave the Halliwells the baby "for twenty-four hours" before Social Services takes over. Oh, I'm loving this. You know, Darryl would probably be facing a lot less suspicion at his police precinct if he would stop hiding dead bodies and giving live babies to his friends in the witch coven ["and ripping off 90210 plots from four years ago" -- Sars]. Piper gives the wailing baby to Phoebe. The baby stops crying. Phoebe must be "a natural" at this. Phoebe says she "can't wait" to have a baby of her own someday. Piper is "beginning to wonder if Dan fell in love with the wrong Halliwell." Hey, didn't I call that one earlier in the season? If this show had any type of continuity, I'd file that line under "foreshadowing." Piper shakes the knit teddy bear at the baby, and milk is thrown at her from below the camera line. Phoebe explains that the child "doesn't like to have things waved in his face." I have to admit, I'm in touch with that emotion.
Prue stomps into the house, swearing that "this better be good," because her New York trip "is at stake." The docile Ps shush her and point to the baby. They give her the whole backstory. Prue thinks it's strange that an abandoned baby would have expensive things like a silk-lined blanket and a product-placement infant carrier from a major catalog retailer that will remain nameless until they send MBTV an advertising fee. Why couldn't the parents keep the kid if they could afford this stuff? Piper feels a tantrum from the tyke coming on, and shoos everyone into the foyer, likening the baby to "a car alarm susceptible to every vibration." Pheebs tells Prue that Piper "has baby issues." The docile Ps tell Prue about the premonition. Phoebe throws a purse over her white halter top and decides to go back to the police station to get a sketch of the guy holding the baby in her vision for them to identify. Prue says she's going back to work. Piper balks about being left in charge of the baby, remembering when Phoebe was a baby ("was"?) and how hard it was on her -- especially since Prue was "dropping her all the time." BWA HA HA. Insert your own brain damage joke here. Phoebe glares at Prue. Prue says she'll stop by the store to get baby supplies. Pheebs says she still needs to go see Darryl. The baby wails.
Store. At first I think that Prue must be at a Big Kmart or a Super Kmart, but since there are actually plentiful goods neatly organized on the shelves and the aisles seem to be clear, she must be at a different establishment altogether. She wheels her overflowing shopping cart into the diaper aisle and plotzes because the diapers are on the very top shelf. Shee-yah, right. She telekinetically flings a couple of packages down, and adds them to all of the toys and stuffed animals in the cart. Just then Prue is paged on the store intercom system -- a Ms. Diane Keaton is calling from the set of Baby Boom, wanting her "harried careerwoman suddenly thrust in the role of parent" shtick back. Just then Jack "Big" Sheridan shows up, racing a little boy down the aisle on a motorized skateboard. Prue wonders what he's doing there. Prue's assistant told Jack that she had "a family emergency" and he could find her there. Prue explains that the diapers are for her "cousin's baby." Once she buys the stuff, she'll join him back at work so she can help win the trip to New York with him. Jack sees this as a cue to blather about "the Big Apple" and "romantic restaurants, hip clubs and secret getaways." Huh? Will he and Prue be knocking over banks or liquor stores? ["Oh, please let them go to New York. Please." -- Sars] Jack reminds her that the plane leaves tomorrow at nine. Then he tells her he has to go, because the big lug must beat the little child at the skateboard race. He leaves. Whoa, this guy is such a keeper, Prue! Not.