Episode Report Card Owen: D | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Reckless Abandon
By Owen | Season 2 | Episode 11 | Aired on 01.26.2000
Halliwell Manor. Night. At the dining room table, Prue works on her slides and Phoebe "researches the Van Llewens" on the Internet from her Barbie TM laptop. Piper walks in with the screaming infant. She doesn't understand why the lazy Ps didn't tell Alexandra that they had Matthew. Prue believes the ghost would have followed them to the manor, and reminds them that they have a twelve-hour deadline to vanquish the ghost before Darryl takes the baby away. Piper insists that Phoebe hold the baby for awhile, since she's "had it." Phoebe bitches because the baby continues to cry while in her arms, and her "magic touch" isn't working like before. She wonders if he's giving a "burping" cry. He was, because Props throws baby puke onto Prue's slides from off-camera. Prue gets her bitch on. Piper believes this will be "a long night." Word. The scene ends with a David Lynch-ian close-up of the baby puke. Needless to say, ew.
A few hours later. Prue is walking around with the baby, complaining that he won't sleep. Phoebe's trying to research the Van Llewens some more. The baby wails louder. Prue puts it on the floor and empties out her purse. She uses her telekinesis to make a yuppie mobile for Matthew with floating car keys, cell phones and designer make-up. The baby quiets down. This charming moment is interrupted by a loud farting noise, alerting me that my few seconds of enjoyment this episode are up.
A few hours later. Prue is washing the baby in the kitchen sink, telekinetically hosing off his ass with the sprayer. Piper's found some information on the laptop about the Van Llewen chauffeur -- he disappeared, and shortly after, Sister Kate's husband died "of mysterious circumstances." Phoebe walks into the room with Book of Shadows. She tells them to "forget Dr. Spock." She's found a page in the BoS where their mother has informed them, "Sometimes a baby just has to cry." Word. And sometimes an MBTV recap writer just has to cry. Usually around the time that the script writers rip off Ghostbusters II and Three Men and a Baby simultaneously. Prue bitches that mothering should be "easy" for them, since they're "women -- natural nurturers." The baby's first word is an exclamation of "Sexist!" Actually, it just wails some more. Piper freezes him, whining that she "can't keep this up all night." Heh.
Morning. The kitchen is a wreck, and the Ps are all slumped over asleep at the kitchen table. Dan holds the cooing baby in his arms. Piper awakens and looks at him. He asks her what's up. Piper: "Just wondering if you're too good to be true." Once again I wonder if foreshadowing can flourish where continuity lies barren. Dan gives the baby to Piper. She thanks him. He kisses them both goodbye. Prue and Phoebe wake up. Prue's late for work, and she books out of the room. Phoebe asks Piper to accompany her to the Van Llewen estate, and they book also. Ruh roh! They left the baby on the bus! I've never seen that gag before. In the last two weeks. The Ps all run back and gather around the crib. What will they do?