Episode Report Card Jacob: D | 1419 USERS: C+ YOU GRADE IT BattleNoir Redactica
By Jacob | Season 2 | Episode 14 | Aired on 2006.01.27
Creeps enter and attack Apollo. Yet another glass coffee table goes the way of the dodo as Siobhan screams unhelpfully. I've not met a sister in my life that couldn't fight like a motherfucker. I'm just saying. The Bond villain piano-wire device appears and Apollo is strangled while helplessly watching Siobhan get beat. This is the choice of a man who gets more pleasure out of wrestling women on the floor, or getting smacked around by tomboys? Phelan enters and taps Lee on the forehead. "You listening? I hear any more talk about Fisk, I'm going send your whore back to you piece...by piece. And then I'm going start with the little girl." Why are we all pretending she has no legal recourse here? Because hookers in danger put pulp writers' kids through school from 1940-1970, and let's not let simple logic get in the way of that completely irrelevant fact. Lee's reaching for a piece of glass from the smashed table. "I know who you are. I know whose son you are. And I don't care. You tell Adama to let it go." Phelan kicks Apollo in the head and Apollo falls unconscious, and his head bounces on the floor in slow motion, which is funny instead of worrying, because this episode is taking place on the holodeck of any one of a number of vastly shittier shows, and we cut to blessed commercial comfort.
Flashback to the Cloud 9 back in the days before pimps were invented, i.e., hours ago, and Siobhan caresses Apollo's sweet head, asking about Nameless Voiceless Caprica Baby Mama: "Is that when you knew that you loved her?" Apollo says he at least thought so, but confusingly, we cut to her touching her belly and smiling at us, which in the reconstructed memory seemed to happen right before he punked her. Which, given the fact that it's Apollo, actually does make sense: That was when I fell in love with her. So I knew she had to go. "But you hurt her," explains Siobhan, as we see a tear running down Baby Mama's cheek, and she runs away. Apollo just stands there, frozen. I have no idea what we're supposed to be getting out of any of this. I understand the facts but the point is lost. Apollo wakes up from this confusing dream-within-a-dream and finds the assassin on the floor with a hole in his head, and Siobhan and daughter gone. There's a huge gross piano-wire line on Apollo's neck. (Shut up, Wesley.) He calls for a medic and security team.