Episode Report Card Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Art Is Subjective
By Sara M | Season 9 | Episode 13 | Aired on 01.30.2005
Vincent and Ruthie hang out outside. Vincent says he loved the dinner, especially since his crappy mother never cooks. And he has decided to try church out. Ruthie asks Vincent why his parents were forcing him to go. He says it's a "really boring story." And he's right. Ruthie asks him out. She'll have to ask her parents' permission first, but "Martin could probably drive us" if they say yes. That sure is an enticing offer. Vincent doesn't think his parents would approve of him doing anything with He Who Has Sex With That Zoe Chick. How would Vincent's parents even know about that? And why would they, being godless heathens, even care? Ruthie says that Martin didn't have sex; Zoe just pretended they did to make herself more popular. Vincent smoothly wonders why people can't just stick to kissing. And then he and Ruthie kiss to the Guitars of This Really Isn't Ruthie's First Kiss Since She Dated Peter For A Year And A Half. When it's over, Ruthie smiles dorkily, which I actually thought was a nice, realistic touch.
Of course, as RevCam says, reality moves faster than a speeding bullet, so the moment is very fleeting as our next scene involves Vincent's parents. They have finished their conversation with RevCam, and say they will try church out themselves. Great job getting two people who are apparently incapable of even loving their own child to join your parish, there, Rev. RevCam says they might even find church helpful. Vincent's mom tells RevCam to back off. Even though she's a terrible person and ridiculous caricature of whatever Brenda Hampton thinks non-church-attending people are like, I like her, just for that. Vincent enters and says he's ready to go home. RevCam says he looks forward to hearing what Vincent thinks of church. The Vincent Family leaves. I hope we never hear anything about that ludicrous plotline ever again.
They've barely shut the door behind them when Ruthie gets her nosy on. She asks RevCam what Vincent's problems are. RevCam says they aren't "serious." I question RevCam's scale of problem seriousity. For instance, I would think that someone with two parents who were as cold and emotionally distant as Vincent's would have a serious problem, whereas someone who had premarital sex would not have a serious problem, if they had one at all. But these are moral compass-less values held by heathens like me. I also don't let people write thank-you cards for me. Martin comes downstairs and says he wants to talk to RevCam, and before Ruthie. RevCam says they can all talk at the same time. What follows is Martin and Ruthie basically telling RevCam everything that happened in this episode. In the end, Martin says he doesn't want to look cool at school if it means he has to have sex or lie about having sex. Ruthie admits that she was wrong to blackmail Martin, but she was so desperate for a boyfriend after trying "all year" to get one without success. So it's not like she even likes Vincent for Vincent; she just wants a boyfriend. This doesn't even make sense when you consider the fact that she doesn't intend to do anything more than kiss him. RevCam dishes out the punishments: Martin can't "entertain" women in his apartment, which isn't much of a punishment considering the fact that Martin doesn't even like women; and Ruthie isn't allowed to date. He admits that he does like Vincent (ew), but she'll just have to wait a few weeks to see him. Ruthie quickly says she has no problem waiting since she already got what she wanted out of him: "He kissed me!" "He really does need to go to church," says RevCam. But…I thought there was nothing wrong with kissing! I'm so confused! My moral compass has gone haywire! I'm gonna go have premarital sex and get pregnant and move back in with my parents and read comic books while they raise my bastard child.