Episode Report Card Demian: B | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Not Without My Done One
By Demian | Season 6 | Episode 3 | Aired on 10.04.2003
Manor hall. Raige orbs in at the foot of the stairs alongside Phoebe and Piper, with Tiny Gay Chris perched on his mother's hip. "We don't have much time!" Raige blurts. "They're gonna follow us." "How are we supposed to stop them?" Phoebe babbles uselessly. "Well, we have to think of something," Piper asserts. "We can't just let them take [Tiny Chris]!" Down the hall a bit, a mottled white light dances across the floorboards. The camera pulls in close to Raige as she steps forward to gasp, "Incoming!" Harvey and Jean materialize on the carpet. "I will not lose him!" Piper growls, twisting her torso to shield Tiny Gay Chris from the boys in white. Harve wiggles his fingers, and Tiny Gay Chris flares out of Piper's arms into Jean's. Harve wiggles his fingers again, and the Glamorous Ladies' feet fly backwards beneath them, tossing them as one face-first to the floor. The force of the impact sends them sliding backwards on their stomachs into the dining room. "Don't worry," Harve breathes. "You won't remember any of this, anyway." He wiggles his fingers one last time. Over on the sun porch, the playpen and carousel vanish, replaced by the ottoman and lamp, while up in the Bridal Boudoir, Tiny Gay Chris disappears from a framed family photo. Back down in the main hall, Harvey, Jean, and Tiny Chris vanish in a shimmering twinkle of Beam-Me-Up points of light. Piper, Raige, and Phoebe slowly push themselves onto their knees. "Do you remember?" Raige asks, unsure of herself. "Absolutely everything," Phoebe confirms. Raige guesses, "The spell must have worked." The camera tightens in on Piper's agitated face as she insists, "But not for [Chris]. He's gone." And so, too, is she, as we scamper off into the final commercial break.
Attic. Piper stares pensively out at the rain while Phoebe and Raige fruitlessly abuse the Book and a scrying crystal, respectively. After a moment, Piper turns to muse, "Maybe we're going about this the wrong way. Maybe instead of trying to stop them, we should get them to try to stop us." "You lost me," Phoebe sighs. Not hard, dimwit, but that's not important right now. What matters is this: As The Cleaners' sole purpose is to prevent magic's exposure, Piper proposes that the Glamorous Ladies intentionally expose their various abilities and force The Cleaners to deal with them. Phoebe worries that Harve and Jean will just make them disappear as well. "They wouldn't dare," Piper assures her before concluding, "So, let's give them something to clean up."
Channel Six Newsroom. That slap-happy polyethylene idiot from the top of the hour finishes up the evening's forecast just as Raige orbs directly onto the set with the Feebs. Phoebe immediately latches onto weather guy's lapels and levitates fifteen feet into the air. The anchorwoman, who also happens to be the Presidio reporter from earlier, expertly ad-libs, "Um. Er. I don't know what's going on here, exactly." And that's why they pay her the big bucks, right? Raige interrupts with, "It's called 'magic,' Kinesha. Witchcraft, specifically." "Kinesha" -- hee! Raige gets a mischievous glint in her eye and adds, "I really like your jacket!" Kinesha's outerwear instantly dissolves into a cloud of orbs to reform in Raige's outstretched arms. Raige rather territorially clutches the stolen item of clothing to her chest as the slap-happy jackass plunges to the studio floor behind the shocked anchor. Phoebe hops into the frame with, "Wanna see more magic? Let's check in with Piper, live at the Golden Gate Bridge!" The camera pans over to a monitor, and okay, fine: This is horribly low-rent. I can't deny that at all. However, what saves it is Holly's gorgeous "yeah, this is a lousy effect -- fuck it" attitude. She steps in front of what is so obviously a green-screen projection of the Golden Gate Bridge. She pauses for the briefest of moments and tosses the camera a smile as fake as the background, as if to say, "Can you believe this shit?" Hee! Piper then turns to "face" the "bridge," and recites the trusty "Object Of Objection" spell: