Episode Report Card Keckler: B- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Technobabel
By Keckler | Season 4 | Episode 12 | Aired on 01.27.2005
Trip and Reed make their way through lots and lots of access tubes and still can't find the Bridge. Trip notes that Reed's air is low again, and Reed suggests the Bridge is on a lower level: "There's no rule that says the Bridge has to be on the top of the ship." Not to step on your "radical" statement there, Reed, but since the days of the first wooden sailing vessels, the Bridge has had the happy privilege of being topside so it wouldn't be the first thing to sink when the ship hits an iceberg. I concede that "up" and "down" shouldn't really apply when you're in space, except that it always has in these shows. "So, I understand our First Officer is no longer married," Reed comments. "Yeah?" Trip responds. "So, I was wondering what your intentions were," Reed goes on. "Well, who are you -- her father?" Trip and I say simultaneously. Reed chuckles that he's just curious. Trip changes the subject because he found a maneuvering thruster that is chemically fueled with liquid hydrogen and oxygen. "We could refill our tanks," Reed says. Trip nods.
Dressed in pink underoos that bag and do nothing for her blue figure, Talus tries to seduce her guard. The guard resists her and orders her back to her quarters right before Shran sneaks up from behind and tries to attack. The Uh-Oh is very much on his toes and smacks Shran before Shran even gets the chance to do any damage. Unfortunately for the Uh-Oh, Talus is not T'Pol-like in her strength and beats the crap out of him with some very nice moves. Shran grabs the Uh-Oh's gun and takes off.
In ROMULANVILLE, the ROMULANS discover Trip and Reed's interference with one of their liquid fuel tanks. Val-dor-EE orders internal sensors activated. The Evil Dr. Mathra is convinced that Val-dor-EE looks like Matt Damon. He thinks that Matt Damon could easily play a Romulan and they wouldn't even have to add latex to his forehead. "And often, they wouldn't even have to do anything to his hair," he adds. It's true, and I'm thinking they didn't have to add much latex to Brian Armstrong's hulking face -- not only does he have brows that must be good in a rainstorm, but he also has quite prominent cheeks, nose, and chin. If he ever has kids, I feel sorry for his wife.
Trip fiddles with the fuel tanks and asks Reed how he's holding up. "A little lightheaded," Reed admits. "That's nothing new," Trip and I say simultaneously. And now Trip owes me two Cokes. Trip says he should've known better than to get involved with a fellow officer. He tells Reed it's all over between him and T'Pol, "if yer innerested." Reed gasps that that's not why he asked. Like hell it isn't, Stinky. "Well, you said she had an awfully nice bum," Trip says. Yes, dear, but that was back when she actually had a bum, rather than the boney excuse she hauls around now. And thank YOU for reminding me of an episode that most of us would prefer to forget. "Pure oxygen," Trip determines finally, "be my guest." Reed plugs in and inhales deeply, just as if he were at one of those newfangled oxygen bars that make even less sense than the newfangled water bars and exist only to give the monied class a feeling of superiority as they lay down stacks of cash for the privilege of imbibing two of the most common resources, a level of pretension that is as unfathomable as it is ridiculous. Plus, isn't the pure oxygen going to give him a bit of a high? I mean, I know they give football players pure oxygen on the sidelines, but that's after really intense exertion -- Reed's just been standing around talking large amounts of smack about the Bridge being on a lower level. Trip unplugs Reed and fills himself up. Do you think they have universal oxygen tank-to-tube adaptors with them? Because otherwise, they just got really lucky. Also, wasn't this supposed to be "liquid" oxygen? Did Trip also bring along another Dewar to convert the liquid oxygen to a gas? That's a utility belt worthy of Batman, wouldn't you say? I'm going to let you in on a little secret: Trip is not Batman. Pass it on.
The ROMULANS flip the channels on their security cameras and see Trip and Reed. At first, I thought the ROMULANS were going to inject poison into the oxygen supply, but then I saw that Reed and Trip were already moving off from the tanks, and I was sad. After confirming that the inertial dampeners are offline, Val-dor-EE goes over to The Gimp and orders: "Evasive. Maneuvers." The Gimp twiddles his fingers.