Episode Report Card Chuck: B- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Life is but a ream
By Chuck | Season 5 | Episode 3 | Aired on 01.19.2002
Unfuckable Beecher plays with his daughter -- does she know she has two daddies? -- when Katherine the floozy lawyer shows up, all jazzy in red. The bell rings, signaling the end of the visit; Beecher stoops down to kiss his daughter and then asks Katherine if she's got a kiss for Daddy. Yuck again. They start to make out as Beecher's daughter is all, "Get a room, you ugly-haired pervert." Oh, wait, that was me.
In a completely surprising turn of events, Claire Howell will be supervising Keller while he's in protective custody -- maybe Beecher, Keller, Katherine, and Claire can have a fearsome foursome, because you know that Claire's not going let her time with Keller pass without diddling him. Plus, they're already flirting. Pete walks up and asks if she and Keller can speak privately. "Knock yourself out, Sister," says Claire. Ah, Claire. I totally want to see her pad -- I wonder what she does in her spare time. Amateur porn? Mud-wrestling? She's probably a closet Hummel collector. Or those paintings of big-eyed children. Pete asks Keller how he's doing, and he brings her up to date, perhaps as a courtesy to anyone who's just joined our already-in-progress program. Pete looks about as interested as I am, and tells Keller he needs a lawyer. Oh, and Keller wants to spend some time with Beecher. Sister Pete, ever the willing pimp, runs off to see what she can do. Which involves telling Beecher what's happening (luckily we don't have to sit through it again), and wondering if Katherine can suggest a lawyer from her office (since she did such a great job for Beecher). And she'll talk to the warden. Oh, and Beecher wants to spend some time with Keller. Because he's feeling very fuckable.
And what does Leo say? Everybody, now: "No!" Pete demands an explanation, and Leo explains: "Chris Keller tortured, sexually abused, and murdered three men. Why should I try to make him happy?" Solid reasoning, if you ask me, but Leo fails to consider that sex between Beecher and Keller constitutes a primary ratings driver, and that what the people want -- and what generates subscribers for HBO -- trumps any sort of silly moralistic argument against coddling prisoners. The nun agrees -- she's got two very horny clients, dammit! Plus Beecher hasn't done anything wrong (in the last five minutes). And he's really into scat. No, says Leo, he's just the unfortunate victim of some else's excesses. So that's what torture, sexual abuse, and murder are. Because I've been wondering. Beecher looks intense. Then Keller looks very intense.