Episode Report Card Chuck: B- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Life is but a ream
By Chuck | Season 5 | Episode 3 | Aired on 01.19.2002
But, dammit, a quitter Said is not. He finds Slowmar in the bathroom and tells him to find him when he's done washing up. Slowmar tells Said that he makes his head hurt, and that he's really not in the mood for a drug speech right now. Said explains that they won't talk about drugs; he just wants to have a conversation. Slowmar doesn't want to have a conversation, but Slowmar's needs really aren't an integral part of this relationship, which Said confirms by grabbing Slowmar's face and pressing on his cheeks and explaining that they're gonna have a chatsky regardless. "Now," asks Said, as though Slowmar has just killed Said's dog, "what is your favorite color?" Just two men, opening their hearts to each other. Slowmar's favorite color is white -- and not just because it's his last name. White, says Slowmar, "is clean and shit." Yes, yes it is. White is both clean and shit, which makes it very interesting indeed. Then Eamonn Walker amps up the over-acting even further and asks Slowmar what he's passionate about while moving his arms like he's doing step aerobics. Hey, could you take it down about a thousand notches there? This isn't regional theater. And wouldn't you know, Slowmar digs cowboys. Herb Jeffries and the other black cowboys from the old black cowboy movies of the 1930s. While Said thinks it's all about guns and horses, Slowmar reveals that he's got a thing for Herb (heh heh, I said "herb") because he can sing. Which is pretty convenient, considering that Betty Buckley's giving free voice lessons in the next room!
McManus is, of course, ecstatic that Said has helped Slowmar identify an interest; I can't wait to see the PSA where Slowmar explains that singing is his anti-drug. Except for one thing -- Omar maintains that he can't sing. But McManus, ever cheery in the face of obstacles, says, "'Can't' never did anything, Omar." Slowmar wonders, "What does that mean?" Oh, I know what it means. It means that McManus must die. Interest schminterest -- I'm simply glad to see Slowmar speaking in full sentences and making fun of McManus.
Who's now in a meeting with Leo and Ellie -- the latter is pissed because she's just learned of the performing arts program. Wait, this isn't still her first day? She's wearing the same suit, as far as I can tell. She's "the state leeezon, for Christ's sake." As McManus tries to be jokey and preachy at the same time, Ellie wonders where Leo will find the money. Costs are low, he says. He'll do what he always does -- a little from here, a little from there. Maybe he'll embezzle less. Or fire McManus. Who, with the full complicity of Ellie, destroys the already-tenuous professional environment by bantering about his failed marriage while Leo looks bored and gassy and wonders how he got stuck talking to these two losers who keep tearing at each other like, well, like exes. Ellie says she'll try to get Governor Small to pony up some cash, and leaves; McManus looks to Leo for sympathy, but Leo makes a tepid, not-worth-repeating joke at McManus's expense. He deserves so much more, Leo -- so much more mocking and derision.