Episode Report Card M. Giant: B- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Guardian Angel
By M. Giant | Season 3 | Episode 22 | Aired on 05.10.2004
Saunders and Ving Rhames With Hair are chasing Bitchelle through the dark basement of the building as best they can; they can't see where she is, but they're not far behind her. They split up, Saunders giving orders not to shoot to kill. It's 10:35:04. There's running and sneaking, and I just recapped nearly a minute of this show in four words. This show needs more scenes like that. Bitchelle pulls out the cell phone, and she gets the annual 24 cell phone whammy: the "No Service" message. She spots a staircase leading up, and Hulks right through a chained and padlocked pair of double doors to get to it. But it only leads up to a chain-link cage from which there is no escape. Bitchelle tries the phone again, and this time manages to get through to CTU. Yay, Potato Face will save the day! Except she won't. She can't hear Bitchelle, and she makes potato faces and says, "Whoever this is, I have a really bad connection. I've got a lot of stuff to do right now." And she hangs up. I'm digging the suspenseful, percussive music, but I've never heard a timpani drum go "D'oh!" before. Bitchelle scampers back down the staircase just before Saunders comes into view directly above her. It's 10:36:50.
I have a confession to make. During the commercials, I actually caught myself thinking, But if Bitchelle escapes, they won't be able to nab Saunders at the hostage exchange. And then I was embarrassed for having such an inane thought. Because if Bitchelle does escape, CTU is back where they were an hour and a half ago: in possession of Spawnders, and aware of Saunders's location. But taking him down will work this time because Saunders will be fresh out of hostages. I can't believe I even entertained the idea that Bitchelle shouldn't escape. Silly me.
It's 10:41:03. Kiefer plans, Special Agent Charlie Brown waits, and Palmer stares at the photo of the medicine bottle. Doesn't he have a crisis to manage? You know, if it hadn't been for that debate and the cabinet meeting earlier in the season, I'd be starting to suspect that Palmer isn't even President any more, and people are just keeping him in this room while they try to figure out how to break the news to him: "Listen, we have to tell him soon. He's starting to suspect. He's wondering where all his advisors are." "Okay…umm…send in Wayne to pretend to be his Chief of Staff." "What? Who would ever believe that?" "I think David would." Anyway, the charade continues as Brother Palmer comes in to ask what Keeler wanted. Palmer tells him everything, including Lady Mac's part in it. Brother Palmer, just like everyone else, is confused as to why Lady Mac would risk going to jail herself. Palmer explains that Lady Mac figures he has more to lose than she does, and says she's right. Idiot! You have more to lose, i.e. your presidency, until you give it up. Then Lady Mac has more to lose, i.e. her Presidential Whatever position under Keeler, who will have yet more to lose as the new president. Can nobody in this plotline think more than one move ahead? And again, I can't believe what an idiot Keeler is for playing along. The Lady Macbeth parallel is more apt now than ever; Macbeth spent most of the play being paranoid about losing his kingdom, largely because of the shitty things he'd done to get it. Crack a book some time, Keeler.
Anyway, Brother Palmer immediately sets about beating himself up for putting into motion a chain of events that is set to bring down his brother's presidency. Palmer comforts him, sitting on the edge of the table next to him and reminding him that he was the one who called Sherry in the first place. Brother Palmer clamps a fraternal hand on Palmer's knee. I didn't know people did that. Buck up, guys. Surely with your combined brainpower you'll be able to come up with a solution. And indeed, Brother Palmer says there might be a way out. Good! What's your idea, Brother Palmer? Call Lady Mac's bluff? Talk to a lawyer? Oh, no -- he wants to hire someone shady character named Foxton to steal the prescription bottle from her. Man, these two are like a couple of gamblers who get in a hole and keep making bigger and more reckless bets to get their money back. They're just throwing good airtime after bad. Maybe there was never a President Nixon in the 24-verse, which would explain why the Brothers Palmer can't seem to get it through their heads that trying to cover things up from the White House only makes things exponentially worse. Palmer's reluctant, but Brother Palmer tells him, "All you have to do is give me the okay." If Brother Palmer were worthy of his job, he wouldn't even need Palmer to do that, but then we wouldn't get to see another one of Palmer's increasingly one-sided wrestling bouts with his conscience. He cuts Brother Palmer loose with a look, and the Twenty-Fifth Amendment starts looking pretty good to me.