Episode Report Card Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT All Aboard The Battlestar Handbasket!
By Jacob Clifton | Season 4 | Episode 13 | Aired on 01.30.2009
Athena and Helo are of course in their quarters with Hera, because that's all they do now, and like everybody else, not enjoying the algae-derived slop they have to eat -- Because do you get it yet? Let them eat algae-derived cake! -- when they hear the jackboots in the corridors and realize that it's entirely possible the thing they always kind of thought would happen is happening. A bunch of mutineers, this time including Gage of the Sunshine Boys, come smashing into the room and pistol-whip Helo for awhile, then kidnap all three of them. Helo apologizes to him for accidentally killing the guy who raped his wife, like that was tacky of him to do, and Gage continues to bitch about how not only was that totally uncool, but then also Helo got a promotion to CAG instead of being killed. Life is unfair for everybody, but often I find that rapists are the least lucky of us all. Helo grunts, "Frak you!" and the hopes of a thousand pathetic sheltered clueless creepy slash-shippers rise into the air that they're finally going to see some boy-on-boy noncon, because isn't that so feminist, but are then dashed as Gage underlines his preference for raping Helo's wife, and the girls have to go back to getting their kicks pretending the brothers -- or the actors! -- on another show are secretly fucking. The mutineers bash Helo's head in, but it is a blessed relief.
Meanwhile, Lee is just hopping mad about Skulls and Racetrack, but Kara's more blasé about it, because Racetrack's barely ever had a personality beyond being bitter and angry about anything anyway, and there are a million reasons you would be a part of this. Some of them might not even have anything to do with an unrequited crush at all, although Racetrack's always had a thing for Helo. They discuss how the hangar deck is obviously just like comms, intended to isolate the ship so they can take CIC. "Zarek played me just right," Lee whines. Is that really part of the story, that Tom herded Lee off Colonial One and over to Galactica? I guess I can buy that. Lee despairs that Zarek's new buddies have Vipers, Raptors, gun batteries at the ready, and dips into being a little bit of an American't before Kara slaps him out of it with a big old sloppy kiss on the mouth:
"Right now all we can count on is you and me. Take a breath, Lee. Feels good being alive, doesn't it?" He's sort of bemused and adoring, and asks WTF is going on with her now. "Feeling right for the first time in weeks!" Lee acknowledges that she's adorable, but reminds her that there is shit happening. "Okay, Kara: My Dad. Where is he?" CIC, she says, and hands him a gun; at least when it started he was on CIC. Thinking that's somewhat protected -- since they don't and can't know that this is all Felix -- and knowing Bill will wreck shop on anybody he can find, they head out looking for other half of the tyrannical dominant paradigm: the President, who is literally in bed with the Admiral at this point in their lives.
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