Episode Report Card Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT All Aboard The Battlestar Handbasket!
By Jacob Clifton | Season 4 | Episode 13 | Aired on 01.30.2009
0908. Tigh and Hoshi figure out that there's not even a fire, and Felix is like, "No, there is a fire, which has caused us to not think there is a fire, and thus we cannot believe anything, so in addition to comms being down we are also now blind." Bill is not having that, and sends Jaffe down to check in with damage control. He's the one that used to bring Bill his coffee, the young guy whose name Bill kept practicing, in that episode where his dead wife haunted him.
Karl is not doing great when they get the Agathons down to the brig, and Gage shoots more rape vibes at Athena, just so we get the point that he is no good. In case you missed how literally every line he and Vireem have had in this entire television series are about what giant rapists they are. So you've got: Seelix, who has always been trash; the Sunshine Boys who are 100% rape; Felix Fucking Gaeta, who lost his soul the day Gaius surrendered New Caprica and has done jackshit to get it back since then; and Tom Zarek, who's always been an ape in a tuxedo...
One man's "there are no good guys" is another man's "then it follows that there are no bad guys," and I try to stay on the right side of that line, but this deck seems really stacked. It's all people who either A) don't matter or B) are so disgusting they don't matter, which means that anybody who throws in alongside them ceases to matter as well. Which is not how this should go down, because I want to root for everybody. Or, maybe in this case, for nobody. It's hard to see where the insurrectionists are coming from when this is the company they keep. I guess somebody that's not me could similarly say that it's hard to see where the loyalists are coming from when most of them are Cylons and all of them are suddenly pro-Cylon, which tracks because the Fleet is ignorant enough to think that "Cylons" are still the problem. But I've actually been watching the show for four years, and it's nothing like that simple. I just wish it were less simple to come down on this side, and I'm afraid one Racetrack -- whom I've always found boring -- and a few worried looks from Felix aren't going to cut it. This is a dumb plan, being carried out for dumb reasons, by the dumbest trash in the Fleet. How is that attractive?
Caprica's in the corner, wearing black for once and uttering dark premonitions about how dead they all are; Athena ignores her and asks Sam to help her bandage "Karl" up. Sam is banged up pretty severely as well. Caprica continues to natter on about how Hera and her own little strudel are "everything that the humans hate" because they're so disappointed that even after the Hub was blown, the Cylon nation might still survive. Because I don't know if I mentioned it, but when the Hub died, so did the Cylons. They did that on purpose: committed genocide on themselves, forever. I don't know why that didn't make more of an impression on everybody, but the fact remains that the Cylons currently in existence, in our Fleet and Cavil's, barring more strudel-babies or a miracle, are all the Cylons there are ever going to be. Just like humanity, but without even the option of procreation. For no real reason, they've now officially brought themselves down past our level. As a favor. Why doesn't that count?
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