Episode Report Card Sara M: C | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT I'm In Such A Hot Pickle!
By Sara M | Season 16 | Episode 9 | Aired on 04.10.2008
Cirie greets treemail with a smirk and reads it to the group. They're ordered to get all their stuff together and row to a place on the enclosed map -- "immediately." It's merge time! "Oh. My. God," Amanda says, although I can't understand why she's at all surprised at this development. Everyone lies around staring at the map until Cirie gently reminds them that "immediately" means "right now." Everyone packs up and Erik is all smiles for obvious reasons. He makes sure to inform Ozzy that he has no intention of going against the alliance he seems to think he's in now and says he owes everything to them for keeping him in the game. "Thank you," Ozzy says solemnly. They promise to be honest with each other for the rest of the game. Erik tells us he thinks he has some kind of alliance with Ozzy, albeit one where Erik is Ozzy's bitch.
Airai also gets treemail and they are thrilled. Parvati can't wait to leave the horrible Airai camp while Alexis is so happy that she actually says two words: "merge feast!" Cheery music plays as everyone packs up, then we see Alexis exfoliating her face while talking to Natalie and Parvati about their secret alliance. Alexis thinks she and Natalie should stay away from Parvati and Amanda so no one will suspect anything. Oh my god Alexis, would you fucking shut up already? What a motormouth. Alexis then promises Parvati that she will be loyal to their alliance with such enthusiasm that her mouth blurs.
"I am in such a hot pickle right now!" Parvati tells us. "Hot pickle?" It's either "pickle" or "hot water," right? Parvati makes up phrases faster than she makes up alliances. She says she has one alliance with Amanda, James, Ozzy, and Cirie, and another one with Amanda, Alexis, and Natalie. Meanwhile, does Amanda even know about any of these alliances Parvati has signed her up for? She's going to be surprised. Parvati says she's going to have to make a decision sooner or later unless she can flip her hair a couple of times and get out of this. I hear an unfamiliar voice and wonder if someone new has joined the cast, but it's just Alexis talking to the camera. She's aware of Parvati's alliance with the "Favorites" and says she and Natalie are depending on her sticking with them to stay in the game. She knows it's risky, but "that's the game." And it's about time, twenty-something days into it, that Alexis started playing.
Airai and Malakal row their way onto a new beach, magically arriving at the same exact time! Waiting for them is a Merge Feast covered in flies. Every time you see a fly walking on your food, just think: its legs were probably just standing in dog poop. Dig in! The contestants row their boats onto the shore and Amanda and Parvati have their long-awaited reunion. Amanda can't even wait for Parvati to get off the boat before hugging her, making Parvati's legs get all caught up in the outrigger. It's kind of like how Parvati couldn't wait for Amanda to be on her team again before making alliances with people. Erik hugs his fellow "Fans," who compliment his hair. Apparently, Alexis has a sarcastic streak in her. Eliza smiles as she greets everyone, but tells us that things are not looking good for her since Ami, her closest friend and ally in the game, has been voted out. "I'm heartbroken that she's not here," Eliza says. I didn't know they were so close. They certainly weren't during the Vanuatu season. With that, everyone runs to the table to eat their fly-encrusted dinner. Because she's the only contestant left who is literate, Eliza reads a message saying what they all already know: that they have merged. They're going to spend the night at this beach getting to know each other and thinking up a new tribe name and flag. In the morning, they'll decide which beach to live on. Hmmm, I wonder which one will be chosen? I've heard such positive things about that Airai beach. Amanda complains that they had to pack everything up just to go back to the same bench, but she's so happy they're going back there that it's okay. Not okay enough for her not to complain, but still.