Episode Report Card Lady Lola: D- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT GTF — Gym, Tan, Find Out Who Sammi Is Texting
By Lady Lola | Season 3 | Episode 11 | Aired on 03.10.2011
As they head home, JWOWW sees Roger driving in his car in front of them. She honks several times to no avail, then pulls up beside him. Ronnie and Vinny immediately start laughing that Roger has a girl with him who is doing "the ill dip." JWOWW adds that Roger's car was suddenly zigzagging, and Sammi laughs uncomfortably. I thought this was some sort of oral sex reference, but after Roger speeds through a red light, it seems the dipping was just him avoiding her to hide the girl in his car. Who was giving him head, hopefully. JWOWW laughs along with the others, but Vinny notices she's starting to spout steam from the ears. She immediately calls Roger -- who doesn't answer -- and leaves him a message that she's done with him. Which, unlike SamRo 2.0, actually means something.
Pauly and Ronnie laugh at the havoc they've wreaked as they make dinner for everyone. As the food is laid out, Sammi gives Vinny a playful noogie, and he growls, "Don't touch me, I'm tan." JWOWW emerges from her pity palace and asks for feedback about what actually happened with Roger earlier that day. Shock of all shocks, Sammi is the first one to jump forward and make excuses for a guy. In this case, though, it turns out that her justifications might actually be true. JWOWW remembers that Roger was getting a haircut at the time she left him the nasty voicemail, which explains why he didn't pick up. And perhaps the person who did "the dip" just wanted to get away from her crazy ass. Everyone squalls at JWOWW for being crazy, which is like a bunch of rain drops screaming at another one "You're wet!!!" during a thunderstorm. God, these people have no perspective. Also? Don't take away JWOWW's fiery spirit, jerks. It's the only thing that keeps me going some Thursdays.
That evening, the guys go outside to play with kites and remote-controlled helicopters (and who said this show wasn't thrilling?), so the girls pull out water balloons to pelt them and get back at them. For what? I don't know. Except Deena is useless at water balloons... and life. Her balloon pops in her hand as she throws it across the roof, then she wipes out on the floor of the kitchen when they go downstairs to restock. Ohhhhhhh, Deena. As the girls put on trash bags -- in homage to Angelina (at least in my dreams) -- the guys stage their own theater of retaliation, proving infinitely more effective at water balloon warfare than the girls. And this goes on for what seems like hours, with narration by Vinny, who is hiding because he just got spray tanned. Things climax when Ronnie throws Sammi and Deena into the hot tub.