Episode Report Card Lady Lola: D- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT GTF — Gym, Tan, Find Out Who Sammi Is Texting
By Lady Lola | Season 3 | Episode 11 | Aired on 03.10.2011
Everyone heads back home to have a face mask slumber party with The Situation. Apparently the man loves his mask. Sitch puts a white clay mask on Snooki, and she claims that she looks like a "pale freak" like Vinny. Heh. She insists she doesn't want to look at any mirrors until the mask wears off, then parades in front of the rest of the roommates. Vinny says she looks like The Crow, but my money's on "squished Michael Myers." Pauly eventually comes up with the bright idea that Snooki, the darkest girl in the house, actually looks like a mime, and much fun is had with this panto act. Such commands are shouted as "Get in the box!" and "Pull the rope!" and "Jack me off!"
Night falls, and it's Karma time! As soon as the gang arrives, Sitch runs into a friend, who shows him texts that Sammi supposedly sent him during her Ronnie hiatus and perhaps this very night. Cue between scenes flashcard: "INSTIGATOR." S(n)itch calls Sammi a "sneaky bitch," then consults JWOWW to weigh in impartially. Because JWOWW is clearly impartial. Witnessed by the fact that she laughs her face off at seeing the texts, then drags Sitch's friend around da club to show him and his texts to all of the housemates.
Snooki is the only one who doesn't take this indictment at face value. She takes Sammi aside to give her a heads-up that the shit storm is just a few seconds away. Sammi angrily insists she didn't text anyone and goes to Ronnie's side to head off the fireworks. Once there, JWOWW and Snooki dole out the relevant details, including that the guy has Sammi's picture (presumably the one she uses for friends) on his BBMs. Sammi maintains her innocence, but Ronnie wants to see things for himself. They find the guy, who confirms that he has texts from Sammi because he's her friend. Ronnie swiftly moves to exit the scene, which Sammi takes as distrust. And Ronnie's interviews suggest as much. Do you love how quickly he doesn't trust her? He tells her they're done (again, take a shot) and throws it in her face that he could have brought the hottest girl in da club home a couple nights before. To her credit, Sammi basically tells him to fuck off. Then she says the same to Sitch for stirring up this tempest in a teapot in the first place.
The guys head home grenade-free. Ronnie heads upstairs while Sitch defends himself and Pauly makes a fluffernutter, the official dog snack of the Jersey Shore. The guys agree that Sitch was looking out for Ronnie and that Sammi was caught red-handed. Pauly coins a new term: "GTF -- Gym, Tanning, Find Out Who Sammi Was Texting Behind Ronnie's Back." He adds "GTI -- Gym, Tanning, I'm Not Buying It" in response to Sammi's claim that the other guy was just a friend. Vinny notes that irony that Ronnie is usually the one in the dog house, and the guys think it's funny that Sammi was actually sneaking around behind Ronnie's back and looking like an innocent this whole time. Which, strike me down if I'm wrong, but I don't buy: LPI -- Lazy, Pale, I'm Not Buying It.