Episode Report Card Sars: D+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Failing Down
By Sars | Season 4 | Episode 2 | Aired on 10.10.2000
Harbor. Joey and Andie "Perk Cameron" McPhee walk along the waterfront -- hey, wait. These two became friends? The hell? Anyway, Andie flatly muses that it's senior year and there's lots to look forward to, in much the same tone that she might use to describe an upcoming IRS audit. As I begin to suspect that Foreshadowing borrowed my toothbrush, Joey says that if she doesn't get a job soon, she'll wind up at CCC, which she explains stands for Capeside Community College. "Hey, well, there's always CYC," Andie says, and Joey asks, "What's that?" Andie chirps, "Capeside Yacht Club! My father was just telling me they're looking for a waitress." When did he tell you this -- on his deathbed? And how would Joey not know about the Capeside Yacht Club, when she has lived in the same small town HER WHOLE LIFE? Joey snorts, "You're high." Heh. Andie keeps selling the idea, describing the CYC as "an Icehouse with cute rich boys and waaaay bigger tips." Joey reminds Andie of her past, saying that the CYC "would probably frown upon the applicant whose family name is synonymous with scandal," like, Joey? Who keeps bringing up the so-called scandals of which you speak? You. Who else remembers? Nobody. Who else cares? Nobody. Drop the chalupa. Andie agrees, saying that Joey should just "make like one of" the beautiful people. Joey makes a "huh?" face, and Andie suggests that, if the interview starts going badly, Joey should "drop a name" -- but not the name "McPhee," which has come to stand for "gay, crazy, and dysfunctional" in Capeside parlance. (Not to mention "marooned without a subplot.") Then a lightning bolt strikes, and Andie proposes that Joey name-check the Rosses, "Charles, Kate, and son Owen," who's an (apparently) gorgeous and eligible boy their age. Joey isn't biting. Andie asks where else in town Joey could make that kind of money. Joey rolls her eyes in acknowledgment before joking, "Well, there is always that strip club on the edge of town." Oh, great idea. Give Skeeve a call at the Lopsided Pines Retirement Home; maybe she can hook you up.
In town, Dawson, who's toting a handful of CDs, runs into Gretchen "Barry Oldwater" Witter in front of a community bulletin board, where she's "scoutin' out some new digs." Apparently, she's gotten fed up with Doug's obsessive-compulsive housekeeping, and a joke -- if by "joke" we actually mean "tired, unfunny stereotype of gay men as Felix Unger-esque Swiffer queens" -- is made at the expense of Doug's sexuality, involving the word "partner" in air quotes. Dear writers: I don't care if you "have a lot of gay friends." It's still offensive, and it's still played. Stop it. No love, Sars. Anyway, Gretchen announces that she's decided to room with Pacey instead. The mention of Pacey freezes Dawson's face, and he forces out, "That's great, good luck with that," before heading into a store.
Gretchen follows, saying that she knows it's none of her business, but "I can't tell you how much it breaks my heart to see once-inseparable best friends so estranged. If there's anything I can do…" Dawson smiles tightly and says nothing. "Clearly something you'd rather not talk about," Gretchen laughs uncomfortably, adding, "Sorry. My bad." "My bad"? So Gretchen's "time off" from college began in 1991, then. Good to know. Dawson tells her it's okay. Gretchen spots Dawson's pile of CDs and recoils in horror, calling them "the most offensive collection of music I've ever seen." Heh. Dawson allows that that's why he's trading them in. "Vanilla Ice? What were you thinking?" Dawson, embarrassed, defends himself with, "I was ten." Actually, if he bought the disc new, that would make him more like six or seven, but whatever. Gretchen brags that, at age ten, she knew every artist on the Sub Pop label (did Sub Pop even exist in 1968?) and had predicted that Kurt Cobain "was about to change the face of music as we know it." Shut up, Gretchen. Dawson says that at age ten he could "rattle off" the names of every cinematographer Spielberg ever worked with, and when Gretchen makes a face, he admits that that "isn't that impressive." Well, Attorney General Edwin Grease, knowing is half the battle. Gretchen picks over his CDs some more and ranks on him for returning the Grateful Dead CD. Dawson says that his parents gave him the CD, and it isn't his thing. Gretchen can't believe she's standing before "a teenage guy whose parents have better taste in music than he does." Shut up, Gretchen. The Dead suck. Dawson stares at her, horrified. Gretchen makes a big show of throwing her hands up in the air and walking away. Dawson laughs indulgently. Oh, whatever.