Episode Report Card Demian: C- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Mata Whori
By Demian | Season 6 | Episode 13 | Aired on 01.24.2004
Cut to Chronic, moping in his office at All The News That's Fit To Fuck Me. Slampiece Buttfuck raps on the door, looking for the Feebs. Chronic attempts to commiserate with Buttfuck over their witchy girlfriends, but the bonding session quickly ends when Buttfuck drops a bitchcraft bomb of his own on Chronic's horribly coiffed head. Buttfuck then presents Chronic with a vial that contains some of dear dead Dad's spirit-banishing potion. All Chronic needs to do is wing it at Phoebe the next time he sees her, and everything will revert to its normal state. Chronic just gapes during all of this, so Buttfuck slips the vial into Chronic's shirt pocket, begging him to follow his instructions. Chronic finally shakes his head, and with a simple "I gotta go," brushes past Buttfuck to exit. Buttfuck looks guilty.
Manor sun porch. Piper and Raige dab at each other's wounds while conducting a processing summit on the wicker love seat. Piper eventually realizes that Mata Whori -- having spent her life pleasing men, only to wind up betrayed by them in the end -- "wants to return the favor." Raige looks concerned. Or annoyed. Or, you know, vacant. I can't tell anymore.
Out on the street, Raige orbs in behind a truck with Piper; off-camera reporters shout questions at Chronic as he wends his way to his limousine. Distracted by the journalists, Chronic doesn't notice that Mata Whori's waiting for him in the back seat of the car. Raige and Piper, though, spot her immediately and frown. Chronic eases into the back of the car and shuts the door before noticing his erstwhile and demonically possessed girlfriend. "Phoebe," he begins, "I've had enough." "Shhh!" she orders as two bondage clones squiggle in on either side of Chronic. Chronic looks like, well, exactly what any normal person would look like if they found themselves suddenly surrounded by squiggling bondage queens. "I always get my man," Mata Whori murmurs. Chronic's subsequent protests cut off abruptly just as Raige and Piper arrive at the limousine. They yank open the door to find the entire back end empty. The gals roll their eyes all the way into the final commercial break.
Bondage A Go-Go. Piper and Raige amble through the various hallways, searching for Mata Whori while chattering about Chronic and Buttfuck. Meanwhile, over in the Swarm's main chamber, Mata Whori delivers a dull little speech about betrayal and the importance of looking one's killer in the eye as Chronic slowly comes to understand that Buttfuck was not, in fact, temporarily insane when he barged into the newspaper's offices with a potion vial. The Swarm King eventually tells Mata Whori to knock it off with the yammering already and get to the point. Mata Whori compliantly steps off to one side and calls out, "Ready!" A firing line of bondage queens conjures about a dozen Flaming Balls Of Death. Looks like it's curtains for Chronic, who frantically pats himself down in search of Buttfuck's vial. "Aim!" Mata Whori coolly orders. The clones whip their arms back as Chronic discovers the vial in his jacket pocket. He rather limp-wristedly flips the thing at Mata Whori's feet, where it shatters to release a puff of white smoke that travels up her body. Mata Hari's karmic plasma instantly emerges from the Fun Bags and disappears through the ceiling of the chamber. Phoebe snaps out of it, eyes the demonic firing squad, shoots Chronic a panicked look, and shouts, "No!" Out in the endless maze of hallways, Piper and Raige either hear her or sense her de-possessed presence elsewhere in the A Go-Go. Back in the chamber, the Swarm King orders his underlings to fry Chronic's ass, but Phoebe leaps in front of the boyfriend to redirect the FBODs back into the firing squad with her bizarre new power of whatever the fuck it was the boneheaded writers dumped on her in the season premiere. Several of the bondage queens go up in flames as the others scatter and Phoebe darts behind an outcropping of rock with Chronic. Piper and Raige orb in to join them, confirm that Phoebe is back to her good old dimwitted self, and proceed to recite the following off a slip of paper Piper pulls from her jeans: