Episode Report Card Alex Richmond: C | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Blowin' In The Wind
By Alex Richmond | Season 5 | Episode 9 | Aired on 01.13.2002
Jenny, face still flushed from her orgasm chair, faces Glenn in the Uni. He wants to know if she's having an affair. Nelle peers out from a stall, eavesdropping. She tells him about the orgasm chair. Oy.
Ally is yelling at her shrink. Why does buying a house prove she's unhappy? El Shrinkador says that her process of buying was "arbitrary," and that "if it wasn't windy, she'd still be a renter." Ally babbles that men are so unromantic about the wind. He says the house is a project: "You can rebuild as you remake herself." Then, she says she "never wanted to be a grownup," and he says something to the effect that "buying a house is the most symbolic act of being a grownup, next to getting married. You are clinically messed up, Allison." Yay!
Oh my god, it's a scene with Ally and Jon Bon Jovi. He's under the sink, posing with a wrench or something. He says Ally's house "works. [Her] plumbing's old." She stammers, "Ex-ex-excuse me?" And, c-c-c-can he fix it? He does a little bit of everything. He's a cowboy. On a steel horse he rides. Whatever. He tells a story about how, a few years ago, he bought a house, rebuilt everything in it, then sold it. Ally asks "why" so incredulously, like a person would be nuts to do such a thing. He says it's because it didn't reflect what he was inside, which is "a work in progress." Oh, barf. Ally nods and says her therapist said to run, run for the hills, Jon Bon Jovi. No, wait -- that was me. Jon Bon Jovi says Ally's a fixer-upper, not a rebuilder, and that "the electricity is good." He goes back to work, and she smiles, taking in the double entendre and loving every stupid second of it.
Ally's having a meeting with French Stewart's wife. Ally's all, you know your husband is a lame excuse for a character actor, right? Just kidding. No, I'm not. Ally says that French has an illness and still loves his wife. The wife is all, the DA is going to keep prosecuting, and French can control the illness, but doesn't try to. Ally asks if Mrs. French still loves French Stewart. Mrs. French did once. On Third Rock from the Sun. But not now.
Nelle rides the orgasm chair. She rolls her eyes in her head just like Jenny did.
Richard and Ally are belt-sanding cabinets in her trashed, messy kitchen. She yells that he's pressing too hard. He says that if he wanted to be micromanaged, he'd ask to have sex with her. Ally hollers that this is her HOME. Richard asks if she has "buyer's remorse." They hunker down and have some beers as Ally recites the list of reasons why she's proud to own a house: because it's a project she can commit to, and she could afford it herself, with money she earned on her own. She did it all by herself, and no one can take it away from her. Good reasons, Ally. They clink beers and chug.