Episode Report Card Cindy McLennan: C | 386 USERS: B- YOU GRADE IT PANache
By Cindy McLennan | Season 3 | Episode 9 | Aired on 12.01.2013
Finally, Regina arrives below deck, calling for her son. Pan-in-Henry (I'm not big on portmanteaux, but let's call him Panry, because the hyphens are already getting on my nerves) swears, "It's okay. I'm okay." Regina wonders if he's sure. Given how magical she is (not to mention Rumpy) I'm surprised she can't sense this isn't Henry. Hell, when Faith switched bodies with Buffy, teen witch Tara Maclay knew something was wrong, and she hadn't yet met the real Buffy.
Rumpy (whose ability to sense his father's presence is what brought him below deck in the first place) also seemingly can't sense that he's put his own grandson in Pandora's box, and is looking at his father, who now wears said grandson's meatsuit. He only says, "He's a strong boy, Regina. You raised him well." Regina's face melts at that. I guess on this show, I should say her "expression" melts, because literal face melting (perpetrated by either Rumpy or Regina) could one day occur in a flashback.
Let's ding the writers for not writing the sort of real conversation people have when something weird happens. I know time is an issue, but I don't care. The flashbacks were overly long. At some point in this scene, Regina should have asked what happened. Since we just saw what happened, and we know Rumpy didn't see Pan and Henry's eyes flash, we don't have to stick around for the answer, but characters need to act like real people. A real mother would want to know what happened. I think Regina is batshit insane, but she's clearly devoted to Henry; Regina is a real mother (fill in the blank, if it pleases you).
On deck, Neal holds his coconut contraption at the mouth of a cannon. Emma readies her lighter and looks to Regina. When Emma asks, Regina confirms she's ready. Once Regina nods, Emma lights the fuse. Mary Margaret protects the Lost Boys from getting too close to the action. The fuse burns until it ignites the [whatever]. When the explosion occurs, Neal releases the coconut NOT-A-STAR-MAP thingum. The explosion propels it forward and the Shadow shoots forth. Regina uses her powers to direct the Shadow to the Jolly Roger's sail. Hook can't believe his eyes. When the Shadow is in place, Regina magically appliqués it to the sail.
As the shadow's essence spreads, the entire sail turns black. Emma asks, "Do you think it will fly?" Regina says it has no choice. Emma says, "Then let's get the hell out of Neverland." Hook says, "As you wish, Milady." Columbo says, "That day, your recapper was amazed to discover that when he was saying 'As you wish,' what he meant was I love you." Hook orders his bosun to weigh anchor, even though he hasn't had a bosun for an age or ten. I guess it's up to you, Charming. It's not like you're busy checking on your grandson, or anything. Sigh.
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