Episode Report Card Cindy McLennan: C | 386 USERS: B- YOU GRADE IT PANache
By Cindy McLennan | Season 3 | Episode 9 | Aired on 12.01.2013
Storybrooke, 11 years ago. Regina beams as she enters Gold's shop. She's anxious to hear his promised good news. An agency he contacted placed a baby from Phoenix in nearby Boston, but the adoption fell through. He gives her the agency's address, and we travel to Boston, via a portal of some shitty stock footage of my prettier (than that) city.
Inside the agency, we meet the nameless adoption coordinator, so let's call him AC. AC is played by Julian D. Christopher. It doesn't look like Mr. Christopher was featured on Hey! It's That Guy!, but given his resumé he should have been. Seriously, check out his IMDB page. The man has been in everything.
AC praises Regina's application, impeccable references, and asks her about the town and her mayorship. She cracks that it's like a fairy tale, but I'm sorry. I can't pay attention to it because everything is wrong here. Full disclosure: I didn't get what I wanted out of this adoption backstory (some weird hijinks involving either August or the Darling Hipster Doofi getting Henry to Storybrooke), but whatever. It's not my show, so I can let that go.
What I can't let go is how affable and respectable AC is. His office is too clean and well appointed, and he seems far too on the up-and-up for me to buy any of this. If Gold is the one who found this agency that is ready to give a baby to Regina without a home visit, when she hasn't been on a waiting list, then -- well... Ack! She shouldn't even be going through an agency. Gold should have dug up some shady lawyer who deals in the sort of private adoption that can be more akin to baby brokerage. I mean, shit, there's not even a home visit. Last year, I adopted a stray dog in Massachusetts, and encountered more red tape than Regina is getting for a live, human infant. If this were all somehow happening at some curse created Storybrooke Adoption Agency, I could see that, but she's in Boston. She's in a land without (native, at least) magic. There is no way this should be so respectable. No way. I will waste no more time on it than necessary. AC's point is that the adoption is totally closed, so Regina will have access to no information on his biological heritage.
The deal is struck. A woman brings in an adorable baby who proves the casting director doesn't just dabble in the Dark Arts; she's mastered them. Like, I want to get on Twitter and ask Jared Gilmore if they used his baby brother or something. This baby is cute, man. Majorly cute. He's so cute I've forgotten my ire over the fact that this adoption isn't as sleazy as I want it to be. When Regina calls him Henry, AC cracks that that's a bit of an old world name. AC, you don't know the half of it. Regina says it's her late father's name. AC apologizes and says he hopes her dad's passing was peaceful. Again, AC, you can't even. Henry starts crying, probably because he feels the evil psychosis oozing out of his new mother's every pore. Regina says, "C'mon, Henry. Let's go home." We flash forward to...
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