Episode Report Card Djb: B | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT The Drowned World Tour
By Djb | Season 4 | Episode 1 | Aired on 06.12.2004
Ruth and Cromwell descend the creaky (no, again, it's just them) stairs and amble into the kitchen, be-robed, Cromwell apologizing, "I hope we didn't keep any of you folks up last night." Ech. It's even creepier knowing that Cromwell delivers this apology to everything in the room not located anywhere on the personage of actual Cromwell. Luckily, David is able to speak of somewhat more pleasant issues than the "upness" of Cromwell, which I've totally brought up and is totally my fault: "They found Lisa's body. She's dead." Ruth walks up to Nate and tells him that she's sorry, and he hugs her and cries and repeats "so am I." They cry and hug, hug and cry.
Hug.
Cry.
Kill me.
Federico "Suave" Diaz finds his wife, Vanessa "Spanish Fly" Diaz slamming on a closed bathroom door and yelling, "Angelica" over and over again. Rico whispers that he needs to be at work in a few minutes, and Vanessa changes the subject to Rico's whereabouts the night before, asking, well: "Why were you so late last night?" It's so leading a question for future developments that she attempts to deliver the line in full compliance of the accompanying stage direction, "As if she's read the script and had to say something situationally-appropriate to make the audience go, 'oooooooooh.'" Rico lies about everything besides the fact that there was a "young girl" somehow involved, and she kisses him and thanks him for taking such good care of them. In full compliance of the accompanying stage direction, "As if she's read the script and had to say something situationally-appropriate to make the audience go, 'oooooooooh.'"
Road trip! Woooooo! Now, to the untrained, non-recapper's eye, it might look like Nate and David aren't having any fun, but the only reason they're sitting in silence is because of the little spat that ended with David saying, "We can switch drivers all you want, I still get to play Louise, you got that?" Instead, Nate asks David if he's back together with Keith, but David explains that Keith had just been drinking, so really he was "just being polite." Nate cleverly rejoins, "Polite and horny." Now there are some Google keywords that would lead to the ability to download a Russian mail-order bride, right there. Nate turns the conversation to his relationship with Lisa, noting that he knew they wouldn't be together forever, but worrying for the duration of their relationship that he would be the one to screw it up. David tells him that it wasn't, prompting Nate to intone sardonically (what? That's what he does. He "sardonically intones") "Well, good for me." Just at that moment, Nate experiences a flashback that finds Lisa conveniently telling him that, when she dies, "I just want to be taken out to some open space in the forest somewhere and buried right in the ground. Nothing between me and earth that made me." Nate thinks he's got it, asking, "You don't want to be buried in a graveyard?" But luckily, whatever evil Seven Sisters education spawned Lisa ensured that she had digested her USDA maximum of Christina Rossetti poems, so it's scarcely a surprise when she somehow manages to existentialize a conversation that included the word "velvetone," responding, "Nate, the whole world's a graveyard." Back in the car, Nate's eyes do not flash with a sudden and violent "I'm so glad the bitch is gone" relief, but for the sake of argument, let's just say that that a chest waxing would make him two caste levels closer to being the perfect man. Next, we work on the attitude.