Episode Report Card Djb: B | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT The Drowned World Tour
By Djb | Season 4 | Episode 1 | Aired on 06.12.2004
We take a tour through the house, where Arthur (remember Arthur? Yeah, me neither ["You shut up. Arthur rules." -- Wing Chun]) is in the midst of playing a videogame I don't know on account of its not featuring a donkey or his Kong. Scandalized, Arthur removes a pair of headphones from his desk drawer (for the sake of reality, next time they might want to consider adding, like, one other thing to that drawer like a pen or a paper clip or Arthur's irrelevance-proving pink slip, to at least give him some temper-laden rustling to attend to) and puts them over his ears, sticking the other end into his computer speakers. You know what he's listening to on his computer to drown it out? The sound of Ruth moaning.
Claire sits in a fetal position to symbolically recreate almost the exact sounds being made during her very own creation as Maya cries on in the next room. Are you kidding, y'all? Considering the circumstances, I say turn that baby up!
Up in the honeymoon suite, Ruth "I'm Not A Virgin Anymore...Just Thought You Should Know" Fisher and George "That'll Do, Cromwell" Sibley lie in silence, amazed how much lighter they feel when they're not laden down with all of that pesky, lost integrity. They mentally high-five over the fact that, sure, sometimes spam is spam, but those herbal Cialis that came in plain brown wrapping from a return address marked by a dotted line on a map of Mexico as being in "Disputed Zone" totally did what the lord done made 'em for. Cromwell breaths heavily and probably foreshadows how they plan to do him in within two or three episodes, but it's Ruth who speaks first, as she expresses her shock about being married again. Ruth tells Cromwell how sorry she is that his children didn't come to the wedding, adding, "I'd like to meet them sometime," because he has a shady, child-free background that's been hinted at without paying off as many times as you can say "Cromwell is shady" over the period of one one-hundredth of one of your Earth centuries. Cromwell notes that she'll meet his kids "at [his] funeral, if not before." When she tells him that she's "serious" (as opposed to her usual default upbeat emotion of "falling in love to the rhythm of a steel drum band way down in Kokomo"), Cromwell rolls over to face her and filibusters, "You've lived your life one way. I've lived mine another. The costs are different. But I can tell you this. Every day when I wake up, I'm glad that I'm alive." Until the day that he's not. Which I just kind of feel like they're going to take care of this season. He tells Ruth how happy he is that he's found her, and that he's "looking forward, not back." He lies back in bed because, really, once is more than enough. Ruth asks if he thinks they were too loud, and they laugh over old-people coitus because that's one of the side effects of their new comprehensive Mexican health-insurance plan.