Episode Report Card Djb: B- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT The Real Slim Shady
By Djb | Season 4 | Episode 4 | Aired on 07.10.2004
The elevator door closes and The Lead Singer Of Midnight Oil decides that the time has come to say fair's fair. To pay the rent. To pay his share. Except instead of doing or paying anything fairly, he grabs the snazzy Burberry umbrella out of the holder and ambles through the front door of the building. And, hoo boy, does God hate him for it. As The Lead Singer Of Midnight Oil passes the sole car in the lot, a stray bolt of lightning zaps out of seeming nowhere and hits the top of the umbrella, causing The Lead Singer Of Midnight Oil to topple over instantly on the wet pavement. And like one too many visionary Australian '80s bands left without a lead singer due to errant electricity and sharp metal spokes (sorry, Michael Hutchence, but we've all heard the rumors), we discover that the world of the future will be without one Lawrence Henry Mason, who made it from 1938 to 2003 before more than just his beds were burning.
David "Need You Tonight" Fisher wakes up in the dark to the sound of a ringing telephone. He sits up in bed and, in a gravelly voice that sounds like it was recorded backwards and then played forward like the Twin Peaks midget or the "I'm Only Sleeping" guitar solo, reports, "David Fisher." A panicked female voice asks, "Oh my god, David, is that you?" because if you've dialed David Fisher's number and a man picks up and identifies himself as "David Fisher," it's security crosscheck time. But David can't lapse into his obsequious sympathy routine just yet, since first he must go through the hilarious ritual of unadorning himself of the numerous sleep paraphernalia that must make late-night pillow talk with Keith a hell of a Who's On First routine. "David, I love you." "You think I'm wrong for you?" "I said that I love you." "Who sent my mom poo?" And so on.
Removing a wad of cotton from his ear so imposing it makes the entire estate of Eli Whitney simultaneously observe, "Well, gonna need a bigger gin" before hauling ass off the couch to see if the manual explains how to use a revolving cylinder crank, David puts the phone back up to his ear and asks, "Hello?" This time the voice of unreason identifies itself as Jennifer, who screams, "My father was killed." Upping the inherently hilarious ante of "dead father" even further, Keith "Original Sin" Charles snores elaborately on the other side of the bed, forcing David to hit him really hard as he attempts to listen to Jennifer's woe. She asks David if he can handle the funeral, and he assures her, "Of course we'll take care of it," before sucking in his teeth and, I think, making her wonder if he was crying. At which point he rips from his mouth an enormous plastic worm, explaining, "It's just my mouth guard, so I don't grind my teeth when I sleep." Four out of five dentists agree this might not be the best time to discuss his oral hygiene in such detail. And that fifth dentist? Total fucking boozer. David whacks Keith (ew, not like that) one more time and whisper-hisses, "Jennifer's father died" as Jennifer sobs on the other end of the line, as Keith wakes up with a "what the fuck?" as David continues to negotiate his numerous dowdy old man apparatuses. For sure, the passion has not gone out of this relationship. You guys, are you sure gay marriage hasn't been legalized?